Disclaimer - All original work done by JK Rowling. This is just for fun.
The cold, frigid air was seemingly out of place this close to summer, even for the Scottish Highlands, keeping most of the students indoors even though it was a Saturday. Of course Harry Potter was not most students. Sitting on a large boulder adjacent to the lake, staring unseeingly into the distance, Harry seemed to barely notice the cold which kept his peers indoors. It was the day after the Ministry battle, the day after he saw his Godfather; one of his last links to his parents, his key to freedom from the Dursley's, fall through the Veil at the Department of Mysteries. On top of that it was less than 12 hours since he was told of the Prophecy, the set of words that started his life's slide into the struggle it has become. All in all, Harry has had better days.
With a shuddering breath, Harry sighed. 'Marked as his equal' Harry thought as his hand subconsciously reached up to trace his scar before resting his arm on his knees again. 'Power he knows not.... Yeah right, I barely fought Bellatrix, Voldemort would have killed me easily if it wasn't for Dumbledore'. Harry sighed again as his thoughts drifted from the prophecy to his headmaster. 'Why didn't he tell me this before? Why hasn't he tried to teach me anything to survive?' Harry rested his head on his arms, willing himself to keep his tears in as he drew himself into a tighter ball on top of the boulder.
As Harry sat on the boulder, unaware of anything going on around him, four students came out into the yard, determined to enjoy what time they have left before the end of term. One of them, Ernie MacMillan, noticed the figure near the lake.
"Who's that" Ernie questioned as he pointed towards the figure.
The others in the group; Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot and Lisa Turpin all stopped and looked to where Ernie was pointing. A small smile appeared on Susan's face before it was replaced by a frown.
"I think it's Harry" Susan said, her voice laced with concern. "He looks so alone."
Lisa turned to the others. "Didn't you hear? Granger and both the Weasley's are in the hospital wing. I saw Neville and that Lovegood girl coming out this morning looking pretty down when I went in for some headache potion."
Susan turned to Lisa, amused suspicion on her face "Did you really have a headache or were you looking for some gossip?"
"Rumor is the lot of them went to the Ministry yesterday and fought with Deatheaters. People are even saying Harry fought off You Know Who!" Lisa stated excitedly.
Hannah looked back at the young man sitting alone "Then why does he look so sad? His friends are all OK, aren't they?"
Lisa turned serious "Well Ginny and Ron both seem to be fine, except Ron was covered in some kind of cream. Hermione was awake but she looked really pale."
"I wonder why they went there in the first place, if that is what happened" Ernie asked.
Hannah turned to the others "Why don't we go find out?" she said as she started down the hill. Ernie and Lisa shrugged at each other and turned to follow her. Susan ran ahead of Hannah and held out her hands. "I don't think we should bother him guys, he is probably out here because he wants to be alone."
Hannah sighed in frustration "One of us should at least make sure he is OK. No questions about what happened, i swear!"
Susan turned back and looked at the small, huddled figure at the lake. She sighed. Hannah, a smirk on her face, turned back to the others slightly and winked at them. "Fine Susan, you go."
Susan looked at her sharply, a deep blush appearing on her face. "That is not what I meant and you know it"
Lisa caught on quickly "Come on Sue, just ask if he is OK and if he wants to join us. We won't bother him if he doesn't want to be with anyone."
"Plus he is our friend, in a way, what with the DA and all. It's the least we can do" Ernie chimed in.
Susan sighed, not really putting up a fight as she looked down to Harry. "Fine, I'll go. I'll meet you at the greenhouses"
Susan turns, sets her shoulders and starts down the hill, the others giving affirmative responses before heading off themselves. As she gets closer she notices the subtle movements of his body, shuddering slightly from the cold. 'I wonder how long he's been here?' Susan thought as she came within a few feet of him.
"Harry?" Susan tentatively called out.
Harry's body shot up as he turned quickly to face his company, his hands brushing his face to try and remove the evidence of his morning's thoughts. "Susan? Um.. hey, what can I do for you?" Harry asked quietly, awkwardly shuffling his feet.
"Are you OK?" She asked just as quietly, not wanting to put him on the defensive. As she waited for a response Susan finally got a good look at the young man in front of her. He was pale, gaunt and disheveled, his eyes red-rimmed and filled with more pain then she thought possible. Looking back on that moment, Susan would come to know that it was the moment that her crush on the Boy Who Lived died and her feelings for Harry, a young man in need of friends and love, arose. Harry looked sharply up at Susan, his eyes showing confusion and slight distrust through the obvious pain.
