"Wait, what?" asked Rory. He hoped it wasn't going to be one of those conversations, the ones where he had to tell the Doctor off - hard - for doing something inhuman to the point of being inhumane. His relationship with the Doctor was complicated, and he did love and admire the alien in a brotherly sort of way, but he was often thrust into the position of sharing a few hard truths. Forcefully. "Let me get this straight. River's my daughter and Amy's, but also the TARDIS', and you love them both. River and the TARDIS, I mean, not Amy."
The Doctor nodded, hair flopping into his eyes. "Right. I mean, I love Amy, but I don't love Amy, if you understand me. I love you too, Rory, but I don't love you".
Rory burst out laughing. What a relief. He wasn't going to have to talk the Doctor down from some dreadful scheme or even chastise him after it was over. "You sound like a schoolgirl. But why are you telling me this?"
"Well, I... I... you're her father... River's, not the TARDIS'... and I thought... isn't it a human tradition to ask the parents of the bride, and..."
Rory laughed again. "It's an old tradition and not in use much anymore. Besides, didn't you cover it with that 'I consent and gladly give' bit?" He got that expression that meant he was a tiny bit embarrassed but would keep plowing through. "I did mean it, you know... even though I barely knew River at the time... I did consent and gladly give. And I would again."
"Thanks. That's all I need."
Rory went to where Amy was standing a little bit away, shaking his head in bemusement. "What was that all about then?" she asked curiously.
"He asked - again - my permission to marry River."
Amy began to giggle. "He asked me again too, and he's already married her! Maybe River wants something more - elaborate - than the combat version of a ceremony on top of a pyramid... even if they did save the universe in the process." and she grinned wickedly at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and nuzzling his jaw suggestively. "Far as I know they didn't even have a proper wedding night after all..."
Neither of them guessed that this wasn't River's idea. And they weren't present when the Doctor asked the TARDIS herself.
"What d'you think, Old Girl? Have I got your permission to marry River?" The beeps seemed to indicate agreement, and he let out a breath of relief. "And... will you help me? I mean, I want her to know she's married to me, but not so far back in my own timeline that it tinkers with my past in any... unhealthy ways. Like, oh... from my point of view... right after I stayed with Craig and Biter?" A screen on the console lit up with a picture of River as he'd seen her last, changed the dress to a creamy white, added a veil over the amazing hair, and played the Wedding March. He took this as assent, smoothed his hand over the console lovingly and thanked her. "You're a good egg, my beautiful Old Girl. And I know you love her too."
The TARDIS indicated that yes, she did love River, quite as much as he did, but in a slightly different fashion. River was her child, after all.
He hasn't visited me in a while, River thought sadly. I wonder when - or if - he will again. She sighed. After what happened on that pyramid... I really do wonder... Her musing broke off as she heard the distinctive vroop vroop of the TARDIS - with her parking brake on - materializing just outside her cell. She looked up expectantly, only to see her parents emerge. Wait, that's the Doctor's hand and a black suit snaking out the door and aiming the sonic screwdriver first at the security camera and then at the door of my cell. "What's all this?"
Amy giggled. "It's a surprise, River, from the Doctor to you, and Rory and I are dying of suspense too. Come along - you and me, we're meant to dress up." And she swung open the cell door and grabbed River's hand, pulling her toward the TARDIS. The Doctor's hand had disappeared from the doorway, and Rory was already back to the door. River shook her head, but smiled at Amy and followed her into the TARDIS, and back to the room where River sometimes kept a few things... for when she fell into the pool.
The TARDIS was very accommodating that way.
Well, these are very interesting, River thought. It's nice that he - or more likely the TARDIS - knows my sizes, I suppose. There was a cream-colored dress with a halter neck and a full knee-length skirt, and a little veiled hat in the same shade on the bed. Heeled strappy sandals in the same cream. What was he up to? The clothes laid out for Amy were similar, in that shade of green that redheads look best in. No hat for Amy, flat sandals, shorter skirt. "Amy, what is this?"
Amy shrugged and began to undress. "I've some ideas, but I promised not to peek." She put the dress on, her voice muffled as she slid it over her head. "He's been planning this for weeks, whatever it is, and he won't tell us anything - he's had the TARDIS do it all. And she's not talking, not to me. Zip me?" River did as asked, bemused, then followed suit, climbing into the little cream-colored dress and the strappy shoes. Amy piled River's corkscrew curls on top of her head and fastened them with a pin, then perched the little hat on top. "Wow," she said thoughtfully, "You look amazing, and so do I... those boys won't know what hit 'em! Come along, Song, let's go see what they have in store."
The TARDIS obligingly opened doors for them.
"Oi," Amy called as they neared the console room, "You boys ready for us?" There was a muffled response. They entered the room.
It was decorated as the tackiest, gaudiest, most vulgar wedding hall River had ever seen.
She loved it.
Amy was groaning and asking the Doctor why he hadn't let her help, and Rory was looking a bit askance at the glittery gold paper wedding bells hung in all corners and the sparkly tinsel garland wrapped up the center console. But the Doctor was watching River.
And River had tears in her eyes. He had tried so hard to please her; he thought she'd want an "Earth Wedding", and by all that was holy, he was going to give it to her.
It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her.
Ever.
She stood there, unable to move and absolutely speechless, until he came over and touched her cheek with one finger, catching the tear before it fell. "All right, then, River Song, Melody Pond, my wife?" All she could do was nod.
And the TARDIS hummed her delight in her family.