Missing You
This is my first fic, so be nice ;) It's based on the song 'Missing You' by Tyler Hilton but the original's by John Waite. Okay here goes nothing :D
A/N: Unfortunately I do not own Pitch Perfect, Anna Kendrick, Anna Camp, Brittany Snow nor the other actors in Pitch Perfect. Oh, and I also don't own the characters, which totally sucks but hey ho.
Hope you enjoy it.
Every time I think of you,
I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here, and you're miles away
And I wonder why you left
And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
11 minutes and 21..no 23…wait 26 seconds I've been staring at the door you just slammed in my face. I can't move. I can't feel my legs, or my arms, or anything. I feel numb. I don't get it? I thought everything was fine!
We were so happy, I can't help but think of how a few hours ago we were wrapped up in our own little world, talking about our future. How we were going to have our 2.5 kids and a blue eyed husky While I work nights at the best clubs in town you'd look after the kids and in the morning we'd drop the kids off at school together and then I'd drop you off at your self run dance studio. What could have happened in those few measly hours between this morning and now for you to decide to leave I just don't understand.
I can feel my walls start to rebuild themselves. The walls you spent months trying to break down. And now that you had finally managed to get through, managed to make me believe that love is real; you leave. My legs give in. I crumble to the floor, my whole body shaking while I sob. As if you can hear me, all I want is for you to burst through the door of our apartment and wrap your arms around me and tell me it's all going to be okay. But you won't. No, you're probably miles away now. Driving away from the one thing you said you'd always love and look after.
Me.
Ha, guess that's just another broken promise to add to the long list.
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time just thinking about you
And it's almost driving me wild
And there's a heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight
Two months since you left. I've tried calling you but you never answer your phone. I saw you on the news last night, sounds like you managed to fulfill your dream. Your dance studio seems to be doing amazing. I'm so proud of you, I always knew you could do it! Even the other day when I was going to meet Chloe at Starbucks, I heard a couple of women talking about how they were waiting to get their kids into your school, but it's taking forever because of the extensive waiting list. I have to say I did smile; I'm so proud that you went out and did what you've always wanted to do!
You ignored what everyone else expected of you and you went out and did what makes you happy. Good on you! I just wish I could be there with you celebrating all your success.
I miss you so much it hurts. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, when there's a thunderstorm and try and cuddle into your side. But then reality hits me as I remember you're not there anymore. I can't help but curl up into a ball and cry. Not just because I'm scared to death of thunderstorms, but because your strong arms aren't there to protect me and whisper sweet comforting words into my ears. God Aubrey, I miss you so fucking much!
And I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone, away
I ain't been missing you
No matter what I might say
Two months 17 days since you left. No, you know what? I'm done! I'm fucking done! You know what Aubrey, if you can leave me and fulfill your dreams then so will I! I'm done with all this moping around shit, I mean who am I? Bridget fucking Jones! That stupid British film you made me sit through. That was the worst piece of shit I'd ever seen and I've watched 500 days of Summer!
Forget everything I said, sure I'm proud of you, and I'm more than happy to know you're probably sharing your success with someone else! I'm moving on. As from today, Beca Badass Mitchell is done with the endless hours of crying and wishing you were back. I'm done missing you.
There's a message in the wires
And I'm sending you a signal tonight
You don't know how desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
But it's my heart that's breaking
Down this long dusty road of mine
Yeah, so this whole, new Beca thing isn't really working out.
I just saw your beautiful face in the newspaper, some critic saying how your dance school is the best, or whatever. To be honest I didn't really read the article. I was too busy staring at those beautiful green eyes that would shine whenever they saw me. And that cute button nose that I loved to kiss when you were ill or just looking cute. And those lips. God, those lips. Those full, pouty, red lips. The ones that I could spend forever and a day kissing, and those lips that used to make promises of eternity and forever. I guess forever was shorter than what they taught in school.
