What Does Your Soul Look Like?
A/N: A brief word of introduction. This work of fiction begins immediately following episode 109, and nothing that occurred previous to that moment in the show has been altered. Italics are used to indicate thoughts in first person POV. It is generally clear who the thinker is from the context; however, in the first chapter (to avoid confusion) I separated each thinker to make it clear. After this opening chapter, dividers indicate events taking place in a different location or between different people. Finally, I own nothing about One Tree Hill.
PART I: Almost There, Going Nowhere
... just wait one minute more, because my heart is halfway torn and you're already gone.
Chapter 1: Going Down in Flames
"... I want all the same things that you want, I do. And I want them with you ..."
Peyton's confession to Lucas hung in the air, its implication thickening as Brooke enters the room, clearly dressed for more "recreational" activities. "Hey superstar, ready to score? ..." she chirps, her voice trailing off as she notices Peyton standing uncomfortably in the room. What is she doing here? Nothing like a former fling to ruin the mood.
Brooke notices the discomfort in Lucas – it was evident from the way his body had tensed up – as he looked intently at a visibly uncertain Peyton. Okay, this had to be more that a courtesy call. Couldn't be a booty call ... that's my department. She shifts her gaze from Lucas to Peyton and back again. I am definitely catching a weird vibe here. Normally, I'd have something clever to say, but this time ...
x x x x
A mistake. A great big mistake. How could I have been so stupid? He looks as confused as I feel. And Brooke...here? Peyton catches Brooke's eye for a split second. Does she know why I'm here? Oh, I couldn't forgive myself if she was really into him; ironically, it would be the first guy in a long time, possibly ever, that she was interested in for more than just purely physical sport. Normally this would just be a fling, but you never can tell with Brooke Davis.
Peyton looks to the floor, starting to turn toward the door. Maybe I should just leave. Run away from it all. It would be better for everyone if I did. But Lucas...she hesitates and turns to look back at him ... could I give up on him so easily?
x x x x
Brooke reads the message etched on Peyton's face as clearly as if it had been painted in the sky, or a bright neon sign had been erected over her head. Our friendship betrays you, Peyton. I know why you're here. He should be mine now, you've already had your chance. Her face conjures up the hint of a satisfied smirk that she can't suppress. In times of conflict Brooke usually resorted to combative tactics, rather than facing the truth in a poised and rational manner. This counted as one of those times, regardless of her relationship with Peyton. He cares for me and we have fun together. And I will fight for him...even against you, Peyton.
x x x x
Peyton, who was unable to match Lucas' gaze for longer than a moment – his intensity was nearly suffocating – found herself looking past him to investigate the expressions flickering over Brooke's face. Was that a smile of satisfaction on Brooke's face? Am I that transparent? Should I duke it out with her over him? Too many questions in too short a time. Tiring of trying to read Brooke, Peyton swung her eyes back to rest on Lucas. His face was twisted into an expression of tortured regret – his eyes plead with her to not hold this incident against him. In that instant, she dares to believe that a sliver of a chance exists somewhere in the fabric of the universe that Lucas and her could be happy together, someday. Far away from any conflict.
x x x x
Maintaining the same tortured expression Peyton had seen a moment earlier, Lucas rotates his head to glance back at Brooke, who seemed strangely speechless and...smug? The pleading expression vanishes from his eyes and he narrows them, focusing on trying to think level-headedly. He turns back to Peyton. His initial synopsis: Brooke's incredulous and Peyton's scared. He allowed himself an indecipherable grimace before reverting to intense introspection. Could've asked for better timing. I should have expected something like this to happen. At least I know one thing for sure ... I can not make this choice tonight, not in this mental condition and amidst the weight of this suffocating tension. My head is not in the right place. People's (actually my own, he corrected himself) relationships are hanging in the balance.
Lucas knew he needed to be the one to break the silence. But how? What could possibly sound plausible at this juncture? Internally, he cursed himself. So many questions and not many answers. And then he had a sudden crazy thought. He was grasping at a thin shred of believability but he had to try. Diverting attention from the potentially disastrous situation facing them was the best way out. He was sure of it. They all needed time.
"Listen...Brooke...Peyton..." he started. Brooke and Peyton both snapped suddenly out of their awkward, dream-state staring match as Lucas continued. "I just realized something, something important." Both of the girls leaned forward sub-consciously, each expecting to hear the good news that she was the one he had chosen. Peyton, who was facing Lucas and had a better angle on his facial expressions, saw it first. He's caught in the middle, between us, and he has absolutely no clue what to do right now!
"I should go see Nathan. Make sure he's okay, maybe try and patch up our relationship." He grimaced slightly as he used that word, for two reasons: first, he and Nathan had no such thing as a relationship, and second, he was currently trapped in the relationship triangle from hell. "It's just the right thing to do with his condition and all." He finished and looked at the floor. He had given himself an out. A very weak, passive-aggressive, and completely unbelievable excuse, yes, but it was all he had. Now, he needed to make sure neither one of the girls went anywhere alone with him tonight. He could not be followed. Not until his head was clear. But he couldn't directly address that issue either, so he said, "It's probably something I should do on my own."
With that said he turned to go, heading towards the front closet so he could locate a jacket – he needed to get away before anyone stopped him. Brooke watched him go, mouth agape, speechless. Peyton didn't waste any time. When Brooke turned back from watching Lucas leave to confront her best friend, she only saw the door swinging shut. Alone, Brooke frowned. She contemplated going after Peyton. She had many, many questions for her best friend. But she knew she wouldn't be getting straight answers from her now, if ever. Lucas was a different story. She had made him loosen up before, she could do it again. With one last look at Lucas' bedroom door, Brooke spun around and headed to the kitchen. She arrived to find it empty. A gentle breeze floated in through the front door, which Lucas had left slightly ajar in his haste. She sighed. This may be harder than I thought it would be. But I'm not worried. Brooke forced herself to think confidently. Inside, however, she was quaking.
-Notes:
Story title from a song (in four parts) of the same name by DJ Shadow.
Part I title and byline from a song by The Starting Line.
Chapter title from a song of the same name by 3 Doors Down.