TITLE: Amazing Grace

AUTHOR: LOTSlove®

CHARACTERS: Richard / Kahlan

RATING: R / M

TIMELINE: Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears)

DISCLAIMER: I'm completely obsessed with Richard and Kahlan and love to write about them even though they cancelled my show and now I'm fighting to get it back!

SUMMARY: Very angsty one-shot. Richard comforts Kahlan through a difficult time in their marriage.

WARNING: Very gut-wrenching so keep the Kleenex handy!

Amazing Grace

Thunder cracked loudly, rattling the windows and practically shaking the bed, waking Richard from a dead sleep. He groggily rubbed his eyes before rolling onto his side. Lightning flashed brightly, illuminating the entire suite as rain began to pelt the glass in a building crescendo.

Sighing sleepily, he partially opened his eyes to check on her only to find the other side of the bed empty, the sheets rumpled from where his wife had once been. He felt his heart suddenly falter at not finding her there safely beside him, the place where she should always be.

He immediately sat up, raking his fingers back through his disheveled hair, his gaze rooming over the room as lightning repeatedly lit up their bedchamber. He threw back the covers, his bare feet hitting the cool stone floor. He called her name, only to receive a crash of thunder in response.

His mind was flooded with every thought imaginable, his heart pounding with every emotion possible. She had disappeared like this a few other times over the last three weeks. He would eventually find her and bring her back into the warmth and safety of their bedchambers, holding her close until she fell asleep.

He would always find her.

Sitting on the side of the bed, he knew exactly where she was. He hung his head momentarily, the knowledge of her location serving to further shatter his already hurting heart.

Sighing deeply, he quickly searched the momentary darkness for his breeches, completely consumed with worry for her. He pulled his shirt over his head, not even bothering to tuck it in as he stuffed first one foot and then the other into his boots. Leaving the room, he didn't even bother to grab the Sword of Truth. It wasn't necessary. This was something that no magic or weapon could ever begin to fix.

Rushing through the empty corridors of the Palace, his thoughts were taken back to three weeks ago, memories that were so fresh and so raw that it nearly dropped him to his knees. He shoved aside the anguish as he raced down the steps, knowing that she needed him now.

The last three weeks, though, had been the worst days of his entire life…of both of their lives if that was even possible after everything that had endured together.

It was his responsibility to make everything right again, to hold them together. Spirits, he could barely hold himself together right now. As desperate as he was to find her, to hold her close and shelter her from all the horrendous hurts of life, he just as equally wanted to crumble to the floor and never get up again.

It seemed much more preferable than enduring the piercing heartache that left a gaping hole in his chest. It had been three weeks and still the pain was as fresh as that dreadful day that it had happened.

Making his way out into the private gardens, Richard was abruptly assaulted by the driving rain that came down in sheets. Thunder clapped violently, lightning streaking across the night sky in a frightening display.

He shivered involuntarily from the cool wind of late fall, leaves suddenly erupting into furious little cyclones all around him only to float gently back down to the ground just as quickly. Rain ran down his face and chest as he pushed deeper into the garden, determined to find her.

His clothes clung to him as water ran over his body, grass collecting on his boots as he rushed past rows of perfectly trimmed bushes. He wiped the rain from his eyes, running his fingers back through his hair. Lightning abruptly lit up the entire sky again, shedding light on his path.

But he didn't need the light to see where he was going. He unfortunately knew the path all too well.

And then through the darkness, he saw her.

Kahlan was kneeling on the ground, spreading out a blanket. He could tell from the slump of her shoulders, the shaking of her body that she was crying. They both had cried so very much over the last three weeks.

He slowed his pace as he watched her, taking in the tender way that she moved despite her overwhelming anguish. The thunderstorm occurring outside was no comparison to the fierce tempest that raged inside of him at that moment.

He was furious at the cruelty of it all, at the spirits for making him watch his wife suffer like this. It was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives, but it had turned into the very worst. How could such a joyous occasion be associated with such an ugly bitter pain that only seemed to deepen with time?

Despite the sudden heaviness in his legs, Richard slowly made his way towards her, frantic to find the words that would get through to her this time. Everything that he had tried in the past had failed, his desperation beginning to rise exponentially with every passing day the further she seemed to draw away from him and into herself.

