Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice
Author's note: I lost a friend last April 15, 2010. She was a close friend of mine. Really close. It's a shame that I would start this fanfic with a tale of woe.
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Title: Leave Out All The Rest
Inspiration: Leave out all the rest by Linkin Park
Pairing: Natsume x Mikan
Dedication: This story goes out for you KJGT. You were wrong. You were much more than what you give credit for yourself. You just didn't realize it. You won't be forgotten, love because I sure as hell can't.
.
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Because he was already so sure but then she came and changed it all.
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You were never one to worry about death.
You knew death was inevitable. Everybody would die eventually; it was just not the same with you. You were one step ahead to death. One step ahead compared to everybody else.
But then, you were never the one to worry about being forgotten.
You were never afraid of anything, let alone being forgotten. But then she came and everything changed. Everything, including your perspective on death.
And suddenly you were afraid to be forgotten.
You were missing in your dream. From a mission you're damn sure. You were missing and she was scared as hell. She tried to approach your friends, or at least that's what you think they were, but they don't care. Heck, they wouldn't even listen. They just gave her looks of sympathy and regret. Figures; they never really cared.
But there was Ruka, the person who you knew would never let you down and would always have your back. Contrary to what was expected, he just looked at her blankly when she asked for help before completely walking away as if telling her it would happen eventually. You almost lost it right then and there.
Then a teacher approached her – that homeroom teacher you never really like but secretly thankful for, for bringing her in this hell hole they call school. He approached her with a grim face and a resentful expression.
You knew from the look on his eyes what he was going to say. You knew the moment her smile wavered, you knew the moment her faithful eyes were filled with those nasty tears you hate to see coming from those eyes that showed hope. You knew what he said. You knew what that hope was for.
Hope that you might still be alive.
Then everything went black and you woke up gasping for breath.
Your breathing was ragged and a cold sweat trickled from your forehead to the side of your face. Realizing it was just another one of those nightmares; you clutch the bed sheets and muttered a curse under your breath
As you plopped back in your bed, you try to calm and assure yourself that it was just a dream. And what happens in dreams were always the opposite in reality. However, there was an uneasy feeling prowling in your guts. A feeling that lingers at the bottom of your stomach, convincing you that it was something more than a mere dream.
More like a premonition.
You come to school in a daze, still thinking of that wretched nightmare. She sat beside you and asked what was wrong, but you simply stared at her before walking away. Away from that penetrating gaze of hers that bore into your very soul
You had so many things to tell her. Why, how and just what the hell was wrong but you can't. You couldn't because you didn't know how to say it without hurting her, without insults spouting from your mouth and because you didn't know where to start.
You didn't realize that she followed you until she asked once again. And because you didn't know what to say, you once again lashed out on her, insulted her and commanded her to leave you alone, when in reality all you wanted to ask her was to stay by your side
She just smiled at you and patted you on the shoulder before going back to the room. A simple gesture that said she would be there to listen when you're ready.
Sighing, you watched her leave.
The words were just on the tip of your tongue but your pride was in the way. It had always been in the way. You just wished that when your time finally came she would forget all those spiteful things you had said, and instead remember the times that you had been there for her.
You remember how she used to be afraid of you. You couldn't really blame her; you too were afraid of yourself. You had changed so much since you came to the academy. So much that you didn't even know your old yourself. But deep down you knew the old you was still alive. The old you that cared dearly for his family, so much that he would sacrifice his own life just to make sure the filthy hands of the Academy wouldn't touch them. The old innocent village boy was still alive; he was just over shadowed by the monster they had turned you into.
And the thing is, she used to be afraid of you but now treats you as her friend. She was even the first one to approach you and declare that you two were officially friends.
Even if people see you as the hero, you couldn't help but think she had always been the stronger one. The tough guy who deals with everything by himself and always had an invincible aura. They worship you like a god. They say you're almost perfect.
Almost
Yes, you were strong on the surface but you knew that it was not all the way through. She may be a crybaby but she had always been the zealous one; she may not have the tough exterior you have, but you knew as hell she's stronger than you are, and ever would be.
Of course, you weren't perfect; you're just human after all. Human like everybody else. So why does everyone keep on expecting extraordinary things from you? You're tired from all of this. All of these missions, these expectations.
All this shit
But still you kept on pursuing them, pushing yourself to your limits until you can give no more. You've learned to forget all the pain they've caused you. You've endured their torments, forgotten how to feel, forgotten to show emotions. And you constantly ask yourself 'Why am I doing this?'
Of course you knew the answer.
It's because you knew you can never be like her. It's because you were envious of just how she can leave all the rest behind and just be herself. It's because in reality you envied her. You're jealous of how freely she could show her tears when she's sad, or how she can laugh as loud as she can when she's happy. And you envy her because you knew you couldn't leave those kinds of memories, so you try to create something that you can give without so much as risking anybody's life.
It's ironic how strongly you feel about her.
Didn't they say that love is neither about envy nor jealousy?
But a part of you, a big part of you, tells you that you need not be jealous because you know that whatever happens she would always, always be there to help you leave reasons to be remembered and missed.
She is once again in front of you, a hand outstretch towards you.
"Let's go back Natsume," she uttered.
And you look back at her innocent face, the face of an angel you adore, and for now you decided to leave out all the rest and just be somebody worth remembering.
You were never one to worry about death.
You knew death was inevitable. Everybody would die eventually; it was just not the same with you. You were one step ahead to death. One step ahead compared to everybody else.
But then, you were never the one to worry about being forgotten.
You were never afraid of anything, let alone being forgotten. But then she came and everything changed. Everything, including your perspective on death.
And suddenly you were afraid to be forgotten.
But you were also never the one to think of the future. You were a person who lives in the present. And right now, you're too busy being someone worth remembering to even worry about being forgotten.
Author's note: Well yeah, I'm sorry for the sad start guys. I was supposed to post this around the last week of April but I just didn't have the will—or the guts for that matter— to do so. I couldn't bring myself to write any stories since her departure.