First off, this is something I've conceived as a possible first scene of Season 6. Well, at least the first part. I highly doubt we would see some (ok, most) of this on the show.
Most importantly, this is dedicated to NoOrdinaryLines. Happy birthday, AC! Sorry it's so late. I've gone against my nature and not edited this relentlessly, just because it's already almost a week late.
The boxes are piled high in the living room. They're marked KITCHEN, OFFICE, and most recently, BATHROOM. She's left out only the essentials, enough to get her through the last couple days before life becomes something unfamiliar to her.
"Hey Beckett," Ryan calls from the living room. He and Esposito are working on packing the rest of the living room, mostly trinkets that require extra care and wrapping. But Ryan's voice has a questioning tone and Kate can't help but wonder which one they've broken. "What about your books? I can't believe how much you read."
She falters, not exactly sure how to answer. Honestly, the thought hadn't even crossed her mind what to do about her books. She's put off packing them up, knowing that it would be a difficult task. She thinks that if Ryan is willing, she should let them pack them up and then she won't have to deal with it.
"I'll worry about those later," she says, despite thinking it would be easier for the boys to do it.
This packing party is not one she expected them to do for her, not after that last case. The very last thing she expected from Lanie and the boys was for them to show up at her door on a Saturday and volunteer to help her pack up her apartment.
"Haven't figured out what to do with them yet, have you?" Lanie asks as she sprays cleaner onto the stove top. Now that the kitchen has been packed away, they've been working on cleaning everything while the boys work in the other room.
"There's just a lot of them." Kate kneels down, taking the drawers out of the refrigerator and walking them over to the sink, where she turns on the hot water and drops a dollop of soap in there to let them soak.
"And a lot of memories."
"That, too." Kate chances a glance across the room to Lanie, and sees a sympathetic look.
A ringing phone breaks the silence, and Lanie wipes her hands before answering. A few short words, a repeat of an address, and she's washing her hands more thoroughly in the sink and grabbing her purse.
"Body," Kate says, knowing it for a fact and not needing to ask the question.
"Body." Lanie gives her best friend a hug and starts to move for the door. "Sorry I can't stay and help. Call you later?"
"Sure." Kate nods, her understanding shining through even as her disappointment grows.
Esposito's phone rings before Lanie even makes it to the door. Kate watches as Ryan wordlessly tapes up the last box and writes LIVING ROOM on the top with a Sharpie before making his way toward her apologetically.
"Don't," she says, before the words even get out of his mouth. "Duty calls. I understand."
The boys still crowd her and give her awkward hugs before walking toward the door, the posture of an NYPD homicide detective already taking over their frames.
"Yo Kate," Esposito yells from the door. "You'll call if you need any more help. You know, like with moving the heavy stuff? We can find time—"
"The movers will be here Monday, Javy." She waves him off, appreciative of their willingness to help, but knowing full well that they'll most likely be busy working this case at least the rest of today, if not the whole weekend.
"But still—"
"I'll call if I need anything. Thank you."
"Anytime, Boss."
And then the door closes and they're gone, her best friend and her boys. She's left with the memories of all the things they didn't say to her, all the commentary they didn't make about the decisions she's made. She didn't expect the boys to say too much; she hadn't told them much to begin with, so she doesn't know what she was expecting.
The cloth in her hand finds its way to the stove, wiping up the remnants of the cleaner Lanie had sprayed on there before she got the call. Kate's mind is a blur, full of expectations of what the boys might have said if given the opportunity, but also wondering what Lanie's impression of this is, since she actually knew of the maelstrom swirling in Kate's head.
"I heard phones ringing and doors slamming. Does that mean we're alone?"
Kate is surprised to feel the arms going around her waist and the words almost whispered in her ear. She feels the smile in Castle's voice, his glee that they've been left alone a little too evident in the tone of his voice.
"You realize the fact that they left means someone was murdered?" Kate turns around in his embrace and wraps her arms around his neck, unable to keep the smile out of her own voice.
"Of course I know, but you've kept me holed up in your bedroom and I miss all the interesting conversation."
"It's not a punishment, Castle."
"I know. Being told to stay in your room and go through your drawers should never be considered a punishment. My deepest apologies for even entertaining the thought." He leans down and gives her a quick kiss and leans his forehead against hers.
