Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, places etc. related to House of Anubis.
Outlaw
a road trip to Mexico with the wind in our hair and the law on our tails
Patricia screamed wildly, her hands in the air and her hair billowing out behind her as Eddie pressed his foot down.
Eddie turned to face his girl, now giggling as she closed her eyes to the wind, and grinned. God, she was gorgeous, with a smile as wide as her face and bright red hair that matched the setting sun trailing behind her as he accelerated.
"I hate you, Eddie Miller!" she yelled over the roar over the car, a beautiful old convertible he was dreading dumping somewhere.
"I hate you more, Patricia Miller!" he called back, laughing.
She turned to face him, a sparkle in her eyes, and before he could say anything, she pounced, her lips on his before he could say anything.
"I'm driving," he protested, trying to bat her away and looking back towards the road, but she ignored him, hands on his cheeks trying to pull him back to her. "Okay, give me two seconds."
Glad no one else was around, Eddie pulled off the road and stopped the car abruptly. She did this all the time, so he supposed he should be thankful that they were in the desert this time, rather than that awful time he'd pulled into some seedy alley.
"How long do we have before we hear sirens?" she said mischievously, and if at age sixteen someone had told Eddie that his wife was going to say that to him and he was going to find it attractive, he would've thought they'd lost it.
"A little while," Eddie replied, leaning back against his seat as Patricia switched from her own seat to his lap.
"Good to know," she mumbled between kisses.
They were just settling in to everything when the shrill screech of police cars ripped through the silent dusk.
"Every single time," Patricia grumbled, as she hastily hopped back into her seat and did up the one button Eddie had managed to undo. Curse him for having such fat fingers. Honestly she swore he had some giant running through his blood. "So annoying."
As Eddie flipped his seat back upright and switched the car on with the calm expertise only a professional getaway driver could possess, he couldn't help but laugh. Make-out session interrupted by cops and Patricia was acting as if their parents had walked in on them on the couch.
She was so casual. It made his heart thud.
"Hold on tight, baby," he laughed, as he revved the car up, hollering as they sped off into the horizon. Yeah, he was going to miss the car.
"How many times have I told you not to call me that?" Patricia sighed, her arm resting lazily on the door as Eddie did his thing and left a cloud of dust behind them. They'd be far enough away from the police in no time.
~.~.~
"You know, I like the blonde on you," Eddie remarked as Patricia stepped out of the bathroom, glare fixed on her face.
"I hate it. And I hate wearing these things," she huffed, scratching her head.
"It's just a couple of hours. And all you have to do is look pretty," Eddie reminded her, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"Yeah, until you screw up and I have to take out six men, half of them armed, in about a minute."
"Okay, I do still owe you for that one," he reasoned, shrugging.
"Damn straight," Patricia told him, shaking her head. "Guy nearly blew my arm off."
"But he didn't," he said with a smile.
"That fake moustache is itchy, don't kiss me again while you're wearing it," was Patricia's reply.
Then she promptly ripped it off his face, his yelp of startled pain oh so satisfying, cast her wig to the floor and pushed him backwards onto the bed. She wanted to do this now, so she didn't ruin her make-up later.
~.~.~
"Have we considered how we're going to get past the border yet?" Patricia asked innocently, as laidback as if she was asking about the weather. "You know, considering we're kind of... wanted."
"I heard you've been upped to fifty thousand dollars," Eddie said, looking her up and down approvingly. "Good going, yacker."
"Thanks, weasel," Patricia grinned. "Heard you're still hovering at ten. Cops don't like you as much."
"Probably because last time we took out a bank, you pulled your hoodie down because, and I quote, you were hot. It would kind of make sense for them to want to pull in for questioning, oh, I don't know, someone whose entire face was caught on camera."
"Listen up, it was sweltering in that place," Patricia defended herself, sulking. "And I still blame you. Who robs a bank in July?"
"We needed the money," Eddie protested. "Dad's school flooded and he's put his heart and soul into that place."
"Yes, yes, I know," Patricia grumbled, twisting round in her seat and getting the familiar thrill in her stomach when she spotted the glow of blue and red in the distance. "Don't guilt trip me again. Still can't believe we hit a bank for a school though. A school."
