A/N: Hi, this is my first fanfiction and it's completely crack. I think it'll about three chapters, I was going to make it a one-shot but it took me a long time to write the first chapter so I decided to publish it in three parts.
I'm not used to third person or past tense so bear with me here ^-^ Just in case you're wondering, this is more of a Neji/Ino-hate-each-other fic so you're in the wrong place if you're looking for NejiIno-romance.
Enjoy, this is basically the introduction, I apologise for all the spelling errors I might have made, I really couldn't be bothered editing.
Oh and just in case you're wondering, in terms of the time line it's set in part II shippuden right after Sai calls Ino gorgeous...I forgot when that was and I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense but again, please bear with me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto but if I did Hidan would be in the war sacrificing heathens to Jashin-sama right now. -_-
Ino was bored. Usually when we watched over her family's flower shop, customers would come flooding in, but not today. The shop was completely deserted and she was sure that at any moment a tumble-weed would roll past. This was a bit of a kick to teenaged blonde's pride because she liked to think that customers would come into the shop just because it was her shift. Surely anybody would be pleased to be around someone as gorgeous and charismatic as her. Apparently not today.
She pressed her forehead to the counter and groaned. At that point, Ino just wanted something to do. Her mother would slaughter her if she dared left the shop unattended but there were no customers. Even the old lady that usually strolled in around midday to buy more fertiliser for her garden and lecture Ino about wearing more modest clothes was absent.
As if on cue the bell above the door chimed and Ino instantly lifted her head from the counter and placed a smile on her face. "Good afternoon," She chirped excitedly before her smile dipped into a frown. Neji Hyuga stepped into the shop, his new white robe attire dragging on the floor. His lips were firmly pursed together as he ignored her welcome completely and began examining a bouquet of roses. Ino rolled her eyes. Arrogant asshole.
She'd gotten over her grudge against the Hyuga years ago for rejecting her in the forest of death but she slowly felt that hate for him crawling back up into her stomach as she watched him flounce around her shop like he was too awesome to even acknowledge her presence.
His pearl-white eyes seemed to be fixated on two bouquets of roses, one white and the other red.
Ino sighed, as the daughter's owner of the shop she was obliged to go over there and kiss his ass until he bought the damn flowers. He was the first customer of the day after all and her parents wouldn't be too happy if there were no sales throughout her entire shift.
She stood up from her stool and strolled over next to Hyuga who seemed to be frowning at the price tag of the red roses. "So you're finally going to confess to that bun-haired girl?" Ino asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
He turned around and gave her a blank look.
"They're not for Tenten." He said before turning back to frown at the price-tag.
Ino couldn't help but prod further. "Who's the lucky girl then? If you tell me then I might be able to help you pick out something that she'd like," Ino offered in her professional saleswoman voice.
Truthfully, she didn't really care about helping the asshole, she was just curious to who the ever-so-great Neji Hyuga would buy flowers for.
"That's none of your business," He snapped and Ino pouted.
"Is it for Sakura? If it is you should just get her those leaves over there, tell her it's good luck if you rub it all over your skin," She advised with a smirk on her face.
Neji glanced over to where she was pointing and his frown deepened.
"That's poison ivy and it's not for the whiney pink-haired girl. If you must know, it's for my cousin. She's in the hospital after running into a few S-ranked criminals during a mission." He said in his usual clipped tone.
"Oh," Ino folded her arms in disappointment before giving Neji a questioning look.
"Then why are you buying her roses? Roses are the symbol for love. Incest is illegal you know,"
Neji looked like he wanted to shove a flower-pot over her head then Jyuuken her through the wall.
"I do not have romantic feelings for Hinata-sama! She likes roses so I thought I might bring her some to cheer her up." He growled and Ino held her hands in front of her face defensively.
"Well, sorry then, I didn't know I was hitting a nerve there," She said in a sarcastic tone which caused Neji's left eye to twitch, "But if you're going to give someone who's in the hospital flowers then I'd suggest the Calla Lily. They're elegant and they'll make the hospital room smell fresh. Also, they last a long time so you'll be able to use them at her funeral too," Ino joked as Neji narrowed his eyes at her, as if unsure whether to thank her for the advice or strangle her with the strings of her work apron.