"We were coming out to do some relaxing in the gardens and we saw you out here. I thought you might need a friend" Susan stated, finishing quietly as she got lost in the emotions showing in his eyes, the normally bright green a dull, pale color.
Harry's face started to crack, showing small glimpses of emotion. Without looking away he stated, barely a whisper "My Godfather died last night."
Susan's hand shot up to cover her mouth as she tentatively took a small step towards him. "I'm sorry Harry."
Harry's calm veiner slipped as the toll of the previous day's activities, the lack of sleep and the cold of the day finally hit home. He frantically looked around him, as if looking for an escape route. Susan reached out her hand and lightly rested it on his arm. The minor act was all it took as he crumpled, sobs wracking his body. Susan rushed closer and knelt next to him, wrapping her arms around him and he finally let out the overwhelming feelings. Subconsciously, Harry reached his arms around the young woman comforting him and rested his head on her shoulder, soaking the material of her sweater as she stroked his hair and arms.
The silent sobbing, punctuated by Susan's soothing words, was interrupted every few seconds as Harry stared whispering a statement over and over. Susan strained to hear the words "It's all my fault" coming from the grief struck Harry. Slowly Harry calmed down and pulled away from Susan, his face getting redder every second. As he pulled away, Harry looked up into Susan's eyes, their gaze locking and her breath catching slightly.
"I'm sorry about getting your sweater wet" Harry said after a few seconds. Susan smiled at Harry and this time it was his turn for his breath to catch as it lit up her face.
"No apologies necessary Harry." Susan said quietly, not really wanting to break the moment they seemed to be having. "Do you... do you want to talk about it?" She asked tentatively.
Harry took a deep breath and seemed to be steeling himself for something but before he could begin they were interrupted.
"Mr. Potter" The distinctive Scottish brogue of their Transfiguration teacher broke the silence.
Harry and Susan jumped up, both blushing for both similar and different reasons. Harry then realized who it was that asked for him.
"What is it? Is it Hermione? Is she OK? Ron?" Harry's voice seemed panicked and it appeared he might start hyperventilating 'No more, I can't take it' Harry thought desperately. Suddenly a warm hand slipped into his, a calming presence being made known. Harry looked down at their joined hands and then at Susan's brightly blushing face, her eyes determinedly staring back, concern on her face. Harry took a deep breath, seemingly taking strength from it and looked back at their teacher.
Professor McGonagall took in the haggard appearance of one of her favorite Gryffindors and her normally strict persona relaxed slightly. "They are fine Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger are both awake and recovering well. I am here to escort you to the Headmaster, he would like to speak to you."
Harry relaxed noticeably upon hearing about his friends but then stiffened even more when hearing about his summons, his hand tightening the grip with Susan's. With a sigh of defeat, he turned to the young witch next to him, making eye contact and giving the hand a small squeeze. "Thank you for the shoulder." He said quietly before letting go and turning back to the professor. As they walked away Susan couldn't help the feeling of helplessness that filled her. Impetuously Susan ran after Harry, shouting out his name and causing the pair ahead of her to pause and turn, the question apparent on his face.
"If you want to talk, any time, I'm here. OK?" Susan said as she pulled him into a small hug. Harry stiffened noticeably, being hugged not something he felt comfortable with, but he then relaxed slightly before pulling away.
"Thanks" Harry said, a small smile finally appearing on his face.
As they entered the school and disappeared Susan couldn't help staring after them. 'I'm going to find a way to help you Harry Potter' Susan thought as she finally turned to catch up with her friends, her mind staying with the lost, sad young man she just had comforted.
Harry's mind was racing a mile a minute as he followed his head of house through the school. Thoughts of grief, pain, anger and embarrassment all flowed through him continuously as he woodenly walked up stairs and through passageways. Relief that his friends were getting better warred with remembering how soft Susan felt in his arms. Grief at the loss of his Godfather battled with the sense of peace he felt letting go of the tears he had struggled to hold in. The only emotion he could hold onto was the anger at his Headmaster for holding back the information he felt he deserved to have known long before yesterday's battle even happened. Grasping onto the emotion he knew and felt comfortable with, Harry started working out the questions he wanted to ask Dumbledore when they met.
