I feel like I'm falling.
I feel the wind scraping across my ears and the scorching sensation of dread in my stomach, and I feel water flowing past my fingertips like the reality that oh-so-easily passes my vision.
I can't breathe either, but I like it that way.
The sun is blinding. I can feel the buildings weaving around me and the moon waiting to push past, but no, everything's moving too quickly.
I feel lightheaded. I must get out.
I must leave.
How do you escape when you're falling? I'd like to know.
But I guess...
All that matters is when you finally hit the concrete.
I wonder, does every second count?
I'm not quite sure.
I suppose it's a matter of the ends justifying the means or the means justifying the end, but that is not for me to decide.
I sit here, unblinkingly, with a pen to my lip and a cup of tea on my saucer, yet I do not feel as knowledge-fed as a gentleman wandering the streets.
Of course, I would not know as much staring at smoke-wisps that hold nothing more than airborne molecules of H2O, but I would like to feel as smart as I want to be, even though I do not know a thing.
Have I bored you yet?
Well, apparently not. Since you're still reading. What a pitiful human you must be.
I do not feel special. I simply feel arrogant. Tell me, do you think you are speaking to an Englishman or a trivial fool?
No, my fellow, I do not think that I am in my right mind right now. But that is quite alright.
AHMAHGAHD, WHAT BLASPHEMY IS THIS. IT'S A CAPSLOCK BUTTON.
(I am not in my right mind, mind you. Perhaps this is why?)
...Oh. I've already said that part, have not I? Well, in any case, moving on...
I am a two-inch long piece of pencil lead that has been dwelling within your premises for half a dozen centuries.
No, really. I have been stalking you like this.
I really have been.
Oh, you don't believe me?
Then I will dislodge myself from this rotting crevice and insert myself in your eye.
Then you will believe me.
...bleh. That is graphic. Not pleasant in the least.
And I am fairly certain that your eye will disintegrate me.
Don't ask me how I know.
I just do.
Anyhow, would you like to hear the tale of a housecat?
Well, it all started in the junkyard.
Well, no, actually...
BAH! I GIVE UP!
YOUR FRILLY BLUE RIBBON HAS FOILED ME ONCE AGAIN!
GOD DAMN IT!
I bid you farewell! Forever! Begone from my sight!
...begone...
Beggun. Bay-gone?
Have I begun to go mad? Ha-ha!
No. It seems I am already there. Hm.
This is quite a predicament.
I wonder, do you have a map?
No, no, no, not a fap, you imbecile.
...I give up. I GIVE UP!
NO, you may NOT lay a finger on my two inches and you may NOT stick me in a pencil for your homework.
I am a human,for Christ's sake.
What? You thought I was a piece of graphite? Have you gone bonkers?
Oh? I'm the one who identified myself as a writing utensil? Hmph!
Well! Since you obviously undermine my clear authority, I wish you well.
I shall take my leave now.
...Really. I will.
Just watch me.
Yes, you will see this fine ass disappear behind your door and never see it again.
What? You never wanted to see my donkey in the first place?
Hah!
Well then.
Don't come crying to me when your tea tastes bland!
...
...you've...
You've used too much Splenda again, haven't you?
Le sigh.
-end-
A/N: Ahmahgahd. What is this shit. LOL.
/an hero