A/N: Merry Christmas! Do you know why I wrote this? Because I hate songfics. So, in my own weird way, that convinced me to write a songfic. YOU DARE QUESTION MY LOGIC?!?!?! I decided this song would be a good one for Zim to sing because he thinks he's a sexy beast. ...well, he does.
WARNING: The following story is extreamly retarted.
Disclaimer: I don't own Zim OR this song. I wish I did, though, then I would have sooooo much moooolaaaaah... XD
It was morning.
Zim was pacing his base.
"GIR! Report!" Zim ordered suddenly. Nothing happened. "GIR!!!! You are my robot slave!Report emidiatly, or I'll have to dispose of your infinante taco supply!"
"AAAH, MY TACOS!!" screamed a familiar voice and GIR dropped down from... the ceiling.
"AUGH, GIR, GET OFF MY HEAD!!" Zim howled, his arms flailiing as GIR pulled his eyelids back.
GIR jumped down."What master want?"
Zim blinked repeatadly, trying to get the feeling of GIR's little metal hands down his eye sockets out of his system. "Did you destroy my latest plan to annilalate the humans?" he asked shrewdly.
"Noooooooooo..."
"Really?"
"Aaaaah dunno. Is your plan made of french fries?"
"No, GIR. No it's not."
"Then I didn't do nothin'."
"Good," Zim sighed. "Then I can go on with my latest evil plan in peace."
"Whaaaaaaaaaat's yer plan?" GIR asked, standing on his toes and tilting his head.
"I'm going to put cheese-filled puppies under the pillows of those MISERABLE humans, and they'll be so disgusted they will bow down to my superior self INSTANTLY!!" Zim cheered. Then he started to laugh insanly. Then an annoying siren began to go off, complete with annoying red flashing. "Oh, time to go to skool."
Zim picked up his contact lenses and wig and put them on before turning towards GIR.
"GIR, please don't paint the wall with syrup while I'm gone. I hate the smell of... human... foods on my wallpapering." Then he left for skool.
"OKEY-DOKEY!!" GIR cheered. Then he went to go get the syrup so he could paint the walls with it.
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Zim was feeling very good today. And I mean VERY good. He was feeling really confidant aout his cheese-dog plan. His grin was so wide it looked like some one had sliced his face in two. His struting was extreamly exaggerated. It was almost as if someone had injected him with Happy-juice. Little did he know, he HAD been injected with Happy-juice. GIR had injected it in his butt when he turned to go to skool. Because of the mighty, muscular, Irken butt, Zim didn't feel a thing. (A/N::Me and GIR burst out laughing!! We have problems... ::)
Zim arrived at skool, humming happily. Dib peered suspiciously at him.
"What are you planning, alien scum?" Dib asked him viviously. What happened next, Dib was completely unprepared for.
Zim had finally snapped.
He jumped on top of Dib's desk shook his hair hair out of his face in a very sexy, manly way, and started shaking his hips like Elvis. He stuck his bottom jaw out and raised one eyebrow in a very sexy, self-conserned manner. Then he started to sing.
I'm... too sexy for my love
too sexy for my love...
Love's going to leave meeeeeee!
"AAAAARGH!!" Dib screamed, struggling to get out of his seat. But Zim didn't stop there. He started prancing around on other student's deks, waving his arms around, alot like the way you do at a rock concert. He occationally paused to do that weird thing John Travolta did in Saturday Night Fever during the song Staying Alive.
I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy, it hurts!
Then Zim got to thinking... mabey I am too sexy for my shirt... I need to take this thing off!
Oh, the horror.
Zim ripped off his shirt like there was no tomorow.
The room erupted with screams. Someone was vomiting in the backround.
"GET YOUR STINKING SHIRT ON, YOU FREAK!!" Dib shrieked. He was starting to feel sick, and thought Zim had some kind of weird alien brain desiese that made his go insane.
Zim ignored him. He was doing this weird dance that looked like he was pole dancing on the air. If that wasn't bad enough, everything he was wearing was made out leather. He looked like a freaking male stripper.