'He said he would start being honest with me' Harry thought slightly bitterly 'Might as well make sure I ask the right questions'
Approaching the entranceway to the Headmaster's stairway Harry missed the password but noticed that Professor McGonagall wasn't leading him up the stairs. Harry looked at her in question.
"This is where I leave you Harry." said McGonagall, concern in her expression.
Harry nodded and started towards the doorway, the paused and turned back to her. "Professor, would you please come with me? I.. I would like someone there with me when I ask the questions I plan on asking. That is, in my corner, so to speak."
Professor McGonagall looked surprised at the request " The Headmaster is in your corner Mr. Potter."
"Please Professor? As my head of house? I don't think things will go smoothly up there." Harry asked quietly.
A few seconds passed as she considered her student's request. Deciding it was in his rights as a student, and being curious about what was going on in his mind, Professor McGonagall nodded and lead the way up the stairs, Harry close behind. After a sharp knock on the door, a voice was heard. "Come in, come in."
Albus Dumbledore was nothing if not an observant wizard. Saying he saw many things and many possibilities out of all situations would be an understatement. Even with this level of detail and years of experience he had no way of knowing what was going to happen when Harry Potter entered the room. It was just something about the young man where all bets were off and anything could happen. It was one of the things he was most proud about his student, and the most exasperating.
Harry stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, taking the moment to see how much had been repaired of the damage he had done, taking solace in the fact that the majority of the broken items had been fixed and the visible damage was not as bad as he remembered. A calming trill was heard as Fawkes let his presence be known, helping Harry relax a little.
"Thank you for bringing Harry, Minerva. That will be all." Professor Dumbledore's voice snapped him out of his internal musings. Professor McGonagall looked between her student and her old friend.
"I'm sorry Albus but Mr. Potter has asked me to join him today, as his head of house." She stated
Albus frowned slightly and looked at Harry. "Are you sure this is needed Harry?"
Harry nodded as he sat down in the remaining chair. "I would prefer it, sir."
"Very well then Harry, let's get started. I am sure you are eager to visit Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger." Albus said, grandfatherly concern in his slightly twinkling eyes. "Firstly, I wanted to again express my regrets about Sirius. He was always a breath of fresh air while he was studying here, a great man."
Harry nodded, tears in his eyes as he looked at Professor McGonagall, seeing the same tears in her eyes.
"I know this is not something you wish to discuss now, but we must discuss the arrangements for the summer." Albus stated
'Here we go' Harry thought bitterly 'Another summer with those.. those.. bastards.'
"To begin with of course you will return to your Aunt's. I am sure we can arrange for a trip to the Burrow later in the summer." Professor Dumbledore said in his kindest voice.
"Why?" Harry said quietly, but coldly. "Why must I be sent to that place?" the venom in the word place showing his thoughts on the matter.
"Come now Harry, it's the safest place from the reach of the Deatheaters and Voldemort." Albus said entreatingly.
"Safe from them maybe but what about my relatives?" Harry almost shouted "What will protect me from them!"
"I'm sure it's not as bad as you say Harry, it won't be for the entire summer." said Albus, trying to calm the young wizard..
Harry practically jumped to his feet, causing both Professors to jump in their seat. "Not as bad! How do you not know how they treat me?" Harry started pacing in front of the Headmaster's desk, his audience forgotten as he dived into his memories. "Growing up I thought my name was freak because that was all they referred to me as! They abuse me, mentally and physically, everyday I am there! There are locks on the outside of my door! They barely feed me! I am treated lower than the lowest slave to them; cooking meals I won't eat, yard-work every day! My first Hogwart's letter was addressed to the cupboard under the stairs for Merlin's sake!"
With each statement both Professors listening to the young man's rant grew paler and paler, each exclamation felt as if his magic itself was proving the point. So surprised at the outburst was Professor McGonagall that all she could think of was the night they left Harry at the Dursley's and the warnings she had said to Albus. She turned and saw him looking older and older with each comment. Taking pity on him, she turned to Harry.
"That's enough Mr. Potter, calm down." She said, her teaching persona coming to the front.
Harry turned to her, the anger shining in his eyes. "It will never be enough Professor." Turning back to the Headmaster he spoke quietly but with conviction "Professor, you said last night that you would start telling me the truth. I want to know everything about what is going on between myself and Voldemort. I want to know why he is determined to kill me and I want to know why I have to go back to that hell hole. I will tell you this, Professor, tell me everything. If I find out you held anything back, anything at all, I will leave the wizarding world and never come back!"
