The night air was hot, but dry, enveloping Memphis palace in its honey sweet smell of exotic herbs. Sounds of the city couldn't come through thick walls made of massive stone blocks. Deafening silence was only interrupted by viscous, punctual flow of fountain water, down in the gardens, its whispering splashes lulling exhausted hearts into sleep.
Hephaistion shifted between the sheets. A lightly burnt arm, black in the shadow of darkness, lazily crossed its way above its owner's head, stopping above it in a mid-move just to fall stretched on the smooth cover of the bed. A deep, low groan escaped Hephaistion's lips when his meekly probing hand found the place next to him empty. He wanted to open his eyes and get up, but the heavy weight of the dark and strong, lurking scent of burning lotus flower made his brain unwilling to respond.
Young man moved on his side, trying to find sanctuary from disturbing sounds, smells and tastes of the night, to clear up his mind. Ivory, linen pillows felt soft and warm under his battle-hardened body. He rolled to the other side that was already cold and sighted in unconscious delight. Mattress gave its way to his head as he dug in it, smelling zest of the sea, sun burnt sand and fading scent of water lilies. A smile formed on his red, luscious lips, forcing him to move up on the pillow, where the scent was more defined.
Alèxandros came again to his mind.
Hephaistion finally rose, pushing his grown strands of auburn hair out of half-closed eyes. He blinked several times as his eyes encountered a ray of moonlight that gave his naked, muscular body a tone of liquid gold.
His eyes were completely adapted to the dark when he stepped out on the balcony, walking as always, unheard as panther and stopped enchanted in shadow of a column to inhale fresh fragrance of desert flowers and faint odour of dust. Sleepy gaze lingered around the terrace as the mind formed an unwavering silhouette of a familiar body on the dark, far sky; reality or Selena's painful game.
Alèxandros was sitting on the wide, marble curb of the balcony, his right leg fell loose over its edge, the black call of the Mother Earth calling it closer; the left one pulled close to his chest, an arm propped on the knee. He was sitting there, naked as on the day he was born, with the face lifted towards the sky full of stars, their mild rays forming pearl net on his skin, making muscles of arms stand out, and in the same time melting them in their shadow. There was something only he could hear, something on that sky only meant for him to see, to understand, to melt into one with.
Hephaistion felt a chill ran down his spine, swift air encircling him, making him shiver. A sharp grasp squeezed his heart, leaving him breathless-he felt strangely left out, impossible to follow, left outside to wait for him after he comes back. Until then, Hephaistion can only cry silently, cursing his human nature that didn't allow him to share every second of his lover's being and pray to that invisible force not to take this most precious part of him away. Nothing was more important to him than Alèxandros-he could not to eat for there would be Alèxandros eating for him, he could survive without drinking for there would be those rosy lips from which nectar will be poured down on him, he would last even without his breath for those velvet mouth would breathe for him, closing softly around his, giving him his air back, but he wouldn't be able to live without those velvet mouth, those rosy lips... Unconsciously, he moved his head slowly up, trying one more time to see what was so blissful to throw his king into such oblivion, one more time he was defeated. But, he didn't need to see, for he knew, he felt deep inside, there on the very edge of connection of their souls, a faint pain that was always there, before he could even remember his first breath.
Still, young general watched the sky. The moon was floating in blood, changing clouds touching its surface like crimson waves. Tonight, Selena was bathing in blood, enjoying someone's pain, even if it was the one's she loved the most. This night was hers; the most loved one, devoted only to her was on his knees; it was his pay back for not coming to her earlier, but in the same time he couldn't come to her except in pain. Why women need pain to love, why they need the dearest to them to break, so they can cherish him? Hephaistion wondered.
And, then, this wasn't the first time. A wry smile formed on Hephaistion's lips as his memory raced back in time, some twelve years ago, on the warm night in early June in Pella, when their friendship was still a tender rose bud.
