Disclaimer: I do not own Princess Protection Program.
I was thinking of a quote from my favorite movie Imagine Me & You which goes "Have you ever met someone, but there was someone else already?" Just been stuck in my head. This sprouted. Enjoy.
One-shot. Staying that way, too.
I can't sleep, yet again. No surprise there. I haven't been sleeping properly for months. There's a multitude of reasons for that, too. But most recently, it's been because of a certain brunette who I can't seem to get off my mind.
Tonight's insomnia is brought upon by major anxiety and depression. I'm in a huge palace, at least a hundred people in the same building, and I've never felt more alone. I can literally walk right to the next room, knock on the door, and have someone to talk to.
But they wouldn't understand. They can't feel the hollowness in my chest. So there's no point.
I roll over in the huge, fluffy bed which costs more than my house and grab my phone off the nightstand to check the time. It's nearly three in the morning here. I don't know what time it is back home, but I know it's not that late.
I could blame the insomnia on the time difference, but I know that's not why I can't sleep. It's my stupid brain again.
I groan and place the phone back on the nightstand before throwing the way-too-high thread count sheets off my legs and hop down from the ridiculously high bed.
As soon as my bare feet make contact with the cold marble floor, I let out a surprised hiss. Gosh, you'd think in a palace they could splurge for some rugs or something, but no. No. Let the guests get a chilly shock when they get up to pee in the middle of the night.
I don't bother to grab the slippers or silk robe they gave me on my first night in the palace as I slip out the heavy oak door of my bedroom.
The dimly lit hall welcomes me. It's completely silent and it's just what I need. I just want to be alone with my thoughts. Not that I wasn't alone before in my bedroom, but I couldn't stay there any longer.
I don't like it here. I feel so out of my element. I've never been one to enjoy being pampered. I've always pretty much taken care of myself. So to be waited on hand and foot is not a pleasant experience, like some people would expect. It's actually kind of irritating. And all of this fancy, expensive stuff makes me nervous. I feel like I'm going to stumble, bump into something, knock it down, and break it. And I just don't have the fifty thousand dollars to pay to replace it.
A girl who lives in a crappy cabin in Louisiana does not belong in a royal palace in a foreign country. There's only one word to describe what I am here: an outsider. I know it, the staff knows it, hell even the royal family knows it. I see the way they all look at me.
All except Rosie, that is.
No, Rosie always looks at me like I'm important enough to be around her. She always makes me feel that way. She makes me feel special, needed…Wanted.
And maybe that's why I'm having feelings for her no girl should ever have for her best friend.
It's not that we're both girls that bothers me. I've known I like girls pretty much my entire life. And it's not that I'm afraid she doesn't feel the same way. I know she does. I can feel it. What bothers me is the fact that I've been feeling so alone for the past two years of my life and now I've finally found someone who is seemingly perfect for me and I can't be with her.
Do you know how much that sucks?
In case you don't know, it sucks a lot. Like… Imagine the person you care about most in life being on the other side of unbreakable, bullet proof glass. You can see her, you can hear her, and talk to her. But you can't get close to her. You can reach out to her, but your hand will just knock against the glass. You can want to hug her, hold her, even just lace your fingers through hers… But it will never happen. That's how I feel. Like there's a barrier between us that I have no chance of breaking down.
What is this barrier, you ask? Her fiancé, of course.
Didn't know she had a fiancé? Yeah, me either. She never told me about him. I just found out about him recently. But by then it was too late. I'd already fallen for her. I just didn't realize how much I truly cared until that tool walked into the room and scooped her up into a big hug.
It was shortly after her coronation. Rosie had just become queen and we were at the ball to celebrate. Suddenly, the double doors flew open and in walked this really good-looking guy a few years older than myself. Every single person stopped and turned their heads to look at the young man with the dazzling smile and expensive suit. He ignored all of the eyes, went right up to Rosie, and wrapped his arms around her. Over his shoulder, her eyes met with mine across the room. I knew my face was flushed but I just tried my best to smile as Rosie's mother announced that her future son-in-law had now arrived.
The rest of the night I spent trying to make her jealous. Ed was the victim. Every time he eats he gets something on his face, so I made a big deal to slowly wipe away the mustard, ketchup, or whatever else with a napkin while smiling up at him. He just stood there stupidly and let me do it. It had the effect I wanted, though. Every time I looked over at Rosie, she was glaring in our direction.
I shiver while walking past a suit of armor. I know it's empty, but it still creeps me out, makes me feel like I'm being watched. I'm so glad the country of Costa Luna is too far behind to have cameras installed in every single corridor. I wouldn't want a group of security guards watching me shuffle around in the dark, wearing nothing but an old t-shirt and a pair of boys' boxers while they make a joke at my expense.
I cross my arms over my chest as I turn a corner. I have no idea where I am or where I'm going. I probably won't be able to find my way back, either. A gardener is probably going to find me curled up on a bench in the courtyard or something tomorrow morning. Oh, the palace would have a field day with that. The stupid American did something embarrassing. Let's all laugh at her behind the new queen's back.
