AN: Written for Iruka, you know who you are, haha. Someone I met at Anime Evolution. Hope you get a couple of laughs.
Disclaimer: I OWN MYSELF! MUAHAHAHAHA -needs to remember she is not Genma-
Genma cursed as he struggled to climb a tree the old fashioned way, grunting and straining his muscles to pull himself up. There were traps set up around the apartment he was trying to peek into, and they were set to go off only when his chakra signature was located.
No chakra, no blown off balls.
Which had almost happened.
Twice.
"Damn, Iruka's a pain in the butt to spy on." he muttered as he finally reached a comfortable branch and shifted closer to the window. But oh so worth it...
The curtains were open only the slightest bit, but that was all Genma needed. He peeked into the room and grinned as he caught the Chuunin in the process of waking up.
He looked cute when he didn't want to get out of bed, his hair a little messy and one arm over his eyes, as if to block out the sunlight coming through his thin curtains.
"Iruka is so damn hot."
"I know!" Genma exclaimed. "You just want to—"
The Jounin paused, frowning. If he was replying to that comment—who had said it?!
Please be Iruka! Please for the love of God, be Iruka!
Genma turned around.
Kakashi was sitting behind him in the tree.
I am so dead...
"Morning, Genma."
"Morning." the Jounin said in a small, frightened voice.
"Having a good day?" Kakashi's visible eye curved up happily as a bead of sweat trickled down the side of Genma's face.
"Um... yes?"
"Well you're not anymore." Kakashi's voice had come out hard and his eye opened, showing a promise of horrible pain and imminent death.
Genma shrieked like a girl and flipped out of the tree as Kakashi's hand reached out to grab him. The ex-ANBU caught the pervert's hitai-ate, pulling it clean off Genma's head.
He ignored that, knowing he would live through asking Tsunade for a new one. Letting Kakashi catch him was something he wouldn't live through.
"Genma!" Kakashi roared as said shinobi attempted to escape without using chakra and setting off the traps.
"I was only looking! Looking! At least I didn't touch!"
"I'm gonna touch you! And not in a good way!"
Genma screamed some more as he ran for all he was worth through the market, pushing past people and jumping up onto roof-tops, Kakashi hot on his tail. The pervert knew there was no point in even attempting to use a jutsu to escape from Kakashi; the other would be able to find him no matter what he did.
His best hope was just to escape on foot. Which wasn't going well, but he could always hope.
He glanced over his shoulder and almost fell off the roof. Kakashi's hitai-ate was up, exposing his Sharingan eye. He was pissed.
"Oh God, I'm gonna die!" he yelled loudly to no one in particular as he faced forward again and ran faster. He practically dived into his apartment through the open window, hurrying to stand and slam the window shut.
Breathing hard, he looked out through the glass, glancing left and right for Kakashi. The sensei wasn't there. He'd actually given up? Phew... Safe.
"I'm going to kick your ass so hard, the mere thought of sex will repulse you."
Genma froze, the blood in his veins going cold. He turned slowly, Kakashi walking towards him with anger evident in his eyes.
"Stay away from my Iruka!"
Genma sighed deeply as he sat by one of the many lakes in the training grounds, looking down at his reflection and the nice black eye he currently sported, courtesy of Kakashi. He poked at it gingerly and winced as pain shot through his forehead.
"Owie." he whined aloud, even though no one was there to sympathize. Not that anyone would. No one was ever nice to Genma.
The Tokubetsu Jounin sighed again before turning to glance behind him. He could hear soft footsteps, and watched the opening that led back into the forest, hoping it wasn't Kakashi coming for round two. He'd been really pissed off that morning. One would have thought Genma had actually touched Iruka rather than watched him wake up.
Seconds passed until finally, the leaves parted and Genma's eyes traveled down to the forest floor where a small ginger puppy stood. It walked towards Genma, panting, its tongue sticking out of its mouth, and sat down beside him, looking up curiously at the Jounin.
"Hey, puppy." He sighed. "At least you're not here to hurt me, or you would have already." Genma's shoulders dropped as he sighed again. It seemed to be the only thing he was capable of doing at the moment.
"Do people think I like being like this?!" he suddenly exploded, causing the dog to jump to its feet and run away from him a little before pausing and turning back to him, staring. "I don't like being a pervert, it's just in my nature! It'd be like asking Kakashi to give up his Icha Icha books, which—by the way—are just as perverted as I am! Kakashi's a pervert, too, so why am I the only one who gets in trouble?! Sure, I find it hard to control myself when I'm around people, particularly Raidou and Iruka, but still! A grope every now and then isn't gonna kill anyone! And it's not like I was going to rape Iruka or anything! Can't I just watch him wake up and strip?! Is that too much to ask?" He turned to the dog. "Seriously, puppy, is it too much to ask to be able to watch an attractive man dance around his apartment naked? And Iruka does dance." He crossed his arms, looked out over the water again, and pouted.
"Stupid Kakashi. Iruka doesn't care that much, or he'd try harder! He leaves that crack in his curtains on purpose, I know it! Maybe it's just to tease me, or to see how far I'll go to peek into his room, but it's there! Oh, the crack is there, and he does it on purpose!"
He huffed again, glaring at the water before turning back to the dog.
"You know what I mean, right, puppy? He loves it, the little bastard. Or maybe he just likes seeing me get in trouble." He sighed, bowing his head. "Everyone hates me."
The puppy came closer and nudged his hand with his nose. Genma smiled, raising his head and petting the dog lightly. It was cute, and he sort of wondered where it had come from.
"Genma?" He turned as he heard the voice, the dog staring at the trees as well.
Iruka emerged from behind the greenery, wringing his hands together slightly as he looked at the dog, then Genma, and then the ground.
"Um, is it all right if I sit next to you?"
"Maybe you should sit on the other side of the lake." Genma muttered, turning away. "Kakashi might conveniently show up and accuse me of having followed you here."
"Don't worry about Kakashi." Iruka sighed as he took a seat beside Genma, the dog walking towards him in interest. The Chuunin smiled and pet his head lightly before looking back at the sulking Genma.
"I'm sorry Kakashi hit you."
"Kakashi hurts me a lot when it comes to you. It's not like he owns you. Bastard still hasn't had the guts to ask you out, yet he spies on you as often as I do and gets mad at me for being a pervert." Genma scoffed. "Hypocrite."
"We all know that he's weird, Genma, you just have to ignore him." Iruka shifted, still petting the dog. "Um, I heard what you were saying to the puppy. I don't hate you."
"I know." Genma whispered.
"And I don't leave the crack in the curtains on purpose, either." Iruka half-glared at Genma, but it was hard to be truly mad when the Jounin looked so pathetic.
"I know." he repeated.
Iruka sighed, pushing the puppy slightly to get it out of his way, and leaned over, hugging Genma sideways, resting his chin on the other's shoulder.
"Please don't be upset. I'm sorry Kakashi's an ass, and that I tease you, but you really do mean a lot to me, Genma. You're a good friend, and I know you're trying to help me get with Kakashi, so I know you're not a bad person." He smiled slightly. "I have much love for the Genma."
At first, he thought maybe Genma didn't believe him, or that he was so depressed he'd ignored Iruka's words. He was about to start worrying when all of a sudden, Genma turned and pretty much jumped him, sending them both crashing to the ground.
"Not that kind of love!" Iruka screamed as the puppy cocked its head to the side and blinked in confusion.
END.