Jester GSR Wedding Night, a csi fanfic

Disclaimer – Blah, Blah, Blah, no I don't own CSI, the characters, the franchise or anything to do with them apart from my much prized CSI DVD collection, sue me but you'd be wasting your time, but its your call!

A/N – Hey its been a long time since I've written any AU GSR humor, & I really want too right now, besides if I get it out of my system I think it will help my writing muse with my other stories, so here goes with this one off story. I don't know about wedding night, Stag night traditions over in the USA, but being from the UK & it's kind of a tradition from where I come from, I decided to adapt this idea into a GSR humor fic, besides I wanted to do a GSR Wedding night with a difference! – Hope it pleases & I can at least make a couple of you laugh or smile. Please R & R Enjoy!

Jester GSR wedding night

Sara was a beautiful stunning bride, Gil a very handsome groom decked out in his brand new expensive, charcoal gray Tuxedo, and the whole day had been a dream come true for the newly married couple, going along smoothly without any hitches what so ever from the guests or the celebrations afterwards.

Father Webb, the priest who had been the stand in at the last minute because Father McKusky had been taken sick, had been a little on the strange side, with his bucked front teeth, his drooling mouth spraying anyone withing a yard of him as he spoke, but all in all the guy managed to fumble his way through a stuttering, and nervously carried out ceremony.

The wedding dress, bow tie, tuxedo jacket, the special white satin made to measure corset, crisp white dress shirt, tiny panties, fitted trousers and light blue cotton boxers made a trail right through the penthouse hotel suit, a gift from Catherine.

The happy couple were both heaving and panting, moaning out their pleasure on the verge of reaching their first climaxes of the night, bent over in the large hotel room shower stall, going at it like never before, Sara's hands braced against the cool tiles as, Gil held onto her hips for dear life.

RING RING,............ RING RING,........... RING RING,............RING RING,...........RING RING, the room phone noisily called to them.

"Ignore it" Gil grunted on a forceful thrust almost knocking her off balance.

Sara widened her stance a little more to accommodate the more erratic nature of his pounding into her, as she felt the arousal building within her.

RING RING,............ RING RING,........... RING RING,............RING RING,...........RING RING.........

RING RING,............ RING RING,........... RING RING,............RING RING,...........RING RING........

They cried out loudly and incoherently as they both reached the pinnacle of their pleasure, afterword's Gil held her up against his chest tenderly, barely able to keep the weight of them both upright as they heaved in breaths to a more controlled level, his legs weakened by the strenuous activity.

Ten minutes later with just enough strength left in their bodies, they managed to shower and bath each other before stepping out, Gil placing a huge fluffy bath towel around her, then fastening one around his waist.

"I'm just going to take the last of this make up off okay" Sara said quietly as she walked into the adjoining sink area with twin sinks inlaid into the marble counter, large round illuminated mirrors facing her, while she began to remove the remnants that Catherine had painted onto her face that morning, to finish off the look she sought for the bride.

"Okay honey" Gil replied with a sated smile, as he decided to take the opportunity to empty his full bladder from the copious amounts of alcohol earlier.

Flipping the toilet seat up as was customary for men to do, Gil closed his eyes tiredly, tipping his head backwards a little as he began to pee.................."Ahhhhhhhhhh" he moaned quietly as he relieved himself.

Seconds later his eyes shot open wide, as he felt the warm wetness spatter his feet "WHAT THE..........!" Gil exclaimed as he looked down at the yellow pool growing around the floor at his feet.

RING RING,............ RING RING,........... RING RING,............RING RING,...........RING RING.........

RING RING,............ RING RING,........... RING RING,............RING RING,...........RING RING........

"SHIT!" Gil cursed without thinking ,as he realized he was now standing in his own urine, his extended, and much needed pee now abruptly halted.

"Damned phone" he stated irritably, as he pulled off the towel around him and threw it on the floor to soak up the mess.

Highly embarrassed by his seemingly missed aim while slightly intoxicated, Gil glanced at the toilet , he saw large droplets of the yellow liquid that looked to be amazingly suspended in mid air in the toilet bowl.

RING RING,............ RING RING,........... RING RING,............RING RING,...........RING RING.........

RING RING,............ RING RING,........... RING RING,............RING RING,...........RING RING........

On closer inspection Gil could see that someone had covered the porcelain with plastic wrap (clingfilm in the UK), WTF! He thought at first.

Hearing her husbands curses, Sara stepped back into the shower area as she wiped at her face with a cloth, she took in the scene before her then her eyes locked with Gil's.

