pKeith came /
Lance almost couldn't believe it but it really felt like finally everything fell into /
Maybe it was before when they were all together everyone piloting their own lions... but for Lance it wasn't, not /
Not when he was lying to himself not before his big epiphany or getting out of his personal closet...br /
Now Keith was back and he « knew »br /
He was free and happy to have him back !br /
Everything seems to be on perfect /
He was going to talk to Keith and tell him he loved him... well maybe only saying the word « like » in first to not scare off that mullet...br /
Still it would be perfectbr /
Lance finally free from that closet, Keith back here in the same place as him...br /
But of course he should have known... it wouldn't be that /
Not for /
It went like this.../p
pLance first started telling him he was happy Keith was back and pulled him into a hugbr /
And Keith hug him back he even smiled at him, Lance was smiling an hopeful smile but his hands were trembling when he finally askedbr /
- am I... the only one feeling this?br /
Keith stared thenbr /
Lance waited, he finally figured Mullet didn't catch the clue so he tried againbr /
- I mean... am I the only one feeling this between us?br /
His still trembling hands motioned between them and fell useless on the bed on every side of himbr /
Keith stared more intensely and then Lance first felt scaredbr /
Because Keith looked like he finally got it but he wasn't looking happy about itbr /
He looked almost annoyed by it and god if it hurts...br /
Still Lance wasn't sure and he wasn't a coward... well he didn't want to be onebr /
He wanted he needed an answerbr /
- keith... I dunno... I have feelings for you I figured I always had but I didn't know before you left and then I understood and since that I...br /
Keith shook his head and got upbr /
- Lance, you don't know what you're saying, it's not realbr /
He looked sorry for Lance like he was pitying him or something and Lance could die nowbr /
Pitying him to have feelings for someone who didn't share thembr /
He felt awfulbr /
Keith then started to explain it wouldn't be a good idea anyway, for the team, that Lance always liked girls anyway and he was probably just confusedbr /
He tried to tell Keith that all of it was wrong, he could have stepped on every reason he gave but not for one... a major one: he couldn't step over the fact that Keith didn't like nor love him backbr /
So he kept quietbr /
He fought against tears he didn't want to cry now, he didn't want Keith to see him cry over this, he didn't want to see the pity again /p
pHe still hoped that Keith would think about it that maybe it would take him awhile like it did for /
Lance loved him, he would wait for him if he needed to, he would wait years/p
pHe felt very sad for a month but then told himself he would wait and /
Keith still talked to him they didn't text like before when he was with the bladebr /
Sometimes what Keith said seemed flirty or caring and he would be swooning inside but keeping his cool /
But his relationship with the others paladins didn't get better and Keith seemed to be closer to Pidge now. Pidge always seemed to know everything and would look at Lance sometimes in a weird /
It made him feel awfulbr /
They must know, about Lance hopeless feelings and his disgusting declaration... how Keith didn't want /
They knew and judged him for that, surely they would never understand what it was to be in love with someone so much that it hurts to not be with that person that this person's opinion was the one that really matteredbr /
That you could talk with everyone but still feel alone...br /
Months later he was a messbr /
Worse than what he felt beforebr /
He wasn't sleeping more like crying all night and falling asleep crying holding on a pillow catching few hours of eyeshutbr /
He didn't have any motivationbr /
Only for the paladin's work and minimum social tchatsbr /
No one noticedbr /
He didn't really try hidingbr /
But they would not notice even if he said it over dinner. They would only laugh it off, thinking he wanted attention... did he want attention ? Maybe but not in that waybr /
Keith would have noticed beforebr /
He would have but now it came to them only being teammates at work and nothing elsebr /
Being close was long forgottenbr /
Lance tried to stay closebr /
Thinking maybe Keith would have an epiphany some day or maybe he would not but thzt was okay because no matter what he wanted him in his /
So for the first few months he tried to be how they were before they were too close but not too much to scare himbr /
But Keith put minimal effortbr /
He would only reply if Lance asked somethingbr /
And Lance stopped trying... nothingbr /
He didn't have the strength and try for two peoplebr /
It wasn't like Keith wanted him anyway, he surely was tiring Keith...br /
So they were allost strangers nowbr /
Even if Lance's heart was screaming for Keithbr /
He even started flirting with aliens again after a whilebr /
It didn't feel good but he tried nothing came out of it, not like it ever did, he thought and he never wanted it to work but now sometimes he wished he would feel something...br /
That maybe someone else would take a hold on his heart and he wouldn't cry about Keith anymorebr /
He felt shameful but he still cried even months later/p
p /p
pKeith being so distant from himbr /
Denying what was between them/p
pHis friends being... uncaring for some and mocking for othersbr /
He just didn't get thembr /
The boy would never do the same to thembr /
They were hid friends and he would actually try and helpbr /
He would see if he did something that hurt thembr /
Or if something or someone was hurting them/p
pThe boy felt like he was about to breakbr /
Like he started giving out pieces of himself freely but then people started pulling them out without him noticing and even when he understood they still kept taking them by forcebr /
He was already brokenbr /
Hid heart was one of the last to go completelybr /
He tried and he means really tried to keep it in a good state but after having being stomped on so many timesbr /
And that final heartache...br /
That one that finished everythingbr /
If his life was represented by a flame now it was barely a spark, a spark on an old candle that burned for years, never letting anyone down but got burned once too much and even if it happened once it melted it out...br /
And there was that wind that menaced to turn it off anytime..br /
That's how he /
And he wondered finally :br /
Would he understand?br /
Would they?br /
Would they all understand why? Why he was broken...br /
He didn't meant to accuse them some way by dying...br /
