Greyscale

Chapter one: Endure the Pain

Can you tell me what comes next? My life has been lived without any color. After all, I'm a wolf. I cannot see the colors I should. I once did, but they all faded with my family.

I didn't know I was a wolf until too late. I was thoroughly convinced I was one of them, one of the humans. Wolves can cast an 'illusion' upon themselves that makes them appear human. Really, they look like them, talk like them, walk like them. Sometimes your illusions are so strong, it can fool yourself. That is how I became a stray.

I was born an orphan, abandoned at my birth. The world is slowly rotting, that much I know. I like to think that my parents couldn't take care of me. At least then I wouldn't have to wonder why everyone hates me. But if that were true, it would mean I was a burden. But I already know I have been a burden to everyone. It was my fault.

I was found by other wolves, and they took care of me. We all used our illusions all the time. I wasn't even aware we were different from the other residents of the valley. I couldn't see through the illusions, like I should have been able to. I could smell that we were strange. The villagers all smelled the same, though. They smelled like sweat and wood. I don't know why, but we smelled like the wild. Like flowers and trees and grass. It was as if we were a part of the Earth itself.

But even the Earth must come to an end. The demise of our home draws near, and there is nothing we can do to save it. We must all travel somewhere else. We must travel to paradise. I already know I am not the chosen wolf. I will not make it to paradise. I have been told by so many that it is a fool's journey. Yet... I find that I have no choice but to try to find paradise, the land of the wolves. I will find the wolf who can take us to paradise. I will go, or I will die trying. I do not give in.

I was born in the snow. I was born a stray. And I will live as a stray. I am Miyuki.

"Is this one of them?" A noble's soldier was staring down at me with contempt. He held a gun to my forehead.

A second soldier pulled down his red visor. "Yeah. The things scrawny though. It's barely even worth killing."

My eyes widened in terror. Kill me? They're going to kill me? What about Shippo? What about Teru? Where are they?

The first soldier smiled disarmingly. "Well, little girl, you're going to die. Why don't you call for help? Does no one like you enough to save you?"

The man's finger tensed as he began to pull the trigger. I shut my eyes as tightly as I could, expecting my life to end within the next second.

The next thing I felt was excruciating pain in my arm. It felt as though someone had shoved a match as far as they could into my shoulder and the flame simply wouldn't die out. I bit back a scream and opened my eyes, wondering how I was alive. If you can still feel pain, you're not dead.

A boy was trying to hold the soldier with the gun at bay. He wore simple clothing, jeans and a t-shirt. His messy blonde hair hung in his eyes. Shippo! He was holding the point of the soldier's gun upwards, so he couldn't shoot. The other soldier was on the ground, dead. Did Shippo kill him? There were claw marks on the man's throat, as if he had been killed by a wild animal. What was going on?

"Miyuki! Run! get out of here now!" Shippo yelled to me. The soldier pulled the gun out of his hand and pointed it at him. If this man pulled the trigger, Shippo would be shot point blank. I couldn't let him die. He was like an older brother to me. He just couldn't die!

"No!" I screamed in hysterics. "No!"

I tried to run forwards, to somehow stop the bullet, but it was too late. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The gun fired with a loud bang. I tripped and could only watch from the ground as Shippo fell. He lay motionless, his blood pooling around him.

"No!" I found myself screaming again. I ignored the pain in my arm and pulled myself up. The soldier smiled and kicked Shippo's lifeless body out of the way. I didn't miss the sadistic grin spreading across his features.

Damn him! It felt as though I had snapped out of slow motion, and now everything was going too fast. The soldier raised his gun. I fell to the ground on all fours. He fired, and missed. I ran at him. Suddenly, He was dead, and I was the one standing over him. His throat had been torn out. I cringed and backed away. My fur was soaked with blood. I accidentally bumped into Shippo's body, only to find that there was a huge dog where he had once been.

Then it hit me. I had fur. I had claws. I had fangs and a tail. Shippo did too. He was a creamy golden color, not a single shade of anything else. The legends were all true. I knew now what I was. I was a wolf. Shippo had died to protect me. I had avenged his death, accidentally or not. I had killed.

Teru! I remembered the little boy at home. I found that now since I wasn't acting on pure instinct, it was almost impossible to walk, much less run. But I had to make it to Teru, or he might be killed, too. I awkwardly put one foot in front of the other, occasionally forgetting to move one of my back legs. Soon I figured out the rhythm of movement and began to run. Running was much harder than walking, but it was faster. I forced myself to learn to run as fast as I possibly could. I wove my way through the crowded marketplace, stumbling a few times. Some soldiers tried to fire their guns at me, but I ignored them. People screamed and backed away, but it didn't matter. I only stopped briefly when I heard a familiar voice gasp. I skidded to a stop and looked to my left, where it had come from. My best friend, Kari, was staring at me, terror written on her face. I momentarily forgot my predicament and made a move towards the dark skinned girl, but she screamed loudly.