"Greg" they both ground out simultaneously, it was just the type of trick he'd plan out to get back at his boss for marrying the woman of his long term crush.

They would have taken the time to inspect the plastic, to try to determine the presence of any fingerprints, but neither had their crime investigation kits with them, nor the usual enthusiasm to do so.

After cleaning up the mess, removing the plastic wrap and Gil re-showering they both headed to the large king sized bed awaiting them, further love making on their minds after they both intended to regained their strength with some sleep.

RING RING,............ RING RING,........... RING RING,............RING RING,...........RING RING.........

RING RING,............ RING RING,........... RING RING,............RING RING,...........RING RING........

That was it, he'd had enough of the incessant ringing disturbing the ambiance in the suite, Gil marched over to the phone in the living area and disconnected it from the wall socket with a satisfied yank, seeing the snap as it came away in his hand.

Returning to the bed once more, Gil pulled down the satin sheet with the weighty black comforter for his wife, and watched as she dropped her skimpy robe to the floor, then she sat down on the edge of the bed in her tiny, but very sexy nightgown, a wedding gift from him to her from Victoria's secret, delectably on display to him now.

Standing there in just a clean pair of crisp cotton white boxers, his naked chest still baring the remnants of moisture from his shower, he Leaned down to her covering her luscious mouth with his own, instigating a long lingering kiss, a small promise of more things to come for the rest off their wedding night.

Deciding to deepen the kiss further, Sara encircled her arms around his neck pulling him back with her slowly to the plump fluffy pillows behind her, as she thrust her tongue into his mouth.

"OUCH!" Sara muffled around his probing tongue, nearly biting it off in the process as she sat up quickly wincing and squirming wildly.

Shocked at the near accident of almost loosing his speech for good, Gil looked at her alarmed, her odd reaction making him confused as she rubbed vigorously at the back of her shoulders.

"Honey?" Gil asked a little disturbed, at a complete loss for what must have happened, he was momentarily horrified he'd almost choked her with his tongue, then he remembered hers tangling with his own so dismissed the thought quickly.

Still rubbing one shoulder Sara's eyes met those of her confused husband "There's something in the god damned pillows!" she stated as she yanked away the topmost pillow to reveal a rather lumpy looking lower one.

Finally registering her words and actions, Gil reached for the bulky looking item then thrust his hand inside, bringing back out of the cover several mixed pairs of crime lab goggles, six in total.

Dumfounded the couple both stared at the pillows contents dangling from Gil's fingers, with eyes wide mouths agape, a clear geeky "WTF!" Thought in their minds.

Breaking the absurd moment, Gil threw the offending items out of the room towards the living area with distaste, as he began to mumble in a lowered tone as he walked around to his side of the bed to check for more things in his own pillow.

"I'll have his ass for this".

"Just you watch me".

"Immature, little childish pranks huh?".

"Think you got one over on the boss this time?".

"Well I'll show you 'Mr loser with the women' wannabe CSI".

"Next decomp in an enclosed space has your name on it buddy".

"And no lemons to the rescue either smart ass Mr I went to Stanford" he commented to himself.

Sara now observed her hubby with some mild amusement as she started to see the funny side of things tonight, but aware that if she showed it to him, it would only inflame his building annoyance of young Gregory sanders, so she hid her smirk as she checked over the rest of the pillows on the bed with him.

Once the task was complete, Gil slipped into bed pulling Sara flush to his chest, kissing her temple while gliding his fingers through her hair soothingly "Lets sleep for a while" he whispered into her ear as he felt her relax against him.

Their breathing both evened out separately, as they slipped into a tired but contented sleep, entwined together in their usual form of comfort and relaxation.

One hour later – A very loud, staggered buzzing sound reverberated in the bedroom awakening its occupants abruptly, making them both sit bolt upright in bed quickly at the infernal sound.

"JESUS CHRIST" Gil yelled above the sound as he stumbled getting out of the bed, his foot entangling in the comforter sending him floor bound.

"SHIT!" he cursed as he hit the carpeted floor with a thud.

Turning on the bedside lamp in all the commotion, Sara tried to determine where the buzzing was coming from as she looked on worriedly at Gil wrestling with the bedding around his feet.

"It's coming from under the bed" Sara stated helpfully, as Gil scrambled onto his knees, scuttling under the bed to reach for the noisy alarm device.

The disorientation of being awoken so quickly had him hitting his head on the sturdy elegant bed frame "GOD DAMN IT!" he cursed yet again tonight.