That evening Hephaistion was looking for the prince, but unsuccessfully. He felt something was wrong with the younger boy when he strode down the hall, almost running away, watching in front of himself, but not seeing anyone. Hephaistion called after him, but the boy didn't turn back. For the whole day he'd been looking for the young prince, mad with worry that the impulsive being could do something dangerous, something stupid, something that would tear him from his companion. Sun had been set for long time when he finally found him.
That night was hot, almost as this one, but pregnant with humid. He found Alèxandros in this very same position on a stone bench under the balcony of his bedroom, stark naked and still spattered with water drops left after bath. He listened, absorbed in heavenly words, incomprehensible to Hephaistion's mortal mind. Young, lithe body, defining its strong muscles under pale, soft skin, sat immersed in the silver glow of the moonlight. It seemed as all the faint light was drawn in his golden hair and thin, satin lines of his face and body, on which lustrous skin was tighten over asleep muscles. Even thick eyelashes of his dreamy eyes were visible as were lips parted in longing, waiting for cruel goddess to bring them to life.
"Is this Selena playing with my sanity?", Hephaistion thought, not being sure should he approach him. "Like a memory from a dream; young, beautiful Narcissus bends over the flow of the sky, trying to find always-needed self- assurance in the mirror of the gods."
Slowly, like waking up from an intense, but pleasant dream, Hephaistion changed his focus from the sky to the dark shadow in front of him. It seemed as it wasn't Alèxandros he found stargazing, but a creature of a summer night.
He moved towards him, not knowing if he was heard; his lover seemed to be so deeply in thoughts, still, Alèxandros had the most sensitive reactions. Sometimes he wondered wasn't it only him that could sneak behind his back unnoticed, because he didn't need to be noticed, he was the part of his being. That thought encouraged Hephaistion, bringing wide smile on his face, as he approached Alèxandros.
The king wasn't surprised by uninvited visitor; in fact, deep inside, he longed for his lover to be next to him now, but he wouldn't act first, if he's wanted, if he's needed he'll be found. He left Hephaistion's right arm pass under his elbow and his palm settle on his stomach, pulling him closer to warm body, forcing him gently to recline in a tender embrace. In a moment Alèxandros felt himself disappearing slowly, fusing with the warmth behind his back, merging into the same river of hot, sacred blood. Hephaistion's other arm slid over his king's chest, imprisoning his head, driving it closer to his face. Then he closed eyes and nuzzled golden locks, turning ashy under the pearl rays, smelling the subtle scent of water lilies, feeling the night breeze moving through them, bringing smell and memory of desert.
Alèxandros turned enough to pull his lips dangerously near Hephaistion's, but he didn't kiss, only whispered:
"It was her again."
Hephaistion nodded. He knew who his lover was referring to-his mother. He knew that from the moment he saw the moon floating in red, bloody clouds, thin like gauze.
The only natural thing Hephaistion could do was to bury his face deeper in his soul-mate's hair, whispering comforting words of love and devotion; above all, spirits that dwell in that hunting voice needed to be made peace with. They were a curse to everything that rose above its own kind, a curse that not many could endure, but his beloved wore it silently, with same pride as any victory, with same sadness lurking in his liquid eyes as when he was defeated for the first and only time. He wanted to hold, caress, bring solace to his love, but he couldn't face his noble lion with tears dancing on his eyelashes. There's no goblet of nectar for anyone without a goblet of bile to spoil its sweetness. Oh, how much he wanted to defend Alèxandros from his own nature, even if it meant to take thousand times heavier load upon his back; it sounded as a bargain; Hephaistion wondered if any god heard him.
A distant murmur brought him from tormenting thoughts.
It was time to address his beloved's soul.
"How can you say you love me, when I don't know who I really am.", Alèxandros' voice came distant and small.
Hephaistion breathed out heavily and said: "So, the answer wasn't what you expected.", He didn't tell him there was no need for him to know himself, for Hephaistion knew, from the moment their glances met, Alèxandros was the other part of his soul.
"Sometimes, the thing I want the most turns out to be the one I dreaded the most.", His brow frowned, feeling his throat going dry, swallowing air to make himself continue. "But, she was right."
"Then, isn't it the most glorious destiny a mortal can encounter? To be a part of a divine is something many would die for."
