Trouble for me
Chapter 1
Sunnydale. Good old Sunnydale. I never thought I would be back here, always thought I would move on from here, away from everyone here but now, four years on I'm back to the same place that caused me so much heartache. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad. No, not at all. I had some wonderful friends, the best. Willow, Xander and Cordelia. They were always there for me but nothing they could do filled the whole in my heart, nothing.
Listen to me go on acting like someone died. No one died but I did loose apart of myself, a part that I can never get back. Have you ever loved someone with everything you have? I did, at least I thought I did. Back in high school I fell for Mr Popular, you know the type. Anyway I was young, actually in my sophomore year when Mr Popular asked me out. Of course I nearly fainted right there and then, I don't know how I managed to keep my cool but somehow I did. So that's how it was, we dated for about a month when we decided to take our relationship to the next step.
When I say we, what I really mean is him. He told me he loved me and to prove our love to each other we should spend the night together. Being as young as I was I would have done anything for him, with him so I agreed. After we had sex he went all distant. I heard from several people that he was playing around but being a love sick teenager took no notice. The day he finished with me was the worst day of my life. Not because he didn't love me anymore, he never loved me I realize that now but because I had wasted a year of my life with that jerk, I had let him be my first and that was the thing that tore me up.
Senior year was the year I got myself back together even though I knew people were talking about me.
"Stupid bitch"
"Slut"
"I can't believe she didn't know that he was cheating on her all that time"
I knew what they were all saying but I didn't care. I only had one year left in that place and that was it, I would finally be out, out of Sunnydale and out of California. As soon as I got my acceptance letter to a college as far away from here as I could get I packed my things up, said my goodbye's and left, not even looking back.
Not one day I though I would be back, not one but there I was at the bus stop with my things packed and waiting for a bus to come and take me to my mother's.
She's dead.
Didn't believe it at first. I was working as a counselor at a high school in New York when I got the phone call. I only graduated from college a month ago so when the Principle offered me the job I was chuffed. At first I thought he fancied me: Well I had no experience, nothing so why else would he hire me but then I learned that I wasn't his type, nowhere near his type as it goes.
Joyce Summer's, my mother was a tough, independent woman that was more then capable of looking after herself. She had to be to raise two daughters single handily. My father, Hank, wasn't around much after they got divorced.
Brain tumor they said it was. Even if it was caught earlier it wouldn't have made a difference they said but I don't believe them. Maybe if I was around then it wouldn't have happened, I could have helped. Dawn told me over the phone not to think like that, even if I was here it would have still happened. Dawn's my sister and now that my mother's dead, well I'm not sure what's going to happen to her. I doubt my father will want to take her in so I guess that only leaves me.
At the moment she's staying with my high school friend, Willow. Reliable Willow. We still talk, she calls me every week. Last week she told me she needed to tell me something but didn't tell me over the phone so I guess I'll hear it when I get back. The rest of my old high school friends, the rest. Ha! I only have two more. Xander and Cordelia well I've spoken to them a few times but not much. The last I heard they were both seeing someone which surprised me. I always thought that they were meant to be, obviously not.
I should be more upset, should I? My mother just died, well a few day's ago but I hadn't seen her for four years and I don't know, it hasn't really sunken in yet. Am I a bad person for not screaming crying? She was my mother for gods sake, she raised me! My world should be crumbling!
So why isn't it?
Everything used to be so simple didn't it? It's like Sunnydale brings back all those feelings that I would rather forget about back. Every single one of them. I sometimes wonder if things had been different would I have stayed here. What would it have been like?
College wasn't that great. I stayed away from the guys. My room mate thought I was a lesbian which didn't work out well because she was actually homosexual. One night she tried it on with me. How embarrassing. I spend the whole night explaining to her I wasn't gay. A week later she switched dorms, poor girl, she must have been even more embarrassed them me. I don't know how that's possible but it must have been. I didn't have a lot of friends in college, didn't bother with people much. I have trust issues you see, even been to a counselor about it. He said I should work through my issues, forgive the things in my past but there are something's you just can't forgive. I know I talk about my sophomore year like some killed me but in some way they did. Mr popular murdered my confidence, my self esteem. I know I only had three friends but I was still confident, I didn't care what people thought about me but now, I just rather be in the background
Its going to be weird isn't it? Going back, seeing everyone again. I know I should have kept in contact more but when I left I was hoping to leave everything behind but I guess you can never turn your back on some things, sadly.