Not only was he dealing with his own pain, but he was having to deal with it alone.

But he couldn't blame her. He never could blame her; it wasn't her fault. It was like she was giving up and yet at the same time was fighting so hard to find her way out of an inky black abyss that held no hope of escape.

But he refused to give up on her. He loved her and together they would find a way through this.

Finally drawing near, he could hear her heartrending sobs even above the rumbling thunder and pouring rain. Her body shook from the weight of her grief as she now lay prostrate on her green blanket in an attempt to protect the little one that was buried in the cold ground beneath her. She was still dressed in her white satin nightdress that now stuck to her body. Soaked from head to toe, her hair clung to her shoulders and shielded her face from him.

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he stared at her, mingling with the rain as he silently knelt down beside her. His heart rose up in his throat in an attempt to choke him, to steal the air from his lungs. He placed a gentle hand on her back, but she did not flinch, did not move or seem to register that he was even there.

How could the spirits be so cruel to bring them together only to steal the life that they had created?

They had been so overjoyed when Kahlan had told him that she was with child. The next nine months has been full of anxious anticipation, planning for their daughter and deciding on names, daydreaming about what she would look like. Kahlan had practically glowed the entire time, a radiance that seemed to be lit from deep within her.

Their life together as a family was truly just beginning.

And then the day had finally arrived. Kahlan had gone into labor, he staying by her side the entire time during the difficult delivery. Hour after hour had passed through the agonizing labor and when their daughter had finally arrived they immediately knew that something was not right.

Maia had only lived such a few precious hours after that. Richard had held Kahlan as she had sobbed inconsolably, weeping with her and reassuring her of his love. But the staggering weight of grief had been overwhelming, hanging so thickly in the air between them that it threatened to suffocate them both.

Neither doubted their love for one another, but the searing pain of loss coupled with the guilt was too much to bear. It was neither of their faults and yet they still couldn't help but feel they had something to do with it. They had made her, created her out of their vast love for one another. How could they not feel some measure of guilt, wondering what had gone wrong?

Zedd had reassured them both that it was not something that anyone could have prevented, not something that had anything to do with either of them. It was an unfortunate tragic part of life, something that no one should ever have to experience and yet they had.

Sitting here in the pouring rain with his wife as they wept over their daughter, Richard had never felt more helpless in his entire life.

He gently grasped her by the shoulders, pulling her up onto her knees and brushing her wet hair from her face. She fought against his hold on her, resisting his comfort, twisting in his arms and pulling free only to press herself once again into the blanket that protected their baby.

"No…no…" she cried over and over again.

Hanging his head, Richard fought against the powerful urge to lie down beside her, but he knew that he had to be strong now for the both of them. He once again pulled her up onto her knees, holding her tightly in his arms and forcing her to look at him.

"Kahlan…" he softly choked out through a wash of pain-filled tears.

Cupping her face with his hands, he leaned in, placing tender kisses to her forehead, her eyelids, her nose and cheeks before finally finding her lips. He kissed her slowly and lovingly in an attempt to pull every last ounce of anguish out of her and into himself.

He could taste the saltiness of her tears mixed with the rain on his lips as he pressed his forehead against hers. He held her close as rivulets of water ran between them, his warm breath pulsating softly against her face as he attempted to draw her out of herself and back to him.

"I…I had to check on her…" she softly admitted through hiccoughing gasps for air as she cast a fleeting glance at the grave. "I couldn't…leave her out here…all alone…in the storm. I had to protect her…"

Swallowing hard with her words, his gaze drifted down to the green blanket beneath her, finally understanding why she had spread it out over the small grave. It was the first rain, the first thunderstorm since they had buried their Maia. It caused a sharp pain to pierce his heart like no sword ever could.

Returning his gaze to her, he watched as Kahlan bit her bottom lip, almost like a child waiting for a reprimand. "What if I built a small shelter over her grave? Would that make you feel better?" he gently asked, his thumb brushing across her cheekbone.

"I…I know…it sounds crazy…" she replied, her breath a staccato as she attempted to rein in the emotions that she was swiftly drowning in, her gaze falling. "I just can't let her go, Richard," she desperately cried.

