A/N: So here's a new story. Um.. I hope you guys like it. It's going to be dark (hopefully) and it has a lot of swears, just a heads up. This is dedicated to MyHeroRaven, because she was my inspiration. Her stories are great you should check them out. Especially her Cargan called Never Forget (it's my favorite! so far...) Please review. I'm not sure how long it will be, so far i have almost 3 chapters written. Each chapter is going to be short, sorry but that's the way it is. lol. I hope you enjoy it. Kenlos is probably my least favorite pairing so I'm glad to be trying my hand at them. This is in Carlos' POV.
The bubbly Carlos you always knew? He doesn't exist. He's just a person I thought up. That's not me, he not me. You see I couldn't be the conceded one, that was James; I couldn't be the smart one, Logan had already filled that role; and Kendall was the leader. So I decided to make up this overly outgoing, stunt-loving, moron, and that's who I pretend to be everyday. When the sun goes down, that's when I come out. The real Carlos. The dark, evil, faggot Carlos that I really am. Yeah I said it. Faggot. Why beat around the bush. That's what I am. I like men. I fantasize about their junk and all that good stuff. Well maybe not their junk. Just one guys junk. Its not only about his junk either, its just him in general. Did I mention he happens to be my best friend? Fake Carlos doesn't know about my love for our best friend. Fake Carlos is as straight as a fucking ruler, and if that wasn't enough I made him a homophobe too. Haha. No one would ever guess I was actually running Fake Carlos. No one would ever even think that homophobic, happy-go-lucky, outgoing "Carlos" was actually a gay, sad, sadistic fucker. That only makes me laugh some more. I've got them all fooled. Poor bastards. Logan, James, Mrs. Knight, Katie and most of all Kendall, all the people in Minnesota that have known "me" for like ten years don't know me at all. Even they only know Fake Carlos. I must say I'm not a half bad actor. Of course I have help. Every morning, right before Fake Carlos wakes up, I take a couple pills just to make "me" the extra happy person that "I" am. Poor Fake Carlos, he doesn't know I have to help him be the person he is. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm bipolar. Well...sort of. You see when I was about nine years old my parents noticed I had a split personality: Carlos and Fake Carlos. They took me to some quack that diagnosed me saying I was bipolar and should take medicine. Medicine! Like I was fucking coo coo for cocoa puffs or something! I'm not I can assure you. I don't have to let Fake Carlos come out, I choose to let him because that's the person everyone knows. They would probably shit themselves if they met the real me. So I let Fake Carlos control this damn body during the day, but only until everyone goes to sleep. Great, now you've seen me show a little sympathy. I know what you're probably thinking: "Well maybe real Carlos isn't as bad as he thinks he is." Well trust me, I am. You just don't know the half of it. There's a reason Fake Carlos always wears hoodies. I don't care, I don't need to hide it, I am the one doing it. Fake Carlos is ashamed of the various cuts and scares that litter his once smooth wrists. He would never do something like that. He still acts surprised when he wakes up and his wrist is covered with a bloody band aid. I'm breathing heavy now. I really don't like thinking about this, let alone talking about it. You know today Kendall patted my hand. He patted my hand and looked me straight in the eyes. And he didn't fucking see me. He couldn't look past Fake Carlos. I thought for sure if i looked at him long enough he would see me, but he didn't. That hurt. It hurt a lot. Now I'm crying, I'm fucking crying like a little bitch. I swear I can still smell Kendalls sent on my hand. Fuck. I can't do this anymore. I throw down the blade I've been holding threw this whole...conversation? Is this really a conversation when one: your not saying anything back and two: I'm only talking to myself? Whatever I need to do this before I lose the balls. I unlock the bathroom door and swing it open. I run to Kendall and my shared room. I open the door, only to see Kendall fast asleep on his bed. He looks so peaceful. Sorry Kendall. I shake his shoulder. "Kendall. Kendall, please wake up." "Carlos?" he asks mumbling sleepily. "Yeah it's me...sort of. Will you please get up?" I'm starting to get impatient. Kendall yawns before sitting up in bed. "Whatchya need?"
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