Disclaimer: I do not own the X Files or the characters.
Spoiler alert: Set during Audrey Pauley, assumes knowledge of episode. John's POV.

Flashback

"What is it that attracts you to me? That always brings you back here?" She asked and I knew that she wasn't annoyed by my presence but endeared by it.

"You're the only person who doesn't tell me what I'm feeling." I said and she looks at me to continue, "It annoys me people say to me stuff like 'it'll be okay' and 'you're fine' or 'it's all right, just give it some time' I'm not all right, nothing about this is alright, and I love that you don't say stupid stuff to me like that. It's like you know what I think and what I don't want to hear… It's like you know what it is that I want to hear." He said.

She put her coffee cup down and drew up one knee and resting her arms on it, "If you wanted someone to tell you things that you aren't feeling, you could talk to anyone you work with, but if you want to talk with some one who will wont try to tell you what your feeling and thinking, you go to a friend." She said.

"You consider me a friend?" I asked a little surprised.

"Yes, I do." She said calmly and then picked up her mug again.

End Flashback

Looking back now I don't know why I did it, it just seemed the thing to do, but I moved closer to her and kissed her.

She didn't seem surprised by my actions; in fact, she seemed to welcome it as I moved closer to her and invaded her lips. She was as comfortable with it as she had been letting me into her apartment and talking with me when she could have been sleeping.

I didn't realise how much I had come to like her. Suddenly out of the blue, she was what I cared for. With nothing left in the world, she was there, and she became the rock I needed to keep living.

There is some connection between us that has developed, I can't quite describe it, but it's what I hold onto now. I can't bare to see her die. Not like this.

I know there was nothing I could have done to stop that drunk driver, but if I had acted upon my desires and asked her in, then just maybe she wouldn't be lying comatose in a hospital. Even if she had said no, maybe just asking her would have delayed her enough that the drunken idiot would have passed through the intersection before Monica got there.

Or maybe she'd of said yes, and never been anywhere near that intersection till hours later…

So many possibilities of what could have been, and this is what happens?

I've thought a lot about her question over the years I've known her, but no answer I've ever come up with seems suitable to sufficiently describe it- to describe her.

She's so intelligent, incredibly in tune with herself and caring almost to a fault. She's extremely loyal and protective, she see's the best in people and has a talent for easing the broken. This woman lying in front of me is so pure of heart, gentle and loving… She does not deserve to die. What did she ever do wrong? –Absolutely nothing. If there were a God out there, he would not let this Angel die.

Monica means too much to me know, I can not let her go. Not until she knows the truth-

"John."

Her soft voice interrupts my train of thought, but I can see that she already knows what I want to say to her.