Title: A Time For Tears

Author: Bail's Other Daughter

Disclaimer: I do not own JAG or its characters, nor do I own ATA airlines or St. Vincent's hospital.

Note: This was the first fan fiction I wrote and is still the one closest to my heart. I was reading through it and realized that it could use some major help, so I decided to rewrite it and post it a chapter at a time. It is finished and I will try to post a chapter either every day or every other day. The plot is the same as are some of the scenes, but many things have been changed- including the setting for the first few chapters and a couple of the names. Enjoy and review please! J

Chapter 1

1835 EST

MAC'S APARTMENT

GEORGETOWN DC

The telephone rang out just as Colonel Sarah MacKenzie stepped inside her apartment. She set down her briefcase and walked to the phone.

"MacKenzie."

"Sarah MacKenzie?" the voice on the other line said.

"Yes…"

"Ma'am, this is Doctor Williams as St. Vincent's hospital in Indianapolis. Your mother is a patient here and…. Well, she requested that I call you."

"My mother?" Mac asked.

"Deanne MacKenzie?" When the doctor received no reply, he continued. "She's not doing well. If you want to see her, you should come immediately."

"What exactly is wrong with her, Doctor?"

"Cancer, I'm afraid. She's put up a good fight. We've done all we can for her."

"Cancer?" Mac whispered.

The Doctor took a deep breath. "Yes. It has spread to most of her vital organs. She only has days left."

"Doctor, you should probably know that I haven't even spoken to my mother in over four years."

"Yes, I know," Doctor Williams replied. "Your mother has told me all about her past…. And about you. She wants to see you so badly."

Mac sighed softly. She had been too late for her father and she didn't want to make that mistake again. Finally, she spoke. "Doctor, where are you located? I'll try to catch the next flight out"……

1900 EST

HARM'S APARTMENT

NORTH OF UNION STATION

"Mattie, what's burning?" Harm yelled from the bathroom.

"Nothing, Harm. It's called fried rice," Mattie yelled back.

"Fried? Are you sure it isn't scorched?" Harm replied as he came out of the bathroom rubbing his wet hair with a towel.

"Chill, Harm, everything's cool. Just sit down and relax until it's ready."

Harm slowly nodded his head and hoped he hadn't made a mistake by allowing Mattie to cook dinner. He picked up his guitar and started to walk to the sofa when he heard a knock at the door.

"Mac?" Harm said, opening the door. "Hey, come on in. I would invite you to stay for dinner, but I'm not sure you're going to want to eat it."

"I heard that!" Mattie yelled from the kitchen. Harm smiled.

"Thanks anyway, but this isn't exactly a social visit," Mac said.

"Yeah, what's up?" Harm asked.

"I'm going away…"

"Where have I heard this before?" Harm said with a laugh then suddenly turned serious. "It's not Webb again is it? You know what happened last time," he added.

"No, it's not Clay," Mac said. "It's my mother."

"Your mother?"
Mac nodded her head and sighed. "My flight leaved in an hour. I just came by to let you know where I would be."

"What about your mother, Mac?" Harm asked.

"She's in a hospital in Indianapolis. She's dying, Harm. Cancer."

"I'm so sorry," he said, reaching out to touch her arm.

"I know," Mac frowned. "I have to go," she added as she turned around and began to walk away.

"Wait, Mac," Harm said as he grabbed her by the elbow. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, I'll be fine. I can do this alone," she said, shoving a piece of paper into his hand. "Here's my flight number and the hotel's phone number."

"Call me if you need anything," Harm told her as she stepped out the door.

Mac nodded and turned to walk down the stairs. She ran down the steps, mumbling curses the whole way. "Why do I always do this to myself?" she thought. She always had to be strong and brave; never letting anyone help her or get too close.

She paused as she reached her car and looked back up at Harm's apartment window. What she really wanted to do was run back up to him and tell him to come with her. She shook her head and climbed into the car. "I can do this," she whispered as she pulled out onto the street.

ATA AIRLINE FLIGHT 33-

DC TO INDIANAPOLIS

Mac's body shook in her seat as the plane hit an air pocket. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around the plane. For a moment she almost forgot where she was, but soon recalled the past few hours. She raised her head off the back of her seat and glanced down at her watch. There was only ten minutes or so left of the flight. Slowly, she eased her head back onto the headrest; her thoughts on her mother.

"Attention passengers," a voice said over the intercom. "We will soon be landing at Indianapolis International. Please return to your seats , fasten your safety belts and remain seated until the plane has landed. And as always, thank you for flying ATA."

Mac lifted her head up once more to fasten her belt and to prepare for landing. As the plane touched down, her heart began to race as she thought about seeing her mother again. "What am I going to say to her?" she thought.

The stewardess interrupted her thoughts. "Ma'am, do you need any help with your carry-on?"

"No, thank you. I can manage," Mac replied, standing, grabbing her case and proceeding to the plane's rear exit.

INDIANAPOLIS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA

"Hey, taxi!" Mac yelled to a cab across the drive. She had managed to successfully retrieve her luggage from the conveyer and was now trying to find some transportation to the hospital. "Hey!" she said again, tapping on the taxi's passenger window. The driver let the window down and leaned over in his seat so he could see her.

"Can I get a ride?" she asked, leaning into the car's window.

"Lady, you're in luck," replied the driver as he stepped out the car and rushed to help her get her bags into the car.

"Thanks," she said, settling into the back seat.

"Where to?" the driver asked, resuming his spot behind the wheel.

"86th Street."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Mac sighed deeply as the cab stopped in front of a Marriott hotel, not far from the hospital.

