Comments: Alright, I wrote this songfic with the intention of coming out
with a different product in the end. I wasn't even going to post this, and
just rewrite it after finals... But not wanting to let my work go to waste,
I posted at the Luby Egroup.. (It's NOT a Luby... just an Abby fic....).
Anyways, the praises I got there made me decide to post it everywhere
else...... I'll still be rewriting it at the end of January.... but for
now, you can enjoy this..... :)
(By the way: The song is "Be Like That" by 3 Doors Down)
"Out of Reach"
By Lexa
~*~
He spends his nights in California
Watching the stars on the big screen
And then he lies awake and he wonders
Why can't that be me
The little girl looked down at her desk, ashamed.
"Abigail, if you're going to go in to the second grade next September, you're going to need to know how to add. You're going to need to start trying-"
"But I am trying Mrs. Brennan!" She protested.
The teacher glared at her "Don't talk back to me like that!"
"Sorry Mrs. Brennan," she looked back down at her desk.
"Now I want you to start putting some real effort into things or you're never going to make it anywhere, you understand? You'll be wasting all our time."
"Yes Mrs. Brennan," she replied quietly.
The teacher dropped the little girl's math assignment down on the desk disgustingly and walked away.
Abby spotted a group of girls sitting a few rows in front of her snickering at her. She slunk down in her chair and sighed. She wasn't good enough for the teacher, or the other little girls in her class.
She wasn't good enough.
~*~
Cause in this life he's filled with all these good intentions
He's left a lot of things
He'd rather not mention right now
"Abby, I did all this to get you into one of the best high schools in the city-"
"-I'm sorry dad..."
"Then you go and decide to ruin it for yourself."
It wasn't as if she got kicked out. She failed one midterm. One stupid history midterm. History didn't matter anyways. One day, they would all be history.
Abby looked up at her father leaning against the kitchen counter with the midterm in his hand and she wished she were history at that moment.
"It just gets so tiring Abby. Can you just get it together? I mean... Since the day you broke the tricycle you got for your third birthday, the very same day you go it, I've been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with this kid I brought into the world. You know, I came home today and your little brother had made a mess on the kitchen table. You however, were too lazy to clean it up. You're supposed to be looking after him. But no………. You were too busy in your room listening to music."
She hadn't really been listening to music. She had the radio going when she was cleaning her room. Something her father was angry with her yesterday for not doing earlier. Besides, Eric was twelve, she wasn't really supposed to be babysitting him anymore.
"You know I've been pushing you Abby. I've been pushing and pushing you just so maybe one day you'd make something of yourself. But no, there's no budging you. You'd rather just be lazy. You want to end up working as a waitress some day? Huh? Huh?"
Abby bit her lip and shook her head. She pushed the tears back as far as she could. She would not let her father see her cry. She would not show him how weak she really was.
"Huh? Huh?" He walked towards the table where she was sitting.
She couldn't get any words out.
"Answer me when I talk to you damn it!" Wildly, he brought his hand back and struck Abby across the face.
She cupped her hand over her stinging cheek. Terrified he'd hit her again but harder, she tried her best to give him an answer. "No", she managed to say in a quiet, trembling voice.
"I would sure hope not. Maybe if you would stop spending so much time around those no good friends of yours, smoking and doing god knows what else, maybe this-" he held up the paper, "won't ever happen again."
She was still passing history and doing well in all her other subjects. But he didn't care. All that mattered was that she was a failure in his eyes.
"When is your mother expecting you at her house?"
"Uhm, tomorrow," her voice trembled as she spoke.
"Good," her father grumbled and started to walk out the kitchen, "stay there as long as you like."
Abby could hear her father grumbling something as he left the kitchen and went upstairs. Tears were running down her cheeks.
She couldn't blame him for being glad she'd be out of his house tomorrow. She couldn't blame him for wishing she was more.
She certainly wished she were more.
~*~
Just before he says goodnight
He looks up with a little smile at me
And he says
If I could be like that
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that, what would I do
What would I do
Now in dreams we run.....
That night she collapsed on her bed at about ten to midnight. Her body ached and she was exhausted. At least tomorrow night she would be at Maggie's where she could get something out of the liquor cabinet to help her relax.
But tonight, it would be a while until she could relax. Abby placed her pillow in the perfect position so she could see the stars out her window.
She always heard people say 'reach for the stars'. When she was younger, she thought they literally meant to try to touch the stars. Later she found out that when they said that, they meant reach for your highest aspirations.