"Hey, it was our school once," Eddie frowned. "And we had fun."
"We thought we had fun," Patricia grinned, settling back into her seat. "We didn't have a clue what fun really was."
"Yeah, we thought fun was soccer and live music, but turns out it's actually racing stolen cars into Mexico in the dead of night," Eddie said dryly.
Patricia turned to him, her eyes gleaming, face like a five year old.
"We were doing it all wrong."
"What do you think the others think of us now?" Eddie mused, wishing he could close his eyes like Patricia was doing and just enjoy the air rushing past them. He had to persuade her to do the driving one of these days.
"Ooh, okay," Patricia said excitedly, as if they were playing a game. On the run from the police, and she wanted to play a game. "I think Fabian would be horrified. Jerome and Alfie would be so jealous that they never did anything like this. Amber would pretend not to know us, but really she'd be super proud of how awesome we are."
"Mara and Joy probably phone each other every time there's an update and discuss how glad they are you're not their friend anymore," Eddie laughed, getting into it.
"Yeah, definitely," Patricia snorted. "And I bet KT is being all positive about it, like, good for them, they're getting out there and seeing the world."
Eddie's laughter at this point caused him to swerve the car, so Patricia hit him.
"Ouch," he said pointedly.
"Focus!" she scolded, huffing. "Jeez, it's not going to be much of a roadtrip if we crash the car and wake up in jail."
"Patricia, it isn't really a road trip at all," Eddie grumbled. "More of a, let's get the hell out of Vegas as fast as possible kind of trip, which turned into, let's take a holiday to Mexico while we're on the run kind of trip."
"We have the best life," Patricia sighed happily.
"Why are we going to Mexico anyway?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because you," Patricia said, poking him in the arm to emphasise the word. "Owe me a honeymoon."
~.~.~
"I need you to stop wearing red lipstick," Eddie muttered as they strolled into the casino, exuding the kind of confident air most of the losers in this place could only dream of.
"Only if you stop wearing tuxedos," she replied under her breath, flashing the guards a brilliant smile.
One of them smiled back, and she winked at him. His expression only made Eddie more smug that half of the time, the ring this woman wore on her finger was given to her by him.
"Ready to do this?" Eddie swallowed, as they were ushered down some beautifully old-fashioned corridors to a private room, where the poker game they were about to interrupt was being held.
"Are you?" was her reply, and then they sauntered into the room.
Patricia's glittering black gown, slit up to her thigh, loose blonde curls and of course, blood red lipstick, was enough to distract everyone from Eddie's questionable moustache as he took his place at the table.
"Don't spend all my money," she smiled at Eddie, kissing him on the cheek and leaving a smudge.
With that she turned and walked out of the room, leaving most of them with dropped jaws. This was her favourite part of the evening. Sipping cocktails as Eddie fiddled cards for a few hours, swiping wallets from men's pockets whenever she could. Of all the ways she'd planned to make her living, this was by far the best.
~.~.~
"Do you think your dad knows it was us that sent the money?" Patricia wondered aloud as Eddie cruised through border control, flashing two of their many false passports at the officers.
"Probably," Eddie answered distractedly, very much aware of the fact they probably hadn't lost their police tail for too long. "I reckon we're going to need to dress up on the way back."
"Who says we need to go back?" Patricia giggled, and her smile would be evil if it wasn't so cute.
"I did not buy you a penthouse in Vegas for us to never return there," Eddie laughed incredulously, taking one hand off the wheel and tickling her.
"Stop, stop," Patricia gasped breathlessly, batting his hand away. Eddie sighed triumphantly. He knew the best methods of torture. "Okay, point taken, we'll go back to the US soon-ish. Can't we spend, a month or so here though? It is my honeymoon."
"Trix, I took you to Australia after we got married. You know, last year?"
"Oh but that was on business," she pouted.
"Yeah, the business being me buying you another house."
"I'm not waiting until we retire to the beach. Besides, I didn't ask you to keep buying me property. I said that festival tickets would be just fine."