If you can here me baby, just come home. Chloe's been trying to tell me to move out of the apartment, but I can't do it! It holds too many memories. Like when you came home from a long day at the diner, back when you were trying to get enough money to open the school, and I turned on 'Jessie's Girl' and we danced right in the middle of the dining room. In that moment I didn't need anything else nor want to be anywhere else. It was perfect. Or that time when we had a water fight in the apartment because I tripped and poured water all over you when I was trying to be a 'sexy waitress'. We ended up filling cups and buckets and whatever else we could find with water. Just hearing you laugh, that beautiful wholesome laugh reserved for the ones you love, was worth spending hours trying to tidy the apartment. And even after, the glow on your face and smile on your lips is something that has been permanently ingrained in my memory. You looked so beautiful, because in those few hours we forgot about work, and getting jobs and bills and whatever else. We were just Aubrey and Beca in our own little world.
I promised myself I wouldn't cry over you anymore, but I can't stop. You were -are my everything, and now you're gone. I feel like my heart is literally breaking, like how it does in cartoons. But as long as you're happy, that's all I care about. I just want you to be happy. Even if it's not with me. I know this isn't going to be easy for me, it's gonna take a while for me to get used to life without you, but for you I'd gladly take this road filled with loneliness and pain just for you to smile that beautiful smile.
And I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone, away
I ain't missing you
No matter what my friends say
So today you decided to call me. After 4 months, 2 hours, 23 minutes and 23…24 oh forget it, you decided you wanted to talk to me. When I picked up the phone, I thought I was having one of those dreams again. The ones where you call me, and told me that there is no one else in this world for you and that you're sorry for leaving without so much as an explanation. But no, that's not the reason you called. You called because Chloe, Fat Amy, Jessica and all the other ex-Bella's have been telling you that I'm not coping, that I'm losing too much weight, that I'm crying all the time and barely leaving the apartment. Well, they're lying. I'm fine! I'm doing great actually! I'm actually doing better than I have ever been before. Better without you constantly bitching at me for not putting my mixing equipment in the right place, without you telling me I haven't put the wine in alphabetical order and certainly without you screaming at me because I bought you regular coke instead of diet cherry coke. I mean do you have taste buds? That stuff tastes like shit!
But whatever, I just want you to know I'm doing fine without you thanks, so no need to check up on me like I'm still your responsibility. The day you walked out was the day you gave up the right to ask me if I'm okay. So don't bother calling again. I'm over it now! So when Chloe or Stacie or Fat Amy or any of the other girls call you telling you what a mess I am, ignore it. They're just trying to get you to come back because they miss having you around. But I don't.
Damn, I wish I could have said all of this on the phone, instead of babbling like an idiot. You do this to me. Only you turn me into a blubbering fool.
And there's a message that I'm sendin' out
Like a telegraph to your soul
I can't bridge this distance
Honey, stop this heartache, overload
Another night I lay in bed, wondering what you're doing, how you are, if you've been thinking about me. I miss you so much it's killing me. I was in Whole Foods the other day (yeah, Whole Foods I'm still shopping at that overrated hipster shop thanks to you) and I walked passed that stall where you make your own juice. I remember that time you got me to try ginger and carrot juice and I just spat it out all over you. That look on your face, that scowl that was reserved for when the dude at the Mexican takeaway gets our order wrong, or when someone at the diner has a bad day and tries to take it out on you. I was so scared, but all that went away when you dissolved into a fit of laughter. That beautiful, hearty laugh that even made the girl behind the juice counter laugh. It felt as if my heart was breaking all over again, but the truth of the matter is that it was never fixed, it hasn't been whole since that day you walked out all those months ago.
