On the same page
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to their creators. I own nothing. I only try to play with them for a bit...
A/N1: This story starts with chapter 17 of the second season, Kupale.This episode was the first one that season without that awful Lori, and after what for a while looked like a breakup between Steve and Catherine. I have to admit that the second season was terrible to my opinion, the writers committed repeated offences towards poor Kono. Lori's appearance was a terrible mistake, and towards the end we didn't even have Alex Oloughlin, that, let's face it, he is the main reason to watch the show...
Anyway, I am an optimistic person, and I choose to believe that despite the fact they are bringing Catherine back, there is still hope for the third season. In the mean time, let's see what we can do with what we have...
A/N2: This is a bit different from my last fic. I will be going back to writing funnier stuff. Just needed to take it off my mind.
It happens after he gets back from his week on the aircraft carrier. No. Actually, scratch that, it happens earlier, when he is still on the aircraft carrier itself. Because despite the fact that he went there to be with Catherine, in a sudden unexplained romantic gesture, and despite the fact they were actually, in a very long time, together in the same time zone, it wasn't exactly what he had expected. It started well enough, he was happy to be a part of a military operation again, assuming his natural role as a team leader quickly and naturally. And Catherine was there, and they ate dinner together and went back to her room and... well, did everything they normally did. But on the next day, he got busy, with the drill. And he had such a great time with the men in his unit, he found himself spending the second night with them, hanging out and sharing wartime stories. On the third night they had low visibility exercise for two nights, which had him collapsing tiredly on his bed, on the following day. On the fifth night he actually stayed at his quarters and read his book. Because you can't read the memoirs of general Patton enough times, right? On the sixth night he realized he didn't even see Catherine the entire time, but when he came to look for her on the bridge, she was busy, and just smiled at him apologetically and promised to see him later. Which she didn't. He had one more fun night with the other guys, and on his last day, he knew he is done.
He left her a message on her voicemail saying he was sorry, but he thinks their empty relationship was over. He knew it was true even before he pushed the end button on his cell phone.
()()()
He called his sister from the airport. He couldn't really explain why. After talking to her about nothing for three minutes he could see there was nothing more to add except his goodbyes. He disconnected and went to catch his flight back home. Before he fell asleep on the airplane, he thought to himself that something is really fucked up about him, because how else can you explain the way he handles all the women in his life? His sister hardly communicates with him, and speaking to her is so strenuous, like they are trying to build a bridge over the last fifteen years. Catherine who, for her defense, was actually sleeping with him on and off in the last six years, obviously didn't care about him, at least not enough to change her comfortable routine. Lori, who he had to admit was nice enough at the beginning, and to her testimony had feelings for him, was only able to freak him out with her neurotic personality and the embarrassing attention she paid him. He's not a psychologist, but an educated guess would be that it's all related to his mother's death. Anyway, it looks like he can't really feel comfortable with any woman. This is why he felt so good with the SEALS. No women there. Yet...
His eyes closed and he felt his body relaxes when something nagged at his sub consciousness and stayed there, preventing him from falling asleep. Kono! that was the thought... with Kono he felt comfortable. Sleep engulfed him finally when he relaxed to this realization.
()()()
He gets to his home, already upset. And the fact the Danny is still alive after destroying his house, almost burning it to the ground and letting the fucking dog sleep in his bed, probably has to do with the fact that he just came back from 22 hours flight, and that they have a case. He is tired, and hungry and his house is a mess, so maybe this is a good enough explanation to what happens next. Because, he stands there on the battle field, with Chin and Danny, looking at the hundred Hawaiian men being grouped by HPD, when she comes out of the wood all happy and vibrant. She starts to explain something about the case, but he doesn't even hear. Because the minute he turns around and looks at her, he feels like a big train is hitting him hard on the face. He feels his chest tightens, and his heart beating, and there is a deafening ringing in his ears when with an instant the emptiness he's been feeling is no longer there, and the only thing he can think of is her. It took him a year and a half, a ten million dollars robbery, an IA investigation and a trip to an aircraft carrier in the Mediterranean to realize what he wants. Not wants actually, he needs her, like he needs food or water, or air... Yeah air. Fuck.
()()()
He tries to say something when they sit in the restaurant, chaperoning Danny on his date. It comes out as a sloppy complement, which she reciprocate, closing the discussion before he is able to think about something else. He spends the time in the restaurant drinking beer and trying to avoid the inner roaring in his body. By the time they are saying goodbye and take their leave, he is so worked up, he can't even think straight anymore. Before he realizes, he finds himself driving his car after hers.
