When the World Went Away
Modern AU: Arthur was Merlin's world and this is the story of the day he went away.
Merlin woke with a smile, his hand reaching out to feel for Arthur. He groaned as the sunlight leaked from the blinds and looked up with squinted eyes when his hand found nothing.
Then it hit him.
The images flooded his brain all at once and his eyes glowed. The vase on their drawer, the five light bulbs in his room and the mug on his bedside table all exploded at once.
He remembered.
Arthur was dead.
Three days ago:
"Merlin you idiot, guess what I found in our house?"
Merlin was sitting at his desk writing down notes about his last patient. He had spent the last 28 hours at the hospital and he was tired, he didn't want to deal with an Arthur that was acting like a prat.
"Arthur you're in Berlin and I'm really busy so I'll call you later, okay?"
"Merlin I'm sitting on our very couch holding your house keys. Tell me, how were you planning to get home without your keys?"
He didn't give Merlin a chance to reply before he carried on.
"You're just lucky that I decided to cut my trip short and come back for Valentine's Day."
Valentine's Day. Right. He had completely forgotten about that, his brain was completely focused on his work and he must have left his keys when he was rushing to get to the hospital when they called in with an emergency.
He sighed and rubbed his forehead.
"Welcome home Arthur."
He smiled, happy that his boyfriend was going to be home for Valentine's Day and he grinned when he heard the next part.
"Meet me at our restaurant for dinner at seven. I have a surprise."
"Why don't we go together, I have to go home first anyways."
"I have something to do first and you can't be there."
Merlin's happiness deflated at that and he said, "Of course."
Arthur was a private person and even after three years of dating Merlin, he still hadn't told him everything about himself. Merlin knew that it was hard for Arthur to be so open about everything and he understood, he really did, but it had been months since Arthur had gone off to do something that Merlin couldn't know about and couldn't attend.
"No silly, it's part of your surprise!"
Merlin chuckled at the tone Arthur used, he sounded like a five year old talking about Santa.
"Okay then, see you at seven."
He grinned at the reply and said softly, "Love you too."
He checked the clock that read 5:47 and decided to make one last check of his patients before he left. As the best paediatrician in the hospital, many of his patients either are those who stay in hospital for a long time or are those who have emergencies that are life and death. He checked his long time patients and said good night to little Lily who gave him a weak smile in return.
He grabbed his coat and headed outside to call a taxi, Merlin's car had broken down two days ago and it was still being repaired. He wrapped the red scarf Arthur had given him last Christmas around his neck and waited for the taxi to arrive.
At their house Merlin found the door unlocked, no doubt Arthur had left it open for him, and he slipped inside taking off his scarf and coat. He turned on the lights and then headed for a quick shower. He hummed happily at the thought of Arthur returning early to spend Valentine's Day with him.
Arthur never cared for holidays like Valentine's Day and Christmas but he made an effort for Merlin and that meant the world to Merlin. He changed quickly into a nice blue shirt that Arthur had said, 'Accented your eyes' and grabbed the nearest pair of jeans.
He grabbed his keys this time because Arthur would no doubt tease him again if he didn't have it, even if Arthur did have his. He waited for a taxi again in his coat and red scarf, rubbing his hands because he forgot his gloves but didn't want to be late.
He gave a sigh of relief when the taxi came and he told the driver his destination. He was thinking of what Arthur would think of his gift when they arrived home to open it and he wondered if Arthur had gotten him something. Then he remembered the 'surprise' Arthur was talking about and he smiled like a fool in love.
The ringing of his cell phone woke him from his wonderings and he answered cheerfully, "Merlin Emrys."
"Merlin you have to come here right now, Arthur just got admi-"
He didn't listen to the next part because he recognised that voice and he knew that Gwen was working at the hospital right now in ER and the panic in her voice was evident. He screamed at the driver to change route to the hospital and he had to tell himself to breathe.
"They say he was in a car crash but god Merlin you have to come here-"
"I'm on my way Gwen, just tel-tell me, how is he?"
He swallowed, preparing himself but what came next made his heart stop.
"Oh god… Merlin-"
He could hear her breaths and he just wanted her to hurry up and tell him how Arthur was.
"He-he, Mer-"
But he had reached the hospital and in his rush to open the taxi door he accidentally shut his phone. He paid the driver and then rushed into the hospital, heading towards ER. He prepared himself to every possible scenario and tried to keep his breaths even.