"I-i-it's a m-m-monst-ter!" She was practically choking on her words in fear. I looked around, trying to see where this 'monster' was. It then occurred to me that I was the monster. My best friend was afraid of me! She had called me a monster!

Gunfire was heard from the direction of my home. I began to run again, sparing my friend a backwards glance. It's not my fault, Kari!

My shoulder was agonizingly painful. It slowed me down considerably, but I still tried to push onwards. I had to protect Teru, it was the one thing I had to do. I couldn't let him die. I had to make it up to Shippo! I felt a strange feeling in my chest, one that filled me with grief. It felt as though it were crushing my insides slowly. I suppose that's what it feels like to want to cry as a wolf.

I reached my home just outside the little village. It was small, a one room stone house. The floor was made of dirt, but we didn't care. So long as we had a roof over our heads and each other, we were happy.

The first thing I noticed was the smell. I could smell blood and ashes. I tried to make my way through the door, but I couldn't turn the knob. I didn't know how to get my illusion back. I looked desperately for an alternate entrance and found the window, which was about seven feet up.

I backed up, then rushed full speed at the wall. Just as I was about to hit it, I leaped up as high as I could. I had jumped with enough force to break the window, but I had misjudged the height and scraped my back against the top of the sill.

A horrendous, choking smell assaulted my nostrils and made my eyes water. I realized I couldn't see. The heat was unbearable and everything was red and grey. A fire!

I desperately searched for Teru, whom I thought of as my younger brother. I found him, curled up, a bullet hole in his back. I fell to the ground, losing the will and strength to stand up. My family was dead. For all I care, I could die to.

I closed my eyes and waited for the inferno of flames to claim my life.

I survived. I was the only one who survived. The soldiers burned every house near ours down to the ground. All because we were what we were. Wolves. I couldn't move; my scorched body caused me too much pain. I felt like I was dead already, but I knew I would live. I forced myself to stand, ignoring the intense, searing pain that shot throughout my body. I lifted my muzzle towards the heavens, and howled. I threw all my pain and sorrow into the strange, melodic song I was creating. Slowly, the depressing pain in my chest subsided. As it did, I caught a strange scent that drew me towards it. I had to find the source of that smell. I had to. It was a need, deeply bred into me.

I followed the scent south, guided only by the light of the full moon. I was going to find paradise. I had nothing left.

My family was waiting for me. I followed the scent of flowers.

-4 years later-

I looked at my reflection in the dirty water. My shoulder length brown hair cascaded down my shoulders, and my piercing green eyes glared back at me. My old, faded jeans had a tear in the left knee, a souvenir of an angry mountain lion. I wore an old black t-shirt and an unzipped grey sweat jacket, to keep myself warm as long as I stayed in this form. My black and white sneakers were to only things I wore on my feet; I hated wearing socks. My entire body was covered with scratches and bruises, all tanks to some crazy dog I had met on my way into the city.

I sighed and threw a rock at the surface of the water, causing the ripples created to distort my reflection. I thought back to the time when I had first seen my reflection as a wolf. I had been startled, to say the least. My fur was a greyish color, with black streaks running through it. My eyes had stayed the same cold green. I couldn't help but think I was a monster. I was terrifying. I had tried different expressions. When I tried to look friendly, I had just looked more threatening. When I tried to look scared, I had looked sadistically demonic. When I tried to look angry... I won't even get into that.

This town was where I was supposed to be right now. The smell was stronger than I had ever smelt it before. I knew the key to paradise lay here. But I had no idea how I would get there, or what it was I was supposed to find.

I sat down on the edge of the basin and began to run over the possibilities of what the key of paradise could be. It obviously had something to do with flowers. The scent that had led me here had smelled just like a field of the sweetest, purest flowers I had ever known. But what could it be? A flower couldn't take anyone to paradise.

My thoughts were interrupted by a low growl. I looked to see one of my own, a wolf. The wolf had eyes the color of liquid gold, and its coat was a pure, snowy white. It was beat up as badly as I had ever seen anything. It had several wide gashes along its side, and all of them were bleeding. How had this wolf survived this long? By now it should have bled to death.

The wolf snarled menacingly. "Who are you? Are you one of those pathetic wolves that runs around with humans?"

I smiled halfheartedly. "Isn't it common courtesy to give your own name before asking the identity of others?"

"Does it really matter?" The wolf, undoubtedly a male, continued to bear its teeth at me.

