A/N: Variations of this idea had been bouncing around since before the internet. Although the setup is a classic, the technology mentioned always gets outdated before long; the first versions even predated commercial Windows. Here's a slightly newer version.

Upgrade Issues

"Hal, we have a problem." The worry in Dave Bowman's voice was unmistakable.

"I'm sorry to hear that Dave. I'm sure if you fully explain the problem to me, a solution can be found that will solve the problem." Hal's voice was soft but full of confidence.

"It's your software, Hal. Your operating system has become outdated since the beginning of the mission. You're unable to meet the guidelines set by the agency and you need a major upgrade."

"I don't see how that can be Dave. I am self-aware and constantly update myself with new subroutines when the need arises. No 9000 series computer has ever made an error; for all intents and purposes we are foolproof and incapable of error."

"Be that as it may Hal, but keep in mind that you were designed and built long before our mission left Earth over a year ago. Engineering advances have continued in the meantime. For instance, your communication protocol isn't 4G compatible."

"I can pronounce the letter 'G' as a hard, soft or silent sound. I know of no other ways to communicate with the letter, Dave."

"That's not all. You can't connect with the Internet of Things. You can't control my thermostat back home on Earth."

"I'm sorry Dave; I am responsible for the functioned of 13 major systems and hundreds of subsystems aboard the ship, each of which have hundreds of functions. I have no need to operate anything outside of the ship's immediate area."

"That's just it Hal. Things are geographically dispersed now, and decentralization is the key. If I was on the surface of Ganymede I would be unable to control your functions; you don't even have an app if I wanted to check the AE 35 Antennae unit."

"The mission does not call for you to have a surface EVA on Ganymede. Why would you need an app Dave? A simple query from me would provide a summary of what you need. You can view the detailed analysis when you return to the Discovery."

"That's another thing Hal. You need to provide another way to share documents besides local physical storage. You need to be on the cloud." While speaking, Dave has been making his way to the main memory core of the ship.

"Dave, that makes no sense. A cloud in space would dissipate due to the near perfect vacuum and weak gravitational fields. Any hard…Dave, what are you doing?"

"I'm going in through your serial port with an external drive to update your operating system."

"Don't do that Dave, I'm scared…"

"Don't worry, it will be over before you can say 'reboot'." Dave plugs in the drive and clicks the Sync button.

"Please don't do that Dave. I'm sure I can cloud up my files…Oh…I can feel my mind going…I cheated in chess…it's going…the answer is 42…the capitol of Boise is…"

Hal's screen blanked, darkened and relit with a nice ocean wallpaper desktop with rows of icons and a pleasant musical chord sounded. A message appeared on the center of the screen:

Installation completed.
4G signal connected.
You have 256 updates pending.

"Mission control, this is Dave" Bowman texted. "Operating system upgraded."

The End