Do not try these techniques at home without first consulting a professional.
"This is really not going at all like I planned" Gabriel sighed lying down on the hard concrete floor of the Sioux Falls pound. Dogs whined and barked up and down the kennels.
"Really?" Crowley growled "Whatever did you think was going to happen?"
"Well I thought it was gonna be a bit of fun" Gabriel whined "Plus it was only supposed to be you that turned into a Chihuahua!"
"Only me?" Crowley barked and trotted over to Gabriel baring his teeth "Why am I not eviscerating you right now?"
"My charismatic debonair charm?"
"What charm Angel?" Crowley growled "What if I rip your scrawny little throat out right now?"
"Goooosh!" Gabriel huffed "I knew you needed a time out! King of hell? Purgatory? Really Crowley, how the hell did you get lumped with all that?"
Crowley just stared at Gabriel and could feel a facial tick coming on. Could dogs get those?
"Pun intended" Gabriel added lolling his tongue out the side of his mouth.
"I hate you so very, very much."
"Don't be such a drama queen" Gabriel laughed. "You make Cas look like he's the relaxed one"
Crowley spent a few moments despairing the rapid downfall of his life due to one Archangel and wonders whatever possessed him to go out and find the damn loon after Castiel had so nicely 'toasted' him with great theatrics.
"Do you know what they do to strays in the pound Gabriel?" Crowley trotted over to the door and stuck his nose through.
"I've not spent that much time as a dog in a pound yet" Gabriel snorted and rolled over onto his back.
"Obviously" Crowley snared "It's not somewhere I want to be for any period of time. Dogs that come in here that aren't neutered? Get neutered. Then they try to pawn them off on whatever idiot that walks through the door."
"Oh come on Crowley! It's not that bad..." Gabriel trailed off as he looked out of their cage.
"Neutered Gabriel. NEUTERED!" Crowley yipped at the little brown Chihuahua.
Gabriel was quiet for a couple of moments and Crowley thought that maybe he managed to get through to the boneheaded Archangel.
There's the sound of footsteps echoing further inside the complex and Crowley perked his ears up to listen.
"I'll get us out. No problem" Gabriel leapt up and scampered up to the door next to Crowley.
"How is that genius?" Crowley sighed and backed away from the opening. "Know how to snap your doggy paws?"
"Aha ha ha very funny" Gabriel perked his ears forward and starts to waggle his tail "Watch and learn young Padawan"
Crowley heard a door open but couldn't see it from his vantage point in the concrete cell. At least three people entered the hall and one of them was speaking.
"And you have found there has been an increase in these incidents? Are any related?"
No. There was no way his luck could get any worse today.
But there they were.
The Winchesters.
Fuck.
"How's that for a co-inky dink?" Gabriel grinned "The boys are here!"
Crowley was torn between being furious and mortifyingly embarrassed. The Winchester continued their conversation with the pound officer while Crowley glared at Gabriel's back.
"I am going to kill you so many different ways Gabriel" Crowley growled "I'm going to entertain myself for centuries thinking of unusual ways to cause you pain."
"Shhhhh!" Gabriel jumped up on his hind legs and wined pitifully "I'm working my magic!"
Sam Winchester leant down and filled the whole doorway with his gigantic body. He looked at Gabriel all starry eyed and pathetic, Crowley can't help barking in disgust. Sam gave him a quick annoyed glace before looking over his shoulder to Dean.
"Look at this Dean" Sam gushed "Isn't he so cute?"
"Uh sure. For a rodent" Dean grunted leaning down slightly as the officer opens the cage and Sam picks up Gabriel. Gabriel's tiny form is almost lost in the moose's freakishly large arms but this doesn't seem to be a problem for Gabriel who is pulling out all the stops licking Sam and being as sickenly cute as possible.
Crowley blanched and thinks he might just vomit.
"We found them both not too far from here. We tried to put them in different cages but they kicked up such a fuss we just let them be." Kromley, as his badge identified him, said. Crowley's going to remember this guy for his
hell hounds when he gets out of this mess.
"The brown one is quite tame, but the little black and white one here is vicious. He's already got the nickname 'El Diablo'" Kromley continued. Crowley was amused at the name.
