"You know who it is, you know what to do and you know when to do it."
After those words, came a beep. Just like it always did.
Hanna had memorized the process long ago.
She always held her breath for the four short seconds that Alison's voice sweetly rang through the speaker of her phone. She could probably recite the message, in the exact tone that her old blonde friend used.
"Hey, Ali. It's, uh, me again. I know it's been a while since I last called. I started missing you really badly again, but you know that I always have… Or maybe you don't know that. I don't know whether or not you actually listen to these messages. I don't think you do. I'm just happy your dad still hasn't turned off your phone yet. He keeps paying the bill every month. I think he misses hearing your voice. Like I do."
And with that, a long beep buzzed in Hanna's ear, signaling that she had reached the amount of time allotted for the voicemail. She had grown used to it. She always exceeded the time nowadays.
She knew that what she did wasn't healthy. Even Emily had stopped trying to reach Alison, and she had been the one who was in love with her.
At least, over the years, the voicemails she left had gradually become less frantic.
"Alison… Ali, I need you. You're the only one who understands. Please call me back. Please."
"God, I just want to hear your voice say my name. Not that fucking recording again."
"You have to be out there still. I know you, I know you're not dumb enough to get yourself killed."
"I won't be angry if you staged this whole thing and you're secretly out there somewhere. I just miss you. I miss my best friend."
"Please come home."
After a while, Hanna began leaving longer voicemails. She took to telling Alison's voicemail message system about her day, the latest gossip, her boyfriend and about how she no longer deserved the nickname "Hefty Hanna," because she was anything but hefty anymore.
Alison was still her best friend.
On one particular Friday, she was having a particularly rough day. She knew she wouldn't be able to go to a good college; she couldn't afford it. And her father was a complete waste of space. He had already set up shop with his new wife and her daughter.
Hanna's current boyfriend, Caleb, had dumped her the previous night as well and having heartbreak from the two main men in her life never went over well. Not to mention all of the –A drama.
So that night, Hanna did something she swore she'd never do again. And right after, while curled up on her bathroom floor, she shakily hit number 1 on her speed dial.
"You know who it is, you know what to do and you know when to do it."
Hanna let out a choked sob upon hearing Alison's words again, before pouring out her soul.
"Fuck. I binged and purged again tonight. I'm so fucking sorry. I broke my promise. I'm sorry… Just… Nothing is right, Ali. Not with my dad, or school. And –A is riding our asses more than usual. Caleb doesn't even want me anymore. I don't even want me anymore. And fuck, I miss you. I wish you were here. I'm sorry."
She wasn't sure how audible her words were, since she was sobbing the entire time, but she needed to get that off her chest to the only person who wouldn't judge. To the only person who couldn't judge, because they were presumed dead.
That night, Hanna prayed for a miracle.
That night, Hanna fell asleep curled up on the tiled floor, clutching her phone to her heartbroken chest.