"I don't want you to let Maia go, Kahlan," he told her. "I don't want to let her go. She's a part of us and always will be. We created her and while her life was so very short, she was still perfect…still ours for that brief time."

Kahlan slowly nodded, her chin falling in shame. She knew that she was overreacting, but this was her baby, her first child. She had been filled with so much joy knowing that she was going to give Richard a child. It had meant everything to her, understanding what their love had been able to survive, the test that it had endured.

Maia was the first baby in over three thousand years to have been created out of the depths of pure love between a Confessor and a man who was not her mate but her husband. That alone was staggering to the imagination.

Richard had passed the deadly test of confession, coming out victorious and proving that their love for each other was stronger than the most powerful magic in all creation. Maia was symbolic of that love.

And they had lost her.

Kahlan suddenly felt gentle arms surrounding her, lifting her up off of the soddened blanket and onto her feet before quickly being swept up into his strong arms. She immediately melted into his comforting hold on her, burying her face into his neck as she wrapped her arms tightly around him.

Tilting his head, Richard brushed his lips against her hair, his eyes momentarily falling closed as she trembled in his arms. He didn't know what was killing him more – the pain and grief of losing his baby girl or watching what it was doing to his wife.

Either way, he felt completely powerless to change it, to take away the grief that was crushing in all around them.

"Shhh…I'm right here, Kahlan," he softly murmured to her, caressing her forehead with his nose. He could feel her fingers dig into his flesh with his words, causing her to tighten her hold on him even more.

Water dripped from their clothes as he carried her back to their suite, leaving a wet trail through the Palace. He could feel her thin frame shivering uncontrollably in his arms. She had eaten next to nothing since losing Maia.

Entering their bedchamber, Richard gently set her down, his hands slowly grazing along her arms as he leaned in and stole a chaste kiss. He tenderly ran his fingers through her wet hair, carefully separating the long strands.

He could feel her eyes focused on him, studying his face with rapt attention as tears continued to roll slowly down her cheeks. It caused him to flush warmly knowing that her eyes were locked on him, that they were sharing the same breath in that moment.

But this was not about passion or desire right now. He only sought to bring her comfort, to show her how powerful their love was, to draw her back to him once more and hopefully find a measure of comfort for himself as well.

He was weary of groping in the dark for the bond that connected them as one and finding nothing. He knew that it had not been severed but only masked by the crashing waves of sorrow that was pulling them further and further apart.

Richard drew her even closer to him, his fingers still working the tangles of her long wet hair as his nose nuzzled hers. He whispered butterfly kisses along her cheekbone, exploring the delicate contours of her face as if discovering her for the first time.

Kahlan's eyes slid closed with the feel of his soft kisses, her heart beginning to hammer beneath her breast with the intensity of the love that she was showing her. She felt guilty for the love that poured from her heart for him, the need for him that began to stir her blood. She felt as though she should be holding onto her pain and sorrow, that if she let go of it she'd be making Maia's death somehow meaningless.

She knew deep down in some secret place hidden inside of her that life needed to go on, but she felt as though she would be leaving her baby girl behind, would be forgetting her somehow. Standing numbly before him as he continued to stroke her skin and brush kisses along her face and down her throat, she didn't know if she could let go.

"We will never forget her, Kahlan," he whispered so tenderly against her cheek as if reading her mind, his lips caressing her skin, desperate for her to feel his love for her once more.

Kahlan stifled a sob with his words as his fingers lightly caressed over her back, his lips ghosting along her collarbone. She balled up her fists in an attempt to fight the overwhelming urge to touch him in return, determined to hang onto her pain for her daughter. She felt as if it was all that she had left of Maia now.

Giving up her sorrow meant giving up her only connection to her baby. She shouldn't feel love, passion or pleasure, joy or comfort when her baby lay all alone in a tiny casket in the cold earth.

Richard could feel her body tensing beneath his touch, could feel her fighting a desperate battle inside as grief warred against love for control of her heart. He knew that war because he had fought it too.

But finding her in the middle of a violent thunderstorm, desperate to protect their baby, his love for her had broken through the wall that grief was trying to build between them. He wasn't about to let that happen, to ever let her go.

