A/N not mine, I own nothing.

based on Tim McGraw's song, When she Wakes up and Finds me Gone

When She Wakes Up

With a trembling pen in hand I tried the best I can

To write all the reasons I can't stay

And I hope she'll understand I can't leave her like a man

'Cause a man would never leave her this way

I carefully read, and reread the letter in my hand. I couldn't face her, not this time. I am disgusted with myself. The first time we were together was because of a damn deal, and I told her to repair it with her ex. I saw the hurt in her eyes, and I didn't want to see it again, so I was taking the cowards way out.

A note of things I should have said

Lays beside her sleeping head

As I turn and make my way off in the night

By the time the morning's breaking

My heart will still be aching

Every time I think of what I left behind

I sat there and stared at her as she slept, knowing I would see her ever again, I couldn't. I love her to much to bring my darkness into her light. I know that I will be breaking her heart, I won't watch it though. My own heart is breaking. The damn government owns me, and there could come a time when I wouldn't make it home to her. This is for the best. I can't look into those beautiful blue eyes any longer and see the hurt. I couldn't give her what she needs.

'Cause I don't want to see me leaving in her eyes

I can't stand to watch her watch me make her cry

And I don't know a right way I can do her wrong

So I don't want to be here in the morning

When she wakes up and finds me gone

I had to be gone before she woke up. If I wasn't, I would never leave. God she is so beautiful. She doesn't know that there is nothing I wouldn't do to keep her safe, including staying away from her for the rest of my life. I have fed her so many lines over the years, like Someday, no price, I love you in my own way, and the worst one, there are all kinds of love.

It hurts to know how much she'll hurt I've told myself things could be worse

And I've convinced myself she's better off this way

By the time she finds I'm gone

I'll be a long long way from home

When she reads the note of things I couldn't say

I wrote her a bunch of lies in the letter. God, please forgive me for this. I am knowingly ripping her heart from her chest by doing this. I can only pray that someday she will not only move on and find someone who deserves her, but will also forgive me for breaking her.

'Cause I don't want to see me leaving in her eyes

And I can't stand to watch her watch me make her cry

And I don't know a right way I can do her wrong

So I don't want to be the right in the morning

When she wakes up and finds me gone

I tucked a stray curl behind her ear and left one last lingering kiss on her forehead. I stood up and walked away. in the doorway I turned around and looked one last time. I whispered "I Love You" into the dark room.

Lord I don't want to be here in the morning

When she wakes up and finds me gone

A/N please don't start throwing things yet, not everything is as it seems.