The moment of quiet intimacy reminds her of what she almost lost, what she almost gave up. "You're the only one I would trust for that particular job." The words are true, about as true as anything she has ever said to him.
"Even if it gives me ammunition for later? Like that strip of red material I found that may or may not qualify as a bikini? Because you have to know that I'm going to need you to model that for me someday soon."
"Now that we're going to be living together, you'll have plenty of opportunities."
The smile that breaks out on his face is undeniable. "Yeah, yeah I will."
She smiles back, and takes a moment to run her hand across his jaw as he grins. There was a time, just a couple days ago, when she wasn't sure if she would ever see him smile like that again. It tells her all she needs to know. This is more than a dance. This is always. No music needed.
Kate takes his hand and starts walking toward the living room. "Come here," she says as she drags him along, "we need to decide what to do with these."
"Your books? What is there to decide?"
She stops, tries to formulate the best way to express what she's thinking. "It's just…there's quite a few of them. And most of them are probably duplicates that you already have."
"Yeah, but they're yours. I don't want you to pack your stuff away just because I might already have it. The loft is going to be our home, not just a place where you're living. At least, I hope you don't see it that way."
"No, of course not." She shakes her head and pulls him to the couch. They sit and she refuses to let his hand go, instead covering his with both of hers as if she's holding on for dear life.
She doesn't elaborate, instead taking a moment to burrow in closer to him, her head falling to his chest and an arm wrapping around his waist. They haven't talked through everything yet, but they're making an effort, having recognized that their lack of communication was almost the end of their relationship.
"I told you I did a lot of thinking about our relationship." He stops abruptly when she immediately looks up at him, but he gentles her and continues. "Part of that thinking was realizing who you are and accepting it. You're an independent person. I've known that since the beginning. That's the person I fell in love with."
"So the books...?"
"Go with us. They get put together with mine. I have plenty of room."
Kate nods, not sure what else she can say. It's true that she's been more open and honest with Castle than any of her other boyfriends, but in light of their recent misunderstandings she's not sure how to proceed. They've been treading lightly the past couple days, trying to find their common ground again.
"I'm sorry," Castle says, ending their silence. "In case I haven't said it, that is. I know just saying the words won't fix our issues, but I'd like to think it's at least a step in the right direction."
"What exactly are you apologizing for?" She keeps her head against his chest, not sure she can handle the look on his face as he confesses. There's plenty of blame to go around, and she knows she'll get her own chance to make amends.
"Where do I start?" Castle takes a deep breath, steels himself for the litany of missteps that are his responsibility in the past few weeks. "For taking you for granted, for doubting you, for getting jealous, and for making you question my intentions when it comes to our future. That last one really covers quite a bit."
"To be fair, Castle, you were trying not to push me. It's not like I'd given you any indication that I was ready for something more."
"Can I make an observation?"
"Uh…yeah, I guess," she says carefully, knowing that if he's asking, the question is probably one that has the ability to chafe some emotions.
"Now, when I say this, I'm including both of us. I'm guilty, too—at least, if not more, than you."
"I get it, Castle. We have to say these things if we're going to make this work."
"That's exactly it! For whatever reason, we both have a tendency to not say anything we think might bother the other person. And along those same lines, we rely too much on other people, when we should be talking to each other."
Kate's only reaction is to nod against his chest imperceptibly; because she knows what he says is the truth.
"Do you even realize that you've never asked me why my first two marriages failed?"
Castle's question is surprising enough to her that she sits up, her eyes wide on his as she remembers the exact reason why she hasn't asked him. "I…may have asked Meredith for a reason when she visited."
"See my point?" He's doing his best to keep his cool, Kate can see, but he's visibly frustrated. Still, he keeps them talking. "Did she tell you the part where I caught her in our bed with her director?"
"No."
Kate remembers the conversation she had with Meredith, his first ex-wife's assertion that they didn't work because Castle was locked up tighter than Fort Knox. She's ashamed that she hasn't had the nerve before now to ask him the reason behind their divorce. She's not in a relationship with Meredith, and she shouldn't care what the Original Ex-Wife perceives as the reason for their divorce.
"Well, that's why we divorced. Meredith comes off as flaky, but I'd bet my right arm that she wanted to plant that morsel of doubt in you. She can be very manipulative, especially when she feels threatened."