It was not an offense for them to /
He was hurt by them, by them keeping distance, by them not understanding him, not liking him for who he really was, by Keith...br /
But it wasn't 'their' fault that was his...br /
It was his own fault for /
People usually /
But they found people that wanted them /
It was /
But him...br /
He was an outcast and really didn't know why he was with /
An accident of some sortbr /
He knew they cared in their ways, they were good /
But just not how he needed them toobr /
It wasn't their fault and he didn't want to punish /
He just couldn't help but want it to stopbr /
The sufferingbr /
It wasn't even a /
His light was just getting thinner and thinner alone in the darkness.../p
pHe still longed for things he didn't deserve...br /
For things he would never have...br /
He longed for those arms holding /
He could remember when they did and the ghost of it feeling remained within his skin...br /
Keith making him feel like no other could make him /
He longed for those kisses he could never /
He longed for his /
The one he would always denied of...br /
He didn't know about now but he know he did before...br /
Or maybe that was his selfishness that wanted him to even if it was in the /
He actually didn't even talk or look at me anymorebr /
Even if he still made it looks like everything was okay with the /
But he knew...br /
He felt /
It was a clear /
A clear rejection of everything that was him or his /
Keith didn't only feel the same but he couldn't bear Lance feelings love for /
And it hurted.../p
pHe longed to be lovedbr /
And not just by a pretty or hot person or alien...br /
He only wanted one particular /
And it was /
He only loved him he would always only love and want /
He knew itbr /
Felt it in his corebr /
Lance thought the other teen did it /
He really thought /
Back then he didn't even had a gay /
Surprising even himself!br /
But everything was so /
It seems like things were falling into pieces like a good /
Keith was /
He finally understood this feelings he had for /
This obsession he had with /
That rival /
That huge crush he actually had on /
Why he always was pulled toward /
Keith didn't seem like he hated him even after all he said and did to annoy the hell out of him, sure he was angry but It was a Keith mood to be angry and he really didn't hate /
He cared for /
They had this /
This moment he himself denied but then again he was stupid back there and not ready to accept /
Tge other boy was adamant about their bonding /
When Lance started understanding his feelings he thought that was a sign he liked him /
Some /
It made me smile and feel /
But he was so wrong...it Surely meant nothing more than any interaction...br /
Lance breathed was shallow now, it was getting complicated to think clearly...br /
He could see this moment still, see Keith's gaze on him, feel his arms...br /
Lance kept his eyes closed fighting to keep in touch with this moment and not see the outside...br /
They saved yet another planet and his teamates were ahead of him like always going to the party they made for /
And Lance was tired that he let them go and started to find some place to wait this out, he had no strength for socializing tonight he couldn't bother even if he wasn't so so tired...br /
He opened few doors but nothing seemed comfy and then it happened tge last door he opened, of course he did open that particular door...br /
A booby trap kinda something for unwanted visitors...br /
It was dark in there amd he couldn't see anything but he felt pulled in and first thing he felt was being slashed in his sides... the damage was bad abd it hurt but he had worse since he started fighting for the universe. If they got him in a pod it would take some dobosh and he would be fresh and sound...br /
He only had to call for his teammates...br /
But the problem was he didn't want /
He didn't want to carry on like this, he couldn't anymore...br /
He knew what he was doing was still suicide even if he didn't get hurt in /
He wouldn't have been one of those who said they would kill themselves, he wouldn't have tried, but he would be the one /
It was as bad but Lance couldn't care anymore .br /
He had no idea what they would think, what he would think...br /
He perfectly knew he wasn't thinking clearly on the moment but he couldn't help that..br /
Lance almost called his name in the radio, almost... but three times...br /
He felt a void around him he had no idea how much time passed here, hopefully he would be dead when they found him...br /
Lance was looking at Keith... he was smiling at him they were hugging like that time before he rejected him... but before it was sweet... he loved Keith's presence...br /
A pang in his heart...br /
A loud noise made him blink his eyes open slowlybr /
Still Keith's violet eyes...br /
They weren't smiling but wide open in horror...br /
-Oh my God, Lance!br /
No... Lance closed his eyes, no it couldn't be real..br /
But Keith was now screaming things in his radio giving orders surely and was moving too fast and slow at tge same timebr /
- Lance... Lance, Keith took his hand, I'm here please stay with me, you gotta...br /
- no...br /
There was a silence then screaming Keith againbr /
- fuck Lance! You open your eyes and fight now!br /
His hand was now crushed, Keith realized itbr /
- I'm sorry but you gotta fight... i will not stand there as you die in my arms! I won't let you you're too importantbr /
Lance had the force to snicker but regretted it and it hurtsbr /
- you...can repla..ce mebr /
He was almost out of it but Keith loud voice kept him awakebr /
- i could never! We could never and we won't!. I don't.. Keith's voice faltered, i don't understand you... why would you... I'm sorry Lancebr /
Why was Keith sorry?br /
- fuck ! Keith sounded angry now, I am so stupid and you are stupid why is everything stupid in this stupid universebr /
That's it Lance was just losing his mind while /
He still opened his eyes for the last time and looked at /
He looked like a torch in the dark, dressed with his red jacket and his face colored red with anger...br /
Lance felt himself go but he wanted him to be the last thing he sawbr /
He tried to /
- Mulle...br /
Then everything went dark.../p
Note:
Want more?br /
I promise a happy ending I cannot read fics that don't have happy ends do you think I would write one? I'm sorry if you got scared tho :( it happens to me all the time because some people don't tag I would have tagged /
Anyway please tell me what you thought and if you want more?br /
I don't have a beta can someone help?br /
This is not my first language and I'm very unsecure about my English writing so... any support would be very appreciated