She can't hear
He is speaking but she can't hear anything, can't think.
she's lost, she can't utter a word but she's screaming inside, everything around her it's spinning,
She can't see him, she can't make eye contact, she is asking for help but no one can hear. She just can't
The car - his car - is moving and he is talking but he is in his own world and he's talking he is trying to calm her down, he wants her to talk, to tell him how she feels, but he is trying so hard that he didn't notice his wife just haven't been paying attention.
Her eyes are burning; her face is burning or is it the tears that are threaten to get out of their eyes? She doesn't know
Oh my God! Why is he still talking, her head is throbbing, she just wants silence, not to think, she just wants to be in his arms and be held, she wants security, she wants confidence. But he keeps talking.
Now she doesn't know whether the tears are falling freely over her cheeks or if they are not, but no, she won't blink, won't cry anymore.
No more, not tonight, not again. She just wants to sleep and forget for a moment everything.
Millions of thoughts in her head, making her think and she doesn't want to think, it gives her nausea.
All the thoughts at the same time but she tries to not pay attention to any of them.
When this became such a disrupted situation? It always has she thinks.
He takes her hand and intertwines his fingers with hers, looking for comfort but her hands are cold, everything is cold.
Life gave her a taste of happiness, something she thought would never have, this was a dream, a short dream from where she thought would never wake up, it was beyond her expectations this simply was not planned.
She did not plan on taking a potion to forget who she was and certainly she did not plan a marriage, have a family and have children.
None of this was planned.
She thought she could get her happy ending here but apparently fate has other plans for her.
His adopted son found his birth mother and now he does not want to be around her, the little boy who used to call her mom, the little boy that couldn't sleep at night if the lamp was not on (because he thought there were monsters behind the closet).
Everything that she did is not enough, the sleepless nights when he was sick, breakfasts on Sundays when they used to go to Granny's - all that love was not enough for him and he decided to go with her other mother.
Her husband's hand was still holding hers, then he gave a slight squeeze on her leg to reassure her that they were fine.
But nothing was good, everything is wrong even their hands were wrong and yet so perfect, it was so perfect for her.
Her soulmate.
She found her soulmate after she ran away from him, now he was with her and she knos he needs her as much as she needs him. Her breathing is so slow and she has not released any tears yet, she's is alive but she feels dead Inside, everything happens for a reason she believes, but now she knows it's the destiny.
Happiness does not last forever and all that she wanted was more than ruined, but now she had someone innocent, someone who keeps calling her the mommy, someone who never judge her, someone who has the purest heart and doesn't know the meaning of hate.
The car stopped and she didn't realize when it was the time they got home nor she realized the moment she entered their house and the nanny said goodbye, she just knew she needed someone she needed someone she knew always received her with open arms.
xxxx
She enters in his room and there he is asleep with his hands under his head and holding his stuffed animal, he looks so peaceful he isn't aware of anything. She takes his body and held him in her arms as she traces invisible patterns on his back, she laces her fingers in his curly hair and gradually see his beautiful brown eyes widened as he adjusts to the small light reflected from the hallway.
His eyes so pure, so fragile... she did not deserve this, she cannot believe he was hers, the product of love.
None of this made sense, none of this was real but at the same time it was.
There he was the leaning against the doorframe, he walks toward them until he reachs the edge of the bed and he starts to stroke the hair of his son.
That's when she noticea, that's when she finally sees him in the eyes and notices his red eyes, he is also hurt. How could she be so selfish, despite that her world was falling apart -for reasons he didn't know - he is suffering, she can see the desperation in his eyes, she can see that despite the pain he is in he is there with her, always with her.
Their eyes held for a long time that felt like hours, he's said it all with that look, I'm here we are together and she believes it's true, because he means it, only that he would stay with his wife, the mother of his son but he would never stay with the woman who took hearts and destroy them like it was nothing, the woman who killed entire villages.
For more promises that he could say to her he wouldn't do it.
He did not know her true identity and that hurts even more because she misses him, he's still there but she misses him. This was what she always dreamed, a family with her true love.
but she was a coward when she had the chance to be with him back in their world, and now she's paying the consequences.