()()()
she sees his car on the rear view mirror, following her from the restaurant, and wonders if he needs something. But when she tries to call him on his phone, it's going straight to voicemail. She thinks she should stop and ask him what he wants, but they are already close to her home, so she continues to drive, and waits for him there on her door step.
He reaches the house and is out of the car in an instance. She sees him walking purposefully towards her.
"What's up boss?" she feels a little bit nervous by the intense look in his eyes.
He doesn't say anything. just steps forward and standing close to her. He is standing so near, invading her personal space and she hears his breath coming out fast and shallow.
When she looks questioningly into his eyes she realizes what he wants.
She opens her front door, even though all her instincts tell her not to. Her heart beating fast and she feels dizzy with his closeness.
He enters after her, walking slowly as she advances backwards, never moving his gaze from her eyes.
"What do you want, Steve?" she asks in a strangled voice, but he keeps his silence. When she finds herself against the wall, his hands automatically goes to her waist, and she knows the battle had won.
"This is not a good idea" she whispers, almost moaning with the excitement he causes.
"Say no" he tells her, his lips skimming her neck and his hot breath tickling her ear.
"What?" she has no idea what he wants her to do.
"Say no and I'm out of here" he kisses the soft spot behind her ear, and moves his tongue on the outline of her earlobe.
She realizes he gives her a way out. How gallant of him. She reaches and holds his muscular arms trying to balance herself when she feels her legs starting to give in.
"Say no Kono" he begs her, trying to get her to stop the horrible mistake he is making them do.
"Steve..." she breathes desperately, feeling his hands climbing up against her skin under her shirt.
"Say no Kono" he pleads again "say no, or we're both fucked..."
"I thought that's the whole point..." she sighs when he reaches her breasts.
He pushes away for a second, looking desperately into her big brown eyes, "you're not going to say no, are you?" he says in surrender. She looks steadily at him, pressing her lips together to indicate her resolve. So he kisses her, and drowns in her. When they move silently together, still standing against the wall, he forgets all rational thought and his all being is filled with Kono.
When they are done, they are sitting side by side on the floor, leaning against the wall.
"I'm sorry" he says eventually, but there is no conviction in his voice.
"It's fine" she tells him. Because she has no idea what else to say. And she's not really sure what it is that he is apologizing for.
"Do you want to... ahmm... talk about it?" he asks, because he thinks it's the right thing to say.
"No" she says after a while, making him breath out in relief. "Do you want a beer or something?"
"No, thanks" he says, standing up and closing his pants. "I should probably go".
She looks up at him, with questioning eyes, and he tries his best to avoid them. Then he leaves. Closes the door gently behind him and gets into his car. On the way home, he looks at himself in the rear view mirror, scolding. "You are a god damn piece of shit" he tells his reflection. There's no objection there, apparently.
She gets up from the floor, and goes to the shower. She washes herself slowly. When she gets into her bed, she remembers his crazed eyes and the way he grabbed her, shaking with desire, and she feels that familiar tag in the bottom of her belly. She whispers his name to the walls repeatedly, until she falls asleep.
()()()
They don't mention it at work. Obviously. She is with Chin most of the day anyway. They have a new case, and they work long hours, and the way they are able to concentrate on the details of the investigation help them to put it behind them, and away from their minds. Only he feels quite antsy. Annoyed with everything, reckless, even more than usual. Danny has to push him forcefully against the wall and tell him to get a grip at one occasion, when he almost beats a suspect to oblivion.
()()()
Eventually he's back. Knocking on her door at eleven at night a few days after their first hook up, pushing her towards her small living room and laying her on her small couch. She looks at him again with her beautiful trusting eyes, and the fact she wasn't even half surprised to find him there like this, almost drives him crazy. He takes her clothes off slowly, never breaking eye contact, and sees for the first time the marks he left on her body. He must have held her with such force, without even realizing it, because her waists, her abdomen, and the underlie of her breasts are covered with blue and black bruises. Her neck and shoulders are covered with red bruises as well, a remembrance of his mouth and teeth. When he takes her jeans off he sees similar marks on her thighs.
"I didn't realize I've hurt you" he looks alarmed at her battered body.
"You haven't" she says simply. "It's not painful".
He looks at her eyes and still see her strong and trusting gaze, and he feels a strange tightness in his throat. He bends down and kisses gently every single bruise and sign, before claiming her body as his own again.
He doesn't stay that night either. After recovering, he sits on the couch with his head buried in his hands trying to relax his strained muscles. When he senses her getting up behind him and walking towards the bathroom, he leaves the house.