"Please wait," she told the driver as she opened the car door and pushed her bag out onto the pavement. Lugging her suitcase, Mac entered the building, stumbled up to the front desk and rang the bell.

"How can I help you, Ma'am?" the clerk asked as he sprinted behind the desk.

"Colonel Sarah MacKenzie," she said. "I made a reservation just a few hours ago. Is my room ready?"

"Yes, ma'am, umm……" the clerk said as he typed something into the computer. "….Room 223."

"Would you mind having my bag taken up, then?" Mac interjected. "I'm in a terrible hurry."
"Sure, ma'am, no problem," he responded.

"I'll be back later tonight, thanks!" Mac said as headed for the door.

"Ma'am wait!" the clerk called. Mac spun around to see him holding up a plastic card. "Wouldn't you like your key?"

"Oh, yes. Thank you," she said as she grabbing the key and rushing out the door.

"Great!" Mac mumbled under her breath as she stepped out of the cab into the pouring rain. "Just what I need." She darted into the hospital's side entrance and looked around for a nurse's station. Mac took a deep breath as she smoothed her hair and tried to gain her composure. Cautiously, she approached the desk.

"I'm looking for Deanne MacKenzie," Mac told the nurse.

"MacKenzie…." the nurse repeated, entering the name into her computer. "Ah, yes, here we are. Room 216. Follow me please," she added. Mac turned and followed the dark haired woman down the wide hallway. She stopped in front of a set of elevators and pointed to the one nearest her. "Go up to the second floor. Room 216 is the seventh door on the right."

"Thank you," Mac said, stepping into the elevator and pushing the button for the second floor.

Mac's boots clipped on the hard floor as she walked down the hall to room 216. The closer she got to the room, the faster her heart began to beat. She laid her hand on the door knob and quietly began to push the door open. As she did so, a doctor burst out of the room and ran smack into her.

"Oomph." Mac's hands flew out to her sides, trying to keep herself from falling.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," the doctor said, helping to steady her. "I didn't expect someone to be on the other side of that door."

"It's okay," Mac said, placing a hand on her chest and leaning back against the wall.

"Are you lost?" the doctor asked.

"No, I'm here to see my mother," Mac replied.

"Are you Sarah MacKenzie?"

"Yes."

"We spoke on the phone earlier. I'm Doctor Williams," he said, extending his hand.

Mac returned the gesture, grasping his hand firmly in her own. "Yes, Doctor," Mac said. "How is she?"

"She's doing a little better than earlier today. She's actually stable for the moment. I think she might even make it through the weekend," he informed her. "Come with me," he added, gesturing for her to follow into the room.

Mac took a deep breath and followed him through the door. "God, give me strength," she thought.

"Deanne," Dr. Williams said, walking to the far side of the room. "There's someone here to see you." The woman lying in the bed was pale and thin. Her skin was almost so translucent you could see right through it and her breathing was slow and raspy. This was not at all the woman Mac remembered seeing four years ago in California. At the sound of Dr. William's voice, she turned her head toward Mac, squinting in the dim light.

"Sarah?" she whispered, bringing her hand to her mouth.

"I'm here, Mom," Mac said, walking closer to the bed.

"Thank God," Deanne said softly, gesturing to the chair at her bedside. "Come here, honey."

With this Dr. Williams turned and left the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Mac cautiously walked up to the chair and sat down. "I came as soon as I heard," she said. "I was too late for Dad and I….." her voice trailed off.

Deanne smiled slightly. "Thank you." She took a deep. "I need to tell you something." As she spoke, she tugged Mac down so her face was close to hers and grasped her hand lightly. "I'm sorry," Deanne whispered, barely audible. "I'm so sorry," she repeated. "I should have never abandoned you when you. I know I did a lot to hurt you. Forgive me?" she asked.

"You know I do." Mac smiled slightly at her mother, trying hard to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. This was now the second time she had said these words to this woman and it was not in any way getting easier.

The two women stared silently at each other for what seemed like an eternity before Deanne's eyes drifted shut and she fell into a light sleep. Mac smiled down at her mother, then rose from her seat. "Rest, Mom," she whispered, squeezing Deanna's hand then placing it back at her side. Quietly, she turned and began making her way to the door.

"Sarah….."

Mac stopped at the sound of her name and turned back towards her mother.

"I…. I love you," Deanne said, her eyes closing once again.

Mac nodded her head in reply then continued walking. She let out a long sigh as she closed the door behind her, then rubbed her tired eyes, ran her fingers through her hair and walked to the elevator.

Mac stood outside her hotel room fumbling through her purse trying to find the key. "I know I put it in here," she mumbled. "Ah, there it is," she said, grasping the plastic card key, yanking it from her purse and running it through the electronic lock.

She stepped into the room, quickly flipping on the light switch and bolting the door. She unzipped her suitcase , pulled out an oversized t- shirt, plaid boxer shorts, and some toiletries and made her way to the bathroom. Putting her jacket on the toilet, she slipped her blouse and slacks off and threw them on the floor. She splashed a handful of cold water on her face, then put on her pajamas while shoving a toothbrush into her mouth.

Finished, Mac threw her clothes on a chair, turned off the light and crawled into the comfort of the cool sheets. She closed her eyes, but sleep did not come. She rolled onto her side and stared across at the blank wall. "Harm," she whispered into the darkness. Forcing out a heavy breath, she turned and flipped on the television. The lights of the shows flashed, burning into her mind. Finally, her eyes fell shut and she drifted into a restless sleep.