Both Professors looked at Harry in shock as he practically yelled the last part.
"Come now Harry, you surely don't mean that." Professor Dumbledore said pleadingly.
His eyes practically glowing with the emotions shining in them, Harry spoke with a rigid calm. "Try me, Sir. If I have learnt one thing from last night it is that this world needs me more than I need it right now." Harry stated as he sat back down. "You seem to have done everything in your power to make me uncomfortable and unloved in both the wizarding world and muggle. I have a psychopath trying to kill me each year, fame I don't want, the public think I am either a Dark Lord on the rise or a lying cheat. I have a teacher who has hated me since before I stepped foot in this school and I don't fully understand why. He is also in charge of a whole house of students who hate me. Add to that the string of incompetent, idiotic teachers of the one class we need above all others in these times. It makes me wonder if you want me to live through this war at all."
The shocked silence that filled the room spoke volumes, especially with the question that hung in the air. Harry felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Every year he took what the world gave him and kept it bottled up. It seemed that the death of his Godfather, the injuries his friends had suffered and the feelings that his breakdown by the lake released had all finally caused to to think 'NO MORE!' His breath slowing, Harry looked at those in the room. To his surprise Professor McGonagall wasn't staring at him but at the Headmaster. Harry wasn't sure what the look was but he hoped it would never be aimed at him. Looking at the headmaster he was surprised to see how old he looked. The Headmaster had always given off the image of strength and infallibility. Now he looked every day the 150+ years he was.
Harry sighed. "Professor, I need to know what I am facing. We both know I am in the middle of this, whether we want it or not. My childhood was destroyed 15 years ago and there is no going back. Please," Harry said pleadingly "for once just tell me what I need to know. Let me have a reason for going back to the Dursley's other than "It's for the best" "
Professor Dumbledore sighed heavily and glanced at his companion, Fawkes, who trilled a quiet song of strength. He also glanced at his oldest friend and colleague, seeing her desperate look.
"Harry, what do you know of the magic that created the diary you destroyed in the Chamber of Secrets?"
Susan Bones was not a young woman prone to exaggeration. She felt that she was pretty well grounded, being the Niece of the Head of the Department of Law Enforcement meant that she knew more about the ins and outs of the wizarding world than most girls her age. That is why she felt she was well within her rights to be completely and utterly confused by the young man currently taking up her thoughts and the man he was grieving. She knew the story of Sirius Black. The betrayer of the Potters. Voldemort's right hand man. So why was Harry Potter, the boy who lost more than anyone else to Sirius Black, so upset that he passed away. Slowly walking to where she knew her friends had gone, Susan's mind was racing. There was more to this story than the public knew, than her Auntie knew. She needed answers. Answers she couldn't get from Harry. 'Not yet anyway' She thought with a slight blush, remembering their interactions earlier and hoping as only a young woman could hope that it might lead to more conversations in the future. A slight yelp and thud drew her attention from her thoughts as she saw Neville Longbottom stumble while walking towards the school from the Greenhouses. A quick decision made, she chased after him, calling for his attention. Neville didn't stop completely but slowed down so she could catch up, a questioning look on his face.
"Susan." Neville said calmly. "Going back to the school?"
Susan nodded and fell into step with him, wondering slightly where the bashful young boy from 1st year went. As they entered the school, he stopped and turned to her.
"Look, I'm not going to tell you anything about what happened, OK?" He said brusquely. Susan's mouth opened in surprise and her eyes narrowed. Seeing this, the 1st year part of him quickly came to the fore. "I'm sorry Sue, it's been all I've heard all day. It's getting a little old. I'm not sure how Harry deals with this all the time"
"It's OK Neville, I can only imagine." Susan said calmly. "I'm not going to pretend I'm not curious about what happened or annoyed at not being able to go after training all year, if in fact you did go."
Neville looked slightly wide-eyed at this and started edging away. Susan gasped. "You did go to the Ministry, didn't you? You fought Deatheaters!"
Neville looked around wildly before grabbing Susan by the arm and started walking up the stairs away from the Great Hall. "Shh! We're not supposed to talk about it."
Susan tore her arm out of his grasp. "But it's true!" Neville nodded slightly before turning and walking away, his face red. Susan raced after him and stopped him near some classrooms.
"What's wrong Neville? You should be proud of what you did!" Susan exclaimed.
