Chapter 1: Liar liar
The end of the world. It sounded so dramatic. Melodramatic. Fantastic. Not fantastic in a great way, but fantastic in an unbelievable way. Yet, here it was. At around 4:37 a.m. tomorrow the world was going to stop being.
She neither knew how the exact time had been discovered nor how it would happen. To be fair, even the world's leading scientists didn't seem to know exactly how it would happen. Or maybe they knew, but were being purposely vague. Alicia had watched enough disaster movies with Zach to know that the government were never entirely honest in such situations. Who knew how long they had known and kept quiet about it? It was just so incredible that it was now actually happening. The end of the world.
After gloriously sleeping in on Saturday, she had woken and retrieved the newspaper from her doorstep. Leisurely, she had taken her time making toast and orange juice. When she finally sat down, it must have been almost 11:30 and she felt a bit foolish for getting up so late. Yet, she vowed to enjoy the small semi-vacation she would have that weekend. She had read the newspaper and had thought it was a joke. Very late April Fool's Day or something. Huge screaming letters proclaiming the end of humanity and civilisation. Cynically, she had thought that wasn't exactly news. Humanity and civilisation had died a long time ago, along with chivalry and honour. It was hard to think good things about people when she felt so betrayed.
But then she'd switched on the television and heard the same story. On every channel. Tomorrow 04:37: the end of the world. It was kind of funny, because shouldn't the world end on an important day? Or at least at midnight or something? It was just an ordinary weekend in the middle of summer. Then she heard that all planes were grounded, because the navigation devices were malfunctioning. She reached for the phone at the exact same moment that the anchor explained that landlines were out of order and cell phones only sporadically worked. Quickly, she turned on her laptop, but it simply refused to send an email. Since then her cell had been on automatic redial the entire time.
She couldn't be with whom she wanted to be with and couldn't do what she wanted to do, so she spent the rest of the day looking for Will. When she thought about that it sounded very harsh, but she knew it was true. She loved Will, but he was only her default person in this extreme situation. She had visited his apartment, but he was not there. She had gone to the firm, but he was not there. Maybe he was somewhere out there looking for her.
The entire time, Alicia was pressing the redial button, over and over again. Occasionally, she thought it might be easier to let go. To stop pushing, to admit they were never going to speak and never going to see each other again, but then she thought of their smiles and held on. Her lips trembled, though, and it took her everything she had not to let her face crumble.
On her way through the city she had seen a lot of people, but ironically none of them people she had especially wanted to see on this day. Back from Will's apartment, she had noticed Eli and his daughter having lunch outside of a small bistro. They were chatting as if it was just an ordinary day, except Eli was dressed in slacks and a shirt. Alicia couldn't remember whether she had ever seen Eli in casual attire. Probably not. Without his suit he looked subtly different. Kinder, Alicia thought. It was a shock to discover that she had come to like and respect him so much that she felt sad about what would happen to him and his daughter tomorrow. When he spotted her, he smiled and waved and she briefly smiled and returned the wave, before moving on.
At the firm there was Diane. She was sitting in her office, sipping scotch. Like the captain of the Titanic, Diane would go down with her ship. She beckoned Alicia from her office. It was such a normal gesture. Alicia was in constant awe of how much things seemed to be business as usual. Outside there had been a few homeless looking preachers proclaiming the end of the world. She had quickened her pace whenever she encountered a broken storefront window and had seen some people carrying goods out of these shops.
Yet, there was no mass panic: on the whole people were behaving like they had always been behaving. Small groups of teenagers were talking and laughing on the sidewalks, yuppies in expensive suits strode by, looking in a hurry, and mothers were pushing prams through the park. The imagery was so commonplace, so every day, that Alicia sometimes thought that she might have entirely misunderstood the news reports.
She sat down opposite from Diane and straightened her skirt. Out of habit, Alicia had dressed in a grey pencil skirt and grey jacket with a white blouse underneath. Work clothes, even though it was a Saturday. Thus, not out of habit, but she had been so upset after it had gotten through to her that the world was really ending that she had not noticed which clothes she grabbed out of the closet. Her thumb was getting sore, so she changed hands and put her cell in her left hand.
