A/N: So I've decided to post a second NCIS songfic to a beautiful song by Martina McBride...if you've read any of my other stories, you know I'm a huge Tiva person, so with that in mind, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own "I'm Gonna Love You Through It", nor do I own/know nor am I affiliated with in any way Martina McBride, RCA Records, or Republic Nashville. This is purely for entertainment. I also do not own NCIS or any original characters. All that I own are the characters that I make up :)
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"Okay, thank you," Ziva managed to choke out before clicking the 'end' button on her phone. With shaking hands, she lowered the phone onto the kitchen counter and leaned against it for support. She had gone completely numb. Staring at the marble counter-top under her fingers, her life flashed before her eyes. She had come so far since her days in Mossad...And she had been through so much. After Somalia, Ziva thought she could handle anything. Instantly, her family came to mind. Tony and the kids. After she and Tony had married five years ago, her priorities had never been the same. She was a mother first, an NCIS agent second. Ziva had people depending on her, and this...this just couldn't be happening.
"Zi," Tony's voice brought Ziva out of her thoughts, but she didn't turn to face him. His voice was just a reminder of the family that needed her. She heard as Tony slowly took a few steps in her direction, and Ziva knew she had to tell him now. After all, they had both known the call was coming; they had just hoped the news would be different. Ziva swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and turned around to face her husband, leaning her back against the counter to still use its support, as she was still numb.
"The doctor called," Ziva managed just above a whisper. Tony felt his stomach drop as he looked into Ziva's eyes and instantly knew what the doctor had said. Ziva's jaw was trembling, her eyes rimming with tears and begging for his comfort. Tony stretched his arms out to his wife and embraced her without saying a word. As the tears broke free from her eyes, Ziva allowed herself to fall into Tony and let out all of her emotions. Realizing it was his turn to be strong for his wife, Tony held Ziva tightly and gently rubbed her back as she sobbed. He bit his own lip and blinked away the tears as he felt his heart breaking within his chest.
She dropped the phone and burst into tears.
The doctor just confirmed her fears.
Her husband held it in and held her tight.
Tony kissed the top of Ziva's head and ran his fingers through her soft dark hair. She pulled back to look at him with a tear-stained face, and Tony saw the fear in her eyes. It hurt him to know that his wife was scared. It hurt him even more to feel as though there was nothing he could do for her. She had become his whole world, and with one phone call, that world had begun to shatter.
"I do not know what to do," Ziva said, and Tony could sense how lost she was feeling, but he didn't know what to say. "I don't understand why this is happening."
"I don't either, sweetie," Tony said softly. He lifted his hand to gently wipe some of Ziva's tears away just as the sound of a baby crying filled the house. Ziva jumped slightly, startled by the sound.
"I'll take care of her," Tony offered sweetly, rubbing Ziva's arm. Ziva shook her head.
"No," she said. "I will." Ziva walked out of the kitchen and down the hallway toward her childrens' bedrooms. At the end of the hall, she stood and looked at all three doors. The first one, their daughter Ellie. She was a beautiful four-year-old girl who was starting her first year of pre-school. Already, she was developing Ziva's wit and cleverness and Tony's sense of humor. The second one, their son Aaron. At nearly three years old, he was already ornery and a spitting image of his father. Aaron made sure there was never a dull moment in their household. And finally, Ziva looked at the third closed door, their eleven-month-old daughter Bailey. Bailey had been born eight weeks early, and there had been complications with her birth. Ziva remembered being told that her daughter had respiratory distress syndrome and remembered the fear that had filled her body. Bailey was such a great fighter, even as a newborn, and Ziva and Tony had been thrilled when they were able to bring her home. Standing in that hallway now, Ziva knew that she had to be strong for her children; they were the most important thing in her life. No, they were her whole life. She took a deep breath and opened Bailey's bedroom door. Ziva crossed the room, picked Bailey up out of her crib, and held her soothingly in her arms, caressing her back and cooing for her to calm down.
"It's okay, baby, mommy's here," Ziva whispered as a lump rose in her throat again. She held her baby until the crying finally stopped and Bailey fell back into her slumber. As Ziva laid Bailey back into her crib, she felt Tony enter the room. He came and stood beside his wife, and they both stared at their sleeping miracle.