The fact that Meredith felt threatened went without saying, but she knew it was the truth. Her demeanor the whole time she stayed with them at the loft radiated it.
"What about Gina?"
The words leave her mouth before she has a chance to stop them, but she's happy for this new openness that has started between them. Castle is right; they have to talk about all this and learn from their past mistakes—ones made individually and as a couple—if they're going to make their relationship work.
"Yeah, that was a mistake from the very beginning. That was…God, Kate…"
"Castle."
"I don't even know how to accurately explain it."
"Says the writer."
"Hey, I've just never had to really explain it to anyone before. What we appeared to be on the surface was a far cry from what we actually were as a couple."
"You could give me the Cliffs Notes version. I'm sure that would be less painful for both of us, yet still give me enough to understand."
"Okay, let's try this." He turns to face her, and she can see something brewing in his eyes. A story, perhaps. But instead, he surprises her. "Think of it as an algebra equation. Two single New Yorkers with common goals in mind. Add in a night of drunken sex and a photographer capturing my Walk of Shame from her apartment the next morning. The media was convinced that we'd been together for months; they just wouldn't let it go. Pretty soon, I'm thinking maybe they're seeing something I'm not. We practically skipped over the whole dating phase and I proposed. Now I see it for what it was…an ill-conceived attempt to get the media off my back."
Kate doesn't say anything to his confession, only relaxes against the back of the couch. She needs a few moments to process all the new information about Castle's marital past.
"Kate," Castle asks after a few minutes of silence. "What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking that I was right about not accepting your proposal."
Castle jumps, his mouth immediately open and ready to object to her declaration, but Kate places her hand over his lips, smiles, and kisses his cheek.
"Hear me out, Castle." She reaches for his hand and pulls him close, needing the physical contact. "I want us to be different. Your previous two marriages…correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you propose out of some kind of fear?"
"When you put it that way…"
"And can you honestly say that you proposing the other day had nothing to do with your fear of losing me?"
She waits him out, sees him shake his head slightly, and continues her explanation. "Make no mistake, Castle. I want you in my life. I want to marry you. But I don't want it to be because you're afraid I might pack up and leave for the next job opportunity that comes my way."
"Kate…" he starts tentatively. "You absolutely should have interviewed for that job. Hell, you should have taken it. It doesn't matter to me where we are. I just want us to be together."
"I know that. But the thing is, New York is home. The Twelfth Precinct is home. My dad, Lanie, the boys, Martha, Alexis, and most of all, you, are home."
"But what about—"
"Screw the D.C. job, Castle." Her sudden declaration seals the deal in her mind, that she's made the right choice to stay in New York with the NYPD and most of all, with Castle. "I probably don't have to tell you this, but I have a tendency to do things out of fear, too. Looking for something bigger, contemplating a change? That was all because I was afraid that we were just kidding ourselves. I love you, Rick. More than I've ever loved anyone, and I think I was just preparing myself for the possibility that what we have was all there was, that we'd reached the plateau and were about to fall off the cliff."
"I'd never let that happen, at least not without a fight."
"I know that now. And knowing that you're willing to fight to make this work makes me more confident that it will work.
"Good, because I don't want you to get the impression that I'm going to wait a while before I propose again."
"Can you wait at least a couple months while we get accustomed to living together?"
"I make no promises." He leans in close, teasing her with a kiss before his lips fall to her neck. "Anyway, this is just a formality. You've practically been living at the loft the last couple months."
"I'm not going to win this argument, am I?"
"Compromise, Kate."
She jumps up from the couch and ignores his shocked look as she reaches for a box and starts pulling books from her shelf. "OK, I've got a couple compromises for you. First, you help me box up these books and we go back to the loft for the rest of the night. We can come back tomorrow and finish up the cleaning before the movers come on Monday."
"Deal," he says, sidling up beside her and pulling a few books—his, she notices—off the shelf and into his own box. "And the other?"
"You promise to wait at least one month before you propose again, and I promise to say yes. On one condition."
"Name it."
"You don't do it in public. Just you and me, Castle. That's all I need."
The books in his hand are hastily thrown into the box, no care shown to the fact that one of them completely misses the box. He turns her, pulls her into his arms, and crashes his lips to hers. Her arms go around his immediately, her fingers carding through his hair.
"Deal."
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