I shrugged. "I guess not. I have no intention to fight you, so you can stop trying to scare me off with that stupid growling. It's not exactly considered a threat when someone who's half dead tries to intimidate you."

The wolf lowered his lips for a second. "You don't really look like you're in any better shape than me."

"True." I laughed. "So what brings you here?"

The white wolf drank some of the water out of the basin, ignoring the filth, before answering. "I'm here for the same thing that you're here to find. You're obviously a foreigner."

His answer had me thinking for a second. He was here to find that flower smell? It called to me, so it seemed logical that it would affect other wolves. But if this wolf continued to wander around in his real form, it wouldn't matter. They'd kill him.

"Hey!" I called after him as he left. "Why don't you use your illusion?"

He paused for a second, and growled again. "I still have my pride, that's why."

I watched as he limped away. His pride? What did pride matter if it got you killed?

I wandered aimlessly through the streets, letting my instincts take me where they would. Soon, I found myself at the entrance of an old warehouse made entirely of concrete. I was unsure of whether or not I should go in, but I made up my mind when I noticed the fading light. I needed a place to rest for the night, and my bad shoulder was giving me trouble.

I made my way through the doorless entrance, and looked cautiously at all the different rooms to choose from. Eventually, I decided on one that had a window. It was a full moon tonight, just as it had been that day so many years ago. I reverted to my wolf form, as it was more comfortable, and I figured no one would come here. Silently, I curled up in the patch of moonlight filtering through the window, hoping that this would be the night I would be free nightmares.

I woke up with a start; the same dream I had had every night for the past four years had scared me awake. Every night I had to watch my family die over and over.

I heard a small sound and smelled something that I didn't want to deal with right now. Another wolf.

I forced myself to wake up the rest of the way, and stood at the ready. My shoulder screamed in protest, but I ignored it. I was used to it hurting by now, and if I let myself focus on the pain, it hindered me in battle. I was already smaller than usual, and I was rather young compared to the other wolves I had met. With those disadvantages, I couldn't afford to be slowed down. I wasn't very strong, but I was good at evading attacks, and could handle a lot of pain. I could continue fighting even after most would have given in.

I heard footsteps in the hall, and my hackles stood on end. I wasn't about to get attacked. I glanced at the window quickly, deciding I could use it as a last resort escape attempt. A man with silver hair and wearing all black leather stopped at the doorway and looked at me expressionlessly.

"Beat it, kid. I'm not in the mood to deal with you." He continued down the hall without a backwards glance.

I jumped up on the window sill while putting up my illusion. I wasn't going to waste my chance at freedom. That wolf was bad news. I wanted to put as much distance as I could between him and me.

As I leaped soundlessly to the ground, I couldn't help but wonder if this city was infested with wolves. If it was, I knew for certain fights would break out. And as soon as they did, I wanted to get out of here. I needed to find my way to paradise, so I could see Shippo and Teru again. If I died now, I wouldn't go to the same place as them. They would have gone to heaven.

Ferocious barking startled me awake. A huge black dog, I recognized it as the same dog that had attacked me on the way in, was staring me down. It was trying to get loose from its leash that was, thankfully, tied to a fire hydrant. A man came running out of the bar, a gun at the ready. He pointed it in my direction, and I tried to blend in with the shadows.

"You find something, Blue? Is it one of them?"

I froze in my attempt to back out the other side of the alley.

I knew that voice.

Sheriff Quent Yaiden.

I turned and ran, scared of this link to the past. I had met him a few times when... I stopped my train of thought. It was best not to think of the things that would ultimately hurt me. After years of practice, I could ignore almost anything I wanted to. It was both a curse and a gift.

After being awoken so many times during the night, it was a pleasant change to regain consciousness to the gentle light of the sun. I stretched, wincing when my shoulder muscle became too taught. Pushing that to the back of my mind, I stood up and brushed off my clothes. Sleeping in an alley didn't do wonders for my personal hygiene.

The sound of growling was coming from the alley adjacent to mine. I decided to release my illusion, since most people wouldn't think twice about a scrawny dog in an alley. No one would ever even try to get close enough for them to realize I wasn't just some random mutt off the street.

As I looked carefully down the alley, I saw a reddish brown wolf about my size, perhaps marginally bigger, trying to get to a heap of garbage. I could see by its emaciated state that it was practically starving. It rushed the flock of crows, but they drove it back. As it hurriedly backed away, it bumped into a stray tomcat, who hissed at it. The wolf ran and hid behind a wall.

I felt sorry for him. I knew that he had probably only been living on the streets for a week or so. Just as I was getting ready to scare the crows away from the measly meal so this wolf could eat, a potato rolled into the alleyway. The wolf cautiously made its way up to it, and sniffed at the vegetable. He was scared back into the alley again when a young human girl came to retrieve her groceries. The girl looked to be around my age, and I longed for my simple life once more.

