Disclaimer: I do not own the series Merlin or the characters from the show.
Word count: 1,900 words
Author's note: This story is so AU... I have never before written anything this personal. Maybe there are some things in the story about the system that is different from where you live, but most of this is written from the way the system works in my country. Bear with me!
Merlin exhaled his last puff of smoke, putting out the spliff that had been going around between him and his friends. He leaned his head back against the concrete wall, eyes drooping while he found himself relaxing. Every tense muscle was put to ease.
He listened to the soft buzz of his friends chatting. It felt like they were far away, when they were in fact inches away from him, all standing in a circle as if they were the knights of the round table. Their words were incoherent for Merlin. He was there, but at the same time... he wasn't.
He kept looking at his friends through slit eyes, seeing them as mere blurs. He felt a punch against his shoulder which caused his body to jerk. He wasn't expecting the sudden forceful touch.
''I'm leaving,'' Elyan announced. Merlin nodded. He still felt too disassociated with reality. Merlin took his hand out from his pocket, shaking it with Elyan before pulling him in to a lame and tired hug.
One by one, the group of friends decreased. Some of them going home, some of them leaving for work. Merlin stayed. At last, they were only three.
''I'm so thirsty,'' Merlin said, he had slid down from the concrete wall to sit down on the cold ground. It was completely dark by now. ''And I'm so hungry too.''
Gwaine laughed, throwing his head back. ''That's because you're high as a kite. 'I'm so thirthy','' Gwaine mocked Merlin's lisp caused by his dry mouth. It amused Gwaine far more than it should.
Hadn't Merlin been high, he would've gotten angry. Instead he just laughed with Gwaine. Gwaine who had sobered up handed Merlin the last remains of his soda. ''Drink it up,'' he ordered while practically shoving it in to Merlin's hands.
Percy who had been really talkactive today was growing silent now, signaling his weariness. ''I'm gonna head home now as well,'' he informed Merlin and Gwaine. They did the usual, monotonous handshake and hug before Percy left.
Which only left Merlin and Gwaine. By now, Merlin had sobered up as well, but he was still hungry. Not to mention cold. They had been standing outside for hours.
It was a ghetto thing, Merlin supposed. Living in the ghetto meant you would forever be marked or stampled as a ghetto child, unless you made it out of here, of course and adapted to the lifestyle which existed outside of what they knew as home.
Wearing the mark of a ghetto child made you always be on your guard as you went ouside of the ghetto. You would always be judged and mistreated. Those filthy ghetto kids...
And also, living in the ghetto meant you would, unfortunately for some odd fucking reason like it was a curse set from someone too powerful, undoubtedly have troubles at home.
An alcoholic parent, an abusive parent, a dead parents, strict parents, no parents, violent family, criminal siblings. There was always something.
Either that was caused by living in the ghetto or they were a part of the ghetto because of this reason. There had to be a connection, Merlin pondered.
The best place to hang out for them was either a) the subway or their current location b) somewhere outside along the high apartments in the ghetto. Somewhere that contained hustle, where there were lives like theirs and people like them.
Merlin and Gwaine sat outside until the sky started to lighten.
They both noticed how muslim men, in variation of clothing, age and color, headed to a nearby mosque to pray the morning prayer either by car, bicycle or walk.
That was another factor when you were living in the ghetto. There were literally people from every corner of the world. The lesser blessed.
Merlin himself had migrated to the country with his late mom and his dad when he was just six years old.
''Must be nice,'' Merlin thought out loud as he watched a muslim man dressed in a traditional white tunic pass by them. ''What?'' Gwaine asked. ''To have a purpose,'' Merlin answered.
To have a plan. To know where you're going in life.
Gwaine said nothing. He remained silent, it was something you wouldn't normally attribute to Gwaine who was a bold, loud and very talkactive character.
However, Merlin knew that Gwaine became quiet because he was feeling the same way. After all, there was a reason why these two were the ones staying out until the morning.
Merlin could still see the trace of red marks around Gwaine's neck. When Gwaine had first come out to meet his friend, his whole flace was flushed and as she spoke, he was wheezing, like he was searching for air that didn't quite easily get to his lungs. The red marks had been fresh and formed as the shape of two hands.
No one had said anything.
They all knew that the harm was undoubtedly caused by Gwaine's addict mother who had either taken her drugs or not. She had most likely had him in a choke-hold. The friends had been witness to her frightening rage before.
But Gwaine was oblivious to why Merlin was staying out till the morning this time. Gwaine knew better than to ask, of course.
Merlin had also been forced to leave home and go outside, but it seemed like it was for good this time.
