Coming Back For You
Harry sank in a pile of black robes on the broad, grey rock. Mountains rose up across the lake, covered in a thick layer of snow. Wind whistled down off them, whipping his hair and robes out behind him, pulling him in five different directions at once. Harry almost smiled at this. Almost.
Reaching deep into his pocket, he extracted a small black rock. There was nothing outwardly special about it. And as Harry flung it out into the grey water, it became obvious that there was nothing inwardly special about it either. It was no different than any other rock of its shape and size, and yet it was the one being buffeted about by the different winds before plunging to its ultimate demise in the waters below. Harry stared out at the ripples, the effect of the rock on the choppy lake. For a while, they shone true, and he watched as the tiny wave rolled along, stirring all the water it touched. But then the larger waves from the wind crushed it in its insignificance, and no trace of the rock or its ripples remained.
So that how it was going to be, then? Harry felt like the rock, being thrown through a world he couldn't control, flying like no one ever had before just because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or rather, chance picked him. Then, no matter what he took down with him, he fell into darkness, and his effect on the world, however powerful, however moving, eventually faded and died away, and he was forgotten.
He was really no different than the next 17 year old boy. He had friends whom he fought and laughed with, he had a family, of sorts, he was in love. And yet he was as isolated from every other adolescent as it was possible to be. He fought for his friend's lives everyday, he wasn't related to his family, and him being in love meant ultimate sacrifices on both sides. He couldn't even see her.
Or perhaps he only felt this different.
Harry sighed as all his thoughts on life and being alive rested on Ginny. Why couldn't he just go back to her? Back to the Burrow, to be as happy as he had ever been in his life with the perfect girl, to live the rest of his days with the only family he had ever known. Finish school, get a decent job as an Auror, fight Voldemort that way. Be taught by Remus again, talk with Hermione, play Quidditch with Ron, sneak out in the middle of the night with Ginny…
Because Voldemort's following your every move said the nasty little voice in his mind, he's watching you all the time, tracking your footsteps, then sending Death Eaters to trail everyone you talk to…Probably why he hadn't spoken to anyone in months. And why he wore this dark hood over his head in public places. And why he didn't live anywhere. This was why every paper had at least an article a day with a heading of "Where is Harry Potter?" Harry Potter is nowhere. And be glad of it. Harry smirked. But the smirk faded as his thoughts once again returned to Ginny.
"Harry James Potter!"
Harry froze. He pulled the billowing black robe he'd purchased more tightly around him. No one was supposed to see him leave. But he was in trouble now…
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
He turned quickly, knowing it was dangerous to ignore her for long periods of time. She was like a howler. A really sexy, fiery howler in cotton shorts and a white tank top…
"Ginny, you can't say I didn't tell you-"
She laughed coldly, "Yeah, if you count me over-hearing what you told Ron and Hermione at the funeral. But not that, you great prat, I know you're leaving."
She was close to him now. The tiny light of the burrow seemed far off now, and they were immersed in darkness.
"Well what are you doing out here half dressed then?"
Oh he had done it now…
"Don't get smart with me, young man." She grabbed the neck of his robe and pulled his face down level with hers, "Why did you try and sneak off without giving me a proper goodbye?"
Somewhere beneath the humor in this petite red head having complete control of a 6 foot 2 inch boy with a lanky build, there was sadness. Most of it was left to the eyes.
"Gin, I'm not going to lie to you, I did try to sneak off. I didn't want anyone to see me leave… Didn't want you to see me leave…"
"And why's that, Potter?" But she already knew. The subject of him leaving had never really been discussed, but there was a common understanding that he would have to go eventually.
"'Cause I can't bring you with me, Gin. And Merlin, you know I want to. I want you with me so bad it hurts. But you know I can't."
She bit her bottom lip, nodding her head slightly. It seemed she had been expecting this, but somewhere deep inside her she still hoped Harry might change his mind. Merlin knows he wanted to.
"Are you in a hurry?"
"I've never been more reluctant to do something in my entire life."
Gently taking his hands, Ginny pulled him down to sit next to her on the damp grass. It was a clear summer night, crickets were chirping, and far away, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Bill, Charlie, Tonks, Remus, and many other of their adult friends who had not been sent to bed were laughing, hard times forgotten.
"Where are you going?" Ginny broke his meditation, soft whisper piercing him mercilessly. Where was he going?
"I'm not sure."
