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Part 1 (of 2)
Uchiha Itachi is four years old when he realizes that he understands boredom – as well as the pain it births. He is four when he recognizes and understands the hollow feeling in his chest and how it wasn't going away no matter the kisses from his Kaa-san, nor the glances of approval from his Outou-sama.
He is four when he sees and accepts the futility of life.
xXx
When he feels the eruption of the Sharingan, he finds himself momentarily speechless at the influx of information and power. He's long since mastered himself and his own being to a point of excellence that even after feeling the influence of the Sharingan, his mind would never fall into dependence – to him, the Sharingan is merely a tool, honoring the same level of complacence as would a kunai.
It is however, and he will grudgingly admit, a very very nice kunai.
But.
A nice kunai isn't enough, and in a burst of greed Itachi wants to feel more more more of the same tickling sensation contentment seems to reel within his subconscious. Six year-old or not, he will have more.
Noticing his own vigorous desire, he halts himself in an effort to categorize (because to categorize is to control,) and for the first time in his unimpressive life, Uchiha Itachi finds himself filled to the brim with gluttonous interest.
"and that's not all," he thinks, to himself of course – no one else could comprehend his mental instabilities – but Itachi (again for the first time) felt that he wanted something, like he wanted to be the only person in the world to experience the Sharingan – almost like it was his little secret.
Because Uchiha Itachi, like all good little boys, just wanted to be special; for himself, more than anybody else.
xXx
When he is ten Itachi decides, in his pursuit to simply examine, to find out why the Uchiha could host such a hostile bloodline – what he finds only strengthens his will to become the only Uchiha in existence:
Apparently, a mutation separate from that of the bloodline itself created a sense of immunity and/or relative longevity (if you disregarded the blindness) in combination with the Sharingan's aggressive existence.
"and what a non-Uchiha contract's this mutation…?" he muses, it didn't seem like too difficult of a concept to test, the mutation was in his blood after all, just a little cut applied to another and he was done.
But it's not simple when Itachi becomes entranced with the crimson rivers flowing down his arm – he is careful not to cut tendons, he knows (but the temptation is just delicious) and it's even less simple when he pokes the needle into an unsuspecting passerby and watches as said passerby convulses violently before collapsing.
The unsuspecting is in a coma, he is told – likely terminal, though they seem to be attempting some sort of 'sugar coating' ritual towards him.
Itachi would've scoffed had he not been born empty inside – he was a jounin ninja, death was so common flinching would've been an insult to the general forces of nature.
(Let it be known that Uchiha Itachi is not a religious man, nor does he wish for any manner of forgiveness in regards to his abundance of sins. Should it be necessary for a pious allegiance to form he would likely bind himself to that of a more pagan feel – as if to ask them, the gods, the forces of nature themselves to just not leave.)
And just like that, Uchiha Itachi created his own personal killing method, never to be shown except to those close to their own demise – and though it wasn't truly his yet as hypothetically the rest of his blood relatives (discounting the Hyuuga, as they were too distant anyway,) could frequent a similar technique, he vowed to achieve that 'yet' very soon.
It was a vow vested in such a venerable interest of his, he would've called it a craving.
xXx
In all honesty, Itachi liked Uchiha Shisui: his company, his existence, his self (had the latter individual survived he might've even considered letting another in on his plan for the eradication of the Uchiha breed…
Or perhaps not.)
Shisui looked, and acted like the epitome of positivity – his mannerisms, interests, and abilities all pointed to an existence of true happiness and perfection and, for a time, Itachi felt legitimate envy at the very thought of his relative best friend.
Except, that he was wrong in his prognosis of Shisui's capacity, it was a catastrophe, the wrongness, the flaws… his best friend's very essence was defective.
In all honesty, Uchiha Itachi and Uchiha Shisui could've been twins, their consciousness's were so similar you could laugh – which is exactly what Itachi did as he counted the oxygen bubbles his former relative failed to replenish. It was a strangled sort of laugh that could've really qualified as more of a maniacal cry of hysteria. But as Itachi figured, laughter and death were really the same thing, with their hollow sounds (inexistence or not) engaging in an everlasting waltz of perception.
When the pain of betrayal (of his ideals) finally seemed to ebb away, Itachi felt an almost orgasmic rush of ability, of confusion, of everything.
"the Mangekyou Sharingan…" he thought – and suddenly, suddenly everything was alright again, at least until the rest of his family was dead.
As he walked through the compound, however, a small voice towards the back of his mind (probably his perpetually defiled conscience) seemed to whisper: "if you're willing to bleed to bring forth death, willing to destroy your last hope at normality for a more distinctive feel… what would you be willing to do for real power?"
And for the first time in his life, Uchiha Itachi didn't know how to answer himself – so instead; he decided to give a small, wry smile for everything and nothing all at once.
xXx
On the night of the massacre, Itachi had told himself that he would kill his foolish little brother last. There was no nostalgic meaning in the self-issued command (except maybe the fact that it was self issued and not one of Madara's idiotic ideals,) it was entirely based on convenience.
Definitely convenience.
However, when he saw his pitiful little child of a relative, after everyone else was dead and gone, he changed his mind: why kill his foolish brother when he could give him a little gift instead?
So he did.
Once Sasukewas trapped in his Tsukiyomi (a sensation he would never be able to describe quite right,) he removed the boy's eyes completely – making sure the child wouldn't die, couldn't die.
Because he'd be dammed if his little outouto fell down the same hole he did – his little brother would never be able to list into boredom, into madness, into the void of nothing.
His foolish little brother wouldn't know success, because success only led to inexistence, and that was not the proper fate for the sobbing child – Itachi wouldn't allow anyone else to emulate his fate.
Not in this lifetime.
Teehee
So this is another one of my brain-vomits… I'm going through a bit of an Itachi phase.
Part 2 will be out by the end of the week.
For anyone who follows my main story, 'To Placate Detachment' chapter nine should be up tomorrow night.