Please come home Bree, I miss you so much it's killing me. So, if you can hear me, Aubrey Marie Posen, please come home. I miss your smile, I miss your beautiful blond hair, I miss those gleaming green eyes that always seemed to be able to see through me, I miss your beautiful athletic body that I certainly appreciated time and time again. One of the things I miss the most are those times we would lay in bed, or on the couch and just be. No talking, just embracing one another and basking in each other's presence. I used to love it when you would just comb through my hair with your fingers or I'd trace random shapes and letters on your soft skin. I just miss your presence. Knowing when I'd walk through the door after a hard day at the record store, you'd be in the living room waiting for me with a glass of lemonade and dinner on the stove, and you would give me a kiss, knowing I'd be able to kiss those soft lips was what got me through the day. Now, all I come home to is a takeaway or a microwave meal. Just come home baby, just come home and put an end to my misery.
I ain't missin' you at all
Since you've been gone... Away
I ain't missin' you
No matter what my friends say
I ain't missin' you
Since you've been gone... Away
I ain't missing you
Yeah, no matter what your friends say
Hey yeah, yeah yeah yeah
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone... Away
I ain't missin' you
No
1 year. It's been officially one year since you left me. I'm getting better now. Everyday without you is getting easier. The pain is lessening; the constant ache in my heart is becoming more bearable. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm okay without you. But I'm not. I keep trying to convince the girls that I'm okay without you, but I know if you walked through that door I would gladly jump into your arms and beg for you to come back.
Stacie tried to get me to start dating again. Funny thing is I only went for the blondes. None of them compared to you though, none of them could keep up with my wise cracks or snarky comments. No one could hold a conversation like you could. No one could make me smile like you could. After about 6 dates, I decided to give up. I was forever comparing those girls to you, and the thing is none of them were even worth comparing to you, because you're one of a kind Aubrey Posen and the only woman I'd ever want.
So no I'm not missing you. It's more than that. I'm aching for you, dying for you to come back. I don't know how I can go on without you. To be honest, I don't think I want to go on without you. I don't know what to do, I just feel lost.
The doorbell rings
'Ugh, who visits anyone at 11 at night. I mean seriously.'
Beca goes to open the door, stuck in place when she sees who's behind the wooden wall though the peephole.
'Beca please open the door baby. It's me Bree. I know I have no right to expect you to talk to me let alone open the door but please baby, I need to see you.' Aubrey begs from the other side of the door. 'Okay, I'm going just…here's my number. I'm so sorry for everything I did to you Becs. I'm so sorry. I want to explain, but not through a door or on the phone. Okay I'm gonna leave now…' as Aubrey starts to walk away, her heart almost feeling as heavy as it day that day she left the only thing that kept her living, the person behind the door snaps out of her stupor.
'Bree wait!'
Aubrey's head snaps round so fast that she swears she has some sort of whiplash. As Beca starts to run towards Aubrey, so many questions start to run through her head. 'Why is she here? Does she want me back? Am I going to let her just waltz back into my life?' All those questions of why quickly dissipated when she found herself in the arms of her beloved.
'Beca, baby I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have left; I shouldn't have left without an explanation! I just…it was Jesse, he told me how you were in love with him and how you wanted to be with him and you guys were planning a way for you to break up with me. I'm so sorry I listened to him baby, I'm so sorry.' Aubrey said as sobs wracked her body.
When the words finally processed in Beca's brain, her watery brown doe eyes snapped up to look Aubrey's green irises. All of a sudden the sadness and hopefulness in Beca's eyes turned to something that could only be described as red-hot rage.
'That fucking bastard said what?! Where the fuck did he even get that load of shit from! I haven't seen him since the day I left Barden. The day I told him to stay away from us. How could he even say something like that to you? I mean where the fuck did he get his fucked up ideas from. Forgetting the fact I hate dick, why would I want to throw away our relationship? The relationship I spent months trying to build. I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna rip off his balls and feed them to him with spaghetti.' During her rant Beca managed to free herself from Aubrey's grasp and started to pace up and down the corridor. Aubrey simply stood there, watching her tiny girlfriend…where they still girlfriends? Anyway she watched the petite brunette pace up and down, plotting way to kill Jesse. In that moment the blonde couldn't help but wonder how she managed to last so long without her beautiful girl. After about 5 minutes, Aubrey decided to put an end to her girlfriend's rant.