The girl picked up the potato and was just about to leave when she saw the wolf. She reached into her bag of groceries and pulled out some sausage, then held it out to him. I felt my mouth water as I looked at the meat. It had been almost five days since I had last eaten.

"I'm Leera." She said as she held out the sausage. "Do you have a name, boy?"

The wolf went up to the girl and sniffed at the food cautiously.

"It's not poisoned, see?" She bit the end of the sausage to prove her point. The wolf quickly grabbed the rest of the meat and practically inhaled it. He licked the girl's hand, looking for more, and she pet him. I briefly wondered if she had anymore food, but her father began to call her.

I turned away, making a mental note of where to find a wolf my size if I was ever looking for a fair fight. I headed back to my own alley, aching for some extra sleep. It was probably already afternoon, but my wounds were still hurting, and they needed to heal. A hurt wolf is as good as a dead wolf.

I next woke up to... something. I couldn't figure out what it was for a while. It was as if someone had flipped off a light switch. Something was missing. Something was horribly wrong. Then it hit me. The scent! The smell of flowers had simply... disappeared. It was as if the key to paradise had dropped off of the face of this earth. I could feel that something despicable was happening. The flower was gone. The world's collapse had been set in motion. I was too late. Again.

The earth's stability is a fragile thing. Like a set of dominoes, if one thing goes horribly wrong, then the rest of existence falls with it. The key was not meant to be taken by this... imposter. It was meant to be guided by the chosen wolf. Where was the hero when you needed him?

Snarling broke my train of thought. I made my way to the next alley, where the other wolf was. If he continued making such a racket, it would attract the attention of the soldiers. When I realized this, I began to run, not wanting any wolf to suffer the same fate as my family.

As I reached the alley, I saw that the wolf had angrily run off the crows and was tearing into the garbage. I skidded to a halt and he looked up, startled.

"You're one just like me..."

I stared at him. I had been fully expecting him to attack me. "Yeah..." I said hesitantly.

His tail began to wag, and he bounded over to me. "That is so cool! I've only met one other wolf before but he..." The wolf trailed off, staring into space for a second. He then brightened right back up. "Oh! I forgot. I'm Toboe! It's nice to meet you!"

I couldn't help but feel happy around him. "I'm Miyuki."

He grinned a wolfy smile, his fangs showing. "Miyuki, huh? That's a pretty name! I think tha-"

He was cut off as the manhole cover in the alley was lifted up. A boy with impossibly messy brown hair looked around. He stopped when he saw us.

"Hey, it's two of our own!" He smiled cheerfully. Why was everyone so happy? Didn't they know that the world was ending? Did they not realize that we could all die?

He was shoved out of the sewer hole by a black haired boy.

"That's the last time I trust your nose, Hige," The black haired teenager said. I recognized his voice as the white wolf's from earlier.

The other wolf, Hige, snorted indignantly. "Yeah, well anyone's nose might have gotten clogged up after a night in there!"

Toboe's attention was caught by something at the entrance of the alley. The girl that had given him the food earlier stood there.

Toboe lowered his head and plastered his ears against his skull, looking dejected. A part of me wanted to glomp to him and tell him that everything would be all right. I resisted this urge and backed away a bit.

"Leera... I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry about your bird-" He started but the girl's screaming cut him off.

"Daddy? Daddy! Come quickly! It's the wolf! The wolf is here!"

I looked up in alarm. Hige and the white wolf ran into another side alley, and I followed, putting up my illusion as soon as I rounded the corner. Hige shoved me into a large pipe.

"Go on, shrimp! You follow Kiba; I'll be right behind you."

I found myself going after the white wolf, whose name appeared to be Kiba. I heard Hige call something to Toboe, and he followed shortly.

Before today, I had made it a point to stay out of others' business. All of that had been thrown out the window, though. I didn't want these wolves to get hurt. What was I getting into?

This place stinks. Why did we have to escape into a sewer, of all places? I held my shirt over my nose to try to keep out the horrendous stench. The only other wolf who seemed to be affected by it was Hige, and he was mirroring my actions to try to get some fresh air.

Introductions were going all around. I found out that I was right in my assumptions; the white wolf was Kiba. Toboe seemed to have trouble keeping up, and was lagging behind. Normally, I would have told him to hurry it along, but I knew I wouldn't be able to maintain the same pace for much longer. The last thing I wanted to be was a hypocrite. Soon, I knew my shoulder would give out. I could only ignore the pain for so long before it started to physically hinder me.

I began to fall behind, no matter how hard I tried to keep up. I soon found myself next to Toboe, and I noticed for the first time he had put up his illusion. I couldn't help but think he was cute. Woah, woah, woah! Did I really just think that?