When he pushed open the doors he heard, "Time of death, 6:36pm, 14th of February."
No, no, no, no, it can't be Arthur, it has to be someone else.
Then Gwen stepped forward and the tears in her eyes and the look she gave him told him everything he needed to know. He lunched forward with a scream, "NO!"
And he stared at Arthur's face, covered in blood. Not breathing. He felt his heart beat in his chest and he distantly wondered how he could still be alive when his world was dead. Then the world became black and he thought, I'm coming Arthur.
…
He woke up in a hospital bed with Lance by his side. He didn't make a sound but tears formed in his eyes and Lance looked at him with a pained look in his eyes.
He remained silent as the tears flowed down his face and he sobbed once when Lance wrapped his arms around him and said, "I'm sorry Merlin."
He didn't know how long he stayed in Lance's arms and just cried. He felt numb, as if he was dead but somehow not dead and he wished he was so that he could be with Arthur. It must only be a couple of hours since-since Arthur went and already his world seemed to be empty, pointless and dim.
Gwen didn't bat an eyelash when she came and found her best friend in her husband's arms and instead asked softly, "Merlin, Leon and Gwaine are here, do you want to see them."
He gave a small nod and let go of Lance. He wiped his face and gave a tiny smile to Lance, telling him he would be okay. One day.
"Merlin."
Merlin looked up to see Gwaine and Leon, Arthur's co-workers and friends standing before him. He vaguely remembered Arthur telling him Gwaine was in China but he didn't question Gwaine about how he got here so fast. He didn't want to know. Nothing was important anymore.
"Merlin," Leon started softly and he had never heard the man use a soft voice before, "we're so sorry about what happened."
Leon seemed uncomfortable saying the next part and he stammered a little at the beginning.
"Arthur, Arthur didn't want you to know about his, ah, job because he didn't want to worry you or put you in danger. But we, me and Gwaine, think that you have a right to know what he did for a living."
Merlin didn't understand and he said so.
"Merlin, mate, Arthur works for MI6 and his crash, well, it wasn't an accident."
Gwaine's words shook him and swallowed. He couldn't believe him, he wouldn't believe him. Arthur would never tell him such a large lie. He wouldn't.
Leon must have seen the denial in his face because he said, "Arthur wanted to tell you, but then he didn't want to endanger you. We make enemies in our line of work and some of them would hurt you to get to him. He didn't want that."
Merlin swallowed again and silence over came the room as he thought about what Leon and Gwaine told him. He might be grieving but he could still think clearly because he was Merlin and he needed to know everything because Arthur was gone and he would never be able to tell Merlin anything again.
He thought of all the trips, all the injuries and how Arthur hated talking about his father but hated talking about his work even more. Even though he loved his work. It made sense to Merlin when he thought about it and he swallowed again.
"D-Did Arthur get, get assassinated?"
His voice shook but he needed to know, he needed to know why Arthur was taken from him and who and he would make them pay.
"We believe so, Arthur was a good driver and the damage was fatal, he would never get into such a crash if the other driver was not trying to kill him."
Tears dripped from his face and he demanded to know who, who had killed the man he loved.
"We don't know yet, it's under investigation but Merlin… Arthur wouldn't want you to keep dwelling on this."
"He wouldn't want…" Merlin muttered and then he screamed at the two, "HE'S DEAD! God he's DEAD and you want me to not dwell on it?"
He started sobbing again and this time it was Gwaine who took him in his arms as he shook with rage, despair and loss.
…
Later Lance drove him home and cooked him breakfast since he had spent the night at the hospital. It was night again when Gwaine arrived with a bag of objects.
"These were the things that Arthur had on him when the crash happened."
He cleared his throat and looked a bit uncomfortable when he said the next part, "I think you should see this."
He held out the bag and Merlin gingerly grabbed it. He examined the contents without opening the clear plastic bag and when he saw the keys, he gave a little sob but didn't break down.
Merlin reached a hand in and grabbed a little red box; he hadn't seen it before and wondered what it contained. His knees buckled when he saw the golden band sitting in the middle of the little box and he gave a heart wrenching cry.
Arthur was going to propose.
That was his surprise.
Merlin never got the chance to say 'yes'.