Disclaimer: I own nothing that is all.
A/N: Ok…so I am trying something new and venturing out of my Finnchel box. Takes place two years before the finale. Jesse left Rachel and has decided to come back for her what happens when he finds out that she is ready to move on. Can he get her back or has he lost her forever? Finn is not dead but he is not with Rachel either. If you are expecting a Finnchel pairing than this is not the fic for you. St. Berry has kind of grown on me and I really wish the show would've shown more of them in the finale but it is what it is. Well anyway on to the fic hope you all enjoy it.
2019 New York….
Rachel was sitting in her New York apartment going through the many boxes that were still in her closet. Most of them held memories of the past that she was not ready to let go of just yet and others just held the dream she once had. There was one box in particular that she had not brought herself to open yet. Mostly because they held the memories of broken dreams and promises. She took a deep breath as she opened the box the first thing she saw was the photo of them from her last day in Lima. She closed her eyes and thought back to the conversation they had before she left for New York.
Flashback New York 2015…
They had it all planned out they would meet up once a week and just talk about their lives well…mostly him and how the play was going. She didn't mind because she knew she had made the right choice and she was so proud of him. But…the closer to opening night it go the further apart they seemed to drift she just took it as it was. They both were just too busy to make the time. When opening night came around she debated on even going they hadn't seen each other for three weeks and in those three weeks they had talked on the phone one time and that was basically for him to tell her that her ticket would be waiting for her at the door. She sat there in the crowd and watched in amazement and it was in that moment that she knew it would never work no matter how bad she wanted it too. She tried to find him after the play to tell him how great he was but…he was nowhere to be found. She left the play that night with a whole new plan which was to focus on her and her career and let the rest fall into place she wasn't going to be dependent on anyone not even the guy who claimed he was so in love with her.
(End flashback)
She put the photo back in the box and closed it putting the past behind her. She grabbed the box along with some other things and proceeded to take them out to the dumpster if she was going to put the past behind her she had to do it. As she proceeded to the dumpster she was met with a familiar voice.
"Rachel?" it was a voice that she had longed to hear a voice that had both brought her joy and haunted her. She stopped dead in her tracks and turned around knowing who that voice belonged to.
"Jesse…w...what are you doing here?" She asked stumbling over her words.
"Well…this is New York and well…I live here?" He says standing there with his hands in his pockets flashing that cocky grin of his that always made her heart melt.
"I know that. What I meant was what are you doing here?" She asked making emphasis on the word here.
"I was hoping to see an old friend." He says moving closer. As Rachel just rolls her eyes and lets out a small laugh as she tries to balance the box as she opens the dumpster.
"Did you want some help?" Jesse offers as he reaches for the box.
"No…I got it." She shakes her head of course she needed help but…she wasn't going to let him help her.
"Come on Rachel there is no way you can keep the dumpster open and put that box in there without hurting yourself." He had to give her credit she was a stubborn one which was something that he always liked about her.
"I said I got it." She spat at him as she fumbled with the lid. She watches the box fall onto the ground leaving the contents scattered on the ground. She quickly reaches down to pick up the contents hoping he did not see what was in the box.
"Here let me help." He reaches down and pics up a photo he looks at it for a minute and he is instantly thrown back to a time that was simpler and way less complicated than now. Was she really over him and what they had. "Here you forgot this." He says handing her the photo deciding to just let it go. If this was what she wanted then he would respect it as much as it killed him to know that she was giving up on him and them.
"Thanks." She says half-heartedly she could feel the electricity flow through her as their hands gently brushed each other they stood like this for a minute face to face both of them not sure of what to do next. She quickly moved her hand away and shook the thoughts that were creeping up in her head. No matter how hard this was going to be she knew in her heart this was the right thing to do.
"You know what I have this thing I have to get to so…I guess I will see you around." He tells her knowing that there was nothing that he could say or do to change her mind. If she was willing to let everything go with ease then he had to do the same.
"Sure." Rachel gave him a slight smile as she fought away the tears that were threatening to fall. She closed the dumpster lid and went back inside.
Jesse had made it halfway down the block before turning around he had to talk to her and tell her everything that was going through his mind whether or not she liked she was going to hear him out once and for all.