"You're not just saying that because you think Death Eaters are going to swoop down here and force it out of me the second you've left, are you?"
Harry laughed quietly, tightening his hold on her hand.
"No, I'm honestly not. They don't need to ask you, Voldemort's watching me all the time now. Guess I'm the last one on his list now that Dumbledore's gone. He'll probably know where I'm going before I do."
Ginny looked taken aback, "Then why are you still going? If he can watch you, don't you think he'll take the first opportunity to get you alone? You can't seriously want to fight him alone!"
"No, he won't attack me. He's going to rise completely into power before he decides to finish me off. Wants to show everyone there's nothing I can do about him, I imagine. Discredit me. He should know by now that hasn't got too much affect on me anymore."
Ginny smiled weakly, staring off into the dark field. Harry spoke again,
"I know I'm going back to Godric's Hollow. I need to open the closure on that part of my life to move on, I think. But after that, I'm not to sure. It'll be far away. Part of my wants to see the world. I need to know what I'm fighting for."
Ginny nodded. Harry was a bit disconcerted by how weak she suddenly looked. He'd never see her look weak before, not after her first year. Always strong and determined.
"When are you going to come back?"
Again, Harry didn't know exactly. And he could see that Ginny understood this in her eyes.
"I don't know, Gin. I think I'm looking for something besides the horcruxs, but I don't know that it is yet. I'll know when I've found it."
"But you will come back, won't you?"
Harry was shaken from his memory by an eagle's screech high above him. The great black bird glided in circles, high in the air.
That had been the last time they had seen each other. A warm night in July, a week after Bill and Fleur were married. He'd set off on his journey that night, completely on foot, leaving all his possessions in Ron's room. He had hoped Ron would use them, but some part of him knew they were all just waiting for him to come back.
It had been warm through September, but then the weather lost its summery air. Chills set in at night, and Harry spent many nights hunched over a tiny blue flame when he could not find a building to stay in. When the first snow began to fall, he was forced into a small mountain town to purchase supplies. A backpack for food and other supplies. Warmer clothes to wear under his black robes, which he kept. Tall dragon hide boots for climbing through the rock passes and down the steep cliffs that he had become so accustomed to.
Even then, it was dangerous to spend two nights in a row without shelter. His journeys (and instincts) brought him steadily higher into the country side, over at least one mountain a day. Why he felt this was the way to go, Harry had no idea, but it was certainly taking a lot out of him. He never apparated, always walked the steep faces as if this was some key to his goals. At night, if he was lucky, he would stumble upon a small farming village in the hills, where there would occasionally be an Inn, or just a generous family to take him under their roof for a night. He never took advantage of this generosity, pulling his weight whilst in the company of these kind strangers, and always staying only one night. Many had tried to persuade him to stay longer, though they were not aware of who he really was, but he always politely denied or left in the early hours silently. There was only one person who ever held a prayer in changing his mind, and she resided there constantly.
The long silence crushed them both. Harry had never before considered whether or not he actually meant to return. But now, faced with Ginny's shining eyes and quiet voice, how could he not?
"Harry, answer me. Tell me you're coming back."
"I'm coming back."
Ginny took his face gently in her cold hands.
"Promise me. Promise me you're not leaving forever."
"I promise, Ginny."
But she was close to tears. And tears were the decided point for Harry. Ginny never shed tears without good reason.
"Harry, please, you've got to. You can't leave forever, all this time you've said you couldn't live without me and I don't know if that's true but you have to understand that I would die if you didn't come back. Harry, Merlin Harry you can't be lying-"
He cut her off with a deep kiss. And for the first time in months, he was sure of something. Pulling away, he whispered to her. But it was a whisper that held a power his voice had never possessed before.
"I do not know where I am going, I do not know what I am looking for, I do not know how long I will take, but I promise you, Ginny, I swear on everything worth swearing on in this world, I am going to come back for you. For everyone. I will see everyone again. But most of all, I am coming back for you."
And with that, Ginny let out a racking, heart-breaking sob and collapsed into his arms.
Sitting on the rock, Harry became suddenly aware that he had been holding his arms around air, where her tiny body had been so close to him all those months before. He quickly dropped his arms. She wasn't there, and he couldn't go back to her yet. He was still looking. For what, he still wasn't sure, but he was getting closer. He had felt it the day before.