At this thought, there was suddenly a whole lot more violent vomiting. This time, Dib was included.
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
Zim jumped off the desks and up to Ms. Bitters's desk. He grabbed her globe and started spinning it around.
"Wooooooohoo! Yah baby!" Zim cheered. "I'm more sexy than any of you filthy worm babies! YAH! YOU KNOW IT!! YOU KNOW YOU KNOW IT!!"
He was soooo oblivious to all of the screaming and pleading for him to quit being so... GROSS.
And I'm... too sexy for your party
Too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing!
Zim started disco dancing anyway. Then he started breakdancing. (This involved breaking several things around him.)
"ZIM!! STOP DANCING!! YOU ARE'NT SEXY!!" howled Dib, his hands over his ears and his eyes sqeezed shut.
Zim walked over to Dib with one hand on his hip like a female model on the runway, and liked his finger. Then he touched his bootay and made a sizzling sound. Dib screamed and tried to run away.
Zim started to strut around the room again...
I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Zim twirled like the sexy beast he knows he is.
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk
Zim twirled again. Children were trying to climb up the walls fro their lives and sanity. Zim, on the other hand, was doing the Micheal Jackson moonwalk.
I'm too sexy for my... um... human transportation vehicle
too sexy for my human transportation vehicle
Too sexy by far!
"It's CAR!! CAR, STUPID!!" screamed Dib.
And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that
Zim threw off his wig. It wasn't the antenna that made half the class faint. It was the... okay, I'll stop now.
I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my
'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my cat-monster
too sexy for my cat-monster
Poor pussy poor pussy cat-monster
Zim started shaking his finger with a very naughty look on his face at the either barfed out, passed out, or grossed out class. Then Zim did a little twirl and crossed his arms suddenly in a very gangsta pose.
"AAAAARGH!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Dib shrieked, cowering in a corner.
I'm too sexy for my love
too sexy for my love
Love's
going to leave me
"OKAY!! OKAY!! YOU CAN TAKE OVER EARTH!! YOU CAN ENSLAVE MANKIND!! JUST STOP DANCING!!!!" Dib hollered, pulling out his hair.
And
I'm too sexy for this song
Zim stopped singing. The Happy-juice had run out. He completely forgot about everything that had happened when he was under it's ...power. (Muhahaha.) He went to go sit down. He hadn't noticed that his shirt was on the ground and that his wig was off. He also hadn't noticed that the ground was coated in vomit and half the children were (apperently) dead. He also didn't notice that Dib was looking at him fear from across the room.
"I am back from that teacher confrence," Ms. Bitters hissed. " You better not have one anything wrong in the short period of time I was gone..." Ms. Bitters looked around the classroom. "If you children do not return to your doomed seats I will send any child still lying on the ground to the underground classroom."
Dib, who was the only person, (besides Zim), who was still capable of movement. He shakilly regained his composure and sat down in his seat, looking at Zim fearfully. Zim still seemed to be blind to everything that was happening around him, and was singing a traditional Irken war hymn, twidling his thumbs.
Please excuse the moron.
Ms. Bitters growled when she realized that no one else moved, except for one kid whose leg twitched. She pressed a button and the descended to their DOOM.
Dib looked at Zim. "Um, Zim, about what I said earlier... I was kidding."
Zim looked at him oddly. "What the heck are you talking about?"
Then he realized he was half naked. His eyes widened to the size of saucers. ...you don't wanna know the thoughts that went through his head then.
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The author began to read through her story, a cup of coffee in hand. In mid-sip she choked, spewing coffee all over herself. After screaming and falling to the ground and getting up and slipping on the coffee and falling into it and screaming again multipule times...
"I really need to stay off the jolly ranchers..."
A/N: For the people out there who aren't throwing up and having violent diahrea in their bathroom, it would be most appreciated if you reviewed to tell me how unbelievably messed up I am. Thank you. (runs off to insane asylum...)