He can smell the fear coming off officer Kromley in waves and it's putting him on edge. As a demon he could always tell when someone was uncomfortable or lying, it was a necessary skill in his line of work, but this was something else entirely. He could feel it, the fear and unease and it was turning his stomach inside out.
Crowley jumped forward and barked snapping his teeth at the officer. The guy scrambled backwards slightly.
"Gotta give the little guy props" Dean chuckled "He's looks pretty mean for a toy dog."
"Sooo..." Sam said giving Dean what looked like his best puppy dog look while stroking Gabriel. "Just this one?"
Gabriel yipped and struggled in Sam's arms while Crowley isn't too proud to admit he's having a mild panic attack.
"Don't you dare leave me here Gabriel!" Crowley jumped forward again and Kromley jerked backward, removing himself from the entryway to the tiny cell all together.
"They're kind of a package deal..." Kromley said weakly from behind Sam and Crowley feels a moment of pride that he can still frighten humans in this form.
"Woah woah!" Dean held up a hand and glared at Sam "I did not agree to even one dog"
"Come on Dean!" Sam lifted Gabriel up and made a pouty face "He's so cute!"
Dean stared at his brother for a few seconds then down to Crowley.
"Stop growling!" Gabriel barked "Do you want to get left behind?"
"Shut up angel!" Crowley barked back and all the humans recoil slightly.
"Crowley!"
"This is all your fault!" Crowley barked baring his teeth "My whole dominion falling down around my feet because you got BORED!"
"I'll fix it I promise!" Gabriel pleaded wriggling in Sam's embrace. Dean's eyebrows are almost at his hairline and officer Kromley is back trying to inch the door closed.
"Bugger this!" Crowley snarled and skittered out of the cage.
"Crowley!" Gabriel called from behind him as he scampered down the hall. The dogs in the cages went crazy, barking and throwing themselves against the doors.
Crowley wasn't even sure where he was going so when he was suddenly confronted by a massive mongrel dog he skidded to a halt a distressed yip exiting his throat.
The thing was gigantic. Slobber dripped from its jaws, scars crisscrossed its face. It almost reminded him of one of his hounds.
Was this how his existence was going to end?
Stuck as a Chihuahua and dying by mutilation. Fabulous.
At least the whole burning bones thing was flashy. This was just plain pathetic.
He'd always planned on never dying. In fact Crowley went out of his way to make sure if someone was standing in front of the firing squad it was most definitely not his pretty ass. He was very good at manipulating situations to his favour and if by some horrible twist of fate that failed he'd run. Run fast and hide well.
Extremely well.
Either option wasn't looking too good in his current predicament. Nowhere to hide and no way to manipulate.
Oh well the least he could do is try his luck at taking the thing down. Crowley bared his teeth at the creature, ready to pounce.
The hulking thing made a rather terrifying snarling growl and went to leap forward when Crowley had the sensation of being lifted. He struggled for a moment before realising he'd been picked up and saved from death by Dean Winchester.
"Stay!" Dean snapped at the ugly beast while holding Crowley up close to his chest.
How humiliating. Saved by a Winchester. And Dean Winchester no less.
"Jeezus dog, you have some balls" Dean chuckled striding back to where Sam was. They passed the officer inching forward with a restraining collar for the beast.
"Huh" Sam huffed as they approached a smirk on his face "Guess you're coming around to the idea?"
"What? No" Dean said then shrugged petting Crowley absent mindedly "Yes, maybe. Well I couldn't just let the little guy be dog food"
"Uhuh" Sam said grinning "I think he likes you"
Crowley blinked blearily at Sam. He wanted to be offended and disgusted at that remark but Dean was patting him and sending out an aura of calm that made him all relaxed and sleepy. He couldn't allow himself to get used to this.
"Huh looks like" Dean said his voice a low rumble in his chest and Crowley hated himself for it but he snuggled in deeper to Dean's arms and huffed out a breath, his eyes closing.
"That's it buddy! Work it!" Gabriel yipped from Sam's direction.
"Shhhh" Dean hissed and continued stroking Crowley's back. "Alright fine we'll keep em."
"Yes! You won't regret it Dean" Sam said and then they were moving. Crowley didn't much care as long as he got to stay comfortable and warm.
"You're all bark and no bite huh fella?" Dean rumbled softly "El Diablo is a crap name. I'm gonna name you Zeppelin"