A Broken Man
I wrote this a while back, it's a oneshot set just after Ruth married Edward and Jay was feeling rejected, written from his POV.
Help. A four letter word yet so difficult for some people, not really some but one person in particular. There was a time in his life when he would have done anything for her but now he wasn't so sure, he wondered if she ever loved him. She somehow managed to hurt him in so many ways yet he was still engrossed with her every move. The day he found out that she had aborted their baby, it wasn't so much what she had done that upset him it was the fact that she had shut him out, forgotten him, lied to him. It was the lies which hurt the most, that was the one thing that he never thought that she would do to.
Broken, confused and hurt. Those were the only three words to describe how he was feeling right now.
Although it had been a year since they had broken up he had never stopped loving her. Thinking back to that day in the car park before Harry's funeral, he should have never walked away all he had to do was let her hear those three little words she had been deprived of her whole life and things would be how they should but instead he chose to remain closed up, this was more to him than pride and ego. His emotions were still raw, he was unsure if he was ever going to be able to put the feelings of hurt behind him.
On her wedding day, he turned up declaring his love for her, he could give her the love she had always longed for and she rejected him, chose Edward instead. The most hurtful part of her wedding was the fact that she was playing the dutiful wife to him, boasting about him to colleagues, he received sympathetic looks which made if feel belittled almost alone, that's why he returned to his womanising ways.
No amounts of one night stands could fulfil the void which she left in his life. He would wake up in the morning with strange girls in his bed, unable to remember their names let alone anything else about them. The worst morning he faced was when he had forgotten the past year, there was a brunette girl with a short brown bob and pale skin lying there, almost her double from behind, he couldn't hide the disappointment when he saw her face. He found himself running, running out of the bedroom, running out of the house, running away from his problems.
No one knew how low he felt, nobody could see past the jolly exterior, the playful banter. He was never sure if they couldn't see or chose not to see, people looked to him for fun, people didn't want to hear about his problems they only wanted to know his latest prank and latest conquest.
When he found out Edward was gay this was the icing on the cake for him, how could she have rejected him for someone who was gay, Edward had never loved her yet she was begging him not to leave her. She was supposed to love him, she had never shown that much emotion when he walked away from her, she stood in silence, now she was screaming down the hallways. There was no way she ever loved him the way he loves her, it was time to move on.
A few months after he started at Holby, he was going to walk away but he was stopped by Charlie, he never should have stayed, his life would have been so much less complicated if he had just ran that fateful, he wouldn't feel numb every day with a false smile plastered on his face.
Thanks for reading :) Please comment, good or bad!