Things That Never Happened: A Collection of Egoist Au's
Warning: None. Though may vary with each chapter.
It was a general known fact that Hiroki Kamijou loved the snow. It being a mass of beauty on its own; fresh, white, and clear. The way it settled on rooftops and tree branches, a coating blanket of whiteness that drew him in. He sat in class and gazed out the window, awaiting the school day to draw to an end so he could go out into that lovely pile of snow that graced itself on the ground, up until the moment Akihiko poked him with the end of his pencil and brought him back to a world of class equations and away from snow. However, inadvertently, his thoughts soon reverted to the snow again. Half the fun of snow was actually playing with it, he thought amused.
It was rare for Hiroki to thoroughly enjoyed something enough to let an honest wide grin alight his features. Though it did and that was that.
As far as it concerned Hiroki there was nothing unfortunate or displeasing about the snow. Not the inconvenience with vehicles, because at fifteen it wasn't like he could drive even if he ever wanted to. No business of his was to the matter of clearing snow from roads and pathways. And simple accidents such as slipping on ice never crossed his mind, it hasn't happened to him nor anyone he knew enough to care about after all. So no, in the eyes of Hiroki Kamijou, snow was a blessing from above. And, like all good things, was never there for long.
Hiroki held that unchangeable view of the apparently faultless snow up until the moment he found himself flat on the ground with milk dripping from his ironed school trousers. At that point, snow was a pile of shit.
...
He was walking home from school at the time, taking a detour through the park so he could further enjoy the scenery of the snow before he had to get home for his extra classes. Akihiko usually walked with him on their way home but had stopped doing so ever since he joined the same after school club as Takahiro. Not even the thought of that boy -stupid stupid stupid boy- could bring his spirits down at that moment. The moment of pure bless as snow crunched under his shoes and snowflakes fell from the clouds. He vaguely wondered what shrieking sounds Takahashi would make if he was to stuff a handful of snow down his shirt. The thought put a wide smirk on his face.
And then it happened. So quickly Hiroki wasn't even entirely sure how it did. In one instant a boy -a disturbingly tall boy- was rushing towards his direction carrying plastic shopping bags in his grip and within the next second the boy was falling forward in his strides, bags flying, and gripping on to the nearest thing for balance. Which so happened to be Hiroki's arm.
Both boys toppled on the slippery pathway with a yelp, objects falling from the bag and scattering everywhere.
Hiroki gasped when he felt the dampness of his trousers, the reason for it was evident from the milk cartoon that had fallen on the ground and burst. The excess of it was all over the ground that Hiroki was currently sitting on. Meanwhile, the disturbingly tall boy was apologizing repeatedly and babbling in a panicked tone.
"Watch where you're going moron!" Hiroki yelled over the boy, his infamous temper flaring out. Infused even more by the thought of his mother's frown at the state of his cloth.
"I'm so, so, sorry!" the boy bowed deeply. "Sorry! Really sorry. The ice was slippery and... here let me help you up! Are you alright?"
"Fine." He grumbled, tempted to ignore the offered hand but took it anyway. It was surprisingly warm considering the cold.
"I am ever so sorry about the mess." The boy said again kneeling to pick up the fallen objects with a weary expression.
Hiroki cringed at the stickiness, "Its fine." Though it really wasn't. "Just... Just watch where you're going."
"Of course! I was just in such a hurry to deliver these and...oh Kakashi-san is going to be so mad..." He muttered almost to himself eyebrows knitted together and quickly picked up the fallen groceries in a panicked haze
"Here." Hiroki grumbled silently kneeling down beside the boy with a huff and picked up some carrots to put back.
He was rewarded with a wide goofy, yet earnest, looking grin that for unknown reasons made his stomach flutter annoyingly.
He really was quite handsome in a way Hiroki noted... In an innocent adroit way. Nothing like Akihiko's dazzling ice still expression and porcelain doll like beauty. And yet, this boy, grinning at him for no good reason, had an attractiveness that caught his attention right away. It made him want to gape and stare at his wide blue eyes and tussled black hair. Which of course really would be the most stupidest thing to do at a moment like this.
"Thank you so much!" the boy said with a sincere smile that made his eyes crinkle.
Hiroki said nothing and glared at the packets of instant noodles in his hands. Then looked back at the boy giving him a swift once over.
"Shouldn't you be at school?" he snapped impatiently. The boy wasn't wearing a school uniform as far as he could see. A coat that seemed too small for him and jeans was what he had on.
"I'm sure the school day is over by now." The boy said in well natured and diminutive manner. Like he was explaining something to a child. Did he think Hiroki was a stupid child!
"Obviously!" he snapped irritably. "School had only ended a half hour ago. I very much doubt you had the time to get home, change, and do groceries."
Despite Hiroki's rather crude bluntness he answered him with a smile. Hiroki got the impression he was a sociable type of person with quite a lot of friends. And admirers no doubt, the traitorous part of his brain said.
"Oh, I don't really go to school." He said with a sheepish grin. "I'm home schooled in a manner of speaking." He stood up holding on to the bag and accepted the one Hiroki handed to him before the brunet stood up himself, brushing snow from his ruined trousers.
