"I Have a Crush"

- Bane gets his first taste of unrequited love -

The twelve-year-old male Duros lit his third deathstick from that afternoon, leaning against the metal fence of the lot. It was all the same thing every time. They smoked, traded around spices and stolen medications, drank cheap beer, played sabaac under the street lamps, and gambled with whatever they had in their pockets.

"Why don't you just go up and talk to her for once? She won't have anything to do with you if all you do is watch her." his male Zabrak companion was laughing. "You're not scared, are you?"

"What? I-I'm not scared." The male Duros' name, at the moment, was Cadomir Bane. But everyone just called him 'Cad' for short (1).

The Zabrak turned away, lighting up a deathstick as well. "Definitely scared."

Cadomir Bane kicked at a pebble on the ground with his steel-toed boot. He crossed his arms and began picking at his black fingerless gloves. The deathstick dangling out of his mouth clicked against his silver lip piercing. His black tank top hung loosely from his gaunt build. His arms and shoulders were covered in temporary tattoos, some of which were fading and others were newer. His personal favorite was a tattoo across his collarbone which read, in vertical order, Aurebesh, Basic, and Durese: "THE UNIVERSE FUCKED ME UP SO I FUCK IT UP RIGHT BACK." Cost him two hundred credits to get it and another one hundred a month to keep it from fading. But it was worth it.

Another temporary tattoo on his right bicep depicted a badly drawn heart with daggers protruding from it at several angles, spilling out words in Basic that were supposed to be a poem, but looked more like a jumbled, fragmented mess of letters that made no sense.

He looked forward to when that tattoo would fade out.

"If you don't just get her already you're going to miss your chance," the Zabrak continued to tease, elbowing his ribs.

"'Get her'?" he echoed nervously.

"You know…" He made a vulgar motion with his hands.

"I j-just want to t-talk to her! That's all!" Cadomir cried out in defense. At that moment they saw the girl in question walking around the bend. Off to her afternoon classes at the academy three blocks away. According to rumor, her father was a politician visiting the city to attend an important commission, and he brought his daughter with. Whatever the rumors, it meant she had been walking by their little lot for over two weeks, every weekday, at ten in the morning and at three in the afternoon.

She was a young Pantoran girl, no older than Cadomir from the looks of it, although she was considerably shorter than him. She had eyes that reminded Cadomir of the sunrise. A smile that made his stomach latch onto his spine. A laugh that sounded like singing. She contrasted the rest of his world. She was the first person he had seen in this place who glowed as she went by. Who walked like she knew where she was going. Who stepped like she knew anything that got in her way until she arrived could be dealt with easily. That appealed to him, but of course, he could never explain why.

The Zabrak shoved him forward, knocking the deathstick out of Cadomir's mouth.

"Come on, you coward!"

"O-okay! I'm going, so l-leave me alone."

"And stop the damn stuttering. Why do you always stutter? It turns people off."(2)

"S-sorry, I'll try to stop."

"She's getting away. Hurry up!"

Cadomir got up and ran before he could think twice about it.

As soon as the girl noticed him approaching she spun around, holding out her bag full of schoolbooks to defend herself.

"Ah! Don't come any closer!"

Cadomir skidded to a stop. Suddenly he was trying, without much success, to remember what it was he had been planning to say to her when he talked to her. His mind drew a blank. Why couldn't he remember?

"I…I…I was w-wondering…"

"What?! What could you possibly want?" She glared at him. The sunrise, now daggers, just like the ones in his heart tattoo that was slowly fading. "I see you here every day and you're always staring at me. You're a creep!"

"W-would you carry, l-like to, for you, me, b-books?"

"Excuse me?" Her eyes brightened.

He felt his cheeks flush. This was not going how he had hoped. Whatever happened to the poised, smooth-talking, streetwise rebel of a boy he had carefully crafted in his own mind? The boy who had cool tattoos and looked cool while smoking deathsticks and who everyone took seriously—where could he have gone? Was he never there to begin with?

"W-would y-you for me, carry y-you, like to, books?"

The girl of all his hopes and dreams began to laugh.

"So you're a creep and you're retarded! Even worse!"

"W-would y-you carry, for me, l-like books—"

"Oh, oh, w-w-what's w-wrong? D-d-do you w-want y-y-your m-mommy?"

His eyes widened and he backed away. He hated it when his friends imitated his stuttering. It made him want to cry. But this was devastating. He had foreseen buying this beautiful young girl a flower and carrying her books for her, and maybe even holding her hand if she was okay with that sort of thing. Everything had gone all wrong. Her eyes were bright and she was laughing, but it made him feel entirely different than he thought it would.

Cadomir turned away and ran. The words echoed in his head. Coward. Creep. Retarded.

His vision clouded up. Damn it. Why couldn't he talk normal like everyone else? It was so unfair.

He found a quiet place to be alone, hidden in the darkness away from the voices and the noise. He lit a fourth deathstick.

(1) - In my headcanon, Cad Bane's original name is Cadomir Sotulet (pronounced: Cade-oh-mere, Sew-too-let). I first introduced his original name in a previous fanfiction titled "The Bane Of My Past." In most of these snippets, the character is currently in the process of transitioning from his original name to his new name. Eventually, he will shorten 'Cadomir' to just 'Cad.' But at this point in time, he still identifies as 'Cadomir.'

I have always had fun poking at some of the Star Wars villains' names who sound so 'villainous' it is almost amusing (Maul. Grievous. Sidious. Savage Oppress. As if appearance alone does not give away their villainous tendencies). And 'Cad Bane' is no exception; as much as I love the character, I can admit his name does come across as sounding somewhat 'cheesy.' So I came up with the theory that he changed his name during his earliest years as a bounty hunter.

The fact that there was a Sith named Darth Bane further supports my theory. 'Cad Bane' could have easily heard about this Sith and decided the Jedi might view him as more intimidating if they shared the same name. If this reminds you of the Disney film "Tangled", in which it is revealed 'Flynn Rider' (real name being Eugene Fitzherbert) changed his name to sound cooler, you are on the right track ;)

(2) - This is another theory I am currently developing: during his younger years, Bane had a speech impediment. There are two reasons I have this theory. Firstly, if you study Bane's diction in "Star Wars: The Clone Wars," you might notice that he never stutters, slurs, mumbles, or falters in speech. He speaks very deliberately and clearly. I believe this is something he trained himself to do, and his form of diction is a well-rehearsed skill. A stuttering problem from his childhood would be a strong reason for him to practice this form of speech, and is also why he speaks this way by the time we meet him in The Clone Wars. Secondly, stuttering in children is a condition that can be caused by incredibly stressful or traumatizing events (I know this from personal experience). If you have read some earlier fanfics of mine that go into Bane's childhood, you know I included a lot of stress and trauma. So it is not an exaggeration to say he could develop a stuttering problem as a result.