I'D SELL MY SOUL, BUT I'M NOT SURE I CAN FIND IT

Chapter 1

(Jacen Solo narrating)

It was bad enough having to attend classes at the Temple on Coruscant. But now that day school's out, we have to spend go for three months to Yavin.

My sister's fine with it. Jaina likes the whole warfare thing, likes fighting and especially she likes winning. She's like a star student and me? Well, I'm just a fucking idiot and I don't care about the stuff they talk about here. They say Jedi Knights are the peacekeepers of the galaxy. If we're so into peace, why do we have to spend all our time training like soldiers? That's so stupid.

It'd be okay if I was alone, but it's really pretty fucking humiliating having your twin sister being better at everything. She says we're a team but most of the time she wants to be cool so she doesn't pay much attention to me. She's totally one of the Kewl Kids, and they don't want anything to do with sentients like me.

I hate Yavin.

So what if it was the first major victory scored by the Rebellion? I know because my mom and dad and my uncle were there for it. Even my aunt was there, but Uncle Luke didn't know her till the party they had afterwards.

Maybe I'm wrong, but in galactic history they teach that the Empire was evil. I'm sure it was. But sometimes I wonder if it's better. My mom's all about trying to make it better. Sometimes I think she likes her job more than she likes us.

Pissed at my dad, too. I was sure he'd stick up for me not going; he's not into the Force at all, he respects it enough but he also doesn't hold with kids being made into soldiers. Uncle Luke, who I'm also pissed at, said we weren't gonna be made soldiers. He lies. And my parents believe him. He's always on my case to take the stuff they're teaching us more seriously. In fact, it's so serious here it's like nobody can take a joke.

At least Mom and Dad can always take a joke.

"Jacen, c'mon, we're gonna practice fencing," Jaina says, trying to drag me by my hand. I pull it back from her.

"Why don't you go hang out with the Kewl Kids? It's what you are," I bite at her.

"C'mon, Jace, you're not even giving it a chance. We've only been here a week, and you've made up your mind you hate it." She scowls at me.

That's 'cause all she has to do is walk up to someone and she's all good with it. I'm not. She and Anakin and even Jarik, they're all better at it.

I miss our apartment with its awesome swimming pools, which is where I'd be right now if I wasn't stuck here. I taught Jarik to swim last summer. He sends me holos of stuff he's drawn and I like that.

I asked if I could at least bring a guitar or a keyboard but I was told no. And of course none of my pets can be here. Animals and music, that's what I love most. My dad and I were composing a couple pieces. I wonder if he'll finish 'em himself or just forget about 'em. He said we'd work on it when I came back but who knows. Maybe he just lied to make me feel better.

Uncle Luke pissed me off most. He was like almost ordering my parents to send us off. He said we could train on Coruscant during school but would have to go to Yavin in the hot season. I guess he and my mom agreed to send us when we were fifteen. Well, I'm fifteen and I'm not real happy about it.

Mom and Dad could have pushed back. But they didn't. Uncle Luke sounded like I was gonna die if I didn't train to be a Jedi. I'm not interested in being a Jedi. I have the Force but I want to use it for good things, like caring for animals when they're sick or sad, and writing and playing music. It's like around here those things, nobody talks about 'em.

And I hate running. We have to run seven kilometers every day, and then do gymnastics and other stuff I hate. I'm not good at sports. I'm not interested in lifting something up that's ten times my weight. I don't care about being able to outrun anyone.

Plus, we have to wear the stupid padawan uniforms. I hate uniforms.

Just take me home, please, somebody, anybody. I'll clean my room and I won't bitch about other chores. I'll watch Jarik every day. I think he's the only one that misses me except for my animals.

We can have our comms but only during certain times of the day. I feel like I'm in prison.

I know it makes me sound like a wimp but I like being at home. I've got a few good friends. I don't need everyone to like me but here, nobody does.

I could take a transport back if I had credits but we were told to leave credits at home, it would distract from training. I'd like to be distracted from this place.

It's time to go to lecture about the deeds of the great Jedi Masters. Boring. Maybe I'll nod off in the back and no one will notice.

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It's dinner time. At least the food's okay. It's not as good as my dad's cooking, but it's fine. The salad's not all wilted, the fruits are good, and they even make desserts. Uncle Luke says he studied with Yoda and Yoda never made desserts.

I think I could've liked Yoda. I heard he was a real badass when things got heated up. But who knows. I heard he was green.

I have my datapad in front of me during the lecture, and I play Grand Theft Star Destroyer: Commercial Sector.

There's three other guys in the back with me. They look totally bored off their asses.

"Hey." The guy next to me nudges me. I glare at him. He'll probably rat me out by the end of class.

"Hey, chill! You got Grand Theft Commercial! That's the bomb!"

I don't say anything.

Finally, the lecture's over. This dude and the other two dudes sitting with me get up.

"Hey, take it easy! You think I was gonna tell the Master or something?" He laughs and puts out his hand. "Renfro Lerch. You?"

"Jacen Solo." I shake his hand.

"Isn't that short chick your sister?" one of the other guys asks me. "She's hot!"

"She's a butt pain," I grumble. The guys laugh. I'm not liking this very much. Just more people to make fun of me.

"C'mon, dude, eat with us," one of the guys, named Dersh, invites me.

Don't have anything better to do. Might as well.