Well, I didn't expect to write more IZ stuff, but here it is.
I don't own anything, the person that does would probably detest what I've done to his characters, but I try not to let that get me down.
Mild ZADR. Very mild, you want lemon you better read "Growing Up" again, cuz it ain't here right now.
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Zim smiled to himself as he read through the information flashing across the vid screen. He had left Gir to his Scary Monkey show hours previously and the little robot had not yet noticed that Zim had looped the program. While Zim used to regret his lack of competent SIR unit, recent discoveries had made him rather grateful for Gir. While the robot was constantly underfoot, more than a little annoying, and sometimes downright dangerous it was -not- capable of making regular reports to the Tallest as he had discovered the standard SIR units were programmed to do. That suited Zim just fine. In fact, the wretched little thing often made his own calls to the Tallest all the more believable.
It was awfully convenient for the Tallest to assume his defective pak had made him go insane. And perhaps it had, that was neither here nor there, really. It caused them to underestimate him almost all of the time. He had thought his failure during Impending Doom I would cost him his life, but the foolish Tallest had merely set him up in Food Courtia. He had blown half of Irk completely to hell and they didn't even guess that he had a motive behind it.
In their haste to keep the defective Invader as far away as possible they didn't seem to realize that upon his unexpected return for Impending Doom II they had just handed him the freedom to put his plans into action once again. Impending Doom I had been a failure, it was true, but Zim had learned from it and he would not be so rash the second time around.
There was only one potential hitch in his plan, and that was the Dib. When Zim had first arrived on the dirt ball Earth he had discovered that Dib was smarter than the average human worm and generally quicker on the uptake, even for a smeet. He had made a perfect distraction and had provided Zim with hours upon hours of report data to send to the Tallest to prove he was a continual failure. In truth, early on Zim could have easily crushed the young human, but that would have been damned inconvenient all around, especially when the little thing had provided so much useful, if mostly faked, data. Zim's charade was infinitely more believable when his arch-nemesis believed it, but there-in laid the current problem. Dib wasn't as gullible as he once was.
Dib had grown a lot since the days when a romp with ancient planet-ships was enough to convince him of the false gravity of a situation. Zim's faked attempts to take over the world had grown in realism to keep his enemy's belief going but somewhere along the line Zim had just… lost interest in the charade. It wasn't that he had lost interest in Dib himself, not at all, he had just decided he didn't like the taste of lies when they involved the human. It was all rather new to him, lies had always come so easily in the past. He particularly delighted in them when speaking to the Tallest.
In part Zim blamed the human's changes for this new distaste of lies. Humans growth cycle was astounding in some ways. The vast majority of them appeared to remain infantile in both their ability to comprehend the world around them. Dib had been the exception in their entire skool class in that he actually grew up. The angsty teenage years in particular had deadened some of Dib's intense need for gratification from those around him. He had eventually regained his old sense of compassion, but while he still fought valiantly for other humans, Zim suspected the Dib was beginning to broaden his mental horizons a bit and realize their true worth to the universe.
Zim found the change fascinating, and potentially very useful. The prospect of failure was the only thing that caused the alien to hesitate in using Dib's new outlook on life to his advantage. The human was the only being in the universe to treat Zim as an equal. It was as terrifying as it was electrifying. He would never admit it to himself, but the potential to chase Dib away was enough to cause him fear and fear was totally unacceptable.
The computer broke through Zim's musings with a dejected sigh.
"What is it?" Zim demanded, testily.
"You wanted to be warned when the human, Dib, left the work... thing." With a groan Zim pushed himself from his studies and grabbed a strange little citrus tree that had been lurking in the corner. While he walked he muttered to himself, trying to think up a suitably sinister name to call the kumquat tree before hurling it at the Dib's head.
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Dib trudged along street towards his scooter. It was a pathetic little thing, more than a few years old and woefully under powered but it got him to and from work every day. He had named it "Scoot" in his head and often liked to imagine modding it with enough cool features swiped from Tak's old ship to be able to take the Voot Cruiser head on. That would require extra money, though, and between living expenses and his underpaying job he barely had enough time to properly spy on Zim anymore. Not that he would ever give it up, no, he just... had to restrict it to the hours he wasn't working, now.
Somehow he had always managed to foil Zim's nefarious plans. While he liked to think it was his amazing spying abilities coupled with his lightning quick reflexes and superior intelligence that kept the world safe every day... He couldn't help but wonder why his alien nemesis hadn't managed to succeed yet.
When he reached the scooter, Dib put on his black half helmet and sped on his way. Halfway to his apartment he heard the unmistakable laughter of his arch-nemesis. Screeching the scooter to a halt, Dib jumped from the seat and straight into a run towards the insidious laughter. He glanced at his surroundings only long enough to gather that he was in a park of some sort. It didn't take him long to spot Zim hunched over some sort of shrub, cackling to himself.