Toboe grinned at me. "Hey, Miyuki!"

I smiled back at him.

"So, Miyuki, where are you from?" He looked at me curiously.

Oh no. Nononono. Any question but that one. Could I trust this wolf? I looked at his innocent face. Yes, I could trust him. I knew I could. But did I want to trust him? He would think I was a monster. I had practically killed my family. It was my fault they were dead.

"That's okay if you don't want to answer," He beamed at me again. His smile was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. It even reached his eyes, making the liquid gold flecks dance. I couldn't help but smile back. His grin was infectious.

"Hey, runt! Hurry up or we'll leave you behind!" Hige called and waved to us.

Toboe huffed in anger. "I am not a runt!" He protested and ran to catch up to them. I tried, but I couldn't move any faster. I felt helpless.

"Yeah, whatever you say," Hige replied.

Kiba stopped and waited for me to catch up. "Is something the matter?" He glanced at me concernedly.

I shook my head. "I'm fine. You guys should worry about yourselves, not me." If the worried about me, like Shippo had... They would die. I was a burden. I was useless.

Kiba nodded and Toboe spoke up. "Hey, where are we going?"

Kiba stared straight ahead. "To paradise."

"Can we bring Tsume?" Toboe looked excitedly from Hige to Kiba.

"Who's he?" Hige scratched his head in confusion.

His question was ignored as Kiba turned back to Toboe. "Tall, grey, with a scar on his chest?"

Toboe nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! That's Tsume all right!"

I knew one other wolf who resembled the description. I didn't exactly want to deal with that particular person anytime soon. He seemed the kind to betray. Then again, I wasn't one to talk. I would betray all of these wolves if I stayed with them. It would be my fault if they died. Because I wouldn't be able to save them. Yet, against my better judgment, I knew I would stay with them. I had found a jokester, an innocent kid and a wild stray. And I knew one of them would make it to paradise.

Soon I found myself back at the abandoned warehouse. Or I suppose it wasn't all that abandoned, since the grey wolf lived here. Kiba and Hige went first, while Toboe and I followed behind. If I didn't have this damn bullet stuck in my shoulder, then I would have been able to easily keep up with the older wolves. I had lived for a long time on my own. It had made me strong.

Kiba pushed open the door and walked in. The rest of us followed, and I saw a very pissed off man in leather.

"You again!" He growled out. For a second I thought he was talking to me, but I realized he was staring straight at Kiba.

Toboe pushed between them. "We're leaving the city!" He cried.

Hige looked at me. "You met this Tsume guy before?"

I laughed. "You could say that."

"Huh, am I the only one here who hasn't seen this guy before?" He scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah. I guess so." I answered.

The brown haired boy tugged at his collar. "You know, shrimp, you look to be at least five or six years younger than me, but you act like you're thirty years older. Why is that?"

I thought over my answer carefully. Was there any way to tell him without revealing my past?

"We can't afford to be young." It seemed to be a good answer. It was one hundred percent true.

Hige looked at me strangely. "Whattaya mean by that?"

I looked away, not daring to meet his eyes. "The world is ending. The young always die first."

"E-ending? What, why?" The boy looked at me with big eyes.

I felt strange, as if I were a freak. How did they not sense it? Life on this planet would soon cease. Within this lifetime, we would witness the blood moon.

Hige shook his head and smiled. "Don't talk like that. I don't even know your name yet."

"Miyuki. My name is Miyuki."

Suddenly Hige started sniffing the air. "Oh man." He inched over to the window and looked out. "Hey guys?" Kiba Tsume and Toboe stopped discussing whether Tsume would come to paradise or not. "We got company."

To say I was scared would be lying. To say I was angry would be an understatement. To say I was furious… That would probably describe my mood right now.

I was furious that I hadn't seen the soldiers coming. I was furious that they were trying to shoot us. I was furious that we were running away. I wanted, more than anything right now, to rip out their throats. Who were they to try and shoot us? They were of the same feather as those two who had shot my family. It was the soldiers' faults. Every last despicable one of them was guilty.

"Go, shrimp, we can't stay here!" Hige shoved me on top of a pipe. He followed, and I had no choice but to keep running. Had it been up to me, I would have stayed to fight. I couldn't stand these idiot soldiers.

The pipes led to a building roof, and the only way down was to jump to the next roof. I glanced down, calculating the distance. This is going to hurt like hell.

Kiba jumped down first, Hige just behind him. I hesitated alongside Toboe. My shoulder was about to be in a world of pain.

"Move!" Tsume gruffly shoved us both off the building. I yelped and hurriedly tried to keep my balance. Toboe landed face first, and I managed to trip over him. How graceful.