"It's alright, Kahlan…let go…" he whispered in her ear, tears shining in his own eyes as he continued to caress her soft skin with his lips and his hands.

He could feel her growing warmer beneath his touch, the gooseflesh now gone along with her tears. Her breath was becoming a little more labored as he kissed along her throat again, allowing her a chance to calm down from the emotional turmoil that still had its claws in her heart.

He needed her so much, needed her more than air to breathe it felt like at times. It wasn't so much that he couldn't survive without her…it was that he didn't want to.

His heart suddenly stuttered as he felt her fingers slowly begin to tug at his shirt, pulling at the hem and snaking their way up under the material. He gasped softly as her fingers began to stroke along his flesh still wet from the rain as she followed the defined contours of his chest.

He could feel his desperate need for her begin to coalesce deep within his core as he slid her nightdress, heavy with rain, from her body. Her wet skin glistened in the flashes of lightning that lit up their bedchamber as warm arousal began to pound through his veins.

He stepped back, lifting his arms over his head and allowing her to remove his shirt. She slid it over his head, trembling fingers resuming their exploration as he hesitantly brushed his lips against hers. He didn't want to scare her away or cause her to draw back inside of herself. He only wanted to comfort her, show her how deeply he loved her and needed her especially now more than ever.

A hushed moan rose to her lips as he ran his fingers along her throat and down her chest, kissing her with a quiet tenderness that reassured her that they would be alright again. He would make everything right again.

Kahlan could no longer hold any part of herself back from him. He had suffered too, dealing with his own grief over the loss of their daughter. She needed to love him, to show him that they would survive this together despite the overwhelming ache that threatened to stop the beating of her heart.

Besides, withholding her love from Richard wasn't going to bring their baby back. It was only going to make her anguish that much harder to deal with.

"I'm so sorry…Richard…" she whispered, drawing a shuddering breath to keep the tears from falling once more.

Richard gently grasped her head, tilting it down and kissing her forehead. "Shhh…you have nothing to be sorry for," he firmly said.

They stared at each other for a long moment, each lost in the intense love and the tears reflecting in each other's eyes. Kahlan reached out, brushing away a tear as it escaped down his cheek. Replacing her fingers with her mouth, she lovingly kissed his face, her fingers sliding into his hair. A soft moan slipped past his lips as he continued to caress her, his hands finally settling on her hips.

Kahlan knew that he needed this as much as she did. Spirits, she had missed him…missed this intimate connection with him.

He began to stroke her backside, pulling her more fully against him as he kneaded her flesh. She pressed her forehead into his shoulder as he continued to massage her, his touch so gentle and sensual that it made her want to weep.

Overwhelming need for him welled up from deep inside her core, a hot pulsating ache demanding to be satisfied by him…by her husband, her soul-mate.

Kahlan's lips and tongue began to slide along his collarbone, her teeth grazing his flesh. She was quickly stirring a fire within him so intense that it was growing more difficult for him to catch his breath. He nuzzled her hair, seeking out her ear, her hands slowly sliding down his sides and reaching for his breeches.

Shedding the last of his clothes, he wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up and hooking her legs around his waist. She took his face in her hands, peppering him with soft kisses before finally finding his lips.

The kiss was almost tentative at first as she fought to let go of the pain that threatened to tear her heart in two. She kissed him softly then, something slow and intensely passionate as they took their time loving each other, reconnecting with one another.

Richard brushed her damp hair aside, his hand settling along her neck. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss as he moved them to their bed. He laid her down before settling himself between her long legs. Kahlan quickly sat up with a deep hunger for more of him, meeting him an open mouthed kiss and drawing out a throaty sound from deep within him.

"Richard…" she moaned so sinfully that Richard nearly fell apart right there as he finally entered her.

Rain continued to beat against the windows as he began to move within her. The passion was so tender and unhurried it brought tears to her eyes as her magic churned within her, escalating from dormant in her core to thrumming wildly through her veins. She fisted his hair tightly in her hands, tugging on it and causing him to thrust harder.