'Isn't there someone...?' she asked Diane, but she faltered halfway through. Someone you love, someone you want to spend these last of days with, Alicia meant, but the words refused to be spoken. Her boss smiled wryly. Wistfully, Diane glanced out of the window. After a few seconds, her gaze returned to Alicia again and she shook her head.
'There is, but he is in Costa Rica,' Diana answered and she took an exceptionally large sip. She offered Alicia a glass, but she politely declined. It would be heavenly to drink and take the edge off, but she wanted to be sober when she spoke to them. If she ever got through, she thought, as she peeked at her phone. Nothing.
'Why aren't you with your family?' Diane said and it sounded almost like an accusation. Alicia knew it wasn't meant that way; it was merely a question. An entirely reasonable question under the circumstances. Why wasn't she, indeed? Because she was a bad mother, that was why. Her left thumb pressed the redial button even harder. She turned a face devoid of expression Diane's way and blinked rapidly.
'Do you know where Will is?' Alicia asked, as if Diane hadn't asked her anything. A tad confused, but somehow not surprised, Diane looked at her.
'No,' Diane sat and Alicia got up. After all, there was nothing left to say. 'Have a nice day,' would be extremely stupid under the circumstances and Alicia couldn't think of anything other than that to say. So, she smiled vaguely at her boss who she felt sure she was now seeing for the last time and said she had to go. Diane nodded, and it seemed as if she understood, and she toasted Alicia as she walked out.
The elevators in the building weren't working and Alicia took off her pumps when she headed to the staircase. Rather ridiculous footwear for traipsing all over town, but it was a bit too late to regret that now. There were a lot of more important things to regret, Alicia thought, and instinctively she checked her phone again. Still nothing.
Oh no, she mouthed, when she noticed Kalinda coming up the stairs. Her first impulse was to duck into an empty office, but she resisted and stood her ground. The building was no longer filled with its usually chatter and noise, because naturally the majority of the employees had not gone to work. The clicking of Kalinda's boots was loud in the silence and Alicia steeled herself for the ensuing conversation. A white hot fury boiled inside of her and it was a nice distraction from the overwhelming sadness she had felt ever since opening the newspaper this morning.
Without further ado, Kalinda approached her. The P.I. licked her lips and her eyes darted over Alicia's face. She seemed to be looking for a clue or a sign of something, but didn't find anything. If Alicia hadn't known any better, she would have thought Kalinda was nervous.
'Alicia... I'm sorry,' she whispered. Alicia waited for her heart to resume its angry beating, but the anger had left her as quickly as it had appeared. Alicia sighed and Kalinda gently touched her arm before drawing back. It shouldn't be this easy and, truth be told, it wasn't. One apology didn't erase how much Kalinda had hurt her and betrayed her. On the other hand, it had happened before they were even friends, so could it be called betrayal? She felt so tired suddenly.
'I forgive you,' Alicia said and she didn't know whether she meant what she said. Relief flooded Kalinda's face. Isn't that worth it? It was like making amends. It was the least that she could do for Kalinda, who had once been her friend, on this day. In the end it mattered so little. Kalinda hugged her and it was so awkward and brief that Alicia almost burst out laughing. She wondered whether Kalinda had someone she wanted to be with right now, but it made her think too much of her own situation, so she tuned out the thought.
'Goodbye,' Kalinda said as she smiled gratefully.
The only other place Alicia could think of where Will might be was the bar they sometimes frequented. It was where they had decided to sleep with each other and Alicia considered that Will might just be enough of a romantic to go there. To her disappointment, Will wasn't there. She checked her watch and discovered it was a little after five o'clock. I should eat, she told herself, but immediately afterwards she thought, what's the use? Less than 12 hours to go before the end. Perhaps a drink wasn't such a bad idea, after all.
Alicia ordered tequila and slammed one shot back. The bartender left the bottle with her, despite the fact that she hadn't asked him to. She wanted to call after him, but then she realised: she didn't have any money with her and he probably wouldn't care either. For a while she debated about pouring a second shot or not. There was still time. There was still a chance. The call could get through and she could still find Will.