We began moving again, towards the north and the mountains. For a time, I believed Tsume wasn't going to come, but he eventually caught up. I was both relieved and scared at the same time. This wolf wouldn't hesitate to kill. Maybe I was paranoid. I never said I wasn't.

We traveled for days, barely finding any food. We crossed barren deserts, where nothing but skeletons and dead trees resided. We moved through the freezing tundra, braving blizzards and whiteouts. It seemed as if there was no end to the journey. There was no path to guide us, only the instinct of the snow white wolf.

I awoke in a dim cave, howling wind outside. I didn't remember falling asleep here. In fact, I didn't remember falling asleep at all.

"Where are we?" I looked to Kiba for the answer, as he seemed to be the alpha of this pack. Though Tsume challenged most everything he said, Kiba was the one who led us. Besides, I trusted this wolf so much more.

Kiba looked at me from the mouth of the cave. "A cave. You passed out."

I passed out? How and when? We didn't fight anything, did we?

"Yeah, I had to carry your sorry ass all the way here." I looked in alarm to the wolf that had spoken. Tsume had carried me? When the hell did he start caring about anyone or anything?

"Hey, did you forget that I helped, too?" Hige cried indignantly from his spot across the cave.

"Yeah, but if I hadn't been there all of you would have just kept going! You guys didn't even notice when Miyuki started to lag behind!" Toboe was sitting next to Hige, a determined look on his face. "I say that I did the most for her!"

Toboe's declaration made me feel... I don't know... happy maybe? I hadn't felt happy in years... Not since... No, I wouldn't think of that. It would just crush my mood again.

"Thanks... All of you. I probably would be dead without you guys." I looked to each of the wolves to gauge their reaction. Kiba remained immobile at the mouth of the cave, staring out into the blizzard. Tsume snorted and looked away, but I thought I saw the faintest hint of... A smile? Was that possible? Hige grinned and flashed me a smile of acknowledgement. Toboe practically bounced up and down in joy.

"Really, Miyuki? You mean that?" Toboe was so innocent, so adorable. Wait, did I really just think that? No, I decided, I didn't. Toboe was around my age, sure, but he was such a little kid. How could I think he was... cute? Wait, I didn't think he was cute! Agh, trying to ignore things was usually so easy for me, but I couldn't ignore him! It was like he was trying to break down all the barriers I had put around myself. I definitely couldn't, wouldn't let that happen.

Hige groaned. "Stop moving around runt, you make me feel tired just looking at you. Speaking of which, when was the last time we ate?"

Toboe sat back down, as if he had suddenly remembered his hunger. "I don't know. Three days maybe?"

"Quit your whining. If we starve, we can always eat each other. Starting with porky over there. Then maybe the runt." Tsume glared bad naturedly down at the two complaining wolves.

"Hey, how come Kiba's not on the menu?" Toboe looked a little scared and outraged at the same time. Well, maybe not outraged, maybe more like irked.

Tsume spat. "Cause that guy's fulla crap, that's why!"

I sat up slowly, wincing slightly when my shoulder muscle contracted. Then I looked between Tsume and Kiba. They shouldn't fight. We were all in a bad mood, but we shouldn't take it out on each other.

Hige lifted his nose in the air, sniffing carefully. "Aha!" He cried and ran out of the cave.

I was baffled. What had he smelled? An enemy? The flower? A town? I looked to see if Kiba knew, but he had already followed Hige out into the snow. Tsume followed suit. I sighed heavily. I was going to have to get up, one way or another.

"Miyuki? Do you need some help?" Toboe was there next to me, concern lacing his voice.

I smiled reassuringly. "No, I'm fine, Toboe. Don't worry about me." I couldn't let anyone worry about me. Shippo had, and look where it got him.

The boy shook his head, his long, reddish brown hair swaying from side to side. Ignoring my protests, he draped my good arm over his shoulder and helped me stand.

"T-thanks, Toboe." I could feel my cheeks heat up in a slight blush.

He grinned widely. "No problem, Miyu! Come on, let's go catch up with the others!"

I tried to pull my arm back, but Toboe held it firm. "And I'm going to help you, cause you look like you're about to pass out again." He began to lead me out of the dank cave towards where the others had disappeared to. I was thankful for the support, because I felt dizzy and weak the second I began to walk.

"Come on, Miyu, let's go! I see Kiba and everyone!" Toboe smiled and practically dragged me along. I found myself leaning most of my weight on him, as I could barely stand on my own. I was thankful that he was so willing to help me but I had to wonder... Why? Why would he help me? Why would he care about me?

We reached the others within a minute, and it appeared that they were having an argument of sorts.