When Rachel made it back in she collapsed on the couch letting everything she had been holding on to go. She knew that this was all for the best but what hurt the most was when she looked into his eyes it was in that moment that he knew what she had already known it was over and there was nothing that either of them could do. She took a deep breath and looked at the clock on the wall Kurt and Blaine were supposed to come over for their weekly dinner outing she was so thankful that Kurt and Blaine were here in New York to keep her sane for the most part. She wiped away the tears that had fallen and figured she might as well get ready to put her happy face on because she knew if she didn't that Kurt and Blaine would quiz her until she gave up and told them what was wrong and to be honest she really didn't want to talk about Jesse or the past anymore.
-00-
Jesse had been standing at the door of Rachel's apartment debating on whether to knock or not. He really didn't blame her for wanting to move on after all he hadn't talked to her in over a year. He blew out the breath he was holding and decided to knock on the door even if she didn't want anything to do with him. He had to at least let her know exactly how he felt and that nothing in this world was going to keep him away from her.
-00-
Rachel was coming down the stairs fiddling around with the clasp on her necklace. When she finally got the necklace on she gave herself one last look in the mirror. Her fingers traced the outline of the necklace it wasn't anything fancy it was just a simple heart with a gold star in the middle. She remembered when he gave it to her
New York 2015…..
Rachel was frantically looking for her gold star necklace that Finn had given her. She wore it whenever she needed luck and today more than anything she needed it.
"Jesse have you seen the necklace that Finn gave me?" She asked as she moved on the bathroom hoping that maybe she left it hanging on the mirror.
"You mean this one?" Jesse says holding up the necklace.
"Oh…my god Jesse where did you..." Rachel pauses for a minute noticing that there was something different about it. "This isn't it." She says handing it back to him as she continues her search.
"Rachel….." he says letting out a chuckle. "Take a closer look." He says handing it back to her. She takes it and looks at it and her hands instantly fly to her mouth as she realizes what he had done. He had somehow managed to place the star inside a silver heart.
"I…I…don't get it how did you…" She asked trying to form words.
"I grabbed it the other day when you were in the shower and I have the jeweler customize it for you. See…the thing is other than your dads there have only been two men in your life that meant a lot to you. Finn…which is what the star is for and me which is where the heart comes in Rachel ever since I first saw you in that library you stole my heart and yes I know I was a grade a asshole to you for the longest time. I also know that if things were different I wouldn't be here standing here with you Finn would but…I am thank full for the chance you have given me and basically what I am trying to say is you Rachel Berry have my heart." Jesse says taking the necklace from her and placing it around her neck.
"Jesse it's beautiful." She traces the necklace with her fingers looking up and smiling.
"I love you." He says placing a soft kiss on her lips.
-00-
Rachel was broken out of her thoughts by someone knocking on the door. When she opened it she did not expect to see him on the other side.
"Jesse…what are you doing here?" She asked
"Can we talk?" he said nervously with his hands in his pockets.
"This really isn't a good time Blaine and Kurt are on their way over." Rachel explains to him.
"Oh…" he says in defeat as he turns to walk away.
"You know what they won't be here for an hour we can talk now." Rachel says against her better judgement.
"Thank you." He says as he walks in.
"You want a beer or something." She offers.
"No…um…ok…I am just going to come out and say it. I am an ass and I'm sorry." He tells her as he runs his hands through his hair.
"That is all you have to say? We haven't said a word to each other in over a year and all you have to say is you're sorry for being an ass. God…you haven't changed a bit." She says feeling the anger in her rise up.
"Ok…I guess I deserve that." He says letting out a sigh.
"You know I have spent the better half of a year trying my damnedest to get over you and try to move on. And here you show up on my doorstep for reasons beyond me. The thing is Jesse is if you're asking for forgiveness I can't do that." She wanted to continue on and tell him everything that was in her mind but she didn't have the time for it.
"You still have the necklace." It wasn't a question just a statement.
"Yea…I do but…not because of you." She pointed out.
"Oh…so you and Finn…" And as soon as the words were out he instantly regretted them.
"Don't you even dare bring Finn into this….you know damn good and well there is nothing going on between us he has been nothing but an amazing friend to me. Even if there was something there you lost the right to care when you decided to walk away without even a goodbye. So…now if you'll excuse me I need to finish getting dressed." She says to him opening the door while trying her hardest to keep from breaking down.
