Hokum

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

A/N: This December Challenge is a fluffy little story that begins at the end of the episode "Capital Crime" when Sturgis and Mac are having a conversation in which threat is made and a promise is given…with no guarantees, if I remember correctly. The December dialogue is a bit jumbled, I hope this qualifies.

A/N: Many thanks to Theresa for proofing for me and for her 'kick-butt' encouragement.

A/N: I got the quote, written below, in the novel, "Rhett Butler's People". As soon as I read the quote, I couldn't help but think of our DD.

"Tell me whom you love and I'll tell you who you are."

Arsene Houssaye

Harm: You're a good looking woman, Mac.
You're smart. (Teasing tone for both). Of course you do have a tattoo.
Mac: Every now and then I catch you being nice.
Harm: Keep it to yourself, okay?
I've got a reputation to protect.

(Chains of Command)

1430

January 2002

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac sat at her desk and looked at Sturgis, her expression now solemn, when just moments before they had been teasing. "I mean it Sturgis; You have to keep that to yourself.

"I told you I would, Mac, I'm a man of my word…but as I said before, I can't speak for any telepathic messages…

"Sturgis…" She wouldn't allow him to finish, he had to understand how important this was to her.

"I'm kidding Mac. I won't say anything. I must say though, it's obvious to nearly everyone in this office that there is something more than friendship between you two. I can't understand why you just don't tell each other how you feel."

"It's complicated…we never seem to be on the same wave length…you know Harm, he's pretty hard to read." Mac had been looking down at her folded hands. She looked up at him and grinned sheepishly, "He can be kind of …well you know…he's…Harm".

Sturgis was thoughtful for a moment and then nodding his understanding, he turned to leave, but just before he did he looked back at her. "Tell me whom you love and I'll tell you who you are."

"What?"

"Look it up, Mac. I think it fits you two perfectly" He tossed back as he walked to his office.

Mac shook her head, dismissing Sturgis statement. "We are nothing alike." She stated under her breath. "That's the problem."

Later that afternoon…..

Mac had finished for the day and was leaving the building when she stopped at the foot of the steps. She looked out, her eyes scanning the parking lot until they came to rest at Harm's empty parking spot when her thoughts returned to what Sturgis had said.

"Tell me whom you love, and I'll tell you who you are"

She had taken the time to google the phrase, before she turned her computer off, she'd even highlighted it and cut and pasted it onto a document. As she told herself, again, that she and Harm were nothing alike, she'd printed it and slipped it into her briefcase.

Sturgis was also leaving for the day and as he passed her, he asked, "Looking for someone, Mac?"

Mac blushed slightly and said, in a voice only Sturgis heard, "Testing this friendship, already, Sturgis?"

"Not at all, just making an observation…" He stopped and turned back toward her. "You know, since you are a woman of lifesaving vision and intellect, did it ever occur to you that you might be giving off some involuntary messages…I mean, even if you don't want Harm to know…"

Mac turned away from him and headed for her car. "Hokum!" She was half teasing and completely disconcerted by Sturgis frankness.

She could hear Sturgis laughing as she quickly got into her car..."Hey Colonel…that's my line. I have a reputation to protect;I'm the skeptic, you're the woman who has….visions."

Mac drove out of the lot without acknowledging Sturgis' friendly wave as she passed him. "Just what I need," she thought, "another Commander who thinks he knows me, better than I know myself."

She ran a few errands before returning home, and then she'd stopped by Ho's Noodle House and ordered Buddha's Surprise. She reasoned that there was no sense cooking since it was just she and the TV tonight. The prospect seemed so lonely, all of sudden; she'd spent a lot of nights alone, in front of the TV lately. "Have I really become that much of a loner?" she wondered.

This was ridiculous, she was not a loner, and this was just a lonely night at a lonely time of year. She hated January sometimes, the days were still short and the nights seemed to go on forever. She longed for spring or even the scent of it in the air, and then she'd be able to shake this feeling, this sudden feeling that she'd been alone, too long.

When she returned home, she quickly showered; got into her favorite PJ's and settled herself comfortably onto her overstuffed couch. She had a bottle of water, a quart of Buddha's Surprise…a quart…why had she gotten so much? Then it occurred to her, she always got enough to share with Harm. If she didn't, he would inadvertently show up at her office door, or at her apartment door, short on time and big on appetite. If she didn't order enough and she'd been nice enough to share with Harm, he'd have most of her lunch or dinner eaten, leaving her with just a few bites and a growling stomach.

