Title: Outline
for Death
Fandom: Loveless
Character(s) or Pairing:
Seimei, Ritsuka, Soubi, Kio, Nisei, Ritsu-sensei; Seimei/Soubi,
implied Aoyagi-cest.
Rating: R for content.
Warnings:
MPREG
Word Count: 1,650
Summary: Soubi is
pregnant.
A/N: Written for a friend, in response to the
following prompt: Loveless, Seimei/Soubi, 'pregnant' . MPREG.
NOT VERY CRACKY CRACK.
---
When they meet up with Seimei, and his new Fighter, Ritsuka is trembling from a mixture of anger, confusion, and love.
Soubi's trembling as well, from a mixture of a lethargy, nausea, and discomfort. He's dealt with all of them before, very well in fact, so he doesn't know why he is suffering now. He puts it down to the overwhelming dislike for the person who has taken his rightful place. He wants to –
The thought ends before he can finish it, because the contents of his stomach are escaping and he shames himself by being sick all over the ground and by fainting, his reaction, and events to follow, placing the fight on permanent hold.
-
Soubi wakes up in a bed. It is not his bed, nor Ritsuka's, nor Kio's. He discovers it is Nisei's, later, but when he first wakes up he does not know that fact, and he inwardly panics, for waking up in an odd place is the last thing he wants to happen.
He thinks of Seimei, of Ritsuka, wonders what has happened to them, as he sits up and looks around, wildly, as if searching for one of them. For anyone, even Nisei or Ritsu-sensei.
He hears voices outside the door, and freezes until he identifies them as Ritsuka and Seimei, the two voices he knows better than anyone else's, with the exception of Ritsu-sensei's. He tries to listen to their argument, for that is what it is, Ritsuka's voice rising with each word, but he can not make sense of them and Seimei cuts off his brother before they open the door.
Ritsuka's ears are lying flat on his head and his eyes are narrow slits, reminding Soubi of an angry cat, and the thought brings up a smile. It is immediately erased, however, when he looks at Seimei, who has an expression Soubi dreads.
"We're leaving," Ritsuka says, and Soubi is torn. But Seimei says nothing, simply steps aside with a faintly mocking smile for Kio to march through the door and help Soubi up. They leave, Ritsuka the last, and he is shooting glances over his shoulder.
"You're going to the hospital," Ritsuka says when they reach the car. Soubi tries to object but Kio, who was driving, nods and there is no escape for Soubi.
--
The doctor is stumped. He frowns and pokes and prods Soubi, who feels uncomfortably lying on the cold table in the room. When the doctor leaves to converse with a nurse, he breathes a sigh of relief, because at least then he has some privacy and peace. The queasy feeling has long since dissipated and except for some sleepiness he feels fine; he almost wishes Ritsuka hadn't insisted upon the hospital visit.
He wants Seimei back. To even be in his presence, if he can not have Seimei to himself. He is a dog, Soubi knows this; but he is not a jealous dog. That feeling was shaken from him long ago.
--
The nurse comes in and orders a test, and tells Soubi it won't be long before they can rule out a possibility. She does not mention what that possibility is, so he's left wondering. Curiosity lingers and he digs his nails into the palms of his hands to try to stop it.
She returns later, with the doctor, who looks at Soubi with the oddest look he has ever seen. It is layers of incredulity and curiosity, apprehension and disbelief and disgust and wonder.
"You're pregnant," he announces, and watches as Soubi collapses for the second time that day.
--
Soubi has no choice but to tell Ritsuka, and therefore Kio, when his new Sacrifice demands it; he isn't surprised when Ritsuka draws back in horror, ears flat, and demands to know whose kid it is.
"Ritsuka's going to be an uncle," Soubi tells him. "Isn't he happy?"
Except Ritsuka isn't and stares at him in horror and disgust and Soubi wonders if his heart can break anymore. He isn't surprised when Ritsuka refuses to go home with him and Kio, and makes his own way home.
Soubi supposes it makes him sad that Ritsuka would rather deal with his horrible mother than a car ride with him.
-
Soubi is considering his options, looking for places that give abortions in Japan, when Seimei shows up, days later. He supposes Ritsuka told, because he is sure Ritsuka would not keep such a thing from Seimei.