"I swear to god when I get my hands on him, I'll..." Gil threatened loudly over the sound, but then stopped as he grabbed the alarm, switching it off as quickly as he could, the relief showing on them both as they let out a long collected sigh together.

Falling back into the warmth of the pillows, Sara closed her eyes bringing her hand up to her mouth to stop the forming chuckle in her throat, this was getting ridiculous now, but at the same time very a amusing to her.

Taking a quick peak at Gil through narrow slits in her eyes, she saw him with his back up against the bed, still sat on the floor, batteries in one hand, the alarm in the other as he shook his head disbelievingly.

Turning her face swiftly into the pillow, she muffled the uncontrollable laugh that burst free from her at the bizarre situation.

"So not funny honey" Gil stated a little testily as he stood, the pieces of clock discarded on the floor as he rubbed at his temple, scrambling back into bed pulling the bed covers with him moodily.

This only made Sara giggle even more into the thick padding, before she encircled his chest with her arms spooning herself up to him, she kissed the side of his head, then settled down to sleep again.

Gil's breathing was still rapid as the obvious annoyance took time to leave his body, but Sara's soothing strokes upon his chest soon had him relaxed and entering sleep once more, she followed on closely behind him.

Three hours later - Marilyn Manson music suddenly boomed into the bedroom, flooding the room with the heavy base beat music.

"SON OF A BITCH?!" Gil exclaimed as his eyes shot open wide and he froze, so startled by the sound he couldn't move, he was sure he was in a living nightmare.

Sara quickly shuffled in the bed until she could pull the top pillow over her head, covering her ears to lessen the sound, oh this was definitely Greg's idea she was sure of it now, she actually felt a little concerned for the younger CSI now if her husband was to get his hands on him any time soon.

Swinging his legs out of the bed with a little more care this time, Gil strode determinedly into the living area, flicked on the main light then spotted the stereo immediately.

He followed the lead with his eyes where it was attached to a timer device, then he grabbed it and pulled sharply seeing the thing snap from the wall with some satisfaction he spoke "One more thing tonight and no one will ever find his body. Mark my words" he said switching the light off and going back to bed.

They were just about to nod off to sleep again, cuddled up close together again, when a determined knock sounded from the suites main door.

Letting out an uncharacteristic deep low growl ,Gil flung back the covers and stomped towards the door "Honey, get dressed we're going home" he called over his shoulder as he grabbed his bathrobe putting it on to answer the door.

He flung the door open wide, spotting a bell boy holding out a thick large envelope towards him.

Forgoing any politeness or pleasantries at being disturbed in the middle of the night, his wedding night no less, Gil barked out "What?" to the young man.

The man cowered ever so slightly as he stammered out his memorized message "Mr Gissom, I'm......I'm so.... sorry, but I....I... I was paid and instructed to.....to........de....deliver this to you at 4am in the morning by.......by...A member of LVPD" he said handing the package over before scampering away nervously down the corridor.

Standing a little stunned for a few seconds, Gil shook his head slightly before shutting the door and returning to the bed where Sara was now sat up with the lamp on.

"What you got?" she asked rubbing at her eyes to clear them, seeing him sit next to her with the envelope in his lap.

"Here you open it" he offered placing it in her hand, then turning to his own night stand to retrieve his reading glasses.

Sara tore open the top without ceremony, then tipped the entire contents into her lap.

Glasses now in place, Gil reached for a what looked to be a smaller, colorful flight ticket wallet as Sara opened a large leaf of quality writing paper.

Frowning Gil opened the wallet to reveal two sets of flights to Paris, France, with a room reservation document dated for tomorrow for them for two weeks, he turned to his beautiful wife confused.

Sara was just staring at the letter, until Gil nudged her asking "What does it say honey?".

Suddenly Sara burst out into peals of laughter, clutching the letter to her tummy as she bent over tears reaching her eyes in merriment.

"Honey?" Gil asked confused, at her odd behavior.

Shaking her head, but eventually regaining some kind of composure again, she handed the letter to her husband, still chuckling.

Taking the letter from her as he saw her watery eyes sparkle with happiness, he stole a quick kiss, capturing her megawatt smile before pulling away to read the letter.

The letter simply read;

Paybacks a bitch Gil!

For all those years of torment you put the team through with your

push me pull me games of love we had to endure.

This is for you too Sara – Hope it wasn't too unpleasant for you.

Now we are even bugman!

Hope you enjoy the honeymoon

Catherine, Jim, Al, David,Warrick, Nick, Greg, Wendy, Mandy, Hodges, Archie, & Bobby.

The End!

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