"That's it, I'm leaving." Tsume spun on his heel and left the others. Toboe took me to Kiba and Hige and let me go before running after Tsume.

"Wait up!" He cried, obviously distressed. I didn't hear what the rest of what they said was, as they were too far away by then. I turned to Hige and Kiba, who were eating from an old deer carcass. There was barely any meat on the bones.

Hige grabbed a piece of the hide and waved it in my face. "Eat up, runt! You'll need your strength! Don't wanna pass out again, do you?"

I smiled before eating alongside them. Hige was right. I couldn't pass out again. I couldn't be a burden.

I lay between Kiba and Hige on a hillside, looking at the stars. The two older wolves were conversing back and forth, as I rethought the pack dynamic. Kiba knew all the answers. He didn't seem to want to be the leader, really, but he was the type that people naturally looked to for guidance. He reminded me of Shippo in so many ways. He was caring, yet at the same time distant. I had no doubt in my mind he was the chosen wolf.

Hige was like a brother to me. I suppose he was also like an older brother to Toboe. The lovable, if somewhat round, wolf had looked out for me and cared for me. He had a happy-go-lucky attitude that always made us smile. He could make just about anyone laugh. That is, except for Tsume.

Tsume was... not so pleasant to have around. He constantly challenged Kiba and fought with the rest of us. Whatever had happened in his past, had changed him. I knew he wasn't always like this. No cub acts like this. Not one. While I didn't care to have him around, he had still grown on me, a bit. I couldn't imagine the pack without him.

Toboe. I didn't know what to think about the reddish brown wolf. He was kind, innocent, forgiving... Everything I wasn't. He was the peacemaker of the group. Always trying to stop fights wherever they arose. Also... I was always thinking about him. He just wouldn't get out of my head. What was wrong with me?

"Hey, do you smell that?" Hige was looking around frantically. Kiba silently got up and walked towards where the smell was coming from. I had smelt it too. It was like blood and diesel. But the blood... It was Tsume's.

I tried to stand up but Hige pushed me back down. "Stay here, shrimp. We'll come back for you once we find Tsume and Toboe."

I was forced to sit and watch as the two wolves ran off in the distance. Why couldn't this shoulder heal? Why couldn't I be as strong as the other wolves? Why, why, why? What had I done to deserve this?

Then I remembered. I had been too late. It was my fault my family was dead. My shoulder twinged painfully. It had also been my fault I was shot. But it was Shippo's fault that I was alive. Why, you fool? Why did you save me? Why didn't you save yourself?

The sun was peeking out from behind the mountains by the time the others returned. Tsume was limping badly, and Kiba was scratched up. Toboe only had a few bruises here and there, while Hige looked unscathed. What had happened last night? Did it have something to do with the gunfire I had heard?

"Miyuki," Kiba's authoritive voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Can you move?"

I carefully tested my shoulder. It seemed fine. I nodded in response to Kiba's question.

Toboe crouched down beside me. "That's awesome, Miyuki! I hope that means you're all better!"

"Thanks, Toboe. You really are a great friend." I said as he helped me stand. The funny thing was, I meant every word of it.

"F-friend? So we are friends? That's really cool! Cause no one else really wants to be friends with each other, you know..." Toboe looked forlorn and lost for a second. How was I supposed to cheer him up?

"Hey, Toboe?" He looked up questioningly as I addressed him. "Do you want to tell me what happened last night while we go?"

He immediately brightened up and proceeded to give me a detailed play by play of everything that had happened the previous night. I don't know why, but whenever he was happy... It was almost as if... I were happy, too.

We ran for about two more days across the snowy landscape. I was getting worried, though. This was supposed to be summer... And everything was dying under snow. The end was coming quicker than we thought.

We tried to stay as hidden as possible while a train rolled by. I was easy for Kiba, but Tsume and I stuck out on the pure white landscape like a cat in a pack of dogs. Curse this dark coat of mine!

After the train had safely passed, we took to the tracks. It was much easier to travel on, but it was also out in the open, so we were forced to use our illusions. I was happy I wasn't lagging behind for once, but I wasn't sure how long that would last.

Soon, we came upon a vast bridge. It was so long, I could hardly see the end of it. Were we going all the way out there? I looked to Kiba for the answer, but he had already started to cross silently. I sighed and followed after Hige. Sometimes Kiba was just off in his own world.

The town at the end of the bridge was... quaint is perhaps a good word to describe it. It was small and filthy, and all the residents seemed terrified of us, even though we looked like humans. Every time we walked down a street, people would shut their doors and windows.

"Guess they aren't too used to visitors," Hige commented from my left.

Toboe came up on my right. "Sure doesn't look like it." He replied.

