I look into the mirror. Who am I? All I ever feel is this loneliness. Biting, tearing. It's so hard. I smile enough to see my teeth but…
But…
That word haunts me.
You're a good friend but…
You're a good grandson but…
You're a good blader but…
But…
But you can do better.
You have to do better.
If you don't you'll end up just like you're father. You'll end up without friends. You'll end up hated. You'll end up just another person in second place. Never before have I been second. If I am I know….i know I wouldn't be able to go on. I would have to stop. I would cease to function. That's how I feel anyway.
Outside this little bathroom I hear them laughing. My friends. My team mates. They are so stupid. Not to notice. I thought it was clear this hatred. Yes, I believe I hate them and yet I love them too. It's strange the tricks a mind can play on you. That's why it's better to shut down. Make a layer that can't be penetrated. Then no matter what is said, done, you can ignore it. Hey it's worked so far….
But (there's that word again!) if it's worked as well as I think why am I here? Sitting on a bathroom floor, the door locked crying? No, not crying. Crying has sounds. This is silent. Almost as if my life has been put into mute.
Another round of laughter. I think they're watching T.V., aren't they worried? No. Not about me. No one ever worries about me. I am the boy with all the answers. The strong one. They look to me as a leader but I am not fit enough to lead myself let alone a whole team. They assume my life is as simple as it looks. Don't they realize the giant holes in my story? Maybe they don't care….maybe they're just stupid.
I look into the mirror; I look closely at the person before me. The tears disappear. With a brush through my hair quickly and suddenly I'm no longer the crying child. I'm the strong, brave leader. I'm not sad, there's nothing missing in my life.
I walk out into the third burst of laughter.
"Hey Tyson, what took ya so long?' asks Max, sitting on the couch
"Hey it takes work to look this great" I grin, showing all my teeth but…behind it there's something else. Maybe this time….
"Get real" Rei throws a cushion at me.
"HEY!" I launch myself towards him, no not this time. They haven't seen it…maybe tomorrow…maybe never…..
more on the spot midnight madness….i dunno… review tell me im insane for it is true!