All We Are

This is it really. This is what it means to be human. An endless routine or do's and don't's, approved by some higher society. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who we are, what we are not, or what we do, what we don't do, where we go, or where we don't go. It only takes one tiny accident, and all we are is ruined. Crushed. Degraded. Maybe we are all born with that one specific default that will be our downfall. Maybe that is why no one lives forever. Because we have outstayed our welcome here. We can leave are marks, we can leave kicking and screaming, but everything, in the end, is meaningless. Every day I slaved to protect this place. Protect everything I love. Everything I had, relied on me and me alone. There is no rest for the wicked, and the wicked never rests for me.

I can't breathe.

"You can't go..."

"I have too. I'm sorry"

I wish I could...I wish I was...Why can't...What? What can I wish for? What will make this stop, make the reality just a nightmare? Could I wish it was me instead? Or would that not be enough.

"I'm sorry..."

A another word. They were all just words now.

"If I could change things, I wouldn't...I wouldn't change a moment of it..."

You were everything. My everything. If this whole existence had a point, a plan, any structure at all, then loving you was mine. 'Love is a reason.' Love is not a fucking reason. All you can do is love, and love, and love again, and each time you are left with nothing. If there is a reason to keep living, it is not love. Because life will take even that from you, in the end., and then you know you have outstayed your welcome. The whole reason for my very existence was to love with all my heart, more than anyone else in the world. Now it has been completed, I'm a useless entity. A shell less human being. If I was built to stand alone, then I wouldn't ever have needed to love in the first place. Never even understand love. But my place was here, to love, to be loved, to understand love, to BE love, and now its gone, what does that mean for me? Will I be taken away too?

Thoughts fluttered through my brain. What about the family she always wanted? What about the Wedding she had wanted? What about that kiss that we never shared? The love we never made? I never even found out what her skin felt like. There were so many 'what ifs'? I wanted so badly to tell her how I had wanted those things. With her and her alone. How no one else would ever compare to her.

I wanted to say something, anything!

But I can't breathe.

"Please..."

I could have been crying. I could have been bleeding internally. I was numb. Numb in all senses of the word. With every rise of her crushed chest, the more my heart broke. Surrounded in a pool of her blood, her tiny frame folded in my arms, I began to rock .A small smile was plastered across her blood stained face, her raven black hair matted in her own blood. She was covered in wounds, sweat, gunpowder, and debris.

She had never looked so beautiful.

"I love you...so much. Did you...know that?"

"I always knew. I always knew that I loved you more than anyone has ever loved another. Romeo and Juliet would have been jealous of us if..."

"If I had...said sooner."

"You never needed to say it. I just knew it."

I knew I was shaking, but I felt nothing. Just darkness, emptiness. This is what hell feels like, I know it. No pain, no hatred, nothing. Just darkness.

I kissed her beautiful, perfect forehead. Then, her rose stained, porcelain cheeks. Then finally, her cold, bloodless lips. They were my lips. I would have filled them with my own blood if I had too.

But I still can't breathe.

And as her chest heaved one last heave, I realised that neither of us would ever breathe darkness crept. It seized. I died.

I dug my nails into her body, creating newer, even fresher wounds. It was all my fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault! My Fault! My fault! MY FALUT!

Could I just stop my life right here? Would it be okay to never try again?

Could this be the end?

I will never. Never breathe again.

I'll never breathe. I'll never breathe. I'll never breathe. I'll never breathe, I'll never breathe. I'll never breathe...