His dad had had a break down in front of all of his kids. He had been on the verge of blowing up for a long time, but it seemed that Merlin was the one who triggered him.
A mail had been sent home from the local community or the employment agency, Merlin forgot which, stating that Merlin's allowance was not going to come through this month since Merlin had a high percentage absence in school (he was reading up on failed courses) and work.
Merlin didn't dare to tell his dad that he had been sacked after punching a guy in the face. Honestly, he didn't regret it. The man had been shouting at one of his female coworkers who had accidently given the man coffee instead of tea. He had the girl in damn tears.
''Do you honestly think we can afford this?''
''Your laziness is costing us our home, food and clothes.''
Merlin's dad had been red, the vein in his neck bulging. Merlin's half-siblings had rushed out of the kitchen, but he could still see the tip of his youngest brother's ear at the corner of the door.
''Pack your things and leave,'' Merlin's dad had ordered. For the first time since his father had started yelling, he brought his head up to look at his dad. ''What?'' Merlin sounded bewildered, like he couldn't believe what he had just heard. He honestly couldn't.
''I know I don't have to repeat myself,'' His dad had said. Merlin could see the hurt in his eyes, but he did a good job covering it up with the anger and absolute determination in his voice. ''Dad, where will I go?'' It felt like it had been forever since he had addressed his dad as dad out loud. It wasn't like they communicated a lot anymore.
''You're the oldest one. I can't afford to keep you all under my roof. I know you'll get through on your own. You're strong, Merlin.''
If that had been supposed to comfort Merlin, he hadn't known. Instead Merlin had started shouting and his dad did the same. Merlin had completely forgotten about his younger siblings. He was in such a terrible state of anger.
He had thrown the chair in the kitchen out of frustration and the piece of forniture made of wood had actually cracked as it hit the floor, but that wasn't what woke him from his trance of anger.
It was Mordred's high-pitched scream. ''Merlin!''
Both Merlin and his dad had turned to look at the little boy who was standing by the door frame to the kitchen. ''Oh god.'' Merlin was disappointed to have let himself become so overwhelmed by anger.
The sight of Mordred had calmed him down within the second. Mordred had been shaking, his eyes were red and puffy. His lips had been quivering and there had been tracks of tears on his cheeks.
Merlin walked over to his little brother. He stopped at armslength, opening his arms for Mordred. He wasn't sure if he had scared Mordred so much so that Mordred didn't even want to touch Merlin. But Mordred instantly threw himself at Merlin, wrapping his tiny arms around Merlin's neck. He sobbed in to Merlin's neck, wiping his snot on Merlin.
Merlin forgot all about his dad as he stood up and walked Mordred to his room. All of his younger siblings were there. They looked at Merlin with wide eyes, not understanding what had just happened, but obviously alerting that something was wrong from all the shouting.
Merlin had to give it to the innoncence of children. ''It's okay,'' Merlin said to them as he ran circles on a crying Mordred's back. ''It's alright,'' he had repeated in order to soothe them.
Merlin had helped all of his siblings to change in to their pyjamas. He had reminded them to use the bathroom and was the one who put toothpaste on to their toothbrushes.
Then, he had brushed Kara's hair before she went to bed. She sat in front of the mirror in the bathroom. She was old enough to comb her own her hair, but she didn't protest tonight when Merlin had offered to do it for her.
''Kara,'' Merlin began softly. ''You know I have to leave.'' She was the only one old enough to understand. ''But you have to promise me to look after everyone, but most importantly yourself. Do you understand?'' She said nothing. Merlin could see the reflection of his sister in tears through the mirror. ''I love you,'' he said as he had kissed the top of her head.
After that, he had tucked them all in. Mordred was always the only one who was extremly rebellious when it came to being put to bed. But even he seemed to be completely drained out of his energy tonight when Merlin had put him to bed.
Merlin kissed his forehead before leaving. He glanced at his dad who was still sitting in the kitchen. ''You're still here.''
For the sake of his siblings, Merlin bit his tongue. He buried his anger. He didn't tell him how he helped take care of his kids. Instead, he just stormed off, not bothering to pack a bag with his belongings. He knew he would regret that choice soon, but one more second in that house and Merlin would've lost it.
Now, here he was with Gwaine. After several hours, when the sunrays were peeking from the clouds and the fog to warm their skins, it seemed like Gwaine was finally ready to head home. He said his goodbye as Merlin and he parted ways, going in opposite directions.
While walking away, Merlin brought his head up to look at the tall building. There were no lights shining in the windows of his home. It was too early.
Merlin sighed as he walked away with his head hanging, hands shoved in to his pockets. He had no idea where he was to go.