"Patricia, we're wanted criminals on the run. We can't just rock up to a music festival whenever we fancy it."
"Rock up, I see what you did there," she teased, and he laughed in spite of himself. He fell in love with this girl more and more every day.
They drove for another fifteen minutes or so, both on the lookout for a good spot to dump the car, and scouting out possible garages for the morning. Eddie's goodbye to his beloved car was drawing closer and closer, and he was starting to feel sad.
"Do you think your dad's disappointed then?" Patricia asked, continuing the conversation. "If he knows it's us?"
"I honestly don't know," Eddie told her, looking at her properly. It was getting hard to see each other as night truly began to settle in, but the moonlight cast an eerie glow over their faces. It made them both look younger, innocent, like they were seventeen again. "I mean, it's not like he's been a saint his whole life."
"But he's also never been on most wanted lists across the globe," Patricia laughed.
"If only they knew," Eddie sighed, stepping on it again as they hit more desert.
~.~.~
Patricia glanced down at her phone as it buzzed and huffed. Here they went again. Why couldn't Eddie ever do anything simply? Why did he always have to screw up?
Casually standing up and smoothing down her outfit, Patricia tossed a few bills onto the bar and strolled out of the casino. She smiled politely at the bouncers at the door again, then as soon as possible, turned the corner and slipped out of her heels. Oh she was going to miss them, the most beautiful red stilettos.
Eddie owed her.
Running barefoot down empty streets and holding her dress in her hands, Patricia looked like a girl needing to get home from the ball before midnight. She wasn't the princess though. She was the villain, and life was so much sweeter that way.
Sliding into the car, parked in some obscure backstreet lot, Patricia hit the road as fast as possible, cruising around until she saw Eddie hiding in some bushes. The man had nothing if not class.
"Are we switching?" she asked pointlessly as Eddie threw himself into the passenger seat.
"Drive," he said breathlessly, and Patricia didn't need asking twice.
This was the real reason Eddie was their driver, because when Patricia took the wheel, Eddie felt he might be safer back at the casino with five men who had just realised they were being played.
"That's a- that was a red light," he whimpered, holding on to his seat and praying to every god there was.
"He steals from millionaires every other night but he wants to abide by the rules of the road," Patricia tutted. "You're the worst criminal in the world, did you know that?"
"You've mentioned it once or twice."
~.~.~
"Tissue?" Patricia asked dryly, as they watched flames lick what was once Eddie's car.
"I really can't stand you at times," Eddie grumbled, shoving her.
"The feeling is mutual, buddy, rest assured," she replied, shoving him back harder.
"Come on, burnt out cars don't usually just go by unnoticed," Eddie sighed heavily, wrapping an arm round Patricia's shoulders and pulling her away.
"You're such a loser," Patricia informed him, shrugging his arm off and marching ahead, but pausing to turn round and smirk.
"Yeah well you look hideous in this moonlight."
"How hideous?" she asked as Eddie drew closer, his arms outstretched ready to pull her back to him.
"You're so ugly no one will ever want to marry you," he concluded, and she grinned up at him. He wished she'd stop using lip stain, because the red just lasted for hours and he couldn't handle it for that long.
"Well that sucks doesn't it," Patricia sighed, reaching up on her tip toes as if to kiss him, but dropping down and scampering away just before their lips touched.
"Sometimes you think I'm joking when I say I hate you, but rest assured, I am not," Eddie called after her, wondering how it was possible to want to sleep with someone but also want to strangle them at the same time.
Patricia didn't reply to that, just kept walking up the deserted alleyway they'd pulled into. The town centre of wherever they were was just a couple blocks away; the lights and music could be seen and heard, just dulled by distance. Eddie had figured driving a stolen car right into the main streets was a poor idea.
"Where are we staying tonight then?" Eddie asked, catching up with Patricia and taking her hand before she could pull it away. She had good reflexes, but she was no match for Eddie when he was on guard.
"Probably somewhere grim," she shrugged, as if fleas and uncomfortable mattresses weren't so bad. "The usual."
"I'll find us somewhere nice tomorrow," Eddie told her, swinging their hands as they walked down the dusty streets.