"She's perfect," Ziva sighed.
"They're all three perfect," Tony said. Ziva nodded her agreement, knowing her children would be a constant reminder of what she needed to fight for. The room was silent as Tony and Ziva were both engulfed in their own thoughts.
"I'm scared," Ziva admitted, finally breaking the silence. Tony looked at his wife and saw the vulnerability in her eyes. He had never seen her as open and fragile as she was at that moment. He offered her the best reassuring smile he could as he put his arm around her shoulders.
"I know, babe," he said. "But I'll be with you every step of the way." Ziva rested her head on Tony's shoulder, knowing that he was speaking the truth. She knew Tony would be there for her; he was her rock. She also knew she would do her best to be strong for him and the kids.
Cancer don't discriminate
Or care if you're just 38
With three kids who need you in their lives.
He said, "I know that you're afraid, and I am too.
But you'll never be alone, I promise you."
The next day, Tony and Ziva were sitting in the doctor's office discussing Ziva's options. Ziva was still experiencing shock, and the news hadn't completely registered with her. That morning when she had woken up, she had felt as though that awful phone call had just been a dream. However, when she checked her call log, she was cruelly reminded that it was reality. Still, she felt as though she were out of her body, watching this happen to someone else as she sat across from her doctor, the man who had called yesterday to bring an end to the normalcy of Ziva's life. She tried to focus, but she was only half-listening as Dr. Baldwin explained the cancer and the necessary treatment. Ziva knew that Tony was paying close attention. However, Dr. Baldwin quickly grasped Ziva's full attention when he brought up meeting with a surgeon.
"A surgeon?" Ziva repeated.
"Yes," Dr. Baldwin said. "I believe the best course of action for you will be a lumpectomy, and I can give you a recommendation for a very good surgeon." Tony, who was holding Ziva's hand, felt her hand lose its warmth inside of his, and he knew his wife was terrified.
"I-I thought that surgery was a possibility, but is there any other treatment?" Ziva asked. Dr. Baldwin folded his hands on his desk in a very professional manner.
"Ziva, it has been my experience that the best course of action for second stage breast cancer is a lumpectomy and radiation. There is always the possibility that chemotherapy may be needed after the surgery as well," he replied. Instantly, he noticed the fear that remained on his patient's face. "It is just the standard treatment, and I strongly believe it is what will be best. So, I'd really like you to meet with a colleague of mine who specializes in this type of surgery."
"If that's what you think is best," Tony said when Ziva remained silent. He squeezed his wife's hand reassuringly as Dr. Baldwin gave them the information.
The rest of the appointment was a blur to Ziva. The thought of the surgery hadn't left her mind. Deep down, she had known that it was going to happen, but hearing Dr. Baldwin say it out loud had been almost too much. It was becoming more and more real to her.
"Ziva, everything is going to be okay," Tony said when the two of them stepped outside of the building after the appointment. The crisp November air chilled Ziva's skin, and she wished that she could just enjoy fall with her children. She longed for the simplicity of raking leaf piles and baking warm pie that everyone always takes for granted. But, now her life was forced to change. To her, that was not okay.
"How do you know?" Ziva asked. She felt the tears threatening to surface again and fought them back; she had cried enough since receiving that phone call. Tony noticed this and wrapped her in his arms again.
"Let it out, Ziva," he said gently when Ziva was still resisting. "It's okay to cry. It's okay to be scared. But I promise you that everything will be okay. You just have to believe that." Ziva nodded in Tony's shoulder, still unsure and terrified.
"Thank you," she whispered.
When you're weak, I'll be strong.
When you let go, I'll hold on.
When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes.
When you feel lost and scared to death
Like you can't take one more step,
Just take my hand.
Together we can do it.
I'm gonna love you through it.
Ziva sat in her bedroom looking out the window at the freshly fallen snow. It had been a month since the surgery, and she was now undergoing chemotherapy treatment. That month had been the hardest of her life. Ellie and Aaron were too young to understand anything. Tony had such a difficult time explaining to them why Mommy was so tired all the time. Ziva tried as hard as she could to hide her nausea and appear happy and normal around her children, but there were days when she was too weak to even try. She felt helpless. Because of her condition, she couldn't work; there was no way she could have the strength to focus on a case. Tony hated going to work and leaving Ziva, but he knew he had no other choice. While Tony was at work and Ellie was at pre-school, Tony and Ziva's neighbor Lisa usually came over to help Ziva with Aaron and Bailey. Even though Ziva knew that it was for the best and Lisa meant well, the fact that she couldn't handle herself and two children due to the side effects of the chemo made Ziva feel even more depressed.