"Hinata-sama isn't dying, she's just recovering from a stab wound in her shoulder, nothing fatal." He told her and Ino nodded. "It's a shame you weren't on the mission with her. I'm sure the oh-so-talented Neji Hyuga would've been able to protect her," Ino said enthusiastically, not really being as sarcastic as she was taking the piss out of him. She knew she should've been greasing up to him and trying to sell him flowers but winding him up was just too much fun.
"I was on the mission with her," Neji grumbled before Ino gasped.
"So you were unable to protect your precious Hinata-sama? And to think you just made jonin," She tutted and Neji clenched his fists.
"Think what you like, I am still one hundred times stronger than you, I could kill you in an instant if I wanted to." He declared, folding his arms across his chest stubbornly.
"I'd like to see you try," Ino huffed, "I'm not the same weak twelve year old I was four years ago."
"Really? Because I still see you as the twelve year old who couldn't rely on her own ninja skills to defeat me and had to resort in trying to seduce me in order to save herself," Neji stated plainly, "And failed to seduce me, I might add."
"The circumstances have changed. I'm a chunin." Ino said, narrowing her azure eyes at him, placing her hands on her hips. "No, the circumstances are still the same. I'm jonin, you're chunin, thus I still outrank you. No changes there." He argued and Ino growled under her breath.
"I feel punching you right now."
"I don't see what that will prove,"
Without thinking Ino raised her balled up fist and clocked him sideways across the face. He stumbled backwards, only regaining his composure just before he could crash into the flower bouquet shelf. "Still think I'm the same girl?" She questioned him as he sent her a glare that almost melted the flesh off her face.
She knew that later on she'd regret punching one of the customers in the face but hell, he deserved it. She'd worked pretty damn hard to improve, training in medical ninjutsu and in mind techniques and she wasn't going to let some stuck-up prick tell her otherwise.
Without another word, the Hyuga drew chakra to his finger-tips and leapt forward with amazing agility and speed, jabbing her straight into her chakra base with two pointed fingers.
The blonde coughed as she felt half of her chakra reserves depleting.
Neji didn't give up there. He swivelled around on one foot and a wave of chakra emitted from the points in his arms and surrounded his body before the wave sliced into Ino. She flew through the air, her back meeting with a counter with a crack as the wooden bench split in half, leaving her bruised body sprawled out in the centre.
"Seems you haven't improved that much," Neji growled as the blonde clambered to her feet and narrowed her eyes at him. "You asshole, you'll pay for that," She formed a triangular hand sign and before Neji's brain could register what she was planning on doing Ino zoomed into Neji's body.
Her own body collapsed lifelessly to the floor and she stared at the hands that belonged to Neji Hyuga. She had done it. She'd hijacked his body.
"Holy shit, I did it," Ino said in a voice a lot deeper than her own.
"I did it!" She repeated, pumping a fist in the air. She jabbed herself in the chest.
"Guess who's taking over, Hyuga." Ino grinned villainously as she shuffled through ideas of what she planned on doing with Neji's body until the jutsu wore off. Opportunities like this didn't come around the corner too often. She was in an authentic Neji Hyuga body, not some cheap clone. Not even a jonin would be able to tell it wasn't actually him.
Not willing to waste any of her precious time she raced over to her original body and scooped it up bridal style before setting it down in the inventory room, propped up comfortably against the wall.
As she walked out of the shop, glancing regretfully at the shattered counter before being reassured when she found Neji's wallet hidden deep inside his pockets and emptying out 5,000 yen to pay for the damages and treat herself a pedicure later on.
Ino stepped out of the shop and rubbed the Hyuga's hands together, tossing her chocolate brown pony-tail out of her eyes.
"Now, what to do first?"