"You pick the worst hotels. I'll find us somewhere nice tomorrow, don't worry your ugly little head," she said with a smile.
"Then I get to choose the car," he reasoned.
"Eddie, you always get to choose the car, why would this time be any different?"
"I think I want a yellow car this time," Eddie mused.
"Then I will definitely punch you every time we see it."
~.~.~
Two miles away from the casino and Eddie was still breathing heavily at Patricia's driving. Alarmingly, his knuckles were more white than hers, and he found himself again wondering where on earth Patricia learned to drive like a maniac.
"Okay, pull in," Eddie said, unable to take the stress anymore.
"Do we have time?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I just want to make it out alive," Eddie said weakly, and Patricia shot him a filthy look.
"Fine," she said, making an emergency stop at the side of the road and nearly throwing Eddie through the windscreen.
They hopped out quickly, well-trained, and within a minute they were off again, this time Eddie feeling much safer.
"So did you get away with anything?" Patricia sighed, hoping they weren't going to have to go off the couple hundred she'd sneaked from pockets.
"Well yeah, this is me we're talking about," Eddie laughed. "Secured a smooth fifty before it all went downhill. Rapidly."
"You only managed fifty thousand?" Patricia groaned, slumping in her seat. "That animal shelter needs forty five to be re-built. You're leaving me just five grand to play with in Mexico?"
"Mexico?" Eddie asked, startled. "I thought we were heading back to the apartment."
"Yeah, because going back to our place in Vegas after you just robbed some guys... in Vegas, that would be a brilliant idea. No, my dear Edison, we're taking a road trip to Mexico."
"And you decided this..."
"I had such a nice cocktail at the bar, and I just wanted to go to the beach all of a sudden."
"You know you're going to be able to stay on the beach for approximately five seconds before we have to leave."
"I just want sand in my toes, the waves over my feet, and then we can go and skulk around somewhere else," Patricia reassured him.
"Okay," Eddie nodded. "Okay. Sounds good. So that's where we're headed now then? Mexico?"
"Yep," Patricia said excitedly. "Road trip!"
~.~.~
"Happy honeymoon," Eddie said sarcastically as they opened the door to their motel room.
"At least it's clean," Patricia reasoned, hunting round the bathroom too. "We've stayed in much worse."
"We can pretend the honeymoon starts tomorrow," Eddie suggested, and Patricia nodded at the idea.
"Shall we message my parents? Off on our honeymoon, see you in a few," Patricia said, cackling evilly.
Sometimes Eddie wasn't sure whether she'd pursued this career path, if that was what this could be called, for herself, or just to annoy her parents. They hadn't spoken to her since she'd run away to America to be with Eddie, but she often delighted in imagining them reading about her exploits.
She'd cackled, actually cackled, when their drive-through Las Vegas wedding had made the headlines of a few tabloids.
Eddie hoped his dad wasn't having too hard a time reading about it at all. He liked to think that Eric had always just wanted him to be happy, and if he was with Patricia, Eddie was happy.
Besides, they weren't really criminals. Not in their minds anyway. The people they stole from were always lazy men with too much money earned from dealings that swindled innocent folks out of their hard-earned cash. Patricia and Eddie were just setting the balance right again.
They'd never stolen from a shop, or a person on the street, nor would they ever. The bank had made them feel guilty enough, until Patricia had pointed out that technically the money they stole belonged to the bank in that moment, not to anyone else. So taking that hadn't been too much of an issue.
"Okay, we need to send that money off in case we get caught," Patricia said, digging into the one backpack they shared and pulling out their last crumpled envelope and a pen.
"Yeah, because getting caught is likely," Eddie snorted, earning a grin from his wife.
"I'm just going to write 'for the animals'," Patricia told Eddie, as she scribbled the little note on the inside of the envelope like always. "Love from Robin Hood and- Eddie, come and sign your name."
"Patricia, I'm not signing my name."
"Well I've written 'and' now, so you have to."
"You write it."
"No, I'm not writing love from two different people in one person's handwriting. They'll think I'm crazy."
