Reflections

by: Liliththestormgoddess

Summary: Han reflects on his first encounter with the Force.

Warnings: None

Rating: K

A/N: This is my first Star Wars story! I am very new to this fandom. I have only seen the movies, no books, and this is something that occurred to me, a possible reason why Han feels the way he does about the Force in the first movie. This story relies heavily from the movies, with some of my own speculation. Hope you enjoy :)

I remember clearly that day when the Jedi came.

I was young, nearing eight years of age. The other boys and I had found ourselves near the senator's apartments; fooling around, pick pocketing, and generally creating mischief like any band of boys would.

This day was no different than the others, except that this was when the attempted assassination happened. It was all over the news for weeks after, but we bragged for months that we had seen it in person, watched it unfold.

We watched the famous Jedi battle on the roof. It was incredible. Their sabres danced with amazing colours, hypnotizing us. We watched their enthralling dance, fancy footwork, and calm, calculated moves.

And when the assassin was taken away, defeated, the crowd that had gathered at the base of the building cheered.

The one they called Anakin passed me on his way through the crowd. He saw the group of boys gathered, staring at him in wide-eyed, unabashed awe. He gave us a wink, and carried on.

But that was enough.

I wanted to be a Jedi.

We all wanted to be Jedi. We all wanted to jump rooftops, battle assassins, wield deadly lightsabres, and save damsels in distress.

We wanted to be heroes.

We wanted to be those that we looked up to.

For weeks after, we pretended to be Jedi. Though I knew I had none to little of the Force myself, I wanted to be a Jedi with all my heart.

We played with sticks in the streets, fighting and pretending that we were all fighting Sith. All that could be heard was screaming and yelling and laughter, as we danced around with our 'lightsabres' in our hands, trying to mimic their footwork.

And then our hopes died. Literally.

We heard that our hero, Skywalker, and all the other Jedi had died at the hands of Darth Vader. I watched people die, right in front of me, fighting this black monster.

I was devastated. My world shattered, and I was lost.

I saw the Force as something unbreakable, always prevailing against evil, and keeping those vulnerable and weak, safe.

The 'amazing' Force had not saved the Jedi, had not saved the invincible Anakin Skywalker. It did not save us.

Force? What Force? The Force wasn't real.

It was just some hokey religion.

Something only for young boys to believe in.