"Don't indulge me, Hephaistion, not now." A solemn smile appeared on his lips, a sparkle of irony in his eyes.
"No, I've never had intention to. What I said is a plain fact, but the other thing is what divine nature really consists of."
Alèxandros turned fully on the balustrade to face his love, his glance holding sparks of amusement.
"I wrote her." Young conqueror said in the same matter-of-fact voice. "I wrote that I would tell her when I come back to Makedonia."
Hephaistion didn't respond. Silence fell between them. They thought the same question Will they ever come back to Makedonia.
"She did so many things I was ashamed of, things for which I, sometimes, wonted to strangle her with my own hands..." He paused and shuddered thinking how savage and how passionate was his mother's action of killing Phillippos' last wife who gave birth to another boy. "But, I can't help, but love her...She was the first one to fuel the fire of Achilles in me..."
With the corner of his eye he saw Hephaistion looking away; his lover never interfered in his relation with the queen, although she moved heaven and Earth to separate them.
"But, more important than to start something is to keep it. You, my Hephaistion, are the keeper of that holy fire, of my heart and soul...of my very reason." He said slowly, emphasizing every word, looking straight into other man's eyes to make sure he understood how much he meant to the king.
"So many times I watched Atropos in her eyes, I can't count times she rode alongside me, her scissors failing to cut thread of my life by an inch; I saw her running after me, but never succeeded to catch me. My passion clouded my mind, sometimes to the point I did sacrilege I thought I would never be able to even think about...that mayor of Gaza...slaughter of Thebes...slaves of Tyros ", his eyes seemed possessed, again, but he continued- "Even then, gods supported me, when every normal man would turn back on me, they made my army follow me as one. At that time I felt as I approached divinity, immortality and it's sometimes terrifying....And she saw that even before her first look fell upon me."
His head bowed down, strands of silky hair falling over his face, protecting his vulnerability. Hephaistion gathered him in his arms, as when they were boys, lonely and secretly afraid of the world and what future might bring them. He looked in king's eyes, sadness in them unparalleled to anything he has ever seen and moved him closer, leaning blond head against his shoulder. A soft sigh escaped Alèxandros's lips as he relaxed into it, letting those strong arms encircle his waist and drew small, soothing circles on his back.
There was nothing he needed more than this. As if the gods took his last breath away, he choked, warmth leaving his body, forcing him to cuddle in beloved's arms. He raised his eyes to find Hephaistion's gaze, and clenched to his lover's body. Suddenly, it seemed as blackness surrounded him and he was afraid he won't find Hephaistion next to him. Is that what divinity will bring him?
Soft, well-balanced voice found its way to Alèxandros clouded mind:
"It doesn't matter of what seed you are, but of what soul...and you have the one of a god. You excelled in things many others failed. There's no one, on this world, who can out win you in courage, endurance, loyalty and love for those you lead, there has never been a king like you. Look at Dareios-he left his army, his family, even his mother, and there are many who would do the same...You exceeded mortals long ago, but the most important is that you even exceeded Achilles...and you know that. It is only natural for what you feel about yourself, what everyone knows, to be confirmed." Hephaistion's voice was gentle and calm. "Your scars bare witnesses to your mortality, and until it fulfils, I will be with you here, and after that we will be together again on Elysian fields."
Alèxandros didn't answer, just pressed his face harder in the hollow of friend's collarbone. As it was reaching dawn, night became colder. He pressed to Hephaistion until they were entwined that even gods wouldn't be able to separate them. A shiver shook his body, as Hephaistion whispered in his hair:
"Let's go inside, my beautiful god."
They walked slowly towards the bedroom, holding each other like a drop of nectar that means life. Air was rich in lotus fragrance, mingling with scent of orange and jasmine, with the faint touch of burnt sand.
The sacred fire that glowed in the cold body pressed to Hephaistion's needed to be kept and cherished forever. He realized, with painful joy, that it is his duty; somehow, he's felt it all along, from the very first time he saw younger boy sitting on that bench in the moonlight. He had to remain strong. The gods have already changed his lot.
The End