Thinking of Harm, again, gave her pause and set her dinner down on the coffee table in front of her. "Harm," she whispered his name aloud. He was such an integral part of her life that she made allowances for him, without thinking. Why was he on her mind so strongly tonight? Was it just Sturgis' good natured teasing? Or was it her subconscious slip of the tongue that was making her question herself and her reasons for keeping her true feelings from Harm? It was true, they were connected, but maybe it really was her, her self-doubt and her fear of his rejection that kept them unable get past just being. ..Friends.

She rose from the couch and began to walk through her apartment, her dinner forgotten. She stopped at the small desk which held her laptop and briefcase, removing the paper on which she had printed the phrase that wouldn't leave her mind tonight. Seeing Harm in her minds eye, she read the phrase aloud in her quiet apartment.

"Tell me whom you love, and I'll tell you who you are."

At that same moment many miles away in the Arabian Sea…

Harm was sleeping soundly in the berthing provided for him while he was aboard the Patrick Henry. The busy super carrier was still going full bore, though after the midwatches, there seemed to be a lull in activities. It was at this time, that Harm woke suddenly from a dreamless sleep. He could have sworn he heard Mac's voice; he looked around sleepily his surroundings reminding him that Mac was far away. Harm looked at his watch, the time glowing in iridescent blue green, it was nearly 0400. Harm lay back for a moment, listening; the ship seemed quieter than it had been when he'd fallen into his rack, exhausted last night. He didn't hear the catapults or any voices over the 1MC. He only heard the sound of the powerful ship cutting through the waves of the Arabian Sea. Years ago, when sleep would elude him, as a newly minted naval aviator, he would lie awake and try to separate and identify the sounds he heard aboard ship. By the time he'd identified them all, he'd cleared his mind enough to fall asleep. Last night though, after he'd completed his investigation and report and after he had tangled with Lt Yuen for the last time, falling asleep was no problem at all.

Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and yawned hugely. His big body shivered, involuntarily and crossing his arms, he rubbed his hands up and down them to warm himself up. He might as well get moving, he thought, it would be 0600 before he knew it. The COD wouldn't come soon enough for him.

As he dressed, he smiled as he remembered his conversation with Sturgis yesterday, his total exasperation in dealing with Mac; it might have been even funnier if Sturgis hadn't been so serious. Sturgis' understanding of their relationship had been a point of contention with both he and Mac, and now just as Sturgis seemed to be going with the flow, he was faced with Mac and her visions. They were not 'hokum' as he'd called them. They were real, all right. There was no doubt about that. She had saved his life. She'd reached out to him, across all those miles. He'd never understand it himself; there was no rational way to explain it.

He wondered if Mac knew or even understood the connection between them. They were so close, on so many levels, how could she not know? If she could find him in the middle of thousands of miles of ocean….surely she would be able to give a name to her feelings for him.

He made his way up to Vultures Row and resting his hands on the rail, he watched as the first lights of dawn turned the night sky into a paler shade of blue. The horizon was just becoming visible. Looking down, Harm saw that the ship's deck was beginning to hum with activity. The Patrick Henry was getting ready for another day, she was waking up. Being here, being part of all this, made him feel more alive than nearly any other place…then seemingly out of nowhere, he heard Mac's voice, with such clarity that he turned to see if she was there. . "I knew I'd find you here."

Harm chuckled, laughing at himself, and was grateful no one was looking his way. He just needed to get back, to the other place he knew he belonged, at JAG…with Mac.

Why did he always think of Mac when he thought of where he belonged? They did belong together, he knew that…but the question was, did she? When would it ever be the right time?

"Mac" he whispered, would they ever figure each other out? Mac…..She was never easy…never simple…she was just….Mac. She was a mystery, what was behind those brown soulful eyes? What did she mean, last fall, when she said they could start again, at the beginning? Did they still have a chance at a relationship? He'd never met anyone like her, she was special…rare. While he was pondering the mysteries of Mac, remembered her tattoo ...the woman had a tattoo…where the hell was it? The attraction he felt for her, the chemistry they had, was something he'd always had to keep in check…but lately it seemed, it was becoming more and more difficult to do.

She wasn't an easy person to figure out, he admired her for her strength but she could infuriate and frustrate him. Her opinion meant more to him than he'd ever allow her to know. It was complicated; it always had been with Mac.

"Tell me whom you love, and I'll tell you who you are"

The words came to him, unbidden. Harm was startled and then he heard them again,

"Tell me whom you love and I'll tell you who you are."

He knew that voice, he'd know it anywhere, it was Mac's, and he heard it as clearly as if she had been standing next to him.

At that same moment, in Mac's Georgetown apartment…

Mac sat in front of her laptop. She had rewritten the words on her computer screen, she had enlarged them. She still could not keep from thinking about those words, what they meant and how they might pertain to her and to Harm.