Zim looked as he usually did, these days. His style of clothes still had that touch of alien fashion to them. Over the years he had grown to stand nearly half a foot shorter than Dib himself. His skin was still green, but paler than it had been. His face wasn't as flat, though he still lacked a proper nose and ears he almost seemed more human in most proportions. Dib had studied the changes closely, but chalked them up to aging.
"Stop right there, Zim!!" Dib was breathing heavily, his helmet was slightly askew and he looked absolutely livid. Zim had no idea how the human had managed to keep the energy that had long ago seeped from his supposed peers. Though he was clutching a stitch in his side and looking a little pained, his eyes still held the fire that Zim would not admit delighted him.
With a small smile at the thought of Dib's ongoing enthusiasm Zim straightened and turned, forcing the little smile into a familiar, if somewhat forced, maniacal grin. "You'll never stop the ALMIGHTY ZIM!"
Taking up his cue Dib shrieked, "What are you up to now, Zim!?"
The devious alien merely laughed. "I don't know WHAT you are talking about, worm-baby. It certainly has NOTHING to do with the KUMQUATS."
Dib opened his mouth to retort but stopped. "Kumquats? Really Zim?" Dib's voice was plaintive, with a hint of impatience. Zim couldn't quite keep his cringe internal.
"YES, kumquats..." There was an awkward pause that stretched just a little too long. "Um. Well then, I'll be going." He strode away and attempted a jaunty whistle. The kumquat bush beeped softly and Dib shook his head as he knelt down and inspected the strange little tree that looked like it was already starting to wilt.
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Zim almost made it back and safely into his base before Dib caught up to him. The sinister kumquat had apparently been quicker to dispatch than he had hoped. "ZIM." Dib's pitiful little scooter struggled to a halt in front of the base and he took his helmet off to hang carelessly over the right handlebar.
"What is it, Dib-stink? I'm busy." Zim sounded tense and impatient. Dib's interest was instantly perked.
"Are you even trying anymore?" Dib stood in the middle of the walkway, careful not to set food on the grass where there lurked gnomes.
"What do you mean, trying? I assume you've already ruined my latest plan, I need to work on a new one now." Without meeting Dib's furious glare Zim flapped his hand in the air as if to punctuate his point.
Dib stormed towards the alien, causing Zim to step back a few paces involuntarily and scowl up at the human's superior height. "Oh, Bullshit, Zim. Do you think I don't get it? You stopped trying years ago." He pressed his lips together as though he was hesitating to say what was really on his mind. It hurt his pride a little to ask, "Did you ever really try?"
Zim hissed through his teeth. They shared a long mutual glare before Zim spun on his heel and swung the front door of his base open. He stopped in the doorway and without bothering to turn said, "Come in, Dib."
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The skin on Dib's neck crawled at Zim's casual use of his name without any sort of derogatory suffix. With only a touch of hesitation he stepped into the strange house to be blinded once again by neon bright colors. While each of them passed Gir and came between the little robot and the television it squealed loudly and stopped the instant his view was unobstructed once again.
Dib followed his obsession into the kitchen and took the seat on the offered chair. Zim sat across the table from him and eyed the human speculatively.
Dib fidgeted. Zim remained silent and thoughtful which made Dib even more uncomfortable. The angry monkey show played loudly in the other room and the silence was broken by strange cries and other ridiculous sounds. Zim remained silent until Dib couldn't take it anymore.
"You still haven't answered my question."
Zim leaned back in his chair and reached up to itch his wig. With a sound of disgust he ripped the terrible thing off and tossed it onto the table. With a scowl at the wig, Zim took his contacts out as well and finally spoke. "So you know, then."
"Know? Know that you aren't trying? Something's changed, Zim. Its not like how I remembered. Its not like when we were kids..."
Zim snorted. "We? What is this 'we were kids'? You never knew me when I was a smeet, earth-pig. I was a full grown adult when we first met." He crossed his hands in front of him and watched Dib carefully, his magenta eyes intent.
"But... we grew up together. Do you keep growing in adulthood or something?"
Zim shook his head. "No, not normally. We become adults quickly and stay that way for quite some time compared to you pitifully short lived hyoomans." He stretched the word out playfully, trying to remind Dib that not everything had changed.
"You... you made yourself taller? To fit in?..." Even as he said it, Dib knew it wasn't true. There had to be another reason the little invader would want to become taller. "No." Realization struck Dib like a kumquat and he didn't even realize he had slammed both hands down on the table as he said it.
Zim grinned impishly at the humans expression and for the first time in a long time it was an honest grin. Not entirely sane, sure, but honest none the less.
"Dib-thing, you've finally figured it out. I had thought you might."
Dib shook his head and stared at his nemesis. "You never wanted to take over the earth at all, did you?" He sounded hurt and Zim's grin faltered.
"Of course not, Dib. Have you looked around you? There's nothing here." His voice was short, clipped and almost... professional. It made Dib's skin crawl.