"Thank you so much for your help! And I'm again sorry for knocking you over and causing such a mess. My name is Nowaki Kusama by the way." He introduced himself with a flourished bow.
"Hiroki Kamijou." He greeted despite his natural tendencies to not interact with strangers let alone reach a stage of name exchanging. "And that's quit alright."
"Well I better be off! My boss will be so disappointment and the delivery is already late! The snow can be very inconvenient sometimes, hai?"
"You're a delivery boy." He said flatly, more of a statement than a question.
Nowaki nodded and with a smile bowed, lifted up the hoodie on his coat before walking off in fast, yet careful, strides.
"See you around Hiroki-san!" He called out with a wave.
Hiroki hesitantly gave a little wave back with an expression he was sure made him look like a gapping fool. Luckily Nowaki's back was turned to him and was almost out of sight.
"See you..."
...
Hiroki did not see the blue eyed, tussled hair, and disturbingly tall delivery boy who had the most intriguing name again. Not until a week later at least.
It was a weekend when he saw him again.
The snow was slowly melting and only patches remained on the ground, like puddles after rain and Hiroki had decided to take his reading outside on a bench in the park to enjoy the little snow that was left before the blazing sun took it away. Today was one of the few days he ever had time for himself .
Usually, on quiet days like these, Akihiko and himself would be reading in their secret tunnel. In blessed silence exploring the unravelling worlds of the novels they read, talking about Akihiko's latest writing, staring at the clouds and enjoying each other's company. It was one of the rare things he looked forward to, almost as much as a long anticipated novel being released. But just like the snow ,that too was taken away from him. Takahiro had once again grabbed and invaded Akihiko's full attention leaving Hiroki on the side line pissed and, as much as he would hide and deny it, sad.
What was even more annoying than to hear Akihiko talking endlessly about cute, amazing ,smart Takahiro when he wished those words were for him, was that Takahiro had no idea. For Hiroki by now knew that what he felt for his best friend wasn't something you should or would feel for your best friend.
By then he noticed he had his book open, close up and covering his face, and had not read a word. He also noticed that he was not sitting on the bench alone.
Without putting his book down or turning his head he moved his brown eyes to see who was sitting beside him.
It was that boy-Nowaki-he didn't seem to notice Hiroki. Does he even remember me? He was looking at something in the distance with a small smile on his face.
After small arguments in his head on whether he should talk, the more extrovert part of him seemed to come out on top.
"So did you get in trouble with your boss?" he asked indifferently, his book still hiding his face.
In his peripheral vision he saw Nowaki's head whirl to him in confused curiosity before his face broke out into a wide grin.
"Hiroki-san!"he greeted eagerly recognition dawning on him. "No, it was alright." He laughed a little. "I had to work overtime for a bit because of the damage, but it was okay. How are you?"
"Quit alright." He answered putting his book down slowly.
"That's great!"
This boy was really too annoyingly happy for his own good Hiroki noted.
He narrowed his eyes a little. "How are you even allowed to work?"
"I'm fifteen. So legally, I am allowed to work. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?"
"Fifteen."
"Oh same as me!" he said rather unnecessarily.
"Hmm…I turned fifteen a few months back. So, like you, I can work. Though I'd much rather concentrate on school. What month were you born in?" he asked almost as an afterthought. It seemed the extrovert part of him was flaring out again. He blamed it on the snow.
"Uhh... I'm not entirely sure." He said sheepishly rubbing the back of his head and looking embarrassed.
Hiroki raised an eyebrow and hid himself behind his book again, even though he knew he wouldn't be reading any of it with Nowaki beside him. "How the hell can you not be sure?"
"The caretakers at the orphanage I live in told me I was left with them without any records or anything about me to go by. They could only make assumptions." He shrugged, "My birthday's the day they found me."
"You live in an orphanage?" he had not put his book down but turned his head to look at Nowaki. He had never met an orphan before.
"Yeah."He said softly, "I brought some of the younger kids to the park today to play. The caregivers don't really have the time to, but it isn't any trouble. I like coming here with them."
"I see..." he blushed at his lack of anything better to say. Nowaki simply smiled and returned to watch what Hiroki saw to be children playing on swings and slides, laughing and squealing joyfully not too far from them.
He stared at his lap for a few seconds before making a snap decision to leave, Akihiko had said he'd meet him at the library and it never killed to be early.
"I'd best be off now." He hastily put his book back in his bag, struggling a little from all the other books crammed in.
"That's a lot of books." Nowaki noted as Hiroki stood slinging his bags strap on his shoulder hunching a little at the weight. "Do you like reading?"
"Yes, I do."
"Oh..."he put his hands in his coat pockets shifting his shoulders a bit in what would be a shrug. "Reading can be very enjoyable; I don't ever get the time to read books but losing yourself in a whole different world that people have made up... I can see why people would like it." He said thoughtfully.
