'This is next time.' Thought Rachel silently as she passed friends, bullies and unknown strangers in the hall.
School was out; the bell had rung seventeen minutes before Rachel came to stand outside the girl's changing rooms, the changing rooms that the Cheerios sometimes used after practice. It seemed like a tall order for Quinn to be in there alone. No, she was probably surrounded by long legged, fresh-faced Cheerios with perfect hair despite their vigorous routines. But Rachel couldn't look at any of them in the same way she looked at Quinn.
Her hand lay flat against the cold, red-painted wood as she dared herself to push. She was going to go in there and speak to Quinn; she was going to ask her why she'd been avoiding her for the entire week. Why next time was taking so long to arrive. She could imagine herself asking her in front of whoever might happen to be in there, the entire Squad if need be, but no, that was an unrealistic fantasy, she could never. She shifted her weight and brushed back her chocolate brown bangs. Taking a deep breath was all she could do to prepare herself.
Her cheeks glowed pink with embarrassment as she looked upon the scene. Suddenly she wasn't so fearless. She wasn't the overly confident and nearly-impossible to put down golden star anymore, she was a frail little girl afraid of being judged, and afraid of being rejected by the one she loved the most. Quinn stood with her back to Rachel, only turning around when someone let out a monotone "Oh my god!" She turned around with her hand on her hip, wearing a look that Rachel knew to be staged. She couldn't possibly have been feeling what that look was really portraying, could she? It was all an act, right? Rachel wasn't doing a very good job at reassuring herself.
Quinn raised an eyebrow, "What do you want, Rachel?" Her tone was unpleasant as she asked the seemingly simple question.
What did Rachel want? She wanted Quinn, of course. She didn't want to have to hide what she felt for the daring blonde, and she wanted Quinn to stop hiding it too, because Rachel knew that her love was far from unrequited, Quinn had proved it. But of course, Quinn hadn't meant the question to be taken in such a literal manor; she would've never attempted to provoke such truthful answers from Rachel in front of a crowd.
"I- I- I just wondered if you'd…" Rachel didn't stutter, not even when she was really nervous, her sentences were always neatly formed with clear intent, there was never a hint of hesitation, but of course yet again, Rachel wasn't Rachel in the presence of the Quinn that was so far away from her Quinn.
Rachel bit her lip, feeling slightly uncomfortable, unable to control her own thoughts.
"Oh, go on. Get out you stuttering freak." Quinn turned back around, her blonde ponytail swaying as she did so.
Rachel caught her flash Santana a smile. The act was so convincing. Maybe Quinn didn't belong in Glee Club at all; maybe she belonged in Drama club.
Tears stung Rachel's eyes as she hurried out of the room, the large, empty corridor felt cold after being in the compact room bursting with body heat. She wiped away her tears with the tip of her index finger, before they had a chance to fall down her rosy cheeks. She'd made such a fool out of herself, why couldn't she have just waited? Rang her instead- Well, she'd tried that already but Quinn wasn't answering any of her calls. Rachel needed Quinn almost as much as she wanted her. She just couldn't keep away, she couldn't fight it.
"Rachel!" Quinn ran, feeling too guilty to care about being seen or overheard. "Rachel, wait!"
She turned around, her eyes a little puffy, her cheeks still visibly pink. The signs that she was upset were impossible for Quinn to ignore. Had she taken it too far? Quinn had to wonder if she'd really needed to be that mean. She wouldn't have thought twice about it a few months before, but so much had changed since then.
"Yes?" Questioned Rachel meekly, sounding so unlike her usual self.
"I'm sorry, but I had to make it believable, you know that, Rach"
"No." Rachel shook her head, cutting Quinn off mid-sentence. "No I don't know that."
She began to walk again, and Quinn continued to follow until they were outside in empty car park.
"Rach," Quinn whispered, her voice a little shaky.
"Quinn, I don't think this is going to work out." Assertive-Rachel was back in charge, whilst shaken and vulnerable Rachel had been demoted to co-pilot.
"What?"
"I've always been different, the odd one out, and that's okay, I was okay with it - I still am. Anyway, my point is that you've never been that person, and I understand that to suddenly go from being the most popular girl in school to being talked about for completely different reasons… I know that must seem daunting to you."
Rachel understood, she wished that she didn't, but she really did. She wished that she could've stayed hidden under the protection of misunderstanding forever, but it was too late for that.
"I think it would be easier if we didn't see each other again. You wouldn't have to change, and I won't have to go through this again."
"No, Rachel, no!" Quinn all but shouted, biting back tears. "Please, don't. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."
She couldn't promise anything though, she just couldn't. She couldn't say all the things Rachel longed to hear, I'll tell everyone about us. I don't care about what everyone else thinks. No more secrets.
She couldn't say those things because Rachel had been right. Quinn's parents were highly religious, and she'd always been their little girl. She'd only just started gaining their trust again after the pregnancy, and feared they'd see her and Rachel as yet another scandal. They'd throw her out, and this time she would have no where to go. She didn't want that, she didn't want any of it but that didn't change how much she wanted Rachel - how much she needed her.
"Please. Rachel, I love you." As she begged Rachel not to leave her, not to give up on her, she realised how much he meant it all.
A moment of achingly unforgiving silence followed, before Quinn took a couple of steps towards Rachel, reaching out to her without hesitation. Rachel turned away. Quinn looked down as another tear slid down her cheek. Rachel was so tired of waiting to find out if she'd be the one Quinn chose in the end, and it showed, it really did. But she couldn't push her away, she just couldn't. It was as though her body was going against her command, her arms wrapped themselves around Quinn of their own accord, and her lips softly kissed her temple as though it was the only thing they could do. She accepted her apologies with the single gesture. She wouldn't leave her, not then, not ever.