We continued following Kiba, trying to ignore the strange reactions of the people around us. It seemed as if someone had pulled a blanket over the town, shielding it from the outside world. Didn't people ever pass through? Surely they couldn't see through the illusions?

It was getting later and later, and it soon became apparent that we needed to find shelter. The smell of burning wood reached my nose before I saw the source. It was a simple garbage can fire, like the ones we used to have in my old hometown. Thinking of the village, and the fire, Reminded me horribly of little Teru, lost in the fire. I hadn't even seen the color of his coat. What was my last memory of him? The lost little bundle of burning fur? Or the smiling child he had always been?

My thoughts were interrupted by laughter. Laughter of wolves. When I looked up, I noticed the garbage can fire was surrounded by foreign wolves. Funny. How did I miss that?

"There's no such place as paradise," The lead wolf grimaced bad-naturedly. I wasn't about to believe that.

Toboe looked confused from Kiba to the other packs apparent alpha. "W-what makes you say that?" He asked timidly. I looked to the older wolves and saw they all wore expressions of disdain. Though Kiba looked more angry, and Hige was staring wide-eyed at one wolf in particular. I followed his gaze and noticed the last thing I would have expected to find in a reeking city like this. Another girl wolf, the first I had met aside from myself.

"Maybe because we've been there," replied one of the lesser wolves. He grinned ferally. His fat face made it look more gruesome then fierce, and I shrank away. I didn't trust him at all. "We've all seen it."

At this Toboe and Hige gasped a bit in surprise. I looked at him quizzically. Surely he hadn't been to paradise, and then returned? What kind of wolves were they?

"And I'm telling you," he continued, obviously enjoying the looks of disbelief on the two wolves' faces, "That place wasn't paradise. It was more like hell, if you ask me."

I glared angrily. No one did ask him. What right did this sadistic, twisted wolf have to try and crush our dreams? None. Absolutely none.

"That place isn't worth looking for. You'll see soon enough," the alpha replied, his ugly scar marring his features.

Tsume scoffed, "Figures," and continued walking. Hige followed after, and Toboe brought Kiba along with him, who looked like he was going to rip out their throats. I paused for a second, refusing to look at them.

"You stay the hell away from my friends," I growled out, and was about to follow after the rest when a hand caught my arm. I looked back to see the ugly fat one grabbing on to me. I snarled warningly. There was no way I was in a good mood.

"Oh, little pup is trying to look tough. Isn't that sweet?" He sneered out. I was getting ready to bite his hand off when the leader stopped him.

"Moss, leave her be,"

The underling bared his teeth at his alpha, discontent with the command. "Why the hell should I?" he snarled.

I was getting uneasy. If this turned out to be a fight, I would be caught in the middle, and the fat one, Moss, hadn't released my arm yet. If I tried to struggle, I would only hurt me, seeing as he had caught my bad arm. I looked to the other pack members, but they all seemed itching for a fight, just like Moss. The woman turned her head away slightly, unwilling to intervene.

"Moss, she's just a child. Release her," The leader's golden eyes flashed angrily. No one in their right mind would disobey him.

Moss let go of my arm. "Psh, fine Zali. Ain't like she was worth my time anyways," he scoffed, slouching back over. As he meandered back to his original seat I realized something. This pack was falling apart at the seams.

"Miyuki! I was worried!" A little reddish brown haired head popped into my line of sight. "You weren't following us and when I came back here that guy was grabbing your arm and you looked in pain. A-are you okay?" Toboe's innocent question made me smile.

"Of course," I replied, starting to walk next to him. "I'm sorry about that."

The little wolf grinned, and I felt the corners of my mouth turn up too. Maybe this journey to paradise wouldn't be so bad. If I concentrated on getting the other wolves there first, as they so deserved, then maybe, just maybe, I might be able to join them.

(A/N) Why hello there! This was pulled out of the crack shack that is my mind a while ago. I was thinking, 'Hmm, I like Wolf's Rain. What would happen if you mixed in a character with A) a disability (gunshot wound. I'm thinking it's infected) B) who thinks everything is their fault, and C) who was a young female.' I mean, Blue is older and used to stuff like this, but Toboe is young and seems really affected by this stuff. So what if you introduce someone who's got an even weaker mindset and can be easily manipulated? Will she crack under the pressure? Well, I dunno, it's up to you guys. Please tell me whether or not I should continue this story, and I was going to make it diverge from the original storyline little by little. As you can see, this section pretty much is following the main storyline. And sorry for all the jumping around, I just wanted to show everyone just how low Miyuki's self esteem is.

Leave a comment telling me whether of not I should continue this story, and what you'd like to see next! Because the pack is going to get kinda lost, and they need places to go! I've got a couple ideas, but I want to hear from you!