"I am proud, I would help Harry anytime, anyplace!" Neville stated strongly "But Professor Dumbledore said to keep it quiet and, as usual, it's bumbling stupid Neville that gives it away."
Susan could see how upset this had made her friend. "Neville, you didn't let give it away. I had guessed most of it and I saw Harry earlier."
Neville looked sharply at her. "You did? Is he OK? I haven't seen him since last night, he never came back to the dorms."
Susan became upset 'He was out there all night!' "To be honest he looked really upset. I could see why, what with Ron, Hermione and Ginny all in the hospital wing."
Neville looked torn, unsure of something. Susan decided to put him out of his misery. "He said something about his Godfather, about him passing away."
"Yeah, I didn't see it but Bellatrix got him" Neville said quietly.
'What!' Susan thought with surprise "But his Godfather is Sirius Black! Why would they fight each other if they are on the same side?"
Neville paled again and leaned against the wall in defeat. "Why can't I keep my mouth shut?" he said quietly.
"Neville?" Susan asked "Just answer one thing and I'll stop asking questions, OK?"
Neville sighed and nodded for her to continue.
"Was he innocent?"
Neville stared at Susan, trying to judge her interest. Sighing again, he nodded.
Susan gasped, her hand flying to cover her mouth, the questions piling up and up. One thought prevailing over the others. 'Auntie is going to be so mad at someone over this'
Harry stumbled off the last step from the Headmaster's office, his mind flooded with information and questions. He had asked for everything and it appeared that Professor Dumbledore had delivered. Voldemort - Immortal. Horcruxes. He couldn't finish off Voldemort until they were all destroyed. No one knew what they were or where they are or even how many there were. Dumbledore had his ideas on this of course but nothing concrete.
Harry turned and slowly started walking down the corridor, his feet automatically tracing the path to the hospital wing. 'Power he knows not' Harry snorted 'Love, what do I know of Love? The best I got at the Dursley's was mild distain and here I get accusations and hate.' Harry snorted again. Suddenly a face floated into his head, a young red headed woman who helped him earlier that very day. 'OK, what was that about? I barely know Susan.'
Harry paused at this, his thoughts swirling in his head. Suddenly he realized that he was standing outside the door to the hospital wing. Bracing himself Harry took a step towards the door.
"Hey Potter!" A menacing voice called out.
Harry turned to look at who called, scowling at the familiar blonde haired menace coming his way, his usual bodyguards missing.
"What do you want Malfoy?" Harry snarled "Don't you have anything better to do?"
"You're going to pay Potter!" Draco shouted as he stalked closer.
"For what? Showing what an incompetent fool you father is? Can't even beat a couple of school kids, what a shame?" Harry mocked Draco, not caring anymore about the supposed rivalry any longer, only seeing a younger version of the Deatheater he faced the night before.
Draco snarled and pulled his wand, a spell forming on his lips. As this happened, time seemed to slow down and many things happened at once. At the other end of the hall Susan and Neville, deciding to visit their friends came upon the pair, seeing Malfoy with his wand drawn and Harry reaching for his. It apparent it wouldn't be quick enough. Neville shouted out and they both drew their wands, racing to help their friend.
The spell was shouted out.
"Crucio!"
Harry fell to the ground, shouting in pain. Suddenly, a bright white light formed around Harry, blinding the other 3, causing them to shield their eyes. Harry's shouting stopped and all three students were shocked as they watched Harry float into the air and in a flash he was gone, as if he had never been there. Neville and Susan reacted faster than Draco and got their spells off.
"Stupefy!"
"Incarcerous!"
Neville and Susan stood there, shock clear on their faces, as the hospital wing doors opened, spilling Fred, George, Ginny, Luna and Madame Pomfry out into the hall. They quickly saw Draco tied up and stunned.
"What happened Neville?" Ginny shouted "Who cast the Cruciatus? Who was hit?"
Neville stood there, mouth gaping, unable to formulate a response. Susan was first to recover. "Malfoy did it... It hit Harry."
Fred and George looked wildly around the hallway as Ginny walked over and kicked Draco's wand away.
George looked back at Susan bewildered. "OK, but where's Harry?"
Neville and Susan shared a look.
"He disappeared." Susan replied, tears in her eyes.
-end chapter 1-
Please R&R. First story in a while. I've enjoyed other stories of a similar vein, the "What if the story changed after book 5" type and thought I would give it a go.