When people asked her what she wanted to do for a living, she no longer told them her true 'stars' because they always laughed. They knew she couldn't be a doctor. Or a family court lawyer. She wasn't smart enough. She wasn't good enough. So she told them she wanted to be a schoolteacher. Or maybe even a nurse. Satisfied with her answer, they would nod their heads and smile. But part of Abby was unsatisfied with that. Of course the other part of her told her that even though that wasn't what she wanted, that's all she could do.
She closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, Abby felt like she was staring in the face of these stars that were miles away.
"Can you get me out of here?" She whispered. "Please? I just want to stop being a failure. I don't want to be nothing anymore."
~*~
She spends her days up in the north park
Watching the people as they pass
And all she wants is just
A little piece of this dream
Is that too much to ask
As she stood in front of the mirror trying to straighten her pure white lab coat, she couldn't remember a single person in her life who truly thought she would ever get anywhere like this. Not her father, her mother, Richard, or even Eric.
Even though she'd gotten far, she kept reminding herself, "You're still not there yet."
It was only the first day of her ER rotation, but at least she was close. She was wearing the white coat, she was seeing patients. She was walking down the halls with them, with all those people who had gotten as far as she had, and further. They were doctors, and she would be too soon.
Her fingertips were inching closer to those stars she watched every night out her window.
~*~
With a safe home
And a warm bed
On a quiet little street
All she wants is just
That something to hold on to
That's all she needs
"You are in violation of our divorce agreement. I am hiring a lawyer and getting my tuition," Abby yelled to Richard in a tone he thought he'd heard before.
Little did he know, this wasn't the same tone she used when he used to come home five hours late with a lousy explanation and she knew he was off somewhere with one of his whores. This wasn't the same tone she used in the countless petty arguments during their marriage.
This was the tone of Abby had been the closest to the stars she had have ever gotten and then suddenly pulled down. She had been so close to reaching for something she had always been told she'd never be able to and then brought right back down to the ground.
As she stormed away she was angry with Richard, but even angrier with herself. How could she have been so stupid? They were right. They had all been right. Richard, her father, Maggie, Eric, her teachers.... They had all been right. And she had been stupid enough to believe that maybe, just maybe, she could actually be something.
"You know what? Take it all! Take the debt too!" Richard called after her. But suddenly it didn't matter. None of that mattered. It was over. It was all over. She knew now she could never get there.
They had all been right. She was nothing.
~*~
If I could be like that
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that, what would I do
What would I do...
(By the way: The song is "Be Like That" by 3 Doors Down)
"Out of Reach"
By Lexa
~*~
He spends his nights in California
Watching the stars on the big screen
And then he lies awake and he wonders
Why can't that be me
The little girl looked down at her desk, ashamed.
"Abigail, if you're going to go in to the second grade next September, you're going to need to know how to add. You're going to need to start trying-"
"But I am trying Mrs. Brennan!" She protested.
The teacher glared at her "Don't talk back to me like that!"
"Sorry Mrs. Brennan," she looked back down at her desk.
"Now I want you to start putting some real effort into things or you're never going to make it anywhere, you understand? You'll be wasting all our time."
"Yes Mrs. Brennan," she replied quietly.
The teacher dropped the little girl's math assignment down on the desk disgustingly and walked away.
Abby spotted a group of girls sitting a few rows in front of her snickering at her. She slunk down in her chair and sighed. She wasn't good enough for the teacher, or the other little girls in her class.
She wasn't good enough.
~*~
Cause in this life he's filled with all these good intentions
He's left a lot of things
He'd rather not mention right now
"Abby, I did all this to get you into one of the best high schools in the city-"
"-I'm sorry dad..."
"Then you go and decide to ruin it for yourself."
It wasn't as if she got kicked out. She failed one midterm. One stupid history midterm. History didn't matter anyways. One day, they would all be history.
Abby looked up at her father leaning against the kitchen counter with the midterm in his hand and she wished she were history at that moment.
"It just gets so tiring Abby. Can you just get it together? I mean... Since the day you broke the tricycle you got for your third birthday, the very same day you go it, I've been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with this kid I brought into the world. You know, I came home today and your little brother had made a mess on the kitchen table. You however, were too lazy to clean it up. You're supposed to be looking after him. But no………. You were too busy in your room listening to music."
She hadn't really been listening to music. She had the radio going when she was cleaning her room. Something her father was angry with her yesterday for not doing earlier. Besides, Eric was twelve, she wasn't really supposed to be babysitting him anymore.