That's when her piece of joy decided to move as he took his mother's cheeks "It is time to go to school?," he asks
Regina shows a small smile as she shooks her head "no sweetheart, I just came to say good night.
"Oh," he answers
"Roland, why not before you return to bed you give mom a hug," Robin say it almost like a plea
"Strong...strong as a bear hug? Roland asks innocently
"Yes" Robin replied giving a little squeeze to his small hand
"Okay," Roland says while taking his mother into his arms with all the strength that a small 4 years old could have
Regina feels the arms of his son and she responds quickly, closing her eyes and trying to save this moment forever.
xxxx
She feels the hands of her husband as he takes her to their room.
There as he removes his jacket and lay it on the bed-she watched how he would slowly remove his clothes- there is when her eyes fell on his arm and she notices his tattoo.
Thousands of memories came back every time she saw his tattoo, some good memories some other painful- when the demons of her past made its appearance.
That tattoo that was a symbol of love, was now a symbol of pain, a remember of their past lives a remember of that happy ending that she could have had but she refused to it, that tattoo now only caused an unbearable pain.
When she returns to reality she realized she's naked in the bathroom as the two of them shared a bath, letting the water run through their bodies to remove any dirt.
They stood there for a while with the hot water that is running down their bodies trying to soothe them, he tries to lift her face so he can see her but she can't see his eyes because he sees her with such adoration that she doesn't deserve, because those eyes that reflect an immense love are too much and she doesn't deserves it, she doesn't deserves him. Not after what she's done.
They end their bath and head to the room. Not one of them even made the effort of speaking to each other since they entered the house, they put their pajamas and headed to bed and still they didn't say a word.
Robin's hand found Regina's waist, she closed her eyes because it's too much and she can't.
She tried to pull away but his hold is strong it and makes way to her abdomen and no he can't do that.
Not now, why is he doing this. She close her eyes again as she bites her lips to keep quiet to no let the tears run, but she can't hold back anymore when he gives her a kiss on her shoulder as he caress her abdomen with his thumb.
And that's when she couldn't hold back and tears started to run.
He begins to kiss her forehead and she cries even more, she turns her body so she can face him, she places her face close to his chest and there's the warmth and the love she needed, that warmth that she missed, he place his arms around her body and oh they fit so well.
That's when she lets out everything, that's when she doesn't hold back and shows her pain.
Everything that she's been feeling for weeks, she let tears by the love she lost, for her son, because he doesn't love her, because the hatred in his eyes is unbelievable and too painful, she regrets her mistakes, she sobs for that piece of happiness that was taken away the night before by nature, something for what she feels so guilty, she cries for the baby that couldn't be born, she cries for that little chance of hope, of happiness that she had in this miserable world where she's living now, she cries because it hurt so much to be back to who she was. For a moment she became that monster and ended with the live of the hunter.
Because she was so weak that she let that the worst of her won, because she betrayed not only her but to all her family. Why did something that was totally not right and the man who now is holding her in his arms do not know who he is really holding because this man, his soul mate doesn't realize that his arms there a coward.
The sobs cease after to become hiccups and between those she mutters a "sorry" - for everything.
But she knows that a word can never repair all de damage she caused.
He start to say "I love you" and she knows he means it, he starts making his way to her neck while he takes a strand of hair from her face and moves it behind his ear, for every "I love you" he said he place a kiss.
He kisses her cheeks and kiss every tear that keeps pouring, and clean the few that are falling with his thumb, then take her face in his hands as he whispers " you are the most important in my life and I love you, I will always be by your side, not matter what happens, I'll be there"
closing the short distance that was between them and kisses her lips.
She close her eyes and lean closer to him as she tried to understand how did she get so lucky, she hugs him and tries to keep this moment forever, because she knows that soon or later this man won't want to be close to her anymore.
Let me know what you think ;) because I'm still not sure about this
All mistakes are my own
(yeah okay, I had to update this again because those grammar mistakes were so bad haha anyway I'm working on this fic again and I'll probably post a new chapter next weekend)