She lifted her hand and let her fingers touch the cold glass of the window and felt a lump raise in her throat. Ziva had never dreamed that she would be in this position. She had dreamed of watching her children grow up and start their own lives. She had planned on growing old with Tony and seeing the births of their grandchildren. Now, she couldn't bare to think about the possibility that those dreams could be torn away from her. But she had never felt so much pain all at once. The emotional and physical pain that she went through every day was enough to make even the strongest person break, and Ziva knew she was close to her breaking point. How could this have happened to her? To her kids?
A lone tear trickled down Ziva's cheek and she pulled her oversized sweatshirt close to her thin body. She had lost weight from the chemo and all of her clothes were too big for her. Ziva wasn't surprised when she heard the bedroom door open. It was Tony's day off, and he always seemed to know when Ziva needed him the most.
She made it through the surgery fine.
They said they caught it just in time.
But they had to take more than they planned.
"Are the kids in bed?" Ziva asked, still staring out the window. Through the reflection of the glass, Ziva saw Tony nod. He walked up behind her and rested his hand on her shoulder.
"How are you feeling?" he asked. Ziva sighed, not knowing how to begin.
"Empty," she replied. Ziva kept looking straight ahead, watching the moon reflect off the white, glistening snow. "I can't even describe it. I just feel so weak."
"Honey, you are anything but weak," Tony assured her. Ziva chuckled lightly and shook her head. "I mean it, Ziva. You're the strongest woman I know."
"I am not strong. I am constantly tired and sick. I can't go to work, and I don't even have the strength to keep up with my own children," Ziva protested. "Bailey is even stronger than I am."
"Bailey is strong. She has been since she was born," Tony said, referring to her fight for survival as a newborn. "And where do you think she got that strength from? Ziva, she's exactly like you."
"Tony, look at me!" Ziva exclaimed, standing in front of him and gesturing to herself. "I am a mess. My clothes don't fit. I've lost a lot of weight. And that's not even mentioning the scars!" Ziva stopped instantly, and the two of them were silent. She looked at the floor in shame when Tony didn't speak.
"You're still beautiful," he said. Slowly, Ziva raised her eyes until they met her husband's, and she fell in love with him all over again. His eyes were filled with compassion for her, and she felt it.
Tony took another step closer to Ziva and gently lifted her large shirt over her head. Tears filled his eyes as he gently caressed the skin around Ziva's scar. Ziva swallowed a lump in her own throat as Tony began to speak.
"It doesn't matter to me how big this scar is," he said, his voice shaking. "If anything, it just shows how strong you really are. It will never take away from who you are as a woman or as my wife. I love you, Ziva, more than anything."
Now it's forced smiles and baggy shirts
To hide what the cancer took from her.
But she just wants to feel like a woman again.
She said, "I don't think I can do this anymore."
He took her in his arms and said, "That's what my love is for."
Ziva wrapped her arms around Tony's neck, and her lips met his in a passionate kiss. She felt the butterflies in her stomach as if this was the first kiss they had shared and ran her fingers through his hair. Tony carefully picked her up and carried her to their bed where he laid her down and supported himself over her, not breaking their kiss.
They finally pulled apart for a moment so Tony could remove his shirt. Ziva placed her right hand on the back of Tony's neck as they became lost in another kiss, and she gently traced small circles on Tony's chest with her left hand. The kiss became more passionate as Tony gently slipped off the shorts that Ziva was wearing. His mouth then left Ziva's and proceeded to her neck. Ziva moaned, finally feeling pleasure again that she had longed for. Tony pulled back and looked her lovingly in the eyes.
"Are you ready?" he asked quietly. Ziva nodded. She was more than ready to feel that perfect love again. Ziva felt as Tony removed his own pants, and moments later a burst of ecstasy filled Ziva's veins as Tony thrust himself inside of her.