He growled her name in response, his panting breath so very hot against her throat. His heart thundered in his chest, matching the intensity of the storm outside. She gripped at his hard length, tightening her hold on him and causing his head to fall into the crook of her neck with a drawn out growl of wanton pleasure.

The wind blew the rain harder against the windows as their passion climbed. Lightning split the sky, lighting their bedchambers as Richard looked into Kahlan's beautiful face once more, the love and unadulterated ecstasy he saw swimming in her indigo eyes causing him to increase his tempo even further.

He crushed his mouth against hers in a fierce kiss as she suddenly came, thunder crashing and drowning out their cries as he released deep inside of her.

He kissed along her throat, his whispers of love so soft against her skin, almost mirroring the gentle rain that now softly tapped at the windows. She pressed her forehead against his shoulder, tightening her hold on him as she wept.

"It's alright, my love…I'm right here…" he whispered soothingly in her ear. "I will always be right here with you."

Nudging her cheek, Richard searched for her lips, kissing her and stifling her sob as tears leaked from his own eyes. Their love was so overwhelming, sweeping them both up and wrapping them so securely in its intensity and strength.

After several long moments, Kahlan finally released the iron grip she held on him, allowing him to roll off of her. They moved onto their sides, their bodies still touching, their limbs still tangled as they stared into each other's eyes.

Reaching out a hand, he gently brushed her hair from her face before settling along her cheek, losing himself in her beauty and the intense love for him that she possessed.

"I love you," she murmured, resting her forehead against his, her fingers brushing so lightly over his lips. "I'd be so lost without you."

Richard smiled softly, kissing the tips of her fingers. "I love you too, Kahlan. You're my life. Losing Maia was hard enough. I can't lose you too."

"I'm so sorry, Richard. I know how deeply this has hurt you too. It's just that…" she began only to pause to fight back the onslaught of tears rising in her throat. "I carried her inside of me for nine months, could feel her, was as a part of me.

"And then she was suddenly gone. It felt like something inside of me died that day along with our baby."

"I know…I felt it too," he softly replied. "But I refuse to lose you as well. We will get through this together, Kahlan. And we will have as many daughters as you want."

"We can't ever forget her, Richard," she choked out as a tear slid over the bridge of her nose. "I'm afraid if we move on, we'll forget her."

"We could never forget our Maia, but we have to move on too," he told her. "I want to have a lot of daughters with you, Kahlan, and making a baby with you is my favorite part."

Kahlan chuckled softly at the grin that spread across his face, his warm brown eyes still dancing with dark desire for her. She pulled him in for another kiss, her tongue gliding along his lips and begging for entrance.

She couldn't have agreed more.

XXX

9 months later…

"You did it, Kahlan," he cried with excitement. He leaned over, kissing her gently on her forehead, the sound of the baby's squealing cry filling the room.

"Is she…is she alright? Please, Richard…" Kahlan begged him, fisting his shirt in her hand as she searched his face.

He stared at her, her eyes wild with panic. He knew what she was feeling because he felt it too. He was desperate to take both of their fears away.

"She's perfectly fine," the midwife beamed, handing the squirming bundle in a pink blanket to Richard.

Richard took his daughter into his arms, settling down close beside Kahlan as the midwife continued to tend to her.

"She's perfect, Kahlan," he murmured, tears sliding down his cheeks as he stared at their little girl.

"She's beautiful, Richard," she cried.

Richard turned and kissed her tenderly on the lips, brushing his nose against hers. This moment couldn't possibly be any more perfect than it was.

"She is so amazing," he breathed in wonder.

"She is amazing…she's our amazing Grace," Kahlan smiled down at her new daughter sleeping now in Richard's arms.

"I love you, Kahlan," he softly told her, kissing her temple.

"I love you too, Richard," she replied. "We did it."

"Yes, we did," he whispered. "Grace, you're perfect just like your sister Maia was," he told his daughter, gently pressing his lips to her forehead.

Kahlan laid her head on Richard's shoulder, staring at their new daughter, the beautiful little life that they had made together. Grace already reminded her so much of Maia. The grief they still carried over their loss would always linger, but they knew that their love for one another was stronger than any tragedy that could ever come their way.

Maia would always be in their hearts, but now they also had their beautiful Grace as well. And she was only just the beginning.

THE END