"It can be." Hiroki said frowning a little and turned to look at Nowaki who looked up with a fascinated expression. "But there's more to it than just a world peoplemade up! There's so much more to it... say… Japanese literature for example. It isn't just stories it's an art! A complex piece of work made up of-"A ringing from his phone stopped him mid way of what would be an elaborated speech defending the fine art of books. Recognizing the tone he hastily looked through his pockets for his phone simultaneously shifting his heavy back off and putting it on the bench to read the text.
-Sorry can't make it to the library today. Studying with Takahiro.-
Hiroki felt his face slowly lose its light, a sad frown taking over and, slowly, he sat back down beside his bag head cast down and clutching his phone.
"Are you okay?" Nowaki asked. Why does he sound so concerned?
Hiroki stayed silent so long that Nowaki thought he hadn't heard him, but then he started to speak in a low hoarse voice.
"Do...do you ever feel like…like you work and work," He whispered still staring at his lap, "so hard and all you come across is a… break wall that stops you from going any further. Because you know if youdo go any further, if you were brave enough to take that tiny step, to speak up, it could ruin everything that you already have!" his brain was telling him to stop talking this instance but he couldn't stop, not now, and the connection between his brain and mouth was clearly not working. "Because what I have is enough, it should be enough. But it's not, it's not! I'm burning to say something, skin is practically crawling. I want to be someone he cares for, someone he wants, but he doesn't want me. Clearly I'm just someone he can lean on, to whine on, something to use and throw away, because that's all I am! A waste disposal! And I want him to know and to notice what I feel. Anything would be better than this. And he just… he just won't notice." He whispered the last part breath shuttering and eyes closed.
"Oh…"Nowaki said blinking a few times and struggling to taking in all the details he just heard.
Hiroki's face turned an interesting puce, completely mortified about what he just said. He covered his face with his hands but did not leave, even though his whole body was screaming at him to run.
They sat a few seconds in silence before Nowaki cleared his throat. Hiroki really wished he'd just stay quiet.
"I don't fully understand what you were saying but... but I do believe that there is someone for everyone in this world. Someone who is meant to be yours and yours alone forever. And if this person doesn't feel that way about you… then he's not the one. Love… love can be very painful sometimes... but it's also the best thing in the world." He shrugged and gave a half smile, "Somewhere in this world… someone is thinking of you."
Hiroki let out a brittle laugh digging the heels of his palms onto his eyes, a futile attempt to stop the tears threatening to spill. "Oh yeah," he sniffed, "Who?"
"Well…I for one."
Hiroki blinked a few times before lifting his head to look at the other boy. To look at his wide, earnest, and somewhat fearful face. A face so honest and concerned that Hiroki was at, for what would be the first time, loss for words.
"I…I like you a lot. So...so don't think that no one cares about you or any of those stuff because you are… you're a very precious person Hiro-San."
"Hiro-San?"He scoffed raising an eyebrow and seemingly somewhat to come back to himself.
Nowaki grinned widely, his nose crinkling adorably. Did I just think he was adorable?."It's a nice name. Do you mind?"
Hiroki couldn't really bring himself to. It was… cute. A nickname for him, he never did have a nickname.
"Call me whatever you like kid." He snorted leaning back on the bench, head looking at the clouds and whipped his lingering tear with his hand.
They sat in silence, a comfortable silence, for a while before Nowaki broke it.
"I was… wondering if you could help me out with something." There was an obvious smile in his voice.
"Hmm?"He asked absently still staring at the sky with a unconscious smile of his own.
"Well you said you like reading and I just presumed that you… well you seem really smart Hiro-san! I was wondering if you'd help me with my studies sometime."
Head still resting on the bench, Hiroki turned it to look at Nowaki.
"Wanna go to the library?"
A relived grin brightened his face and Hiroki's stomach fluttered again. He didn't mind it so much this time.
"Okay! We can go as soon as I take the kids back!" He stood up reminding Hiroki again of how tall he was and put his fingers in his moth to whistle loud enough for the children still playing in the playground to hear.
He turned around and grabbed Hiroki's hand and hoisted him up. Hiroki quickly lifted his bag with the other hand. "Come on!" Nowaki said with a laugh and rushed off still holding Hiroki's hand.
Hiroki grinned widely as they ran, squeezed Nowaki's hand and laughed a little when Nowaki almost tripped, gripping his hand tighter after that near fall.
Thinking of this boy who had made him trip that day and completely ruined his uniform, this boy that just might become his someone he suddenly felt...lighter.
The snow really is amazing.
A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read this i greatly appreciate it!
And please leave a review/feedback I'd be ever so grateful.
The idea for this fic came about with a conversation I was having with don-v on what sort of effect Akihiko's rejection had on Hiroki's personality. It would defiantly have some sort of psychological result on him and who he is. Defiantly his self esteem and security was effected, what with him questioning Nowaki for caring so much. But how different would Hiroki be if he hadn't received such rejection from Akihiko and his take on with personal relationship. Especially after the whole incident that left him crying in the park *sigh*...not a good moment for him. Nowaki coming and sweeping him of his feet (or tumbling to the ground xD) could have made a lot of difference! Yet he got over it, for sure...Thoughts anyone?