Ziva felt her toes curl, and she ran her hands up and down Tony's back as she was pleasured. Their lips met again, and Ziva moaned in Tony's mouth as his pattern changed. They continued, and Ziva felt the familiar sensation of warmth, and she felt her heart bursting with passion as they climaxed and Tony lowered himself onto the bed beside her. Tony looked at his wife, whose face was glistening with sweat, and saw a few tears make their way down her face. He gently kissed her cheek and wiped her tears away with his thumb. Ziva smiled at him and let the tears continue falling. They were tears of love, tears of happiness, tears of passion. She had never felt so complete and so in love with her husband as she did in that moment, and she knew that she would continue growing more and more in love with him in every following day.
"I love you," she whispered. Tony smiled, and a tear fell from his own eye. He gave her a soft kiss on the lips.
"I love you too," he said. "I always will."
When you're weak, I'll be strong.
When you let go, I'll hold on.
When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes.
When you feel lost and scared to death
Like you can't take one more step,
Just take my hand.
Together we can do it.
I'm gonna love you through it.
It had been a year since Ziva's surgery, and she was in remission. She had come to terms with the changes in her life, and she felt good about herself again. Her personality was back, and she was focusing on being the best mother to her kids that she could be. On this particular day, she was putting the finishing touches on the decorations for Bailey's second birthday party. As she finished hanging the streamers, Tony came through the door with the birthday cake.
"Ellie, put this tablecloth on the present table please," Ziva said, handing a tablecloth to her oldest child. Ellie took it and obeyed as Ziva walked over to Tony.
"Can you believe our baby is two?" she asked. Tony shook his head.
"I know. It doesn't seem real," he agreed.
"I am just glad that I am here to see it," Ziva said. Tony smiled and put his arm around his wife.
"I knew you would be," he said.
"And how could you have known that?" Ziva asked with a smile.
"I told you, you're the strongest woman I know. And I told you everything would be okay," Tony replied. Ziva nodded and smiled up at him.
"Well, you were right," she said. "But I couldn't have made it through anything without you."
"Ziva, you'll never have to go through anything without me," Tony promised her. Ziva smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you, too," Tony replied.
"Mom! Someone's at the door!" Ellie called into the kitchen after hearing a knock on the front door. Tony and Ziva went into the front room and opened the door to reveal Abby and Gibbs, both holding presents.
"Hello!" Ziva greeted Abby with a hug before Abby and Gibbs entered.
"Am I the first one here?" Abby asked excitedly.
"Well, you're a half hour early, Abbs," Tony pointed out as he closed the door behind his boss.
"Believe me, I tried telling her that," Gibbs said.
"Well, I had to be the first person here to wish my Bailey-bug a happy birthday!" Abby exclaimed. "Where is the birthday girl?"
"I'll go get her from her nap," Tony replied and left Ziva to talk with Abby and Gibbs.
"Ziva, you look great," Abby said.
"Thank you, Abby," Ziva smiled.
"You really do, Ziva," Gibbs agreed and gave her a hug of his own.
"Here, I'll take your presents," Ziva offered, taking the presents from Abby and Gibbs over to the present table.
"Abby!" the sound of Ellie and Aaron's voices chimed from across the room.
"Munchkins!" Abby exclaimed in response as the two ran toward her. She greeted them with a giant hug and Tony came back into the room with Bailey. Abby took Bailey from him and the kids greeted Abby and Gibbs while Tony walked over to where Ziva was watching.
"See, this is the type of things that I always envisioned," Ziva said.
"What do you mean?" Tony asked.
"Birthday parties, playing with the kids, seeing them grow up happy," Ziva replied. "Thank you for keeping me strong enough to make this a reality."
"You were pretty strong yourself," Tony smiled. "But, you're welcome."
"Well, I believe we are strongest when we're together," Ziva said.
"You got that right," Tony agreed. "And we always will be." Ziva smiled and looked around the room at everything she was grateful for. She had the best husband and children that she could wish for, and with their help, she had overcome one of the biggest challenges life could have thrown at her. She knew that with the love of her family, anything was possible, and she loved them more and more every day because of it.
And when this road gets too long,
I'll be the rock you lean on.
Just take my hand.
Together we can do it.
I'm gonna love you through it.
I'm gonna love you through it.
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A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! Please remember to review and tell me what you thought!