Suddenly, someone tapped her shoulder and she turned around. It was Cary. In his hand he held a bottle of vodka, courtesy of the bartender she guessed, but it was almost full. Maybe one drink worth's of vodka was missing. Unbidden, he sat down next to her.
'Are you alright?' he asked and tiny wrinkles of worry formed around his eyes. At his age they disappeared if his expression changed, but at her age soft imprints remained, whether she was smiling or frowning.
'I don't know,' she confessed. The tip of her thumb felt raw as it continued to rake over that button, but it felt good. A punishment she deserved. Cary glanced at her busy thumb and said nothing. Alicia sharply inhaled and pressed her lips together.
'I don't know what to think, I don't know how to feel. I just don't know,' she said. Cary must have someone, she thought, or several someones. That would be like him.
'Alicia, I'm sorry,' he mumbled and he sounded so sincere. As if he was the one who had brought it about. Because she took it to mean everything. He was sorry about Peter and Kalinda and his friend Mr. Wiley who had told her about it and on top of that Armageddon. Clearly, that was all his fault. She almost laughed, but managed to check herself in time.
'What do you have to be sorry about?' she asked, but he didn't answer. As she looked at him she saw that he was miles away. They sat like that for half an hour, not speaking, until Alicia finally pieced herself together and resolved to go home. More of a house than a home now, but she could wait there. Perhaps Will would find her if he was looking for her. It was better to stay in one place. She slipped of the barstool and said goodbye to Cary.
The bartender offered her the tequila bottle to go, but she shook her head. A lame joke about last call, literally the last call, flew right by her. It wasn't until she reached the door that she realised Cary had followed her.
'I'm walking you home. It's not safe,' he explained. That was true. Even with the lack of mass panic; people behave strangely under extreme circumstances. However, did it really matter if she died a couple of hours before everyone else died? Yes, it did, she was going to hold on until she had talked to them. Her thumb continued its frantic plea.
In her apartment building, in the one elevator that was still working of all places, Alicia finally got through. Afraid to believe, to hope, she lifted the phone to her ear.
'Mom?'
'My God, Zach, I'm so glad to hear your voice. Is Grace there with you?' she asked, almost breathless with joy. Cary, who had insisted on bringing her to her door, shrank back and seemed to disappear. This was both her imagination and reality. For her he no longer existed and he actually did distance himself, not wanting to interrupt the intimate and private call.
'Yes, and dad,' Zach said and he put her on speakerphone. In the background she could hear people screaming and the static was strong, but it would do. It would do perfectly.
'Are you alright?' she asked. There was a sob stuck in her throat, but this was not the time to let it out. She needed to be strong.
'Yes, we are,' he said and his voice was so calm. How could he sound so calm, while she was falling apart?
'God, I love you. I love you, Zach and Grace. I don't...' she whispered, but she couldn't finish. That damn sob was in the way.
'We know, mom. We love you too,' Zach said and Grace yelled, 'Mom, I love you.' Her daughter was crying and it was breaking her heart. Fighting to keep the tears at bay, Alicia blinked rapidly.
'I love you, Alicia,' Peter said and there was the slightest of pauses before she told him she loved him too. There was a loud scrambling noise and then only static.
'Zach? Grace? Peter?' she tried, but she knew it was futile. The connection was lost. There was so much more that she had wanted to say. That she was proud of them, that she missed them, that she wanted to be with them, that they shouldn't be afraid. Luckily, she had managed to say the most important thing of all. The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. Cary followed her out. His voice was soft, so soft in order not to intrude on her grief.
'That's who you've been trying to reach all this time? Your children?'
'They went away on Monday with Peter to Europe. On holiday. They're in Paris now. It's too far away, there's not enough time to get there,' Alicia said and she realised she was crying. If she had looked at him and seen pity it never would have happened, but there was no pity. The expression on his face was compassionate and tender. His arms enveloped her in a strong embrace and she leaned against him as she cried. There seemed no end to the tears she could shed. Yet, somehow she did stop and when she stopped her mouth was on his and that was exactly what she needed.