As much as she hated to admit it, she and Harm were alike, in many ways. They were both ambitious, smart…reasonably good looking. They were stubborn and proud, thoughtless in their speech at the most inopportune times and then the most sensitive when they were the recipients of that thoughtlessness.

Mac sat back from her computer and closed her eyes, could she ever let him know, could she ever communicate…the way she felt about him? Could she do it, here and now, just by thinking about him, about how much she cared for him? Could she tell him about the way she felt deep in her heart, in that place she had allowed no one, since she was very young?

Even as she sat alone in her quiet apartment, her thoughts had drawn her inexplicably close to him. She'd been thinking about where he might be at that moment. She thought he might be sleeping, but then, she decided that Harm would take every opportunity to be as near to flight operations on the Seahawk, as he could get. He was on Vultures Row, if she knew him at all.

She sighed heavily; there was no way to think this out tonight. She hoped that one day she could tell him how she felt, that he would know it somehow, but as it stood now; her life was what it was. She was tired and it was getting late, and maybe all she needed was a good night's sleep. She closed the file and her laptop and then repeated her thought aloud. "I just need a good night's sleep." And as she climbed into bed, she again said, "I need a good nights sleep…and you, Harm."

Just moments later, she began to drifting off to sleep. She cuddled into her pillow and murmured softly "I do love you Harm…so much."

The words she said not only echoed in the quiet bedroom room but into the mind of a 'certain sailor,' who recognized the voice who had spoken them.

JAG Headquarters

Two days later.

Harm walked into JAG Headquarters with a spring in his step. He was 20 minutes early and feeling great. In fact, he didn't know when he'd felt so good or been so happy. He looked in the direction of Mac's office and true to form; she was already in her office. He couldn't remember seeing her look more beautiful than she did this morning, standing near her doorway talking to Sturgis, over an open file. He'd seen her this way a thousand times, and had never seen what he saw today.

The woman who loved him.

He walked toward them, trying to keep his steps measured and his pace even, not wanting to give away the fact that all he wanted to do was sweep her up into his arms and carry her away. He was succeeding so far, though, no matter how hard he tried, he was unable to keep what he felt out of his expression. He was so glad to see her. Since the night on the Henry, when he'd awoke to the sound of her voice, he couldn't wait to get back to her, to see her face...to know that what he'd heard her say was true. She loved him, he heard her say it.

Mac glanced up to see Harm walking toward her, his gaze was so intense, she stopped speaking mid-sentence. Sturgis followed her line of vision to see Harm walking toward them and looking at Mac with such a purpose that he stepped back from her. When he reached them, Mac spoke first, though her voice was barely audible.

"Harm…" The look on his face was so soft and affectionate, she saw him look at other women this way in the past, but the look was not quite so… so full of… "could it be", she wondered…."could it be…love?"

"Mac…" Harm had stopped just one step inside Mac's usual comfort zone. He was leaning in, just slightly and his breaths coming more quickly than normal, though he was still holding himself in check, but barely.

"Good morning Commander. Get in late last night?"

Sturgis' question pulled them both out of their silent communication. Communication, full of overwhelming attraction and love.

"Yeah, I got in….late"

"Get good nights sleep, though?" Sturgis noticed Harm's eyes had drifted back to Mac's.

Harm remembered Mac's words, "I just need a good night's sleep…and you Harm."

Mac looked away, wondering what Harm's knowing expression meant.

He turned his attention to Sturgis, "As a matter of fact I did. Sometimes…you just need a good nights sleep."

When Harm returned his attention back to her, she thought his eyes were telling her that he knew…he knew what she'd been thinking. The words she'd said aloud that night, that night when she couldn't stop thinking about him. Searching his face, she still couldn't believe it, could he really have heard her or was she only seeing what she wanted see? There was only one way to find out.

Sturgis was beginning to feel as though he should leave, these two obviously had things to talk about. "If you two will excuse me, I have other duties to attend to."

Harm answered "Sure, see ya Sturgis" Mac's eyes hadn't left Harm's face, as the question came to her, the one that would answer all her questions.

As Sturgis was walking away, he heard Mac ask Harm.

"Harm…do you know who I am?"

Harm answered, without hesitation.

"Tell me whom you love and I'll tell you who you are."

Sturgis stopped; gooseflesh came up on his arms. He turned and saw Harm following Mac as she stepped back inside her office door, their eyes never leaving each other. As the door was pulled to and the blinds quickly closed, Sturgis started again toward his office rubbing his forearms. He had only been teasing Mac about her visions and her connection to Harm. He never thought she'd really test it. It was as though they'd had a conversation, when hadn't spoken to each other at all.

"Hokum" he said

FIN