"Ok…if that's what you want." He says realizing that if they said anything else that there would be nothing left to save. She gave him a slight now. "I am not giving up on us I will do everything in my power to fight for us." He says whispering in her ear as he walks out the door. Rachel closes the door and a takes in his words. Why now…just when she had finally gotten her life back does he decide to fight for them? Rachel's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing. "Hello?" She answered.
"Where are you? We've been waiting downstairs for ten minutes now." Kurt says in his usual panic tone.
"Sorry I had to take care of something I will be down in a minute." She lies not wanting to tell him about Jesse.
"Uh…huh…you sure that something or should I say someone wasn't Jesse?" Kurt asked in an accusing tone.
"H…How did you know Jesse was here?" She said taken aback.
"Blaine and I saw him walk out as we were coming in. He looked like hell Rachel." Kurt tells her.
"Kurt look I know what you are going to say and honestly I don't want to talk about Jesse tonight so can we just go out and have fun and I will tell you tomorrow." Rachel asked hoping that he would respect her wishes.
"Ok…fine I will leave it alone for now but…you will tell me what is going on tomorrow." Kurt says to her.
"Thank you." She smiles into the phone.
"Now…get your butt down here we are already late." Kurt says jokingly.
"Ok…Ok." She says hanging up the phone.
-00-
Jesse was sitting at the bar deciding instead of going home and sulking that he would just drown his broken heart in a bottle of whiskey. He didn't really blame her for not wanting to talk to him if the roles were reversed he probably done the same. "Can I get another Jack on rocks?" He says waving at the bartender.
"That'll be $3.50." The bartender says as he sets the drink on the bar. Jesse hands him a ten and pauses for a minute.
"Well….well if it isn't Finn Hudson." Jesse says slurring his words.
"Jesse St. James." Finn nods and takes the money from him.
"So….you like... work here or something?" Jesse says trying to make conversation.
"Na…I just come in on my free time and serve drunken assholes for fun." Finn says sarcastically as Jesse just gives him a strange look. "I'm just kidding actually I own this wonderful place well….me…Puck and a few family members. So….you're far from home what brings you here?" Finn asks wondering why he was here last he knew he was in LA or something.
"Dude I live like ten blocks from here." He says as he downs his drink. "Can I get another one?" He says placing the glass back on the bar.
"Sure." Finn shakes his head as he pours him another drink.
"Well…I take it that you went to see Rachel." Finn says deciding to address the Jewish elephant that was in the room.
"What was your first clue?" He says in his usual smart assed tone.
"Well…you're on like your what sixth Jack and well she does happen to live around the corner." Finn points out.
"So…what if I did it's not like it changes anything she hates me." He says as down this one as well and gives Finn a nod.
"Ok…for one you're cut off and two she doesn't hate you." He says taking the empty glass and giving him a glass of water.
"What do you mean she doesn't hate me? Judging by today's events I would say she hates me." Jesse says taking a sip of the water.
"Dude not to be rude here but…man you are a dumbass. You left her no explanation just poof gone. What did you expect?" Finn says feeling kind of bad for Jesse right now.
"Thanks captain obvious for those wonderful words of wisdom. I know I messed up and I have no right to expect anything from her. What sucks is that when I saw her today she was throwing all my stuff away it was like she didn't even care anymore about us." Jesse takes another drink of his water.
"Man…that sucks." While he really wanted to give him a piece of his mind and tell him that he was an ass for just leaving but looking at him he just couldn't do it.
"Tell me about it. I tried to talk to her and explain why I left but she doesn't want to talk." He says defeated.
"You have to give her time dude." He tells him as he takes the glass from the bar. "Here drink this." He hands him a drink.
"Thought you said I was cut off?" Jesse gives him a funny look.
"From the straight Jack you've been downing. That my friend is a bloody marry and it's a hell of a lot better than Jack." He pushes the glass towards him.
"Ok…what is wrong with Jack?" Jesse asked offended by Finn's remark.
"Nothing it's just you get all weepy and shit with Jack and if you're going to get Rachel back you're going to have to fight like hell for the girl." Finn tells him.
"What if there is nothing left to fight for?" Jesse says taking a drink. "Damn dude this is good." He says sitting the glass on the bar.
