It's funny, I guess; like when I first saw you with a cigarette in your hand, despite your perfectly played role of knowledgeable and professional doctor. Something so obviously erroneous, I could not help but laugh at the farcical stupidity of life, the universe and everything at that point; as I am now. It wasn't even the right time to laugh, but I guess I laugh so much you wouldn't notice a slight change in tone. Other matters held your attention quite firmly in their grasp. I… I can't compete with them, never have been able to. It didn't take Gure-san long to notice; he calls it writer's intuition. Remove the writer and we're getting close, perhaps. Not you though.
Do you still miss Kana-kun? A foolish question I know, but maybe if I ask you'll actually stop to think about it, rather than disregard that lingering darkness, and name it naught but a fleeting memory. I… I remember her very well Ha'ri. You always spoke of her, and there was such… such an indescribable, untouchable joy that suffused every word you uttered. I could not help but be happy for you, be happy that someone could give you such a glorious gift, even if it wasn't myself.
"Dreams don't last forever" you told me once. With your view of life twisted beyond the physical damage wreaked upon your sight, the love flowing in your veins turned to bitter bile by your own self accusations, how could you think otherwise? Your dream had been shattered into innumerable, razor-sharp shards, cutting again with every repetition of "It would have been better if we'd never met" falling from that foolish woman's lips and echoing in your abused ears. It was not until after the deed was done that I was informed, being on the outside and too far away from the proceedings to assist.
In that moment, I hated her.
When Kana got married, I wanted you to go after her, to stop the proceedings and tell her everything. Such things only happen in flights of whimsy, and you don't believe in them anymore. I may hate her for hurting you, for being so weak when you needed her, but she was the one who brought that exquisite, blissful smile to your face. If she could do that again, then it didn't matter what I thought. If she could melt the snow and call the spring to warm you again then nothing else mattered. I would do anything to see that smile again… but you would not smile like that for me.
You don't understand, even now Tori-san. Every time you caught me watching you, the constant calls and following you around like a lost puppy, despite that being more Gure-san's department. I have trailed behind you for years; I was there long before Kana came into your life. You haven't noticed even now, even without her shadow to haunt you at every step, as she haunts me. Every day I see you I look for that spark of recognition; you have been in love, you know what this is. You can never seem to see it though. Never.
Kana was wrong. It wasn't Akito who damaged your sight Tori-san.
You have always been blind.