He immediately bristled. "How can you say that? You've been here for years you've seen... Um. And don't forget the... Er." Dibs indignation sputtered to an abrupt halt. Even he couldn't think of a whole lot about his planet worth dominating it for.
Zim leaned back on his chair and rested his boot on the edge of the table. He was smiling again. His little human sure did catch on quick some days. He was gaining confidence in his plans for the man.
Dib bit his lip and stood up abruptly. As he was storming towards the door Zim called after him casually. "Stop by later, Dib, I'd like to make a proposition." Dib stiffened slightly at the words and swept out quickly without any further responce.
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Dib went to work the next day, and straight home again. Occasionally he would try to watch television, but once the angry monkey show came on and he turned it off, switching it over to his spy-cam instead. He floated through his days, searching for something, anything, that would prove Earth's worth.
He couldn't really think of anything. Anything native, anyway.
He didn't quite realize when he'd made the choice but he eventually discovered himself staring down the little bathroom sign on the door of the neon house. He nearly fell over backwards when it opened abruptly.
"Well, to your place, then."
"What!?" Dib trailed along behind the alien, noting for the first time that whatever experiments Zim had done to grow still hadn't made him taller than the human. He made a note to gloat later. After he got some answers.
"How do you even know where I live? What's wrong with your place?" As if in response there was very loud, very disgusting splash sound from the general direction of Zim's base.
With a flat voice Zim explained, "Gir got bored of the angry monkey show."
Dib cringed and nodded. The short walk to his apartment was in silence. He had gotten it so close to aid in spying on Zim, it seemed a little silly now that he realized Zim had known where he lived all along. The thought weighed at his chest in an awkward sort of way and he chose not to acknowledge it for the moment.
They entered his tiny, messy little apartment and Dib wished he had the forethought to hide his stalker paraphernalia. The walls were completely covered in photos of Zim and Gir, each in their unconvincing disguises. His table was littered with various cameras in differing states of disrepair and the pitiful 15 inch television set was hooked up to the web-cam he had placed on the lamp post outside of Zim's base to peer into the living room.
Dib flopped onto his sofa as Zim wandered through the small space, examining the various pictures of himself.
"This one's quite flattering, don't you think?" Zim quirked a non-existent brown in Dib's direction and the human looked away, forcing down an embarrassed blush.
To steer the conversation away from his choice in decoure, he decided to cut straight to the chase. "I couldn't think of anything." The silence was heavy as Zim watched Dib through his blue contacts. "I couldn't think of a damn thing."
Zim nodded and stepped closer to the human until he stopped, looming over the seated figure. Dib looked up at him, trying not to fidget. "I have a proposition for you, earth-monkey" Zim grinned impishly at his long-term enemy and straddled him. Dib tensed and tried to lean back into the couch.
"Come with me." The suggestion was hissed into his ear and Dib remained rigid, something in his brain had fizzled to a halt. Zim sighed and stood up, stepping away to wait for the human to recover his senses.
"What are you talking about?" Embarrassingly enough, Dib's voice cracked halfway through the question. That hadn't happened in years.
Zim cocked his head to the side. "I'm leaving. Soon. My time here hasn't been wasted and I plan to take what is rightfully mine. Come with me. Together we will be unstoppable." The alien's voice was smooth, controlled, and completely unnerving. Dib had seen flashes of this side of his arch-foe for years, but only small glimpses here and there. Watching him now, in complete control of himself and even his unfamiliar surroundings caused Dib's hair to stand on end. This was the real invader.
Dib bit his lip and tried to ignore the pit that had opened in his stomach at the thought of Zim leaving forever, especially now that he wasn't hiding behind his facade of stupidity. The green alien really was the only thing on this planet worth anything to him. Once he was gone...
"On one condition." Dib's voice was flat in an attempt to keep it from cracking again. He wasn't totally able to completely extinguish the fear and excitement from his expression, however.
Zim linked his hands behind his back and leaned forward, placing his head a mere foot from Dib's face. "Yeeeeesssss...?"
"You... leave Earth alone."
Zim snorted a short laugh. "I was never interested in your pitiful stink-ball in the first place." He extended his hand to shake on the deal.
Dib stood up and tried to loom over Zim as they shook hands. For some reason, even though he was taller than the alien the contact still made him vaguely uncomfortable. He pushed the thoughts away, again, and tried not to blush as a nervous, excited smile crept across his face for the first time in many years.
To his surprise, Zim returned it.
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This story feels like it wants to go somewhere, but I wouldn't mind some advice. I know I've stretched both Zim and Dib horrifyingly out of character, so I appologize to anyone who was hoping for something different. I kind of like them this way, though. I feel like... I need to exaggerate things more. There's the big pink elephant of sexuality looming in the background that should probably be addressed at some point as well as Zim's ultimate plans. I'm not sure if I should just cut out all the romance indicators and call this a ZADF fic or stick with it and flesh out the ZADR?
I just don't know. Tell me things.