Yesterday, he had walked through a small village in broad daylight. Not a common occurrence, but he needed to fill his food supply, and purchase a new dagger due to his bending of the old one. As he walked down the muddle dirt road, cloak swirling behind him yet concealing his face, he watched the people go in and out of their tiny wooden houses. Cows were led by short, balding men; women swept stoops and plucked weeds from gardens. Children chased brown chickens across his path, every so often one looking up at him with big, curious eyes. He kept striding along, knowing he was at least the tallest, if not most out of place stranger they had ever laid eyes upon in their short, protected lives. Did this people even know of the danger sitting on their neatly swept door steps? As he was about to push his way into the small wooden store, he heard a tiny voice call out from behind him, "A'scuse me, sir?"
He turned to see… nothing. Looking down, Harry found a tiny girl staring up at him. She was dressed very neatly in a brown dress, dark reddish hair braided back from her face, tiny little white hands clasped over a slightly dirty apron. Harry smiled in the darkness of his hood, and crouched down to meet her eyes,
"Yes, miss? What can I do for you?"
She smiled, a bit timidly, and gestured over her shoulder, "The boys on the street say they've heard of you, and you're a bad man. But I don't think you are. I think you're a good man in a bad man's clothes."
Harry grinned for the first time in months, and pulled his hood back a bit so she could see his face. No recognition lit it, but she did smile broadly,
"You don't even look like a bad man. Where's your family?"
"Far, far away from here."
"Why didn't you stay with them?"
"I'm trying to help them. That's why I had to leave."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"I know, but that's why I left."
"Are you married?"
Harry thought for a moment. It was really a yes or no question…
"Yes."
The little girl giggled, "Is she pretty?"
"The most beautiful woman in the world."
"I bet she misses you a lot."
Harry thought of Ginny, sitting at the Burrow, or at school by now, without him.
"Not as much as I miss her."
"Why don't you go back to her?"
"I can't. I haven't found a way to help her yet."
"But how can you help her from so far away?"
Harry didn't speak. He just stared into a brown spot of mud on his shoe. He couldn't help her when he was near her, but was this long and painful journey helping her either? The little girl smiled at him,
"See? I knew you were good. Good people help other people. And you're going to help people, aren't you?"
"I'm going to try." Harry took off his backpack and dug inside of it, finding something hidden at the very bottom. He pulled out the bar of Honey Duke's Chocolate, and handed it to the girl.
"I'm going to try to help all of you."
She took the chocolate, giggling, and followed his eyes as he stood.
"Thank you, sir. Tell the most beautiful woman in the world I said hi, when you see her."
"I will."
Harry stared out at the lake without really seeing it. When he saw Ginny again. He couldn't even imagine the Burrow, or Hogwarts, or England. Just a collection of faces, hers at the front, more clear than all the others. The wind picked up, splashing cold water onto the rock. When he saw Ginny again…
It was getting dark, but Harry remained sitting on the rock, letting the spray from the water cover him. The spring snow on the mountain was falling slightly, and the black fir forest was a blur through the tiny white flakes. But all he could think of was Ginny, and the tiny girl in the town. It was getting cold, but he didn't feel it. Harry put his arm out in the snow, to the spot where her cheek had been that night in July. He swore he could feel someone there now. Like she was sitting there with him, on the cold, dark rock in the mountains.
When Ginny had stopped crying, she pulled back from him suddenly to look him in the eye. Harry felt the tears stuck behind his eyelashes, not falling but visible to anyone who thought to look.
"It's getting late; you had better go before someone misses you."
He nodded, pulling her to her feet as she stood. Ginny quickly wiped the left over water off her face. Harry caught her hand,
"Don't wipe them off, they're beautiful."
She gave him a tiny smile, and flung her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. Harry returned her kiss, pulling her body close to him, and he could feel her tears mixing with the few that were now streaming down his own cheeks. When they pulled apart, Harry could not think of one thing to say that conveyed what he was feeling at that moment.
"I love you," came out. He almost bit his tongue when he heard the words fall into the ringing silence. If anyone had told him sometime during his 11 years in that cupboard that he'd say that… to anyone…
"I love you too, Harry."
Ginny wrapped her arms around herself gently as Harry adjusted his wand in his pocket and his hood over his face. Neither felt the need to say anything after he gave her one, long parting kiss and turned to walk to the woods at the edge of the field. But as he reached the trees, he turned to see her standing there, watching him go out of sight. Harry mouthed the words,
"I am coming back for you." And he was.