Ino decided that her first stop would be the training field. It was a beautiful, sunny day and many ninja liked to use these types of days training their asses off. Mainly Team Gai. Ino thought that making a fool of Neji in front of them would be the most fun since they were his team mates and Neji would never be able to avoid them if any embarrassing incidences occurred. In which Ino would make sure they did occur.
However, on her way to the training field, whilst passing by the Ichiraku ramen shop a certain pale-faced raven-haired boy caught her eye.
"Hello Sai," She called in her new strange Hyuga voice. Her plan was to do her best acting as Neji at the beginning then slowly embarrass him. After all as much as she wanted to strip off the robes and prance down the streets of Konoha, harassing old ladies and armed ninja, nobody would believe it was Neji Hyuga.
She sauntered over to him and took a seat at the stool beside him. Sai gave her a slightly confused look before smiling at her. "Good afternoon, Hyuga-san." He said, beaming at her. She had to admit she had harboured a slight crush on him ever since he nicknamed her gorgeous. Obviously, they were meant to be, he was just like a friendly version of Sasuke.
Ino couldn't help but let out a girlish giggle at his smile. Unfortunately the girlish, charming giggle came out of Neji's mouth like a maniac cackle; complete with a very loud and un-charming snort.
The Neji impersonator coughed. "So...Sai, what do you think of that Ino girl?" She asked, fluttering the Hyuga's non-existent eyelashes. Okay, maybe she wasn't doing such a good job being Neji but it didn't really matter around Sai. Even if he did catch on, he wouldn't tell anyone else.
"Who?" Sai asked, slurping at his glass of orange juice.
Ino clenched her fists.
"You know, the pretty one with the sky-blue eyes and the long blonde hair..." She trailed off before looking expectantly at Sai. Sai stared at her before he blinked his ink-black eyes in realization "Oh, the one that Sakura-chan doesn't like. Why are my opinions towards her your concern?" He asked, tilting his head sideways at Ino suspiciously.
Ino racked her brain for an excuse before folding her slightly more muscley arms across her much flatter chest. "It's a jonin thing," She explained in a clipped tone, "I have to ask you various questions about other ninja of the village, it's a test."
She was beginning to get the hang of the whole Neji-thing.
Sai smiled and set down his glass of orange juice. "Hmmm...In that case I think she's just like Sakura-chan..Ugly."
Ino raised a fist and slammed it right down on Sai's skull.
"You failed the test."
With that, she rushed invisible specks of dust off her robe and rocked off the stool, snatching Sai's glass of orange juice off the bench before continuing down the street towards the training field. Pfft, he was probably gay anyway.
Sai was left there to wonder why the Hyuga had punched him like a girl.
"What is this...?"Neji groaned as he rolled over, rubbing his aching head. His mind was whirling around and he felt like he was slowly slipping in and out of conciousness.
When the room finally stopped spinning he opened his eyes, only to find that he could only see out of his left eye. The first thought that came to mind that someone had gouged out his eye during a battle and taken it in order to learn the byakugan's secrets.
Then he realized that his eye was still there, his hair had just fallen over his face again, obscuring his vision. Long hair did have its downsides after all.
He sat up and stretched his arms. His back felt bruised and something sharp was stuck in between his shoulder blades. Glancing around the room he wondered where he was, there were shelves clinging to the walls stacked with hundreds of different species of flowers and plants.
Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion he climbed to his feet only to find it slightly difficult because he was wearing some kind of strange purple skirt. Purple skirt...why did that seem familiar...Oh no.
Neji warily looked to down to see that two bulges were now protruding out of his chest through the purple fabric of a shirt that certainly did not belong to him. He had breasts.
Oh God he had breasts hanging from his chest! He sprung to his feet and raced over to the window to look at his reflection.
Not only was he a girl, but he was the most obnoxious, mouthy girl's he'd ever met in his life.
Blonde hair, bare stomach and skirt hitched up to prostitute proportions. He was his own worst nightmare. Yamanaka Ino.
He pressed a hand to the forehead and growled.
"That stupid girl."
A/N: Next chapter should be posted soon-ish. Reviews and feedback are always nice, tell me if you liked it or thought it was a complete waste of time to read, I really don't mind. :D