'Hey, babe?' putting her hands on the brunette's shoulders to catch her attention. 'How about we just go inside and forget about him for now? All I want to do is lie down with my beautiful girlfriend and forget about what a total idiot I've been.'
'You're not an idiot Bree, actually you are. The fact you believed that Neanderthal.' Aubrey looked down at her feet in embarrassment.
'But hey,' Beca put her fingers under Aubrey's chin lifting her face to look into Beca's brown eyes. 'You're my idiot.' Beca laughed as Aubrey lightly slapped her shoulder.
'Now come on, let's go cuddle in bed, and if you're lucky I'll even bring you an ice cold diet coke cherry.'
'Hahahah, I can't believe you still have that stuff. You always used to say how I was drinking paracetamol mixed with coke.' Aubrey joked.
'Just because I didn't like it, doesn't mean that I would stop buying it even thugh it tastes like Pepto Bismol. I always kept some in the fridge just in case you came back.' Beca said with a shrug as she walked out of the bedroom to grab the drink. Aubrey's eyes couldn't help but water at Beca's confession.
She couldn't help but think of all the pain she caused the other girl. She knew she found life without Beca so difficult and she's the one who left, she can't imagine how the other girl found it. Before she could be sucked into a pit of her own self-pity and self-hatred, Beca came back with her drink.
'Hey beautiful, what are you thinking about?' Beca asked worriedly but already knowing the answer.
'I was just thinking about how awful I was to you. I'm so sorry. All those promises I made. I broke them all. I promised that I would always fight for you, yet at the first sign of trouble I ran. I ran, like the coward I am. I'm so sorry Becs. I'm so sorry.' Aubrey sobbed into Beca's shoulder.
'Shh, hey, it's okay. It's all in the past now. I forgive you. Part of this is my fault to. I should have tried to fight. Fight for us, but I was too busy trying to convince myself I was okay without you. But I have to ask, why did you believe Jesse, I mean you knew how he reacted to us as a couple, and everything was fine in the morning. So what made you doubt our relationship, doubt me?' Beca inquired, trying to hide the self consciousness in her voice.
'No Beca, don't ever think I doubted you and don't ever think this is your fault! This was all me and my insecurities! I left because I wanted to be worthy of you. I wanted to make you proud of me. That's why when I left, I decided to open up my dance school, y'know so that when I came back to you, I would have something to offer you. I wanted to be successful so that you would be proud to call me your girlfriend. I don't know, it's stupid I guess.' Aubrey said as she turned away from Beca, embarrassment washing over her.
'Hey, no it's not stupid. Bree look at me,' when Aubrey's eyes didn't meet Beca's, Beca took Aubrey's head between her hand and gently lifted her head. 'Bree, never think that I'm not proud of you! I am so unbelievably proud! Everyday at work I tell the guys about how proud of you I am. So proud that you decided to live your life how you wanted to instead of how Marc Posen wanted you to live your life. I'm always gushing about you chose to love me out of all the girls out there. And I thanked whatever being is out there daily that you come home to me everyday. So don't ever think you're not good enough for me or I'm not proud of you. Because the truth is Aubrey Marie Posen, you are one of the only things in my life that I'm proud of.' Beca ended with tears threatening to spill over her eyes.
'I…I…I.' Aubrey tried to form a coherent thought after Beca's moving speech.
'I don't know how to reply to that.' Laughed Aubrey while wiping away the tears that escaped from her eyes.
Beca chuckled, 'Don't then, just come here and wrap your arms around me.'
'Hahaha, okay.' Aubrey giggled moving closer to Beca. 'I love you so much Beca Louise Mitchell.'
'And I love you too Aubrey Marie Posen.' Beca replied, snuggling closer into Aubrey. After a few minutes of silence, just absorbing one another Beca whispered, 'Hey Bree?' Aubrey replied with a noise confirming she heard Beca.
'I missed you.'