Pam took the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters. Just had this strange idea from my tiny little mind. Something I saw and I wondered how the Figgis Agency would address this topic.
Pam's Presentation
"Now Pam is holding meetings?" Cyril groaned as the remaining members of the Figgis Agency walked into the conference room.
"At least it's something to do," Ray shrugged. "And she brought donuts and bearclaws."
"And coffee," Krieger remarked as he noticed the spread. "That's classy."
"Thank you!" Pam beamed.
"Why don't you do that for meetings Cyril?" Cheryl asked.
"It would make us more interested in them," Ray said. "I mean not like we'd care what you'd have to say…"
"But at least it would be easier to fake it," Cheryl finished. "Yeah I saw where you were going with that."
"And it's also easier to pretend that this fake agency is real," Lana admitted as she sat down.
"We are a real detective agency!" Cyril snapped.
"Since when?" Cheryl laughed as she sat down.
"You know…?" Cyril glared at her.
Lana sighed. "Look, Pam put a lot of time and effort into this presentation…"
"When she should have been putting time and effort into working here," Cyril interrupted.
Lana gave him a look. "What work should she have been doing? Explain that to me Cyril?"
Cyril gave up. "Point taken."
"The least we can do is listen to her presentation," Lana said.
"The very least," Ray added. "And it's free coffee and donuts." He helped himself to some coffee.
"Pam does know her coffee," Lana helped herself to some. "And her pastries."
"I think this is Douwe Egberts!" Cheryl purred as she took a whiff of her cup. "I love that coffee!"
"Me too," Krieger nodded. "God, I wish they'd make K-Cups of that."
"Technically you can," Ray said as he took a drink. "With those refillable ones…"
"Yeah I guess but…" Krieger began.
"Is this meeting about coffee?" Cyril shouted.
"Coffee does make people more productive," Cheryl said.
"So do pink slips and tasers!" Cyril snapped.
Lana gave him a look. "Taking a cue from the Mallory Archer School of Management?"
"I have to admit," Cyril grumbled. "She does have some good ideas."
"Speaking of ideas good or otherwise," Ray spoke up. "Take it away Pam."
"Preferably to another state," Cyril grumbled under his breath as Pam made her way to the front of the room.
"I think the Figgis Agency should have a four-day work week," Pam said.
"Pam," Cyril said. "You don't do any work when you're here the full week!"
"Four-day work weeks have many benefits," Pam began. "The big one is that you work for four days instead of five."
"And you get a three-day weekend," Ray added.
"Exactly," Pam nodded. "It also makes people healthier. Less stress in their life as well as a good work/life balance."
"I could use more of a work/life balance," Lana admitted.
"Lana you bring your kid into the office at least once a week!" Cyril snapped. "And you barely work at all! How much more of a balance do you need?"
Cheryl added. "You've already spent more time with your daughter than Ms. Archer ever did with her son growing up."
Krieger nodded. "Ms. Archer spent more time with me growing up than she did with Archer."
"Surpassing Mallory Archer in the parenting department isn't exactly that high a bar," Lana told them.
"I'd be happy if we surpassed her in working hours today!" Cyril snapped.
"Dream on," Ray snorted.
"That was actually a good show," Krieger remarked.
"What?" Cyril asked.
"Dream On," Krieger said. "One of HBO's early successes."
Ray added. "And it was made by the same team who created Friends!"
"Really?" Cheryl asked.
"David Crane and Marta Kauffman," Ray nodded.
"It was also one of the first shows to have uncensored profanity and nudity," Pam grinned. "A real trailblazer."
"No surprises why you people love it," Cyril sighed.
"Can we get a DVD of that show?" Ray asked. "Or a way to watch it online or…?"
"Can we get back to this?" Cyril interrupted. "I know you guys have short attention spans but seriously. And I have the show on DVD so that conversation is moot anyway!"
"Continue Pam," Lana sighed.
Pam went on. "Four-day work weeks also help people focus better."
"Again," Cyril groaned. "You people barely focus at all! Unless it's about coffee. Or TV shows. Or vampires."
"We are not having that stupid vampire argument again!" Lana snapped.
"Fine," Cyril said. "We'll continue with this stupid argument now! Keep going Pam."
Pam went on. "People will be more productive because they will feel more empowered."
"Empowered to do what?" Cyril asked. "Screw around all day? You already do that!"
"Extra time for sleep is good for employees," Pam went on.
"You take naps at your desk all the time!" Cyril said. He pointed to Cheryl. "And this one passes out on the copy machine after a glue binge!"
"I do feel more restful after that," Cheryl grinned.
"Technically we are more productive when she passes out," Ray said to Cyril.
"Other countries have found great success with employees working fewer hours," Pam went on. "Germany, Sweden, Norway, Singapore, Korea do very well with shortened hours."
"Other countries don't have employees as crazy as Americans do," Cyril told him.
"It actually does work here too!" Pam told him. "A lot of companies in the US do very well with a four-day workweek!"
"How about a paycheck for only four days?" Cyril snapped.
"Oh," Pam thought. "I didn't think of that. Never mind."
"No, I think you're onto something here," Cyril folded his arms. "Fewer hours means less money I have to pay you!"
"It doesn't work like that Cyril," Lana said.
"Since when?" Cyril snapped. "Last I checked that's basically the whole system of how a work week works!"
"You are sounding more and more like Ms. Archer every day," Pam said. "You know that right?"
"In this case I will take it as a compliment!" Cyril stood up. "Now if this meeting is over…I have to go find my Dream On DVD set." He left the room.
"I'll help you," Krieger followed him.
"I'll go see if there are any job opportunities for me in Sweden," Pam sighed. "Oh! Hot Swedish guys! Plus! Sploosh!" She left the room with Cheryl behind her.
"Well it's not like I expected anything good to come out of this meeting," Lana sighed. She took a bite of a donut. "Except for the donuts and coffee. I wonder if this coffee is Douwe Egberts?"
"We never get much done around here," Ray remarked. "But we sure do have some interesting conversations."