()()()
It happens repeatedly for a few weeks. She finds him on her door and lets him in. They never talk. Not of anything significant anyway. It's amazing, intense and exhilarating. He makes her body feel and move in ways she couldn't even imagine. He is forceful and strong, and always in control. But he is looking at her, when they are both in the height of it, never breaking eye contact, never lets her avoid him. When she closes her eyes he asks her to open them, gently, almost begging her to look at him, and it makes her feel like maybe he... but then he leaves. Again.
She tries to sleep on her own, feeling like she's falling from miles high, where he kept her beautiful and happy, down to the loneliness his absence left her with.
()()()
They are at work and he hears Danny asks her to go surfing with him and Grace. But she refuses. Says something about pain in her knee and some chores she needs to run. He knows there is nothing wrong with her knee. He knows everything there is to know about her body nowadays.
"Kono, can you step in here please?" he calls her to his office. It's the first time their alone together since it all started. Except from... well...
"You wanted something, boss?" she asks as she steps in.
"Why don't you want to go surfing with Danny?"
"What?" she looks at him a little bit shaken.
"Is it because of... the bruises...?" he asks rubbing his hand on the back of his neck, trying to sound matter-of-factly about it.
"Not at work!" she tells him sharply.
"What?" he looks at her with confusion.
"Don't talk about it at work" she says again, eyes glinting and her voice comes out shaky. "Please" she adds, desperate to stop him from continuing.
"OK" he says quickly. There is a look of a caged animal in her eyes, and it breaks his heart. "I'll come over tonight, we can talk then" he says trying to reassure her.
She nods and turns away, leaving the room swiftly.
()()()
"I'm sorry" he says as he gets in "I didn't mean..."
"It's fine" she stops him midsentence "it's just... I was unprepared..."
"You want to talk about it?" he asks, not knowing what she needs, but wanting to give her anything she demands.
"We need rules" she tells him after a while "if we continue with this. We need rules".
"Sure" he nods in agreement. He likes rules. Rules are good. Clear. In contrast to the big mess he got them into. He is a big fan of rules, even if most of the time he tends to break them.
"You can't mention it at work" she tells him, looking at him pointedly "this is my first rule".
"OK" he says "Work is off limit".
"And nobody else can know about it" she continues "not Danny, not Chin, not anyone. The minute someone finds out, it's over".
He can see that she's serious. And he understands. The risk they are taking is higher where she is concerned. Her professionalism, her reputation, her career, all are on the line here. He feels like a predator again. He should have been stronger, keep his distance and not risking her like this. But if she'd make him leave her, he feels she will destroy him, so selfishly, he's not willing to let her go.
"And if you come over, and I say no. You'll leave" she tells him. "I can pull the plug at any point".
He steps closer to her, rubs his hands on her shoulders, and then lifts her chin so she can see into his eyes. "You can pull the plug any minute" he whispers, leaning closer to her mouth "you always could. You can make me stop, you can set the pace, you can file a complaint and have my head for this. It's your decision. I'm in your hands".
She feels like she's drowning in the big blue ocean of his eyes. She tries him. "Leave now" she says, her eyes penetrating his soul, challenging his last statement.
He stops an inch from her mouth, and looks at her puzzled. Is she playing control games with him? when he tries to find a clue of her real meaning, she doesn't flinch. Then he straightens up, and walks out. She stands there, heart beating and mouth dry. She collapses on the floor when she hears his truck drives away.
()()()
It takes him a week to come back. He appears on her door step at two in the morning, wakes her up with his persistent pounding. When she opens the door, he grabs her immediately, lifts her in the air and kisses her hungrily. He carries her up stairs to her bedroom and they drop on her bed in a tangle of limbs, rushing to discard of their clothes and touch each other. He swallows her whole, and she holds him close as she releases into him all her longings and need. He stays that night. Exhausted from their union, at least that's what he tells himself. The truth is, after her last rebellion, he's simply too afraid to leave her again.
()()()
She wakes up to an empty bed. She is not completely surprised, even though it is Saturday and they have no work, but she really didn't expect him to stay. Only, when she gets up to go to the bathroom, he steps out from there, after a shower. She looks at him in amazement for a for few moments, afraid to say anything that might scare him off, or alert him of the situation, but he is the one to make a move first, telling her to go to the shower, and join him in the kitchen for coffee.
()()()
they sit in the kitchen drinking coffee in silence when he says something about her empty cupboards and fridge. "I didn't have time to go shopping". she explains, shrugging.
