Despite how much Audrey loved to seem tough and almighty, there were tiny bits and pieces you saw underneath that that belied someone completely different. It was perhaps the only reason you stuck around her. The only reason you offered her time to insult you and make you feel like garbage. Because you could see that there was aggression, and she just needed to let it out on someone who could handle it. And slowly, she was letting it ALL out.
You could tell every time she said something about not wanting you to leave in the mornings after, or you could see it in the looks she gave you sometimes... tt was all in the small things. The girl underneath, you knew, was the real Audrey Belrose. The one whom the name belonged to, and she was just as beautiful. The girl on the surface didn't quite match that name, which you found pretty funny.
The name thing started after you had had a real all-nighter with her and you were both laying next to each other panting. You got the craziest thoughts after sex, like that time you wondered if Momo cleaned herself like a cat too. But you digress.
Audrey Belrose... it really was a sweet name, like what you would name a Beautiful flower, not the "meanest bitch around". You wanted to vocalize these thoughts for once.
"You know, Audrey, Belrose is a very pretty name, though it usually doesn't fit you very much."
Though she was horribly tired, still panting, with her eyes clearly falling like they were the heaviest things in the world, she still responded in the usual voice. "And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?!" You tried not to laugh at that. "Are you saying I'm not pretty or something, asshole?!"
"No," you assured her, "You're gorgeous." And for the briefest of moments, her face turned slightly pink, and you could see the girl underneath. "It's just that sometimes you don't act pretty." She scoffed.
"Yeah right, I'm the prettiest girl you'll ever fuck..." she huffed, turning away from you, though you could still tell her face was soft.
"You know I can tell when you put up this act, right? I know this isn't the real Audrey Belrose, the prettier one." You could see her tense up from the corner of your eye, the tired scowl on her face as she turned to you making you want to roll your eyes.
"What the fuck are you talking about? Did I fuck you so hard your brain came loose or something? I'm not putting on any act." You could easily hear the almost uncertain tone she had underneath her tired visage.
"Yeah, sure, I'm not gonna force you to drop it, I just want you to know I think the real you is far more fitting of your beautiful name."
You turned away from her as well, and you could hear her shift restlessly through the night, neither of you getting as much sleep as you had hoped. But it was fine to you, you only wanted her to know that you could see through her shell of anger. You were sure after all that she was entirely justified.
You weren't sure if she would respond again, but you said something anyway. "Audrey, you know I see it when we have sex. There are no walls then, you can't keep them up. That face of yours then is the real one, not whatever you put on during the day. And I just want you to know that I think that face is beautiful."
She stayed silent for a while, and so did you, until you felt the bed shift again. You looked over your shoulder and saw her laying there, looking up at the ceiling. She had finally dropped her angry facade, her real face being bared as she laid thinking.
"Really? You really think she's beautiful?" She eventually asked, and you couldn't help noting she didn't say I.
"I think you're beautiful." You said, turning over towards her once again. There was a hesitancy in her expression at those words. As if she didn't believe that they Audrey she had been and the Audrey she was now were the same person. "I really do."
"I don't think she would agree with you." Was what she replied with. And you thought you very much wanted her to agree with you. More than anything.
"And why is that?" You prodded carefully. This was the most you had ever gotten her to open up and you really didn't want her to close you out now.
"She's... she's just a wimp. A giant, weak ass, fucking pussy. Nobody liked her, and nobody should like her, she's not worth it." She said, her voice trying to hold bite but you could tell it was just for show.
"I think you're strong, if you've survived this long under such a false persona. I think you're stronger than anyone I've ever known."
"Sh-she just... I don't... I hate her. I hate her and everything that happened to her. I hate how she reacted, I hate what she became, I hate how stupid she is! And I hate how much trust she puts in every single person she meets! I hate how easy it is for her to get her heart ripped out..." She panted again from her sudden burst of anger.
You let her words sink in for a moment, mulling them over in your head. "Who ripped her heart out?" You asked quietly, deciding to meet her halfway and hope to guide her to you instead of pulling.
Her face scrunched up in anger for a second and you became worried you had gone too far, but her features smoothed out just as fast and she turned her head to look at you.
"A fucking asshole, that's who he is. A giant fucking asshole I hope is lying dead in a hole somewhere."
"And even after all of that... she's still alive, isn't she? Underneath the Audrey I'm talking to right now?" She bit her lip.
"Yes..." she looked to think things over just a bit before turning to you fully. "Why do you think she's so beautiful... if you don't think I'm just as beautiful?"
"Because this Audrey shows that she cares and doesn't just pretend everything is shit. This Audrey is beautiful because she's real... you're beautiful because you're strong. Despite what you've gone through, the real you isn't dead, just hidden. Trying to protect yourself doesn't make you weak..." you said as you scooted a little closer to her. She didn't move away from you, much to your surprise. "And because maybe after all this time the little bits of you I've seen have made made me want to see more, have captivated me beyond anything I ever could have imagined. Because maybe after all this time I've fallen in love with you..."
"No! No you haven't," she screamed, "you're just saying that! The moment I let down my guard you're going to go after someone else and you're going to break my heart just like he did! The moment I give in to feeling again is the day I have to kill myself again!"
"Audrey." Your voice was harder than you meant it and it caused her to jump back a little. You tried again, your voice softer this time, "Audrey, do you really think I'm the same as that guy? We've know each other for a while now, we've hooked up countless times and gone on more dates than I can remember. After all that time, you can't deny you know stuff about me. I'm not him, you know that, I'm just someone who cares about you, the real you.
"
"I... I don't know," she admitted quietly. "I don't know, okay? I didn't want this, I didn't want you... at least not at first. I thought you were just another dumb guy, but you turned out be so different! I thought you were just going to enable me. I thought you were just gonna get me drunk and try to have your way with me like all the other guys I've met. I never accept drinks from guys, you know... but you seemed so different and to your credit you never tried anything. You waited for me, and that…" she paused, and you could hear her tone change, becoming softer, "Really made the difference. I gave you my virginity, you know. Because I wanted to. And I thought maybe this could be what we had. Just this. But now you're talking about something else, and I... don't... know..."
"We don't need to be more or something else, not if you're happy staying like this, but I need to know one thing first; are you happy being not the real you? Are you happy when you run around the clubs all night? Because, honestly, in the end that's what matters to me. I care about you, a lot, and I want you to be happy, with or without me, by being the real you or not the real you." You lifted your hand and stroked her cheek in the most affectionate way you ever had. "I don't care if you want to keep doing what we're doing or stop entirely, it doesn't matter to me. I just want to be sure you're happy living the way you are…"
She made no effort to make your hand on her cheek move. "I haven't even been to a club in weeks... I haven't felt like it. Every week I've just called you and asked you to come over. I don't think… I don't think going there makes me happy, I don't think it ever did. The drugs never worked for me, the alcohol only provided the bare minimum of relief... I want out of this life. But I don't want to become her again... at least not the her I used to be." She scooted herself even closer to you, a mere inch separating your faces. "Can you... help me become someone new...? Can you promise me you'll help me? That's all I want." Your hand on her cheek seemed to sober her somehow.
You leaned in and kissed her softly, far softer than any kiss you'd ever shared before, and smiled at her as you parted. "Audrey Belrose, I promise I'll help you become someone new.
"
She gave a soft half smile, as if she were trying her hardest and leaned into you closer than she ever allowed before. "Thank you..."