If Rosie knew the snide remarks they make about me when she's not around, they'd all be fired. I'm tempted to tell her. But what good would that do? She's too nice to do anything about it anyway. I say she'd fire them, but she'd probably just ask in that sweet voice of hers for them to be nicer to me. And they'd agree but for the next meal they'd probably poison my food.
And maybe I'm just paranoid.
But I can't help feeling that after my dad and Ed left, the only person in this castle who likes me is Rosie. Even her fiancé Ricardo Some-big-Spanish-last-name makes me feel unwelcome. I've tried befriending him, I really have. But every time I try to talk to him (nicely), he just ignores me. You'd think he'd be nice to me since I'm his future wife's best friend, but no.
I don't like him. Every time I see him and Rosie together, it makes my stomach turn. And they're always fighting. Out of all the eligible bachelors in Costa Luna, she picked him, and they can't go a day without arguing. I've only been here for a little over a week and I can see that she's not nearly as happy as she could be. Not like she'd be with me.
I shake my head in frustration as I make my way down a smaller hall, across to a separate part of the palace. I need to get out of here. I need to be away from these people, and her. Maybe then I'll finally be able to clear my head.
"Carter?"
I stop at the sound of not only my name being said, but by the voice saying it. It's innocent and curious, gravelly yet smooth… musical…and it belongs to her.
I turn slowly on my heel to face Rosie. I nearly laugh out loud at the sight of her. She has a fluffy, baby pink robe tieed around her body, silk pink pajamas underneath with fuzzy pink slippers on her feet. Only Rosie. Those soft slippers muffle her footsteps as she walks towards me, poised like always. Maybe that's why I didn't hear her coming.
"Hey," I say quietly. "What are you doing walking around the palace at night?"
"I could ask you the same thing," she says while raising her eyebrows. "It is my palace, after all."
"Okay, don't get all high and mighty on me," I say, putting up my hands in defense. "But it still doesn't answer my question."
"I wanted a glass of water," she says, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Couldn't you just have gotten one of your chamber maids or whatever to bring it to you?"
"I do not require their services any longer," Rosie says while sticking her cute little nose in the air. "Since I have been to Louisiana I have learned to do everything for myself."
"So no one has to help prepare you for bed anymore?" I ask with a sarcastic smirk.
Even in the dimly lit hallway, I can see her blush. "No."
"Good."
"You still have not answered my question, Carter," she says properly… Like always. "Why are you out of bed?"
I sigh. "Couldn't sleep."
"Why not?" she asks with a concerned look.
"I just have a lot of stuff on my mind." I give a shrug.
Rosie examines me for a few moments before taking my hand and starting to pull me in the other direction.
"Uh, where are we going?" I ask as she pulls me along, cursing the tingles shouting up the arm of the hand she's holding.
"To my bedroom to talk about this 'stuff' on your mind," she says without looking back.
I shut my mouth for the rest of the trip, which is only about thirty more seconds at the speed we're going. Once we get to a pair of large oak doors, she pushes them open and pulls me inside. I half expected a guard to be sitting outside of her room to protect the queen, but I guess Costa Luna is a very trustworthy country.
She leads me right to a big, cushy couch by an enormous window looking out over a beautiful beach, the moon shining on the water. I sink into the cushions, picking my feet up off the cold floor and bringing my knees up to my body. I wrap my arms around them and hug them to my chest as Rosie neatly removes her robe and slippers and sits behind me, perfect posture as usual.
"What is bothering you, Carter?" Rosie asks, looking at me.
I avert my eyes before I can get lost in hers. "I'm lonely. And I feel like I'm always going to be lonely. I feel like I'm never going to find someone."
"But Carter, you will." She places a hand on my knee and speaks softly. "You are so beautiful, smart, funny, and sweet. Any girl would be lucky to have you. And one day someone is going to realize that."
I'm so glad Rosie knows about and accepts my lesbianism, otherwise this would be very awkward.
"I know I will," I say with a sigh. "I just feel like it's never gonna happen."
"Just give it time." I look up and see she's giving me a gentle smile.
"I feel like time is running out." I try to swallow the lump in my throat. I feel like I could cry, but I won't.
She removes her hand from my knee. "It is not."
We fall into silence for a little while, just listening to each other breathe and the faint sounds of the waves hitting the sandy shore.
"Ricardo is angry with me," Rosie says quietly after nearly five minutes of neither of us talking.
"What for this time?" I ask, not looking away from the beach.
"He asked me something about my father and I told him I did not want to talk about him," she says, and I can feel her eyes on me.
I tear my gaze from the tropical paradise and lock it with those brown orbs. "But you talk about him with me."
"You are different, Carter."
"How?" I challenge.
"You just are." She bites her lip and looks away. I sigh.
"If you're going to marry him, you need to start telling him stuff, Rosie," I mutter, picking at a thread on the end of my boy underwear I wear as pajama shorts.
"I cannot," Rosie says defiantly. "I do not trust him like I trust you."
