~ 1 ~

Severus ignores the wailing child in the crib; he has eyes only for Lily, lying in his arms cold and lifeless. This boy is the reason she had to die. This boy – and his own treachery. He can't decide whom he hates more, himself or the child.

Lily is pale and still, so different from how he knew her. Holding her closer, Severus presses a kiss to her forehead.

She kissed him good night just like this every evening.

The thought is unwelcome, but Severus can't shake it. Finally, after a last gentle caress, Severus lays her down and stands.

~ 2 ~

Severus looks down at the boy. Green eyes are swimming with tears – eyes just like Lily's. Gritting his teeth, Severus wants to turn away when the boy reaches out.

"Mama?"

Severus's eyes follow the boy's to the motionless woman. Her mouth is standing open, eyes wide and empty. He can't bear to see her like this any longer. He has to get away.

"Mama!" Again, the boy starts to sob.

Once Severus leaves, he'll be alone with her corpse.

Severus hesitates. Turns. Reaches out.

They boy doesn't stop crying, but he clings tightly to Severus as he Apparates them away.

~ 3~

Severus has no idea what to do with a child.

He keeps pacing his living room, awkwardly holding the screaming boy, who hangs in his arms like a dead weight. In the end, he sits down on the couch. The boy presses against him, face buried in Severus's robes, again and again calling out for his mother.

"She's dead!" Severus snaps when he can no longer take it. "She'll never come back! Now stop it already!"

The boy looks up at him in shocked silence. It's just when Severus's own tears set in that he, too, once more begins crying.

~ 4~

An hour later, neither of them has moved. Severus sits with his eyes closed, acutely aware of the warm little weight on his lap.

How often did Lily sit like this? How often did she hold him and wait until he had cried himself out, falling asleep against her like he now did with Severus?

Still, Severus isn't quite sure why he took him, is tempted to simply go and bring him back. It's not as if he could keep him. Not James Potter's boy.

Lily's boy.

"You should have been ours," Severus whispers hoarsely. "You should have been mine."

~ 5 ~

It can never work. He'll never be able to forgive the boy for Lily's death.

But who else is there? All relatives are dead; the only one left is Petunia. He remembers the way she had looked at her sister and him as if they were less than human, as if they were somehow dirty.

"Freaks" she had called them.

Severus imagines her look at the boy on his lap the same way, imagines him grow up in a cold home much like himself. It's all too easy – and he knows he'll never forgive himself if he lets it happen.