"You know I've been pushing you Abby. I've been pushing and pushing you just so maybe one day you'd make something of yourself. But no, there's no budging you. You'd rather just be lazy. You want to end up working as a waitress some day? Huh? Huh?"
Abby bit her lip and shook her head. She pushed the tears back as far as she could. She would not let her father see her cry. She would not show him how weak she really was.
"Huh? Huh?" He walked towards the table where she was sitting.
She couldn't get any words out.
"Answer me when I talk to you damn it!" Wildly, he brought his hand back and struck Abby across the face.
She cupped her hand over her stinging cheek. Terrified he'd hit her again but harder, she tried her best to give him an answer. "No", she managed to say in a quiet, trembling voice.
"I would sure hope not. Maybe if you would stop spending so much time around those no good friends of yours, smoking and doing god knows what else, maybe this-" he held up the paper, "won't ever happen again."
She was still passing history and doing well in all her other subjects. But he didn't care. All that mattered was that she was a failure in his eyes.
"When is your mother expecting you at her house?"
"Uhm, tomorrow," her voice trembled as she spoke.
"Good," her father grumbled and started to walk out the kitchen, "stay there as long as you like."
Abby could hear her father grumbling something as he left the kitchen and went upstairs. Tears were running down her cheeks.
She couldn't blame him for being glad she'd be out of his house tomorrow. She couldn't blame him for wishing she was more.
She certainly wished she were more.
~*~
Just before he says goodnight
He looks up with a little smile at me
And he says
If I could be like that
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that, what would I do
What would I do
Now in dreams we run.....
That night she collapsed on her bed at about ten to midnight. Her body ached and she was exhausted. At least tomorrow night she would be at Maggie's where she could get something out of the liquor cabinet to help her relax.
But tonight, it would be a while until she could relax. Abby placed her pillow in the perfect position so she could see the stars out her window.
She always heard people say 'reach for the stars'. When she was younger, she thought they literally meant to try to touch the stars. Later she found out that when they said that, they meant reach for your highest aspirations.
When people asked her what she wanted to do for a living, she no longer told them her true 'stars' because they always laughed. They knew she couldn't be a doctor. Or a family court lawyer. She wasn't smart enough. She wasn't good enough. So she told them she wanted to be a schoolteacher. Or maybe even a nurse. Satisfied with her answer, they would nod their heads and smile. But part of Abby was unsatisfied with that. Of course the other part of her told her that even though that wasn't what she wanted, that's all she could do.
She closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, Abby felt like she was staring in the face of these stars that were miles away.
"Can you get me out of here?" She whispered. "Please? I just want to stop being a failure. I don't want to be nothing anymore."
~*~
She spends her days up in the north park
Watching the people as they pass
And all she wants is just
A little piece of this dream
Is that too much to ask
As she stood in front of the mirror trying to straighten her pure white lab coat, she couldn't remember a single person in her life who truly thought she would ever get anywhere like this. Not her father, her mother, Richard, or even Eric.
Even though she'd gotten far, she kept reminding herself, "You're still not there yet."
It was only the first day of her ER rotation, but at least she was close. She was wearing the white coat, she was seeing patients. She was walking down the halls with them, with all those people who had gotten as far as she had, and further. They were doctors, and she would be too soon.
Her fingertips were inching closer to those stars she watched every night out her window.
~*~
With a safe home
And a warm bed
On a quiet little street
All she wants is just
That something to hold on to
That's all she needs
"You are in violation of our divorce agreement. I am hiring a lawyer and getting my tuition," Abby yelled to Richard in a tone he thought he'd heard before.
Little did he know, this wasn't the same tone she used when he used to come home five hours late with a lousy explanation and she knew he was off somewhere with one of his whores. This wasn't the same tone she used in the countless petty arguments during their marriage.
This was the tone of Abby had been the closest to the stars she had have ever gotten and then suddenly pulled down. She had been so close to reaching for something she had always been told she'd never be able to and then brought right back down to the ground.
As she stormed away she was angry with Richard, but even angrier with herself. How could she have been so stupid? They were right. They had all been right. Richard, her father, Maggie, Eric, her teachers.... They had all been right. And she had been stupid enough to believe that maybe, just maybe, she could actually be something.
"You know what? Take it all! Take the debt too!" Richard called after her. But suddenly it didn't matter. None of that mattered. It was over. It was all over. She knew now she could never get there.
They had all been right. She was nothing.
~*~
If I could be like that
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that, what would I do
What would I do...