"Well you're going to have to get over that," I say while rolling my eyes. I know she misses her deceased dad and talking about him hurts her, but that's the kind of thing you're supposed to talk about with someone you're going to spend the rest of your life with, ya know? Then again, I guess it's easier to talk about with me since I know what it's like to lose a parent being that my mom died when I was six in a car accident.
We fall into silence yet again. There's something hanging in the air, words unsaid. We know they're there. We can feel them every time we have moments alone like this. They're bubbling just beneath the surface. But I won't be the one to initiate the outpour of confessions. I can't.
"I have feelings for you, Carter," Rosie says quietly, timidly. "Feelings like most boys have for girls. The same kind you have for girls."
My heart starts going into overtime. I don't know why. I totally knew this. It was painfully obvious to me. But I guess until it's said, it's still just a theory. And now it's fact.
"Where I'm from, we call that a crush," I say without looking at her.
"That is such an odd word to describe feelings," she says, and I know she's wearing a confused expression. "Then I crush you, Carter."
My head feels light and I'm feeling giddy and bubbly and she's just so cute and clueless that I have to laugh. "I crush you too, Rosie."
"You do?"
I finally look to her face, and she's got a surprised expression across her visage. I nod slowly and a smile creeps its way to her face, one of those dazzling smiles I love so much.
"You confuse me so much, Rosie," I say, not taking my eyes from her. "You make me feel important and needed, which I love. I wish things could be different and you didn't live on a completely different continent. I wish you could just come back to Louisiana with me and stay forever."
"You are important, Carter. And I do need you," she says, putting her hand atop my knee again. "And I wish I could go back to Louisiana with you as well."
"If life was fair, you'd be getting on that plane with me on Saturday when I leave," I say, reminding us both of how little time left we still have together. "But we both know that's not possible. And I think we've both been aware of our feelings for each other for a while. But we both also know that this can't happen."
She looks down, her face falling a bit. "I do know that. We cannot be together. My country would never allow it, and I cannot leave them, no matter how much I love you."
"And my dad would never let me drop out of school to come live here with you," I say. "If there was any way we could be together, you know I would make it happen."
"I know." She nods and looks up again. "But this is enough for me, Carter. This, right here. Just you being in my life and knowing you feel the same way about me is all I need."
Looking into her eyes, I am reminded of something Rosie said to me back in my room in Louisiana.
This is not reality… This, here, is a fairytale.
I feel like those words fit our situation perfectly. What we have, it can never see the light of day. It can never be real. If this wasn't real life, if we were in a fairytale, we could be together.
"You're my fairytale," I say, turning my body towards her and lifting a hand to gently cup her cheek. She leans into my touch, impossibly smooth skin against my rough and callused fingers, made that way from all the time working in the bait shop.
"I was jealous of Ed when he was here," she confesses.
"That's the reaction I was looking for," I say with a small nod.
Rosie moves her head back, away from my hand. "But why, Carter?"
"Because I was jealous of Ricardo," I admit, saying his name bitterly.
A look of understanding crosses her features. "You do not need to be," she says softly. "I care about him, yes, but he is nothing compared to you. What he and I have is very complicated. We always fight. You and I, Carter, we do not fight… Anymore." We both smile at the memories of her first few weeks in Louisiana, when I resented her more than anything and was bent on making her miserable. "With you, everything is simpler. I trust you more. I know exactly what I feel for you. And you understand me. Everything with you is just better."
Happiness spreads through my chest as I try my best to hide my blush behind my raven hair. "Any chance you can get out of the marriage?" I ask after clearing my throat.
She shakes her head sadly. "It has been planned since I was ten years-old. I have to marry him or bring dishonor to my country for breaking off a six year engagement."
"So that's really it, then?" I ask sullenly.
"It appears so," Rosie says with a sigh.
A wave of understanding passes through us. We cannot, nor will we ever… be together. No matter how much either of us wants it. It is something I have always known, as well as she, but we never truly talked about it to let the information sink in.
I always knew our love was forbidden, I just never realized how forbidden. Not until we acknowledged it. And now that we have, I feel a sense of ease.
We know we can't be together, but that doesn't mean anything will change. I will still be there for her come hell or high water, and I know she'll do the same for me. I'll still text her if I have a bad day at school and she'll still call me if she just needs someone to make her smile. We will both explore other relationships, her with her marriage and me with whomever I find to date, but in our hearts we'll always know that we belong to each other. I will always be her Carter, and she will always be my Rosie. Nothing will ever change that.
And now that we both know the other is aware of how much we truly care for each other, we can find peace. Sure, it hurts to not get what you want, but knowing you are loved so much does something to you. It helps you find a middle ground between depression and bliss. It makes you content. I'll be okay with her being with someone else as long as I know I'm her first choice, that I'm her number one.
Our friendship is enough for her, and it's enough for me too.
I may still be single, but now I know I'm not alone.
And now that I know this, tonight when I go to sleep−whenever I find my way to bed−I will sleep peacefully and with a smile on my face.
Reviews are much appreciated. Anonymous enabled. Get at it.