Seimei lets himself in and Soubi is aware of it, but he doesn't manage to exit the sites he was browsing quickly enough: Seimei sees.
"You were going to abort my kid?" he demands, his hands coming down to rest on Soubi's shoulders and leaning in to whisper next to Soubi's ear. You're an ignorant fool if you think I'd let you do that."
Soubi realizes there is no hope for him: he is going to carry the child to term and then if he is lucky, Seimei will stay around with it so he can see both his master and his child – his master's child – daily. He doesn't think it will work that way, however.
He chuckles and reaches up to pull off the fake ears of Seimei's. He always hated them. And he doesn't blink when he feels the hand across his face.
-
Seimei moves in with him. Rather, Seimei takes over his apartment and Soubi is stuck there. He isn't able to leave the place by himself, for Seimei does not trust him. Nisei comes over, and Kio visits less, and Ritsuka is seen in the apartment but he does not talk to Soubi. Whatever trust Soubi won with the boy he has lost.
It doesn't bother him, however, for there is something worse to deal with.
Morning sickness, fatigue and depression settle over him. Seimei refuses Soubi his cigarettes, coffee, the oil paints that smell too strongly. There are no fights. Soubi is shocked when he is allowed thirty minutes to himself, if he is not sleeping.
--
During the third month, his body starts to change and brings with it a pain that is unlike any pain he has ever known, but just like them all, and just as welcome as those. Seimei treats his body like a fragile vase, his emotions like dirt, and Soubi doesn't know how to handle it. This is Seimei, who has always treated him as such, but who also used his body carelessly. Now if he even suggests sex, Seimei is glaring at him and ordering him to bed. So the shifting of his body is welcome.
It hurts. Not like the dull throb of his muscles after a fight, or the sting of Ritsu's whips, but a red-hot pain that tears apart his body, and Soubi is certain he is going to die; only death is too kind for his type. He will suffer the pain and secretly enjoy it and shame shall twist in his heart and soul. This is a different shame than the shame the pain and pleasure of abuse brought, because it is connected to something he should not be carrying, should not be dealing with, because the pleasure is connected to the pain his body is receiving at the hands of his child. It feels vaguely incestuous and he has not even borne the child in his body.
-
He hates his child, but he does not admit it, even though it feels like Seimei can see through him and knows what he feels. The feelings the child arouses makes it impossible for him to grow any attachment to the being in his body, and the fact that Seimei is only around because of the child makes him hate the baby even more.
The hatred keeps him up at night and sick, until Seimei threatens him with hospitalization and doctor's care. Soubi eats then, and sleeps, and gains the proper weight and feigns happiness. He doesn't do that well, but it doesn't matter: as long as he fakes happiness and takes care of his body, Seimei is content.
When the baby starts kicking, Soubi wants to throw himself from the balcony and it is as if Seimei reads his mind. He is almost permanently attaches to Soubi, a look of happiness on his face, that Soubi had only ever before seen when Seimei was mentioning Ritsuka. It almost makes Soubi happy, because his happiness is intrinsically tied to Seimei's. But it doesn't, because it is not Soubi making him happy.
It is another thing in his body. It is not Soubi.
--
Labor pains rip through him and he wishes to die, because once again it is a beautiful, horrible pain that he has been desperate for and wishes would not happen. This is the end, he knows, because Seimei will leave him. Seimei knows how he feels and Seimei will not allow anyone who does not love his child to care for his child. He will take the child, and Ritsuka, and they will be a family. Soubi isn't stupid, he sees now Seimei looks at Ritsuka.
They cut him open and Soubi screams, but is silent after that, even when the child is taken from his body and Seimei carries the baby off to clean it. He comes back, when Soubi's body is sewn up and he is wishing for sleep and death and something to take him away.
"I have a son," Seimei says, and Soubi can hear the finality in his voice.
-
When Soubi wakes up, Ritsu is sitting next to his bed and there is a damp washcloth on his head.
"What…" Soubi whispers, his voice unable to say anything more than that simple word.
"Seimei wasn't completely ungrateful for you carrying his child. He called me before he left." Ritsu smiles, bitter and chilling and Soubi closes his eyes.
What a fitting thank you.