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Past tense (When I mean past tense, i don't mean it happened in the past, I mean its written in the past tense, like instead of she is its she was. Get it? You'll see)
God I'm so pathetic.
Really get over it, I tell myself that all the time, anyway I'm moving away from the point now I know. What I really wanted to do was tell you about my life and no, not my High school life. The thing that happened in high school seems like nothing after what happened when I got back here. I'm going to tell you all how I lost everything I ever had but gained what I've always wanted in just a few months.
Life's full of surprises isn't it?
Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you turned left instead of right? If you took the scenic rout instead of the shortcut? If you didn't let fear stop you from saying what you really felt?
I do. All the time actually.
When I finally stepped up and did those things, well, people didn't like it. They all expect you to fall in line like a good little soldier. Yes sir, No Sir, three bags frigging full sir. I'm not a soldier though. I don't have to fall in line.
You're probably all like what is the point of this? Get to the story already. Patience.
I'm eighty five now. I've had one hip replacement, three heart attacks and problems with my blood pressure but there is nothing I regret about my life. I've had a full one, a great one, there is not one thing I would change. Not ever. I have thirteen beautiful grandchildren who annoy the hell out of me but I love it. They all live close so I get to see them all the time. I'm never on my own, there's always some one here. They try to look after me but I tell them I'm more then capable. I don't need anyone trying to shove me in a wheel chair, I can walk thank you very much. The older ones talk really loud and I tell them I'm not senile but they just laugh. My oldest daughter keeps trying to get me into a home but she doesn't understand that I cant leave this place, too many memories, good and bad but that's what makes a home doesn't it. The bad.
My husband, he wrote me a letter before he passed away. I cried, not because I missed him but because what he said was so true, so touching. I'll be with him soon and we'll be together again, just like we were before.
I've skipped a few chapters now haven't I. I've gone from being at the bus stop to being here, in my house, now. Let's rewind a bit shall we.
I was at the bus stop waiting for the bus. When it finally came the rain started picking. Me being me forgot an umbrella or anything to keep me dry so at the first speck of rain I squealed drawing all the attention. My smooth skin went bright red as every pair of eyes turned my way. I've never had a trouble with spots, not even as a teenager. My skin was always so perfect, that was one of the good things about being me but there's always a downside isn't there? Like I'm the one who's always on my ass or dropping things. I was always so clumsy.
The bus ride didn't take that long and the best bit it dropped me off just across the road from my mothers house, my house, whose ever house it was now. Getting off was a big fuss as I knocked a few people down with my big duffel bag. There were still a few cases in the boot of the bus so the driver had to get off to get them for me. I heard everyone on the bus groaning but I didn't care, I needed myself.
The driver pulled out three wheelie cases. I pulled the handle up on all of them and put my duffel bag on one while holding two of the handles in one hand and one in the other.
I opened the door and was surprised by what I saw. I didn't expect anyone to be there but there they were anyway. Xander and Cordelia. I looked at the four faces, Willow wasn't there.
Xander had his arms around a blond girls waist and a man had his arm on Cordelia's shoulder.
They had moved on.
It was the first thing I realized, they had all moved on. Cordelia had gotten over herself and Xander was dating while I was still stuck in the past, while I was unable to move on because of something that happened four years ago.
"Buffy!" Cordelia exclaimed jumping on me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me several kissed on the cheek. When she was done Xander nodded and smiled at me
"Buffster" He said. I smiled. It had been so long since I had heard that name, so long since I'd seen these two people that stood before me
"Hey guys, where's Willow?" I asked not trying to hide my disappointment that she was there
"Well she said she would see you later so she could announce her engagement to you" The strange blond said. Cordelia jumped on her toe with her six inch heel making the blond squeal
"Anya!" Xander scolded
"What!" The blond roared. I realized then that her name must have been Anya "She just stabbed me with her shoe, are you crazy? You cant just go around impaling people with your heel!"
"It was a surprise!" Cordelia said "You weren't supposed to tell her, Willow wanted to do it"
I stood there unable to move. Yeah, they really had all moven on. Cordelia wasn't dating a football player, well whoever she was with was cute but they were hardly Brad Pitt. Anya was attractive and Xander was dating her. Back in High School Xander couldn't get a date and Willow was getting married.
I really was the only one who was still stuck in the past.
A/N: New Fic! How do you like it? You will be meeting other charectors in the next chapter as it has already been written, just needs a bit of tweeking so you wont have to wait too long for that.This chapter is just an explination for the whole fic. I like the next chapter better personally. Thank you all for reading.