"Ok…where are they?" Finn asks looking around the bar.
"Where are what?" Jesse asks giving him a strange look.
"Uh…your balls….because the Jesse I know and hate would not go down without a fight." Finn says point blank as Jesse almost chokes on his drink.
"Excuse me?" He says taken aback by Finn's words.
"Dude you two have this love that not only scares the ever loving shit out of you but….excites you. Girls like Rachel they love harder than anyone else. Trust me dude I know what it's like and if you want to get her back you're going to have to fight and when I mean fight I mean like hell. Right now she is afraid that you're going to leave again and well…who can blame her how many times have you just upped and left her three….four times I don't know I lost count to be honest. She needs to know that no matter what happens or how hard shit gets you're going to be there." Finn says hoping that he has gotten through to him somehow.
"And how do I do that? When she won't even speak to me?" He asked. Finn puts his finger on his chin thinking about what Jesse could do.
"Ok…this is what you are going to do. You're going to go upstairs and crash on the couch because you are way too wasted to even walk home. I am going to give Rach a call and try to convince her to at least talk to you." Finn explains to him while Jesse just stares at him like he has two heads.
"Ok. But…can I ask you something?" Jesse asked wondering why Finn was doing all of this.
"Sure." Finn gives him a nod as he wipes the counter down.
"What's in it for you?" Jesse says bluntly.
"Nothing…all I want is for Rachel to be happy." Finn simply states.
"Thanks man but…I think a nice long walk will do me some good." Jesse tells him as he finishes his drink.
"No problem dude just be careful I really don't have bail money if you get arrested." Finn says jokingly. Jesse lets out a laugh and leaves the bar.
-00-
I got a little drunk last night
There's something 'bout a midnight rain
Staring at the ceiling fan
I couldn't get you off my brain
Jesse had finally made it back to his apartment he was right the long walk back did him some good. It allowed him to kind of clear his head and figure out what he was going to do about Rachel. He knew Finn was right he had messed up and it was up to him to fix it.
I guess I wasn't thinking straight
I couldn't tell wrong from right
I went ahead and called you up
I got a little drunk last night
Rachel had decided to walk home from the restaurant she needed to clear her head of everything that had happened tonight. She had told Kurt she didn't want to discuss Jesse tonight but…he is very persistent and she caved in and told him everything that had happened. After talking to them she felt a sense of relief they told her that she needed to just sit down and tell Jesse everything that she was feeling.
Brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now?
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, hit that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last time every time
Don't know why
Rachel pulled out her phone and dialed his number what she had to say could not wait until morning. "Hey its Jesse leave a message." She heard his voicemail pick up. Rachel took a deep breath as she waited for the beep.
"Hey…um…it's me I really don't know why I am calling you I am still pissed at you for earlier but…Kurt and Blaine kind of convinced me that I should at least hear you out and give you a chance. Even though you really don't deserve it but… there are somethings I need to tell you and I know it's late and all but I know if I don't say them now I will never say them so…here it goes. First and foremost I am sorry for being a bitch to you earlier you didn't deserve it ok…well you did but that's not the point. It was just when I saw you all those feelings that I had for you came rushing back and I didn't know what to do. The thing is I still love you and as much as I try to ignore that the stronger it gets. I did everything I could to forget you and move on but…truth be told I couldn't. I have been holding on to the notion that one day you would come to your senses and come back to me. Ok…I think that is what I wanted to say. Call me…and I miss you." Rachel placed the phone back in her bag and continued to walk back to her apartment.
Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk last night
-00-
Jesse was laying in his bed his hand behind his head he tried to sleep but every time he closed his eyes flashes of Rachel bounced through his head. He picked up his phone to check the time and noticed he had a new message from Rachel. He looked at it for a minute before listening to the message. He could tell she had been drinking by the way she was rambling on but…he had to laugh at her stumbling over her words. He hit end on his phone letting her words sink in. He stared at the phone his finger hovering over her name debating on whether to call her back or not. What if this was just another one of her drunken rants that she will not even remember in the morning? Jesse decided to just leave well enough alone and call her in the morning. He placed the phone back on the table and rolled over hoping to get some sleep.
Ok…so there you have it so far….I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are not always welcome but greatly appreciated. Chapter 2 will be up on Monday I promise.