When he finishes his coffee, he takes his keys from the table, and puts on his shoes. She watches him in silent, concluding it was all tiredness, and that he is still bailing out, only doing it slower today. But he stops next to the door and looks at her expectedly.
"Well? are you coming?"
"Coming where?"
"Shopping" he tells her. He's serious. She thinks about it for a few seconds. Nothing else to do except lying back in bed crying over another one of his departures.
"Sure. Give me a minute".
They go to the supermarket and spend two hours there. She never spent so much time shopping. He makes her go in every single isle, asking her repeatedly if she have particular items in her home.
She doesn't have anything actually. She never cooks, or pays attention to such things.
"Do you have spices?" he asks when they reach an isle she didn't even know existed.
"Does salt count?" she asks sheepishly. When he looks at her with a frown she tries to smile and make a joke about it, but he looks at her all serious and contemplating, before continuing to drive the cart and put random articles in it. He doesn't ask her anything about her kitchen supply until they go through the whole store. When they reach the cashier the price is so high, she never thought someone could spend so much money on food. He pays in silence before she has time to reach for her purse, and she doesn't like it. At all. But when she tries to argue, he just looks at her and shrugs.
()()()
He stays with her the whole day. After putting all the groceries away, he makes a big fuss about arranging her kitchen and teaching her how to cook. He gives it up after a few trials, to continue on his own. He prepares at least five different dishes, and they eat lunch together, and when she helps him clean up, he organizes the leftovers for her to eat during the rest of the week.
They are still tired from the crazy week they had, and the lack of sleep at night, so they go back to bed.
They sleep for a few hours, lying next to each other in bed, and he doesn't even touch her, or try anything. It's good to sleep with him. His body is big and heavy in her bed, his breaths deep and soft. She lies looking at his exposed chest raising and falling repeatedly and tries to stifle her tears. He makes an unconscious gesture in his sleep, turning on his stomach and sliding his arm around her lithe body. She falls asleep in seconds.
()()()
They spend the next three weeks together every day. They don't discuss it, it just happens. He has a set of clothes he keeps in her bedroom and she gives him a spare key. They continue to work together and have sex together, and just sleep together, building a weird and unexpected routine. When Mary Ann is in town, he goes back to his house, to get her settled in and to sleep there, to avoid unnecessary questions. He's back the same night, stepping into her bedroom in the middle of the night mumbling something about the noise Mary makes. If he has issues with noise, he has a weird way of showing it, keeping her moaning and screaming his name until the early hours of the morning.
When it's his birthday she thinks about cooking for him. He walks on her in the kitchen making a mess, and shakes his head in astonishment. She wants to tell him exactly what she thinks about his lack of appreciation, but then he shows her just how appreciative he is, and they end up on the kitchen counter covered with flour and jam. It's bitter and sweet and exhausting.
They spend weekends together, talking about guns, obviously. They each have their own preferences, and they spend a lot of time arguing about it. She trashes he's poor taste in music and clothes, and he tries to force her to read his war books, which she refuses to do at first, but when he doesn't notice reads all through the torn and used copy of "The art of war" he has brought her. It's a really good book, apparently. They scuba dive, and surf, and run, and swim, and have hungry, crazy and desperate sex while they relax into their weird arrangement. They manage to keep their situation discreet and private, until her dad has his operation and she has to take a few days off to go stay with her parents.
()()()
He can't sleep, can't eat and she doesn't answer her fucking phone. When she does, at last, he is so grateful he forgets to ask her when she's coming back. She tells him she is still busy, and apologize for not speaking to him, and she needs to go before he has time to tell her anything.
()()()
He knows he's fucking up, at work. He's so distracted he makes a few crucial mistakes that cause him to get hurt, twice, and help a suspect get away. Danny and Chin sending him worried looks, but he manages to ignore them until Chin is stepping into his office and asks him if he wants her mother's address, so he can go and visit her, Because at least, it will help keep everyone alive. He already has their address, he just wasn't sure if his appearance there will be welcomed. When Chin practically gives the OK, he has nothing to stop him anymore.
()()()
Her mother answers the door when he gets there. Before he has time to introduce himself and explain why he's there, she smiles and directs him towards the lanai. When he steps out, he sees a lot of people gathered around, talking and laughing together in what looks like a celebration or a reunion of some sort. He finds her sitting in the middle of the lawn with a bunch of kids running around her. A small black haired girl is sitting in her lap, and Kono whispers something in her ear which makes her giggle happily. The kids are transfixed with her, running towards her, bringing her food and small little gifts, and the little girl hugs her and kisses her from time to time. He can't take his eyes off her, and there's a strange pull in the bottom of his stomach and tightness in his chest when he sees how naturally she fits in this picture.