"Because otherwise, you lead a perfectly sane life," Eddie muttered, snatching the pen from her hand and signing what had become Patricia's pet name for him. Maid Marian.
Patricia smiled at him happily, then took the cash Eddie handed her and stuffed it into the envelope, sealing it up tight then adding tape to be secure. This was headed all the way to Chicago, and she was taking no risks.
"Right, are we done saving the world?" Eddie pleaded, as Patricia popped the envelope on top of the dresser ready for the morning.
Patricia's response was to take a running jump at the bed and begin to rip Eddie's top off. He loved that she avoided the clichés.
~.~.~
The next day, they headed to the beach early. As in, before the sun properly rose early. As Patricia had pointed out, this was when it would be quietest, and they were two criminals in a notorious city of crime. They couldn't take any risks.
For a half hour or so, they wandered along the beach front, hand in hand still, as ever, and Patricia was laughing like a kid every time the waves splashed over her feet. Eddie rolled his eyes every time. It was like she'd never been in water.
"I'm so gutted you lost that blonde wig," Eddie sighed as they paused to watch the sunrise.
"It fell off while I was running to the car," she explained, not adding that it fell off because it was ripped off and thrown to the ground. "I'm a little more upset by the shoes."
"I will buy you new shoes soon," Eddie promised, flopping down onto the sand and resting his arms on his knees. "And apparently a new formal dress too."
"Do you know how hard it is to drive in a full-length gown?" Patricia said, fixing him with a look.
"Yes, but you didn't have to rip the bottom half off," Eddie muttered, shaking his head as he thought of the pile of rags, the remains of that stunning, very expensive dress, that had been left in the trashcan of their motel room.
They never kept clothes and shoes for very long. They had one backpack between them, which carried the essentials. The rest of their worldly possessions were scattered between their various houses, which was both secure, and highly annoying. Like when Patricia had left her perfume in Hawaii and remembered once they'd landed in London, or the time Eddie realised his favourite tie was in Tokyo during one of their many stays at the Vegas apartment.
"Do you ever want to settle down?" Patricia asked out of the blue, eyeing their backpack. "Get proper jobs, stay in one place, start a family?"
"Maybe," Eddie shrugged, smiling at her. "Patricia and Eddie Junior."
"No way," Patricia laughed, whacking him on the arm. "Robin and Marian."
"Not a chance."
A group of tourists suddenly appeared nearby, laughing and joking in a different language. Patricia and Eddie shot each other a look, then hopped up. Their time at the beach was over.
They casually sidled past the group, all photographing the sunrise over the ocean, then hit the pavement and made their way to a market which was just opening for the day. Patricia's hand was firmly in Eddie's, and he was leading the way, weaving between the stalls.
Eddie always led the way, and Patricia would always follow him.
"The next town along is a lot calmer," Eddie said, and Patricia pulled a face. "And there's a nice hotel I've found us a room in."
"Don't tell me we're walking the whole way," she groaned.
He shook his head at her, rounded the corner, and presented his latest find with a flourish.
A beautiful, glossy yellow sports car sat in the shade, and all Patricia could do was stare. Then she punched Eddie on the arm.
"When did you get this?" she asked admiringly as he nursed his arm, and she had to admit, it was a thing of beauty. "Where did you get it?"
"Need to know basis," he teased, pulling the keys out of his pocket.
"Well you had to have gotten it last night, which means at some point you left me alone in a ratty old motel room, where I could've been murdered, and you roamed the shady parts of Mexico alone, where you could've been murdered."
"We're both alive, it's all good."
"Well come on then," Patricia said, trying to hide her grin as she slipped into the leather seats of the car. "Can we keep this one for a little while?"
"I am hanging on to this for as long as possible," Eddie reassured her as he hopped into the driver's seat. "Right then, ready to do this honeymoon thing?"
She smiled at him, and for once it wasn't mischievous, or smug, it was just a smile, her way of telling him she loved him. He returned the smile, then stuck the car in gear and roared off into the distance.
A/N: Inspired by the great P Williamson herself. Quote's from S3, but everyone loves Peddie more than the sisterhood, right? Thanks for reading, let me know your thoughts?