She sees him eventually, and she and the girl are walking towards him, and he thinks he's blushing when he looks into her eyes, feels relieved for the first time in the last few days.
"What's up, boss?" she asks quickly, trying to sound casual about his unexpected appearance.
"I needed to see you" he says simply. He can't even think about an excuse at the moment, he's just glad to be near her.
"You look tired" she says carefully, and the little girl tugs at her leg and asks who he is.
"This is Steve" she tells her, smiling.
"Are you her boyfriend?" the girl asks him, looking up at him with two big brown eyes that look familiar.
"He's my boss" Kono laughs her delicious laugh, and her dimples appears in the rosiness of her cheeks.
He looks at Kono, mesmerized by her, as always, and feels a bitter taste of disappointment with her declaration.
"You need to go to sleep" she tells him, stepping forward and examining he's disheveled appearance.
He nods. He wasn't sleeping well recently. Not without her.
"My bedroom is on the second floor" she tells him "first door on the left. Go to sleep. I'll wake you up in an hour, when everybody leaves".
He looks from her to the people around them. noticing some of the people looking at them curiously. The little girl looks at him with suspicion, and it makes him nervous enough to take Kono's proposal and go to her bedroom.
()()()
He finds the bedroom, it is filled with banners and medals and trophies from her surfing days. There are pictures and signs of her favorite football team, his football team, and some posters on the walls of rock stars he doesn't even recognize. The room looks simple, energetic and happy, just like Kono herself. He lies in the bed, and holds her pillow to his face, smelling her scent. It takes him a few seconds to fall asleep.
()()()
There's a knock on the door, and he's supposed to be much quicker with his responses to intruders, but he's still engulfed with remnants of sleep, he only manages to open his eyes and look towards the door.
It's Kono, stepping in with a tray of coffee, some fruit and a sandwich for him.
"I thought you might be hungry by now" she tells him as she puts everything on the desk, smiling to him kindly.
"What time is it?" he asks, his voice still raspy with sleep.
"Late. You've been sleeping for 4 hours".
"4 hours?" he sits up in alarm "why didn't you wake me?" he looks around him, rubbing his hands on his face.
"It looked like you needed it..." she explains simply, pouring the coffee and hands it to him.
"Thanks" he says quietly when he tastes the hot drink "It's good" he says impressed "did you make it?"
"No..." she admits "mom did...". He smiles towards her little annoyance when her cooking and food preparation skills are questioned again. "She also made the sandwich, so you shouldn't worry" she pouts.
"I'm not worried" he says looking at her seriously "I'm sorry I surprised you. You probably had a hard time explaining to your parents what I'm doing here".
"I didn't even try" she tells him smiling "I thought you should do it. It's the least you could do... you might as well explain it to me too, while you're at it".
"I wanted to see you" he tries to explain "and you know, I usually do what I want".
"That's it?" she asks curiously.
"That's it" he confirms.
They look at each other quietly, while he finishes his coffee.
"I'm not going to have sex with you here, with my parents in the next room" she says carefully "I'm too old for this shit".
"I'm too old for this shit too" he says seriously "I didn't come here for this..."
"Steve I don't..." she tries
"Kono" he cuts her off before she'd have time to close herself to him "It's not about the sex anymore and you know it".
"What's it about then?" she asks hurriedly, her heart racing with his admission.
"I need you" he says simply. His eyes boring into her.
She just stares at him stupidly. She wants to speak, cry out for him that yes, she needs him too, and that she loves him, more than anything, but she can't make a sound, and the tears start falling on her cheeks. He gets up of the bed, and holds her to him, hugging her forcefully and breaths into her hair. "Please Kono" he begs "please".
()()()
They stand there, holding each other for what seems like hours. And her crying subsides gradually.
"OK" she says at last, and pushes away from his arms. "We need new rules..."
He looks at her in bewilderment "what rules?"
"Work is still off limit" she tells him, "and you will be the one to tell everybody. And when I say everybody, I mean everybody. And you can never pull the plug. Ever. You can't leave me..."
He puts his arms around her again, and reaches to lift her chin up, and smiles into her eyes and whispers "I will never leave you. You have all the power. You always had..."
And then he kisses her, and she kisses him back. And she doesn't care about her parents in the other room, and it takes a while, but when they finally get out of there, he tells her parents. And he leaves her, to go to meet Chin and Danny and tell them too, promises to come tomorrow again and for as long as necessary, until her father is well enough for her to come home with him.